Pnd or just not coping with my children?

[mamaandthegirls]

I had my newborn 3 weeks ago and have a 2 year old as well.
My partner has now gone back to work after having some paternity leave and I hate every second of being alone with the children.
DD1 is at nursery 3 days a week which is great for me when I need some time to myself and she absolutely loves it anyway. But lately she has been craving my attention even more now her new sibling is here and taking the majority of my time. I feel this immense guilt that I don't get to spend time with her or even enjoy a cuddle with her on the sette before DD2 is screaming.
As for DD2 I don't know if it's just usual newborn behaviour (never noticed it with DD1) or she is just a difficult baby but she screams and cries constantly. She wants to be held every second of every day and I can't get a thing done in the house.
It feels like no matter what we do, she is never happy and it's putting an incredible strain on my relationship with my partner. We are both exhausted and I am crying every day. The smallest thing DD1 does like spill a drink on the carpet I just can't deal with it and shout and break down into tears.
My family I do not have an awful lot to deal with but my parents family have been doing nursery runs for me since I had DD2 which have been an incredible help to us.
I'm feeling so low and although I can't wait for my partner to get home from work every evening, I know that later on in the evening an argument will break out about DD2 who is difficult to settle for whatever reason.
My self esteem feels so low as well which my partner just hasn't helped after an argument over a small thing broke out last week when he had pulled back the curtains but had done it so quickly they looked so silly, so I made a comment that "the curtains look like S" and he replied by saying "well you look like S!" Which he probably didn't mean but it winded me and has upset me ever since.
I just feel like crap, and although I am trying to enjoy motherhood with two children, I'm finding it increasingly hard each day and just wish the crying and screaming would stop.
I just don't know what to do, I was given these children and I don't even feel like I'm being their happy, confident mum like I used to be.

@dogsorlogs thank you so much for your words. Really reassuring to hear things improved for you. My DS was similar to this before 4 months but I only had him to deal with then!! I thought at the time I ws just being a rubbish 1st time mum. Glad this time dd3 has been diagnosed so i know the source of at least some of the crying. Wow, 16 months thst is a really small gap! Impressive! Glad your 2 little ones are happy and healthy now x

Hi @Aries456 as for knickers, I got my DD's from Tesco! I'm also thinking I'll try DD after Christmas break, I'm not sure if she is 100% ready just yet!
Anyway, how have things been? Both DDs are still unwell and have kept DD1 off nursery this week, both of them slept the majority of today and I managed to get some housework done! I've got a cold now as well though so feeling a bit run down

@Dogsorlogs thank you! That means a lot to hear that! You're so brave doing that age gap! Still holding out hope that things get better / easier!

Hi @mamaandthegirls. Sorry to hear Dd1 is unwell, but glad you got a bit if a break and managed to do something productive around the house! I was going to message agsin the other day to say the day got better :) it girls napped well (rocking DD3), when I picked up my son from nursery dd3 even went to sleep in the buggy (4th time ever!) And stayed asleep 1.5 hours when we got in so I could make dinner in peace! And then I managed bath time and bedtime with no fuss. Plus I had a good chat with the mum's at the school date and we finalised arrangements for a Christmas dinner out :) yesterday I also got DD3 to sleep in buggy for 2.5 after taking them to post office and to see the frozen pond (exciting life i know) so i think I might have found a solution for long day naps - buggy + white noise blasting!
Got dd3 on my right now post feed. Honestly, it is like trying to hold a bucking broncho! Although she did just wind herself thrashing around....
What have you got planned this weekend - apart from feeling poorly (I also have a cold but it isn't too bad)?? Xx

Hi @Aries456 how are you getting on? Hope the kids have been good for you.
DD1 is better now and has been back at nursery this week, although I'm a little worried, as every time I've dropped her off, she clings to my legs and looks very worried. If she's the same next week then I may bring it up to the nursery workers. Also took her to get her nursery photos done on Tuesday, can't wait to get them!
DD2 is constantly hungry so I'm thinking of changing her formula. But I don't know how she will react to it as I had to change to comfort formula, due to constipation.
Currently feeding her a 6oz bottle

Hi @mama, I was thinking about you today - was trying to find a minute to send a message. Things are going better now thank you - we are having less of the uncontrollable crying and more awake and happy times. She can still gets the grump in the evenings and is still a nightmare in the car, but she seems better in buggy and sling now. I accepted help from a neighbour the other day and she came with me to our baby group to help with baby whilst I played with Dd2 - I don't like accepting help normally but I am trying to swallow my pride more often and it has been lovely to get some extra support.

Sorry Dd1 is being funny about nursery, perhaps it is just because she had been home with you whilst she was poorly? Maybe give it another week and then say something if you are still worried. It is not a nice feeling when they cry at you - we switched my son's nursery when he was 3 and he cried every day I left him for 6 weeks until I pulled him out and put him back in his old one!

Wow 6oz - my dd3 is 11 weeks and will only drink 2-3oz max in the day and 5oz once a night.. I worry she isn't drinking enough! I always worry about changing milks but sometimes it can really help. How old is she now? Maybe having a growth spurt? If you do change you might even get a bit more sleep!! We are planning on moving baby into her nursery next week as she is pretty regularly doing 8pm-2am-5am now.
I came back off the pill after a month of bleeding, weight gain (which i can ill afford) and crap hormones. My mood has improved again since coming off so think it is right decision. DH has said he will go for the snip in the new year!

Are you getting geared up for christmas yet? Are you chridtmas crazy (like me!) or not so much? I bought a new dress for the holidays... thought it looked massive on the hanger and i worried i had bought too big a size but actually it is too tight on me nightmare!!

@Aries456 I'm proud of you for accepting help! Sometimes it's hard to do that, but it can be such a weight lifted off your shoulders when someone else steps in and helps! also I'm glad DD is a bit more better.

Yes I may give it another week bdfore I bring something up about how DD1 is acting when I leave her at nursery. She seemed happy when I picked her up this afternoon though!
DD2 is 9 weeks tomorrow, but yeah I was wondering if it's a growth spurt too. I got her weighed last week and she is 11lb now! She was born a chunky 9lb! Bit of a shock as DD1 was only 7lb.1oz!
Good luck with moving her into her nursery! Let me know how it goes!

Also, I am still yet to get my first period since having DD2 stopped breastfeeding about 2 weeks ago now, so maybe it'll be soon, then I think I'll start my pill!
I actually watched a programme yesterday about the contraceptive pill on BB3 and how it affects women's moods! I'm worried about it as when I was on it after DD1 was born I was like bloody Satan!
Good idea about DH getting the snip though! My DP is considering it, but I'd love to squeeze a 3rd one in as I'm only 24 (well, turning 24 this weekend!) and feel like I could squish another one in before my time is up

I am feeling pretty Christmassy this year! Going to put the tree up next week (bit late I know) but still stuck on what to get DD1 for Christmas. Have so far got her a toy hoover as she's always playing with my real one! And I managed to find a waffle the wonder dog on eBay, brand new! She's going to be so excited when she opens that one, she's waffle dog obsessed!
Don't feel bad about not being able to fit into the Christmas dress, I know I won't be fitting into anything glam this year after having DD2