Mother and baby unit -urgent

[Someone1987]

Hi, has anyone been in an Mbu? Really concerned I am going to have to. How can I prevent this? Has anyone been forced to go in and why? Thank you.

@NeverTwerkNaked sorry just saw your other comment. I guess the alternative is staying at home with my husband's support but as he's back to work soon, I'll be alone and unfortunately only have a dad who is of little help.

@DancingLady thank you for sharing your experience. I am glad it was helpful for you. If you don't mind me asking, what helped you the most being there? And was it easy to be discharged? Thank you.

@SpillTheTeaa thank you for your comment. Those documentaries I shall look into, it may help me understand what a MBU is really like. Thank you for that.

A good friend of mine had a very positive experience with her M&B unit.

I understand your fears and I know that without knowing my friend's experience that I might have had similar misconceptions and worries. Based on her experience, I wouldn't hesitate to go to the M&B unit if the need arose.

Please remember that this is not your fault, that you can get through it and you will feel differently with expert help. PND is incredibly common and should be talked about more. I had mild prenatal depression despite carrying a much wanted baby, also conceived with fertility treatment. It baffled me how I could feel so hopeless and dark when I'd got the very thing I wanted most. Its our brain chemicals and hormones fucking us over and sometimes we need just a bit of help to set us on a better path.

@BuffaloCauliflower bless you, thank you so much for your kind supportive words. I'm not sure what the alternative is. Other than a two weekly one hour phonecall, which when you're living in despair, although greatly appreciated, is of little help. In fact, I come away feeling worse as then let out my emotions then have to sit with then for a fortnight. I just feel like now is the wrong time to be ill. With the virus. It won't be a normal experience. I don't know what to do, it is all a mess. Thank you for being so kind..

@taptonaria27 thank you for sharing that about your friend. I'm glad no one judged her as that worries me..my family don't even know. Thanks for commenting.

I’ve never been in a MBU but I suffered terrible PND with my daughter as well as antenatal depression due to an awful pregnancy. Please do what you need to do to get yourself well - you wouldn’t think any less of someone who was in hospital with broken legs/a brain tumour/heart attack would you? Well PND is just like that. It’s not because you’re a bad person or because you don’t want your baby - it’s a problem in your brain that you need help and medication to fix. Just like a diabetic can need insulin then you need medication to be well again.

As you would expect, I guess the staff vary from place to place! I started off in one MBU then luckily they found a space at an MBU nearer to home so I got transferres. Staff at both units were lovely bar one or two (just natural personality clash, nothing bad). There were two other mums in my second unit and we really bonded, cooking together and doing crafts! There is a timetable you can join in with if you want (crafts, mindfulness, cooking etc) but it is all optional. There is a nursery where your baby can sleep and be cared for if you need some rest. It's all very relaxed and homely. I was there voluntarily, but was told if I wanted to leave I would need to be assessed first in case they felt I needed sectioning. Which is really good when you think about it. My daughter absolutely thrived, she loved being fussed by the nurses and seeing the other babies, I can honestly say she really came on in the unit and it did her no harm at all. You agree a discharge date together and work towards it, but it is subject to change and how you feel nearer the time.

It isn't triggering for me at all, in fact I have fond memories of my MBU days and so does my friend! Please ask away if there is anything else you want to know

@Theyweretheworstoftimes I'm sorry you suffered those awful things. Thank you for your comment. I feel bad that this isn't always an option for mums. It is such a vulnerable time.

podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/made-by-mammas-the-podcast/id1377633011

A very good friend of mine did. She recorded a podcast, linked above, describing her experience. It might be worth a listen.

@INeedNewShoes bless you , thank you for your kind comment. It's scary how brain chemicals work. I'm sorry you suffered prenatal depression. Having fertility treatment to have a baby I found puts the pressure on, like it's not real, until they're here. Hence the start of the problem. I was numb! Still am some days. Thank you for your comment. Hope you are doing well now.

@ClaraLane thank you so much for your kind words. When you say it like that, I do understand it more. I'm sorry you've had PND and antenatal depression. It is so hard. I hope you are doing well now. Thank you for your comment.

@Wolfgirrl bless you, thank you for typing all that out and sharing your experience. It is so helpful to hear from someone who has been in. It sounds like it was a really helpful and positive environment for you and your daughter. Ah, I wondered if that would be the case if you tried to leave. The issue is I think they want me in there due to being suicidal, so I am unsure how they would prove that I was no longer suicidal. I do think it is good they would assess you. Part of the reason I am scared to go in is because I would lose my freedom, lose the option to go when I want. Do you mind me asking about medication, is it offered as an optional thing? I've been off and on mine admittedly. Funny about pills. Thank you for your help

@Someone1987 You’re very welcome, I hope you start to feel more like yourself soon. Please just remember not to blame yourself, you are a good person and a good mum.

