Feeling very teary - can’t believe baby is mine

[Flowers245]

Hi, I had a beautiful baby boy a week ago and after 2 years trying and 3 miscarriages I can’t believe he is here. I had a very stressful/anxious pregnancy and had a ELCS. When he was born I was over joyed and couldn’t believe he was here, it was the best feeling in the world. I spent 4 days in hospital and all was ok there, I felt so protective and loved being just having the time to bond just me and him. I have come home and my husband made a remark saying he looks tanned, ever since then it’s like a switch has gone off I can’t stop obsessing over pictures of him in hospital to cross reference he is in fact my baby. I even looked at his feet tags and pictures to make sure they’re not tampered with. He has also put on weight this week which makes me think how odd when most babies lose weight. I am obsessing at pictures matching his ears up to make sure he is mine, I just love him so much I feel like I’m telling myself it’s all to good to be true and it’s affecting my time to bond with him and feel like I’m a failure. I can’t stop crying and feel so irrational and know he is mine I don’t know how one comment that didn’t mean anything could make me into such a crazy person. Please help!!

Please tell your midwife. Baby blues are normal but it sounds like you're very anxious. It's also possible that your baby might have a touch of jaundice if they're looking a bit tanned, which again is quite common and not usually much to worry about.

There's honestly no way my babies could have been switched in the hospital and me not know about it. You know what your own baby looks, feels and smells like. Everyone else's baby is different.

Congratulations on your new baby Please get the support you need so you can enjoy him!

Oh bless you. Your hormones and emotions will be all over the place at the moment and so I don't think it's uncommon to have these thoughts. But he really is your beautiful boy!

My baby's skin was much darker when she was born and she had dark brown hair...she now has blond hair and pale skin like me!

Your baby sounds gorgeous, and must have a lovely healthy glow about him, for your husband to think he looks tanned. It's understandable that you can't quite believe your luck after all you went through to have your baby, but give it time and I'm sure the anxious feelings will subside.

Also, there are probably lots of hormones running riot inside you now, so maybe they are causing some mood swings. Be patient, these feelings will probably subside as the weeks pass. If they get worse, speak to your GP or HV.

Congratulations on your baby!
It's the hormones. I was all over the place and very weepy for a while after both my babies were born. It did settle down. But if it doesn't you might need to get some support. It's worth mentioning it to your midwife or HV as they will check in with you a bit often to make sure you're ok.
If the anxious thoughts persist, CBT might be helpful. You can self refer in many areas.

a bit more often

Definitely mention this to your midwife or health visitor - they can help to reassure you, but also check your baby for jaundice. My DS developed quite the tan after we left hospital and needed some treatment. He’s absolutely fine now and it’s really treatable, but should be checked out xx

Could it be jaundice?

My notes say slight jaundice from my mw this week and sure it is just this, thank you for making me aware of that. I know in my heart he is mine and feel this rush of love for him but there’s this awful part in my brain saying he can’t be yours/ something is off. I have looked at pictures over and over and he looks the same baby as when he was born and I’m just so cross with myself for having this small doubt. I feel like I’m ruining what happy ideas I had in my head of how it would be at home. Thank you for all of your replies it really is helping, I have confided in my husband who is lovely and says he is definitely our baby but I feel so embarrassed for feeling like this.

You poor thing! I suffered terribly with post natal anxiety too. About baby being tanned, it could possibly be a touch of jaundice. My DD (now 4 months) was jaundiced after birth and it looked like she’d just come back from the Caribbean!

OP don't feel embarrassed, you've had a lot to process in the past week and these feelings will pass! I'm sure a lot of people say that the first little while at home was different from the expectation they had in one way or another. Be kind to yourself xx

Yay! Glad that’s cleared that up. :)

If it’s any consolation, I couldn’t believe my good luck when DS1 was born and was terrified that I’d lose him somehow. It all felt too good to be true. For some of us, good luck always feels like it’ll have to be “paid for” in some way. Especially when we’re hormonal, tired and emotional.

You’re fine. But keep an eye on how you’re feeling and do confide in a lovely MW or HV if you sense your mood is going down and down without any ups. It’s normal. And it can be fixed.

Jaundice was my first thought too. Same with DS who had a touch of it.

