Newborn Exhaustion

[humalik]

I really don't know why I'm writing this probably just wanted to unburden some of my emotions...

I am a first time mum DD is just 2 weeks old and as much as I was excited by the idea of being pregnant and having a baby I feel like I severely underestimated how much our lives were gonna change. I mean we got the whole "your lives will never be the same, say goodbye to your lives" before she was due to arrive but we always just laughed it off.

I did have quite a rough delivery. It was a forceps delivery so I had an episiotomy. So recovering from that not being able to sit down properly and then I lost a lot of blood and had 2 iron infusions so I just don't feel quite with it.

I am exclusively breastfeeding and would like to keep it like that but I just feel like a glorified milk machine. And I just feel exhausted all the time so either I feed her and then I'm too tired to do anything but that whilst everyone else gets to enjoy her and play with her. And I'm just so dizzy like all the time I really don't know why and I think that massively plays on my mood as I can't even sit and enjoy the rest periods I get. I just feel like I can't see an end to this exhaustion.

What I really want to hear is does it get better ? 😭 because at this point I can't see it settling down especially with the dizziness and exhaustion combined. And I feel because of my mood I just can't seem to bond with her as much as I want to or I just don't feel connected to her. Like I know she's my baby and I'm her mum but right know it seems like im just here to do a job and don't feel much beyond that.

Apologies this post is all over the place but i would really appreciate some positive stories as to when things settled for you guys and that it does get better 😓

Hello, congrats on your new baby 👶. It is really tough the first few weeks when you have had a long labour, the hormone release is horrible, you’re shattered and in pain and learning to breast feed. Yes, without a shadow of a doubt it gets better. And bonding follows in time - it is a myth it’s instantaneous.

If you are getting dizzy, sounds like you might still be anaemic, or perhaps a bit dehydrated? You have to drink a LOT if you are breast feeding. Call to your HV and mention the dizziness. Meanwhile take a good multivitamin or breastfeeding support vitamin, and make sure you are a) drinking plenty and b) eating properly.

If possible try and take the baby out for a walk in the pram every single day. It will do you both so much good, especially in the beautiful spring weather. It makes you feel so much more human, and so much more capable.

Breastfeeding is basically a full time job at first, except you do day shift and night shift. Don’t expect to do a lot else! After a while you’ll get into a routine and it becomes really easy, especially at night when your snoozy baby wakes you for a feed, doesn’t even r eyes, latches feeds, you burp them, pop them back in the next to me crib and both back to sleep. It is tiring but not ruinous at that stage.

For me with my first baby, I was in a right mess but after a month things were loads better. At three and a half months, we drove to the Alps so my DH could go skiing, so it definitely improves rapidly .

With my second baby, it was very different - I had more sensible expectations. I took 30 second showers, let the housework go to hell, and kicked my DH into the spare room so we could both sleep better (I co-slept right from the start). But DS had dreadful reflux so it was really tough for the first year. The one thing I did right was I went out and walked, pretty much every day. So I got my fitness back fast and felt so much better.

Keep an eye on your mood as PND could be in there somewhere but what you are describing is very normal so far. Hang in there!

Hi, congrats on getting through that delivery and the arrival of your baby. All that you have described sounds normal, I really don’t mean that in a patronising way. I agree with the previous poster, take care of yourself. The stage you are in is relentless and sleep deprivation is torturous. Get a GP appointment for a check up and don’t be scared to reach out if your mental health doesn’t return to itself after a short while. That’s part of looking after yourself. Wishing you all the best.

• ‘sleep when the baby sleeps’ is the most annoying thing a new mum can hear. Really really try. It’s an endurance test.

If you are dizzy, you MUST see a doctor (assuming you are getting some sleep here and there)

Its difficult to think straight when you are post partum, so take it from me...go and see a doctor

What they said, def see a doc if dizzy

All sounds very normal except the feeling dizzy... this could be any of the things above posters suggested or could be related to anxiety/ worry.

You really don’t need to ‘play’ when she is two weeks old. Hearing your voice and being close to you is all they need at this stage.

You are BF so you need to take extra care of yourself- eat, drink properly and take vitamins.

It definitely gets easier. Having a child changes your life forever but fo easy on yourself.

@humalik Congratulations on your new baby ❤️😊

Firstly, I’ll agree with what everyone else has said...if you’re still dizzy then you need to see a GP - or at least give your HV a call. It’s possible that you may need some extra supplements or something after the blood loss. Definitely get it seen to because breastfeeding uses up a lot of your resources so you’ll be being left with very little to keep your own body going!!

