Who do I call???

[DragonNoodleCake]

DD refusing to take care of DGS. She is 17, he is 1 month. we've taken care of them - she stayed at home. Last weekend she wanted to go out with friends. Didn't want to take care of him on return. Said all sorts of stuff about quitting BF and putting up for adoption. She went to see doc as I thought PND. The doc asked a few questions and said come back next week.

Last night her works Christmas do - she didn't want to come home - same stuff. DH got her and she went to bed. We've had DGS all night - not a peep from her.

I need some help - I have no idea who to call . We are in Scotland btw

GP again, emergency appt. What a difficult situation.

Can you contact her HV? What a tough situation for you. I think the HV would be able to refer to GP and mental health services (if that's what she needs). How are you?

Contact the baby's HV.
See whether your DD will allow you to come to her GP appointment with her.
Contact SS for access to parenting programs.

it sounds to me that she is very much struggling with finding herself a parent. She may need help to adjust to that role, whether she has PND or not.

She needs support, GP and health visitor would be good starting point. Maybe someone that can come to the home.

Can you try and leave all childcare tasks to her to help with bonding, and you help with washing bottles, clothes etc. Maybe just watch him if she needs a shower or maximum once a week to go out.

I agree. HV as first port of call

I phoned NHS 24 as no HV available today

NHS24 or any other OOH service is unlikely to be able to help, unless your DD needed urgent help for her mental of physical health?

Yes, encourage her to spend as much time with her DS as possible, step back from the child caring tasks and be patient.
It is very early days for her.

I was more than twice your DD's age before I had my first and being a mother hit me like a runaway articulated lorry!

Were NHS 24 able to offer help?

What a shock to the system for her. She is so young. Maybe bf isn't right for her?

Awaiting the call back

Is she struggling with BF? Does this seem to have come from nowhere? Does she have lots of support?

Try speaking to her, listen to how she feels and what she has to say.

Is the baby's father around?

No babies father is not around. We waiting to hear from mental health team now

Hopefully they can give her, and you some support.

OP how is she now? Thinking about her, and you

I take it you have some formula to give the baby?

Thanks all.
she's combination feeding now, because of a number of factors. 1) exhaustion, 2) we can help 3) BF still hurting 4) she has expressed and her milk is quite thin 5) she's got no appetite.
She is trying to keep feeding a bit at least that's good. I told her it's up to her. She doesn't want to stop and then regret stopping later when she feels better - so I think that's a very good sign.
She is upset because her life is upside down whilst the father just walked away.

We saw someone today, an ex midwife nurse - she was really nice, talked to us for a while. I explained about the physical difficulties after the first week. DD explained to her she wasn't - connected. That's all she could explain.
She has to see GP again tomorrow and being referred to mental health team.
The nurse agreed that finding out at 33 weeks/being 17/on her own (she has us but you know what I mean) emotions is all just one big ball of 'f*ck!!!' (That's me paraphrasing)

OMG, she only had a few weeks to get her head round that she was going to have a baby? Your poor DD - of course it is going to take her time.
It is a good thing that you are there to support her

Just a quick remark about BFing: please support her to feed as long as she wants to. The milk looking thin means nothing about its nutritional value and what milk she can express is NO measure of how much milk there is.

Anyway, if mix-feeding/FFing gives her a break - great. If she's keen to keep going, please help her with that (Fwiw, it always took me to near enough 3 months to find BFing easy - then it WAS a doddle!).

V best of luck tomorrow

Oh bless her that's no time at all to get her head round things, not yours either. I'm glad she has you to support her, and clearly you are being a great support to her and her DS. Hopefully once the GP is open on Monday and you/she can speak to her HV then you'll all be given some more support.

How is she today?

Tough day. DGS been hard work - very windy and gripey. Wanted on the boob all day. So had formula too up tonight.

Doc tomorrow afternoon and HV on Thursday.
Got a sure-start support workers details too.

My awesome 'not mum but took me in when a troubled teen so like the best mum ever - aunt' (who DD gets on great with too) is coming to visit tomorrow for company/baby holding/appointment hand holding help. She can stay til Thursday.

She's tired and wrung out but okay and still BF so I think it's a sign she does love DGS even though she is struggling and in her words doesn't feel connected. Thanks for checking in.

Bless her... what an awful shock and a total head fuck.

You and DH sound lovely btw..... Auntie sounds like a superstar too.

All the best xxxxxxx BF was so hard for me even though we'd waited for DD for 8 years and had 4 ICSIS and induction. And I had besotted DH on my wing.

I have a great feeling things will be ok, OP.

Big hugs x

Aw, you are doing so well - all of you

SuperAuntie support sounds like just the ticked.

And I hope that SureStart will help too.

Just one minute/hour/day at a time

What a total shock for you all to find out so late in the pregnancy. Well done to all of you for coping so well so far! So sorry to hear about your DD's struggles. Did just want to say that I was rubbish at expressing and someone very well-meaning but I'll-informed said it must be an indication of how little milk I had, but I carried on ebf until 6 months and DS turned into a total whopper. It's lovely your DD still wants to breastfeed - I do hope she can carry on with it if she wants.

This is so sad to read. Your poor daughter, it must all be so hard but you sound wonderfully supportive which is what she and baby need.

The fact that she is breastfeeding is good and you're right, shows she loves him. She just needs time to get her head around it all. It must be really hard for her to get to grips with it all while the father just walks away. I am sure she will come round. She's so young but I'm sure with you to support and help she'll be fine.

Im so glad you have some appointments lined up and hopefully she can get some support in place. It must be hard for you to see your daughter going through all this but you do sound wonderful. Keep talking on the thread, it might help!!