Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Postnatal health

As with all health-related issues, please seek advice from a RL health professional if you're worried about anything.

Original poster

What service can we use to support my wife and I after c-section

35 replies

nandlald · 30/10/2020 16:59

Hi all. My wife and I have a 19mo boy, and she is due to give birth to our second a few days before Christmas via c-section. We don't have any family in the UK and friends can't help due to COVID, so I was wondering is there some kind of service where you can get someone over for a few hours a day just to give my wife a hand with the new baby as she'll be recovering from the c-section and I will most likely be full time with the toddler. Essentially we're looking to hire another set of hands for a few weeks just until my wife has recovered. Would that be a doula? Postnatal nurses seem to focus more on the health of the mother and baby, but we are really looking for someone that could take the baby while my wife rests, but equally so help out with meal preparation, so a bit more general than a postnatal nurse. Any suggestions appreciated!

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 31/10/2020 16:07

Postnatal doula or "mother's help".
I think it's a great idea if you can afford it, especially if you don't have helpful family nearby.

balloonsintrees · 31/10/2020 16:18

Or just get on with it as best you can, she can sit with the baby you can deal with the toddler and make food etc. It really isn't that tough just requires planning.
I honestly don't understand why you can't seem to manage this between you? I managed pretty well after my c-section, despite also being in a wheelchair, dealing with a Year 6 child taking the 11+, husband straight back to work, serious mental health issues (so very aware of the potential of PND), taking morphine daily and no family or friends. The house was kept clean enough and everyone was fed and clothed without solely relying on takeaways. I think it will be unlikely that you can find someone to take on such nebulous tasks for such a short time and also isn't this just babying your wife? She is a grown woman who will have lots to deal with when you go back to work so this is an ideal time to deal with the most difficult stuff and then the future becomes a little easier.

Hercwasonaroll · 31/10/2020 16:59

Year 6 child is very different to a toddler who needs full time watching and care.

This is a shit pile on of someone who is trying to do something that will help their partner. Why so much bitterness from people?

Bemorechair · 01/11/2020 00:30

@nandlald

Thanks to everyone for replying! Many good suggestions and I'll definitely look into doulas and mothers help. To answer some of the questions, yes we are blessed to be in a financial situation to afford this, and if I'm going to spend my money it'll be spent on giving my wife the most comfortable situation I can afford, for her physical and mental state.
Fantastic. Good for you supporting her so well. Ignore those who seem to think you should try to make life as hard as you can for yourself.
Fungster · 01/11/2020 00:38

You sound like a treasure, OP. Get all the help you can; you won't regret it.

Ignore all of the "I did it with triplets and only one arm", Four Yorkshireman-esque responses. There's a really bitter side to MN at the moment, lots of competitive misery. You can afford the help and there's no such thing as too many helpers when there's a new baby to deal with.

Congratulations on your soon-to-be new addition!

Forgot to say - I had a nanny for my older kids and her presence made our lives so much easier.

FlyNow · 01/11/2020 11:13

lots of competitive misery

Looking after a baby and a toddler isn't misery, it's lovely. If you think it's misery/impossible, how on earth is OPs DW going to cope when OP goes back to work?

Bemorechair · 01/11/2020 23:22

@FlyNow

lots of competitive misery

Looking after a baby and a toddler isn't misery, it's lovely. If you think it's misery/impossible, how on earth is OPs DW going to cope when OP goes back to work?

Lol. It has lovely moment but let’s face it, it’s mostly misery. Take ALL the help!
saraclara · 01/11/2020 23:47

there's no such thing as too many helpers when there's a new baby to deal with

I disagree. Like a pp said, if we'd hired someone to do this we'd all have been sat looking at each other.

For a single mum in that position? Hell yes. And when OP goes back to work? Sure, get someone in to help if you can afford it. But assuming a husband who can cook and knows how to work the washing machine? Really, what is there for a third person to do?

I think it could all feel really awkward having a third person there. No privacy for starters. And having to make conversation when there's nothing for this person to do? Ugh.

NameChange30 · 02/11/2020 07:51

I'm with Fungster. I think the mother needs rest after giving birth especially if she's had a c section or complicated vaginal delivery. And there are not one but two babies. So everyone saying that two adults is more than enough to look after the babies and the cooking etc seems to be assuming that both adults are fully mobile and full of energy. Sure some of you had c sections yourselves and managed to look after the baby, keep the house spotless and run a marathon afterwards Hmm But in many cultures people look after the mother too so she doesn't have to do much at all in the beginning apart from rest and feed her babies. Sounds much better to me.

Mumsnut · 02/11/2020 07:58

I’ve had the same cleaner, an older lady, for years. When I had my second baby, I asked if she’d like more hours. She was able to take my older child to the park, or the shops, and generally pick up some of the slack

New posts on this thread. Refresh page