I know it doesn’t seem like it just now, but I promise you it absolutely does get easier these first few weeks are TOUGH!! I had a straight forward delivery with minimal recovery needed and I was almost on my knees for at least the first month so given all that you’ve been through, I can only imagine how you’re feeling

Breastfeeding is SO hard at the start. It can be physically sore, your hormones are all over the place and it just seems to be constant. Once it’s well established it’s so much easier! It’s hard to do just now, I know, but as things get easier it’s really good to try and change your mindset on it if you can. You say that you don’t get time to play with baby and enjoy her because your just a milk machine and trust me, I KNOW that feeling ❤️ But what helped me is to try and think of it another way...look at all that time that you get with her while feeding that nobody else will ever be able to have?! You are literally EVERYTHING your baby needs. She’s 2 weeks old - she doesn’t need or understand the playtime...but she LOVES that skin on skin contact and feeds from Mummy ❤️

How is your health visitor OP? Have you met her yet? In Scotland we don’t meet ours until we’re signed over at 2 weeks post partum. Not sure if that’s the same everywhere. I’ve been so lucky and mine is amazing but I know others aren’t the same?

Also, you don’t have to breastfeed, that is completely your choice. Take it day by day, but if you’re finding it difficult you can switch to formula. Millions of women do.

My own experiences, and my friends’ experiences of health visitors have not been positive so don’t rely solely on yours.

Getting outside with baby is always a good idea if you can. Go for a walk, sit in a park... anything.

Make sure you look after yourself and please do see your GP about feeling dizzy.

I had forceps and episiotomy too, no infusions but was given iron tablets, for the first 2-3 weeks afterwards i was blurry headed. I EBF too. Floradix, vitamins and all the food, drinks and sleep I could get helped. It definitely gets easier, 7 weeks in now. I didn't have people around other than dh, it was just a blur of feeding, baby crying and trying to sleep. I can understand feeling jealous if others are getting hugs and play with baby while you need to rest, on the other hand how nice to have people around to deal with baby so you can actually get the rest you need, if you make the most of that hopefully it won't be long until you are feeling better and brighter. Do chat to the pro's though, they are there to help and you deserve support.

Newborns often aren’t the lovely experience we all expect. I found having my first way way tougher than I ever could have imagine. But it did get easier, very quickly. I found things got easier in 12 week increments. My second I had all the same feelings but passed a lot quicker.
It takes a lot to grow, birth and feed a baby. You will get there. Just give it time.

Thanks guys for the lovely messages 🥰! Reading all your messages really reassures me. Definitely need to get my dizziness checked. I assumed because I had my second round of the iron infusion just this week that it may take a while for it to settle and plus gp isn't open till Monday so will defo give them a bell tomorrow and take it from there.

I think most importantly in my head I just want to feel physically better as I know everything else will follow in due course. Definitely has boosted my spirits as like I said we really were quite naive thinking it can't be THAT bad can it ??😂🙈

Also any tips of trying to get that burp out, literally feels like im there for half the day trying to hear that belch 😭

@stripey1

I had forceps and episiotomy too, no infusions but was given iron tablets, for the first 2-3 weeks afterwards i was blurry headed. I EBF too. Floradix, vitamins and all the food, drinks and sleep I could get helped. It definitely gets easier, 7 weeks in now. I didn't have people around other than dh, it was just a blur of feeding, baby crying and trying to sleep. I can understand feeling jealous if others are getting hugs and play with baby while you need to rest, on the other hand how nice to have people around to deal with baby so you can actually get the rest you need, if you make the most of that hopefully it won't be long until you are feeling better and brighter. Do chat to the pro's though, they are there to help and you deserve support.

Aww glad you are on the mend x do you reckon the dizziness might be related to forceps/episiotomy? I did suffer from dizziness during a few periods of my pregnancy so I don't know if that's just me. But again I'll speak to the gp and take it from there.

Hi I'm not medical but I think my blurry head was due to lack of iron or other essentials after bleeding during and after the birth. I guess there's a lot of possible causes for dizziness, GP would know best.
I am rubbish at burping babies sorry, need to fill our baby with Infacol to have a hope of getting one out! Some say EBF babies don't need burping, so if they're not obviously windy or sick it may not be needed anyway?

Ah OP I could have written this a few years back, i felt the same. I absolutely didn't believe it at the time when people said it, but I did find it got easier. Not only are you recovering physically, but also mentally all whilst getting by on hardly any sleep and following the biggest life change possible; plus hormones can cause mayhem after birth for a few weeks.

