I had two dreadful experiences on postnatal wards. To the extent that I’ve opted for a home birth this time in large part because I don’t want to risk being incarcerated on a postnatal ward.
First time was many years ago. They used to insist that FTMs who’d had straightforward deliveries stayed in for 3 bloody nights. And just wouldn’t let you go home. I was young and looked younger. The staff were awful to me - patronising and unhelpful and clearly judgemental. I’m certain that they weren’t putting my meal requests in - I was vegetarian and o kept being given liver etc, which I obviously wasn’t going to eat.
The only nice HCP I came across was the physio who came round to teach pelvic floor exercises and other exercises to aid recovery. That was a brilliant service and she was totally lovely. Shame the rest of them seemed to think I should be shamed and patronised because I looked like I might be 13 (I was 20).
The two women I had to share a ward were too. There was no camaraderie or whatever people imagine there is when men are limited to very restrictive visiting hours (which they were). Except of course if the other women wanted to go outside to smoke - then apparently I was good enough to watch their tiny babies. But otherwise they were utter shits to me. I was delighted to get out.
Second time read, if anything, worse. Amazingly. Completely different hospital but absolutely shit. Tbh, the labour experience had also been awful and stressful (in large part because of the hospital and a midwife with no social skills whatsoever). As a result, I’d ended up with an instrumental delivery. So I was ‘not allowed’ to go home and had to go to the sodding ward.
They put me right down the far end of the ward with a nightmare women (one who spent her entire time on the phone complaining loudly about how social services were bastards because they were coming to take her baby) and another woman who’d been readmitted with a week old baby (but who got no support at all). Neither of us got any sleep due to the nightmare woman, who surely should have been given a private room for so many reasons.
I got no support either. I was supposed to get pain relief, but none ever came. I couldn’t get any food because they didn’t serve it, they just put a trolley in a room at entirely the other end of the ward and expected you to 1. just know it was there and 2. somehow go and get something and bring it back while looking after your newborn. It was during swine flu and only partners could visit (for limited hours at that). So I pretty much starved.
DS was supposed to be checked by a paediatrician. That was the reason they gave for imprisoning us anyway. But by the afternoon of the next day he still hadn’t been seen (and no one seemed to give a shit about either of us). Eventually I saw the breastfeeding support midwife who was actually great. She helped me sort out DS’s latch and listened to me - then she negotiated with the ward staff so I could go home and just take DS to see the GP in the morning. So we got out. Ironically, DS would have been checked by the GP a full 24 hours earlier had then just listened to me and let me go home in the first place. We’d both have been much better off.
So this time I’d like to minimise the risk that I’ll have to spend any time whatsoever on a postnatal ward. Obviously you can guarantee nothing with childbirth, but I do not trust that it won’t be yet another shit experience.