What service can we use to support my wife and I after c-section

[nandlald]

Hi all. My wife and I have a 19mo boy, and she is due to give birth to our second a few days before Christmas via c-section. We don't have any family in the UK and friends can't help due to COVID, so I was wondering is there some kind of service where you can get someone over for a few hours a day just to give my wife a hand with the new baby as she'll be recovering from the c-section and I will most likely be full time with the toddler. Essentially we're looking to hire another set of hands for a few weeks just until my wife has recovered. Would that be a doula? Postnatal nurses seem to focus more on the health of the mother and baby, but we are really looking for someone that could take the baby while my wife rests, but equally so help out with meal preparation, so a bit more general than a postnatal nurse. Any suggestions appreciated!

Suggest that you need a nanny and let them help with the toddler whilst you help with the newborn and your wife.

Short term nanny would probably be best. I agree the nanny should be for the toddler. Baby will sleep most of the time. You could always get a housekeeper if it was just the housework you needed keeping on top of.

There would probably be plenty of people interested in this kind of role. Advertise and see what you get.

You sound very caring and supportive which will be a good thing.

Lower your standards with the toddler too. It doesn't matter if he watches a lot of Cbeebies!

you’d probably need a nanny, but i can’t see anyone wanting to do it just for a few weeks. nannies, especially if you’re wanting live in, normally want long term stable gigs - especially during these unstable times. honestly if it comes down to it, it’s perfectly possible to cope by yourselves. i had a section and was up and about doing school runs within three days.

I think a doula is what you want. doula.org.uk/

I have a friend who works as one and she works with one family at a time just for a short period supporting new mums.

I used to be a Doula and yes it sounds like that is what you need.

I was there to help with anything that helped ease the transition and aid bonding, support family wellbeing etc.

I would have probably said no if someone wanted lots of cleaning or something, but basic meal prep, baby related tasks, caring for siblings, light housework etc is what I did.

Also postnatal Doulas generally expect it to be short term. 6 weeks to 3 months was the expected time span for me to support families, although it could vary depending on circumstances.

Postnatal doula, or just a babysitter for help with the toddler, esp during the school holidays. Try sitters.com, lots of really qualified people there, which we used when DS was small

If you have the money and want to hire someone, you should, but it really won't be necessary. After a scheduled cs, your wife won't be incapacitated, she'll be able to take care of the baby just fine. And as for you not being able to help at all because you'll be "full time" with the toddler.... Just take care of both? Like your wife will once you go back to work?

Not trying to sound mean, just pointing out you may be over thinking this.

Most postnatal doulas will be happy to do the kind of things a helpful granny would do, I.e meals meals, run the hope we round, take the toddler to the park, make mum a cuppa.

@FlyNow

If you have the money and want to hire someone, you should, but it really won't be necessary. After a scheduled cs, your wife won't be incapacitated, she'll be able to take care of the baby just fine. And as for you not being able to help at all because you'll be "full time" with the toddler.... Just take care of both? Like your wife will once you go back to work?

Not trying to sound mean, just pointing out you may be over thinking this.

I had and needed help. Definitely not overthinking! Well done for planning support for your family.

A "mother's help" maybe what you need. Traditionally these are older women who have had their own babies & small children and help out with changing babies, playing with older children, basic meal prep and housework. They don't (usually) have formal training and don't take sole charge of the children (unless mum is sleeping) ....more like a helpful mother in law

I mean.... Why doesn't OP just make a meal? Why does granny/a doula have to do it? And making a mum a cuppa? Really? Just make it herself?

@FlyNow

I mean.... Why doesn't OP just make a meal? Why does granny/a doula have to do it? And making a mum a cuppa? Really? Just make it herself?

Presumably he knows more about his life and whether they need help than we do.

I suppose a temporary nanny would fit the bill, I'm not sure you need one. Assuming you are able to take a couple of weeks paternity leave, you should be able to look after the whole family. After my second section I relied on DH for the first week, but by week 2 could manage both DC on my own.

Fair enough, but they didn't mention being disabled or anything, just that they would be too busy looking after a toddler to help their wife at all. They may not realise, you can do both.

Op I think you are overthinking this. Obviously we do not know your personal circumstances as to why you want extra help. However many many folk in your situation, with no nearby family, with a smaller toddler, and a new mum with a c-section over the years have survived. Plan well. Organise on line shops, batch cook meals in advance. Plan activities for your child.
Due to Covid rules you may not be permitted anyone extra in your house anyway so I would consider this eventuality

Nanny or mothers help. You could advertise at a local college. I did this for a little while helping a mum of rtiplets. It meant she could get some things done whilst I helped look after the babies. Sitters is another good call but not cheap.

@phantomish

Op I think you are overthinking this. Obviously we do not know your personal circumstances as to why you want extra help. However many many folk in your situation, with no nearby family, with a smaller toddler, and a new mum with a c-section over the years have survived. Plan well. Organise on line shops, batch cook meals in advance. Plan activities for your child. Due to Covid rules you may not be permitted anyone extra in your house anyway so I would consider this eventuality

Yep. Your money to spend as you will, of course. But as someone who had a C-section and a toddler the same age as yours, I think you're over-worrying. If you're going to be home and you're competent domestically you'll manage fine.

I'm honestly not sure what an extra person would have found to do when my DH was home with me int that first week or two, to be honest. It was when my husband went back to work, that I envied my neighbour who had family nearby who did her washing when she had her baby!

Not sure if I would feel envy or surprise if some one told me they had done this.

100% get a postnatal doula, if restrictions allow. I had one following birth a few months ago and she was a godsend. Also have a three year old. And try not to be down-heartened by snarky comments on here undermining your concern.. the brutal work of new parenthood (not to mention the physical trauma and recovery process of birth) has long been under-valued - sad this happens so frequently even on mumsnet but this toxic attitude is pervasive. Wish I’d known such support existed following the birth of my first. Do what you can to ease the period for your whole family if you can afford to - it could be invaluable for everyone’s physical and mental health.

I don't think anyone is being snarky, just sharing our experiences. I too read so much before giving birth and was terrified of how I no doubt wouldn't handle it, like everyone said. It wasn't like that at all, there was no need to be worried. I also had a cs, a 19 month old and no family or friends over to help. My DH and I managed easily, a third adult in the house to help and we would have all been sitting around staring at each other.

If you really have no other help, I'd recommend paying for someone. It's easy to say "just get on with it" or "I coped". However if she has a traumatic section or a bad recovery, an extra pair of hands will be useful. If he has to return to work after 2 weeks then she may be barely out of hospital and the wound not healed. It's better to be prepared.

It's the weeks after dh has returned to work that support is needed.

Whereabouts are you? My sister runs a business providing support for exactly this kind of situation- pretty sure there are similar out there too.

Thanks to everyone for replying! Many good suggestions and I'll definitely look into doulas and mothers help. To answer some of the questions, yes we are blessed to be in a financial situation to afford this, and if I'm going to spend my money it'll be spent on giving my wife the most comfortable situation I can afford, for her physical and mental state.

@ThatGhastlyWoman

Whereabouts are you? My sister runs a business providing support for exactly this kind of situation- pretty sure there are similar out there too.

We're in Maidenhead, Berkshire