I found it a lot easier when I 'gave in' and let myself rest as much as possible. Hot drink in a flask, big bottle of water, snacks, and settled on the sofa or in bed with plenty of skin to skin, BFing and more importantly...box sets! I watched all of House, Million Dollar Listing and a lot of YT. It was still hard, but went from feeling oh I should be doing this to just rolling with it. Also I bought ready meals (DH was very good at doing everything around the house, but his cooking is terrible so it helped).

Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it, whether it's just a friend in the garden to have a chat with, someone bringing food round, or letting your partner (if you have one) know what you need as well as baby.

As others have said it does get better; I remember feeling like you and wondering if I’d feel like me again and you do get that back.
Hopefully getting on top of the dizziness will help.
My best tip with winding is that rather than patting move your hand up baby’s back firmly like you’re moving the burp up; I used to almost visualise myself doing that as I winded. Also lying them on your lap and then sitting them up in one fluid motion and winding can bring it up.

Thing is I feel guilty for not loving this stage as I see everyone around me fawning over the baby and there's me tired and very much out of it. Is it bad to not love this stage of her, like don't get me wrong I absolutely love kids. I've always loved playing with toddlers and looking after them it's just this phase I feel because I don't get much in return I know that's a bit selfish🙈

@humalik

Thing is I feel guilty for not loving this stage as I see everyone around me fawning over the baby and there's me tired and very much out of it. Is it bad to not love this stage of her, like don't get me wrong I absolutely love kids. I've always loved playing with toddlers and looking after them it's just this phase I feel because I don't get much in return I know that's a bit selfish🙈

I wasn't a huge fan of the newborn stage to be honest, absolutely loving toddlerhood and beyond though. I would say take photos though, I love looking back on them and didn't appreciate the time through the tiredness, stress and struggle at the time.

I had an episestomy, 2nd degree tear and 2 iron infusions (along with sepsis and gestational hypertension) but had already decided not to breastfeed pre birth, so was able to get as much rest as I needed initially as DH took 3 weeks off and did most of the night feeds.
It still took me till week 4 to feel remotely human again.
I d say a week after the second iron infusion I had no more dizziness or headaches though.

Congrats on your baby! And welcome to motherhood!

Sorry you are feeling this way but just wanted to reply in solidarity - so many women have been there after there first thinking "what the actual fuck have I done" - that was me after my first.

As previous posters have said definitely keep your health visitor/GP informed about your health both mental and physical - sometimes you have to repeat things over and over to make sure they've clocked what you're saying and join the dots (that's what I found anyway).

Just from your post I sense you are doing really well given what you've just been through!

Be kind to yourself.

• Bonding will come in time - you met two weeks ago and need time to get to know one another - you're already more of an expert in your baby than anyone else who comes into contact with her
• Strip life back to its basics - eat, drink and maybe shower should be as much you can do in a day
• Make yourself a little station in the living room with everything you need all within reach of your seat
• Feed baby, cuddle baby, watch tv, have tea, repeat
• If you can squeeze a nap or a walk in, great
• At night do shifts with your partner - your partner should only bring baby to you when he thinks baby needs a sleep

OP, every week baby is changing - I think psychologically getting to 3 weeks, 6 weeks and 12 weeks felt like turning points of getting to know baby and routines starting to emerge. You'll often hear with babies/children the days are long but the years are short. You'll not realise it now, but when you look back this will have been no time at all.

Wishing you all the best OP - you're already doing great.

@dohdohdoh

Congrats on your baby! And welcome to motherhood!

Sorry you are feeling this way but just wanted to reply in solidarity - so many women have been there after there first thinking "what the actual fuck have I done" - that was me after my first.

As previous posters have said definitely keep your health visitor/GP informed about your health both mental and physical - sometimes you have to repeat things over and over to make sure they've clocked what you're saying and join the dots (that's what I found anyway).

Just from your post I sense you are doing really well given what you've just been through!

Be kind to yourself.

• Bonding will come in time - you met two weeks ago and need time to get to know one another - you're already more of an expert in your baby than anyone else who comes into contact with her
• Strip life back to its basics - eat, drink and maybe shower should be as much you can do in a day
• Make yourself a little station in the living room with everything you need all within reach of your seat
• Feed baby, cuddle baby, watch tv, have tea, repeat
• If you can squeeze a nap or a walk in, great
• At night do shifts with your partner - your partner should only bring baby to you when he thinks baby needs a sleep

OP, every week baby is changing - I think psychologically getting to 3 weeks, 6 weeks and 12 weeks felt like turning points of getting to know baby and routines starting to emerge. You'll often hear with babies/children the days are long but the years are short. You'll not realise it now, but when you look back this will have been no time at all.

