What's wrong with me

[nljf23]

NC as I feel so awful about this and like I'm a terrible mum.

Recently I've been getting so angry at my baby and I can't seem to stop it. It's only at bedtime, she's 4.5 months and is starting to fight her sleep and it's really getting to me. I always do bedtime and have always either lay with her till she sleeps or sometimes rocked her and then put her in her cot. Always been fine but now the last week or so she's waking up as soon as I put her down or when I try leave the room. It's making me really angry that she won't just stay asleep and I'm getting really frustrated with her but then I know she's just a baby and I'm out of order. I feel awful after it happens but it's just like rage inside me for a few minutes and then I just feel like crying I feel so guilty for being so angry.

I feel like a horrible mum for getting so annoyed with her, I don't know where this has all came from as I've always been fine and level headed but when she won't settle after an hour of trying it's really breaking me down and I don't know what to do

Can't stop crying after getting so angry at her again, feel awful

There's a sleep regression at 4 months and its brutal. As soon as you think you've got it sorted, it hits you hard. It's a normal, healthy albeit frustrating part of development and nothing to do with your parenting.

If you are having problems managing your anger, put the baby down somewhere safe, close the door and walk somewhere else and take some slow deep breaths. A couple of minutes crying will do them no harm.

This is temporary.

@Bobbiepin I'd heard about it but didn't realise the sleep regression was a real thing. Thanks, I'll try that next time it happens, just leaves me feeling so horrible.

Have you tried playing relaxing music or having some lights in the room for her to watch? My kids both loved their musical night light things

@Heartofglass12345 yes we have a little glow worm teddy that she likes to listen to/watch. I was thinking about getting a night light that projects onto the wall/ceiling but not sure it would work

The sleep regression is very real. My DD was up every 2 hours and wouldn't nap. It was harder than having a newborn.

I would try it, what have you got to lose? Don't forget she is still so little, she's not doing it to annoy you. It could be anything from a growth spurt to being more aware of her surroundings and not wanting to miss anything lol. The best thing you can do if you feel yourself getting angry is to make sure she is safe and walk away for a few minutes and calm down

This was me with ds. Trying to get him to sleep felt like banging my head against a wall. Now with dd, we just give up for a while. She comes downstairs, watches a bit of tv with me and then we try again later. Takes the pressure right off. At one point it took me 4 hours to get ds down... I don't know why I kept trying!! I really should just have gone to do something else for a while! Getting him to sleep seemed so important... but he got better at going to sleep when he was a little older and none of that was thanks to me torturing myself trying to get him to sleep for hours on end!

Thanks for the advice. I think I've just been getting frustrated as she's always been such a good sleeper and bedtime was always one of my favourite bonding times with her. We would cuddle up and she would just smile up at me until she slept. The past week or so has been more like me trying to cuddle and her trying to sit herself up whilst screaming at me even though she's on the brink of over-tiredness. I will try a nightlight/projector thing, thank you

Just want you to know your not alone. I've been the same lately with my twin girls, they are 6 months old. I feel so guilty as well but you just get so tired :(. I hope your LO starts sleeping better soon x

Sorry you are feeling this way. You have had some good advice on here. I just wanted to add that you could try baby massage with sweet almond oil or baby light show. My little one loves watching this one while I get her ready for bed along with some panpipe type relaxing music.

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B01E2KGP9I?psc=1&ref=yo_pop_mb_pd_title&tag=mumsnetforum-21

Hope things get better for you soon

Also how many naps in the day and how often? Is she over tired?

@mummyoftwincesses it's so frustrating isn't it. After a while I just want some chill time but she seems to sense me leaving the room and is instantly awake no matter how long I stay with her once she's gone to sleep. Hope it gets better for you too x

@filou87 thanks that looks great! She usually gets a massage after her baths (every second night) but she honestly doesn't seem to enjoy them as much as I'd hoped! She naps usually 2 or 3 times a day, one long nap in the afternoon (around 1.5 hours) and then 2 smaller ones (about 30-40 mins) but I've been trying to stop naps after about 7.30pm so she's ready for bed about 9pm. It works in that she's sleepier and settles quicker but then when I try leave the room she just wakes immediately and we have to start all over again

Stop her naps at least 4 hours before you want her to go to bed. Drop the late afternoon nap.
You’re not a bad mum. Everyone feels like this at some point or other.

One of the hardest things about being a Mum is that we can get so used to a good thing. It sounds like you've had it fairly easy from a sleep perspective (compared to some sleep horror stories I've read anyway!), and I understand that it can be frustrating when it suddenly goes to pot.

The thing is, that will happen with a lot of things as your baby grows. For example, there can sometimes be a sleep regression at 8 months too. All that you can do is ride it out. It will get better.

Have you tried white noise? My DD has a MyHummy and seems to like it, it may be that it blocks out the 'noise' of you leaving the room.

It might also be time to change the cuddles, unfortunately. As they get older the cuddles become less frequent and it might be too stimulating. Try having the cuddles in the morning instead.

Oh Bobbie awful advice esp as the op is worried about ‘being an awful mum’ (which she isn’t). They both need the cuddles and bonding time. Children sleep comforted and happy not alone and bored.

Not necessarily awful advice. I've never said anything that would suggest she's and awful mum, quite the opposite. I used to do similar 'quiet time before bed with my dd and around the same age she just wanted to play and wouldn't sleep so I changed what I was doing. Now I take her up to her room, turn the lights down, change her into a fresh vest and nappy, pop her in the sleeping bag, bottle then straight down in the cot and she's asleep in minutes, no crying. It's what works for us, things like bath/cuddles/extended interaction is too stimulating for her and delays her drifting off. It took a considerable amount of time battling through bath/massage etc before I realised it wasn't working.

OP, make your own choices, but I would recommend trying something different if what you are currently doing doesn't work.

@mrsb06 yes definitely got used to the fab sleep routine I think. She's still great in that she sleeps through so I know I have a cheek to complain at all but just trying my best to go with it. I've heard MyHummy's are good but was unsure as I thought they were quite expensive. I have a little glow teddy that plays ocean sounds which I usually use but it seems to only work some nights

@applesandpears56 thanks I will try that re naps and see how I get on.

@Bobbiepin I have thought about trying to stop them but she seems to settle more when held (rod for my own back, I know!). It's when I'm actually putting her down that she then unsettles/wakes and then we just repeat. I know I have created some bad sleep habits though, from only me doing bedtime (she screams when DP tries, even if I just nip to the toilet and ask him to sit with her) and from holding/rocking her to sleep as well but it's just so hard to break the cycle now as I can't bear to sit and hear her cry. I'm hoping to start sharing bedtimes with DP and to alternate nights. Hopefully that will help my frustration and then we can begin to try and teach her to self settle over the coming months

You have to do what works for you. There's no such thing as creating a rod for your own back. Babies change so often that something you've done before will change (as you're experiencing now). You find a way to adjust what you're doing and it'll be better soon. This too shall pass.

@Bobbiepin you're the first to say so! Yeah I've definitely learned that with her these past weeks. Thanks for the advice

I rocked/fed my first daughter to sleep for the first 7 months of her life. She eventually learnt to put herself to sleep (from 7 months) and now, at 2.5, sleeps 12 hours a night in her own bed and still naps for 1.5-2 hours a day. Please don't dwell on the 'rod for your own back' stuff.