Hi OP - I just wanted to say I understand. I also had three miscarriages before my baby was born and an anxious pregnancy. I got home from the hospital after the birth and I didn’t have anything ready because I couldn’t allow myself to believe it would happen. You have been through a very difficult period and it’s hard to switch off survival mode and actually enjoy life again. Talk to your partner and family so your worries don’t become a huge burden. Wishing you all the best 💐

I often looked at my kids and said how are you mine? I used to joke to baby (talking to them) that I'd picked them up and ran off with them

If baby is tanned its prob jaundice x

my babies had lovely tans. It was jaundice , very common in newborns because their liver is just getting into gear. It's harmless and disappears withoput treatment in a few days.

Tears and brainfog are also normal in new mums, because your hormones are all over the place. Baby blues will also wear off in a week or two, but if you're extra anxious, talk to your visiting midwife and health visitor.

Just relax and enjoy your lovely baby. Put him in the pram and take a walk in the fresh air everyday,  and accept every offer of help that comes your way.

DS had jaundice. A few days of having the moses basket by the window sorted him out. I'm sure your DH didn't mean it in that way. OP the hormone changes are brutal - your baby is yours, enjoy him!

My unhelpful pediatrician asked me if dc3's dad was Chinese because he looked Chinese... Would have been fine if he did have Chinese heritage but what a stupid thing to ask about a newborn if you don't know! DH has Mediterranean colouring, so my kids do have darker skin than me, but mild jaundice also explains darker colouring in a newborn, as others say.

Agree its a good idea to chat to your midwife about ypur anxiety.

Congratulations!

Congratulations to u all hun and enjoy every minute as like everyone says they grow up so quickly so enjoy the baby bubble...our little boy was a bit tanned but that was due to jaundice...baby blues are all normal...our little boy never lost any weight either xxx

@Avvii

Definitely mention this to your midwife or health visitor - they can help to reassure you, but also check your baby for jaundice. My DS developed quite the tan after we left hospital and needed some treatment. He’s absolutely fine now and it’s really treatable, but should be checked out xx

This this this. mention both the tan and the feeling. My daughter was really tanned, we called her the golden girl and thought it was her mixed race heritage at firsr.. But it was actually jaundice, she was absolutely fine but did need treatment. Feelings like doubting your child is your own is not uncommon, but also can occasionally be a hint that you might be in the early stages of a bit more than standard baby blues, so please do mention it. Your midwife will absolutely still see and believe that you are a loving mother - my sister had this, for her it turned into severe pnd but she was convinced they'd take her baby away so she didn't tell anyone until it was nearly too late (and even then, when she was in an awful way, they made sure her baby was with her throughout with the support of a mother and baby unit).

Best of luck after all your struggles and hope things improve.

I'm glad you feel reassured.

DS2 looks like he's been fake tanned to Strictly Come Dancing levels in his early baby photos :)

Thank you honestly everyone for being so kind it really has helped. I keep on going over and over in my head the times he could have been swapped and know it’s not possible. The only times are A) in the theatre room when DH went to get changed and I looked away for a minute. No other babies were even near so know it’s a crazy notion. B) when he went to get his bloods taken twice, they would have had to taken his feet tags off and done the exact same writing, again that’s so mad.
I have dark hair and he has dark hair to, he is so perfect I think I am trying to convince myself to back off a bit in case something happens. The miscarriages gave me awful anxiety in this pregnancy and every week was a feeling of one step closer to seeing him so now he is here I feel like I’m to lucky. I will talk to a mw if I can’t shift these ideas.

@OverTheRubicon I was the same with my mixed heritage little girl! It was jaundice 🤦🏼‍♀️.
And 100% agree that you should speak to the midwife about both you and your baby.
Congratulations x

Congratulations 💐
Please do talk to your MW. It sounds like anxiety and completely understandable given what you've been through.
Wish you a happy Christmas with your beautiful baby.

First of all, congratulations on your baby!

My daughter was jaundiced, it's scary isn't it?

Please, please go to the GP and talk about this feeling. It is 'just' anxiety but that doesn't mean it's not horrid.
You need some support from professionals so that you can rest that over-thinking mind.

Don't do nothing, this is a special time and you all deserve to enjoy it
Love and Blessings xx

Congratulations!
It's probably his jaundice. My DS had it really bad and looked 'tanned' for about 2 weeks.
If I compared a picture of my newborn to a week old DS they don't really look like the same person. It sounds silly but don't forget they are all swollen etc.
Also, was anyone tanned in your family? My great nan was darker skinned and we all skipped it but my sister (youngest) has really dark skin and brown eyes (none of us have brown eyes) must have been a past generation. It happens x