Wishing you all the best OP - you're already doing great.

• At night do shifts with your partner - your partner should only bring baby to you when he thinks baby needs a FEED!!

Oh and the dizziness could also be low bloody pressure - I had this in both my pregnancies and had get up very slowly from lying or sitting position as I'd be close to fainting - so worth them checking that too.

The best burping technique

Feed baby half the feed
Lie baby down flat on his back on your thighs (you are sitting on a chair with your thighs parallel with the ground)
Sing baby a song or something for at least 1 min, hopefully 2, maybe sway your thighs from side to side
Sit baby bolt upright, make sure spine is extended and straight, put one hand under baby’s chin and one on their back to help. Babys legs should be in front of him, so his body is like a right angle. Lean baby forward just a smidge to put a slight bit of pressure on the tummy
Wait
Wait a bit more
Its like tipping a bottle with a bubble in it, you will be amazed.

Then finish the feed and repeat

Lots of great advice already. Congratulations that she’s here safely I bet she’s beautiful!! I was lucky enough to avoid any trauma downstairs with both mine but I still felt like I’d been hit by a truck for the first couple weeks then all of a sudden sometime in the third week the bleeding and pain stopped and just like that I felt absolutely chipper. You’re probably nearing that magical day yourself. Get the dizziness checked , might need more vitamins or maybe just more sleep . Eat and drink a lot! You’ve all summer to work on your figure but while you’re healing be greedy and just eat everything you fancy when you fancy it. Let someone else clean, have mental breaks , watch crap on Netflix , baby will be quite happy beside you in a bouncer listening too. Breastfeeding isn’t easy , I had to give up both times very early as did many of my friends but if you want to continue then keep pumping those calories in and getting lots of rest . Your bodies doing so much work right now and you need to be kind to it. Best of luck .

@dohdohdoh

Congrats on your baby! And welcome to motherhood!

Sorry you are feeling this way but just wanted to reply in solidarity - so many women have been there after there first thinking "what the actual fuck have I done" - that was me after my first.

As previous posters have said definitely keep your health visitor/GP informed about your health both mental and physical - sometimes you have to repeat things over and over to make sure they've clocked what you're saying and join the dots (that's what I found anyway).

Just from your post I sense you are doing really well given what you've just been through!

Be kind to yourself.

• Bonding will come in time - you met two weeks ago and need time to get to know one another - you're already more of an expert in your baby than anyone else who comes into contact with her
• Strip life back to its basics - eat, drink and maybe shower should be as much you can do in a day
• Make yourself a little station in the living room with everything you need all within reach of your seat
• Feed baby, cuddle baby, watch tv, have tea, repeat
• If you can squeeze a nap or a walk in, great
• At night do shifts with your partner - your partner should only bring baby to you when he thinks baby needs a sleep

OP, every week baby is changing - I think psychologically getting to 3 weeks, 6 weeks and 12 weeks felt like turning points of getting to know baby and routines starting to emerge. You'll often hear with babies/children the days are long but the years are short. You'll not realise it now, but when you look back this will have been no time at all.

Wishing you all the best OP - you're already doing great.

Literally felt like what have I got myself into. I was really scared to say it out loud as I didn't want to be ungrateful as I know it's such a blessing to have a baby as many struggle to have one. Feels so great to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this. The guilt was real!

Definitely really sound advice thank you!

@dohdohdoh

Oh and the dizziness could also be low bloody pressure - I had this in both my pregnancies and had get up very slowly from lying or sitting position as I'd be close to fainting - so worth them checking that too.

By bp has always been a bit low but at my recent checkup everything seemed fine

The best thing my best friend ever did for me was text me the day after DS was born and say ‘You may not feel like this but in the next couple of weeks you may feel like your life is over, be completely overwhelmed and even feel like you regret having a baby. I have been there and I promise you this is normal and it doesn’t stay like this forever. If everything feels awful when everyone else is happy, don’t beat yourself up. It’s normal and it’s hard but it gets better. Ask for help again and again and again from everyone.’

This is the best advice I’ve ever had. I too had episiotomy, forceps, massively traumatic delivery, pnd. I could have asked for more help and if I could go back this is the one thing I would change. But that message gave me a glimmer of a sense that I wouldn’t just be miserable and unable to enjoy my baby for ever. It’s so hard to have confidence in this without having go through it and come out the other side but it really is true.

Be more kind to yourself than you’ve ever been before. Talk about how you are feeling. And ask for help- painkillers, breastfeeding support, a massive bottle of water and a bag of sweets for the night feed, mental health support. It’s so hard to ask but really worth it if you do.