I’ll be honest, I’m not in the best place at the moment but I’m getting there. Recently re-started my antidepressants but I’m definitely feeling more like myself now.

@someone1987 please don't hide from the help if it is offered. I was terrified and I fled the country with a small baby. I deeply regret that and I wish I had been brave enough to ask for help.

I would have got better faster and had much better support if I had faced up to what was going on.

I hope that you are braver than me and thing improve. PM me if you like.

@LajesticVantrashell ah bless you thank you for sharing that. Will have a listen now, will put the headphones on as husband watching TV! Thank you.

@ClaraLane thank you. That is so kind of you to say, it's making me well up. I'm sorry you aren't in the best place. I hope the anti depressants help. If you want to talk I am here. It is such a hard time at the moment with this virus too. So much uncertainty. Sending hugs xz

@Theyweretheworstoftimes oh my word, bless you. I feel for you, that must have been so hard. How did you get through that without help? I hope things are better for you now? Thank you. That's so kind

Obviously there is no window into your mind but they are very experienced and will be able to make a good assessment of how you are feeling, whether there are any risks etc.

I'm not sure what the rules are with covid but I was allowed to leave the unit for walks, and within a few weeks I was going for day visits at home. After about a month I did my first overnight visit home. It really is a case of working together, I found the staff to be very reasonable and understanding and felt like I had a choice in everything. There are also peer support workers (so ex MBU inmates!) that come in to chat which was amazing and so helpful.

Medication wise, I can only speak for myself, but I was admitted for postnatal OCD (it was so extreme I couldn't pick my baby up or be in a room with her). I was out on Sertraline straight away which was brilliant. They offered me PNR and diazepam for when I was having a frantic episode but I didn't take it, through personal choice. I only took what I was comfortable with and they respected that.

My only regret is not going into the MBU sooner, the effect on me was truly miraculous.

You might be surprised how quickly they can get you out of the end of the worst of the suicidal feelings. I found they were pretty good at assessing how I was.
I also found that they treated me like an individual. So they approved me to to go back to work because they could see that my eyes lit up whenever I spoke about it.

@Someone1987 I totally get what you mean about having all the feelings in a session and then just being left with them. The amazing thing about being inpatient is there’s someone to talk about those feelings with who won’t judge you, ALL the time. Even in the middle of the night.

Medication is a wonderful thing when you get it right, nothing to feel odd about. My DH is type 1 diabetic and needs insulin every day, if you wouldn’t judge that why feel weird about any other medication? We have these amazing inventions that help so much - let’s use them!

Things are better now but it took a long long time and I bitterly regret that. So many lost days, weeks, months.

I am doing well, no meds at the moment, healthy diet, exercise and fresh air, I might need meds again who knows.

My bond is getting better and I am getting better at parenting. I would be lost without the support I have had. Every person is different and something will work but it might not be the first thing you try. Keep going and be so kind to yourself.

It helped me to be in a safe place, with a routine, with nurses who helped me look after DD and who looked after me. The first 24 hours in the mbu I was never alone (which was unnerving but I understand why). A nurse sat in the doorway of my room and went with me to the bathroom etc. I met with a counsellor regularly and the other women in the mbu were friendly but we mostly kept to ourselves. DH visited me every day and helped with bedtime. After a few days I said I felt better and asked if I could leave. I was told I couldn't, and it was implied that if I insisted I'd be sectioned. I was on the ward 24/7 for, I think, two weeks. After that I went for day trips home, then weekends. In total I think I was discharged after 6-7 weeks, but not all of that was as an in-patient. It was a traumatic time, the mbu wasn't fun but it was necessary for me and DD.

Also, if you have a suicide plan I would really urge you to accept the offer and go to the mbu. They're usually very oversubscribed, sadly. I spent 3 nights on a mixed-sex triage ward and that was far scarier than the mbu! Was separated from DD and around some very ill and aggressive patients. If you have the option to go straight to the mbu, take it. The offer of help is there, and there are no prizes for toughing it out if you're suicidal. Sending you a big hug. You're not alone.

Reading posts by wolfgirrl and it feels like she has a very similar experience to mine! It's not a scary atmosphere. Regarding the stigma... I think there's been such a lot of open conversation over the past few years about pnd and postnatal psychosis that women are far more likely to discuss it now, and admit they struggled. There's no shame in it. Same with taking medication. My taking antidepressants allows me to be a much better mum to my kids, it doesn't turn me into a different person, but it helps me cope.