Breastfeeding dread

[Lauraemiky33]

I have a 2 week old and have been breastfeeding him on demand since he's been born. But I hate doing it. my heart sinks when baby wakes and I have to feed him. I've started to express but it takes a good hour to get enough as he's very hungry and I try and save the bottle for night so my partner can help out. I've started to give him one formula bottle a night in the hope that he sleeps a bit longer but it doesn't seem to make a lot of difference.
My partner and I keep arguing as I want to just bottle feed but he wants baby to have breast milk and although I know it is my decision I feel I can't just stop.
The thought of breast feeding for the next 6 months fills me with dread. Does anyone else feel the same?

I found it better to aim for the first 6 weeks. Then when I got there, things were different and I went for 3 months etc. Six months sounds scary when you are up to your ears with new experiences.

Whenever you feed till, you will have given your baby a good start

Also, put your feet up, have a cup of tea and watch something good on the television whilst your are feeding.

I would aim for 6 weeks if you possibly can. And don't bother with expressing. By 6 weeks for most people it's settled down and is as good as it gets, so you can make a more informed decision about stopping.

But as you said, it's your choice. Can you put your finger on why you hate it so much?

1. Whilst it's lovely to make joint parenting decisions, this is not something your partner can choose to happen. If you want to stop, stop. Don't feel guilty about it, you've given your baby an excellent start.

1. It's really hard for the first few months, I won't lie. It's effing exhausting and I just couldn't get on with expressing for the same reason as you. But it does get easier, I promise. By three months you'll be getting on ok, if you choose to continue.

1. You are shattered. Everything will be a bit overwhelming at the moment. I agree with pp, take it in smaller time brackets and re-assess how you are feeling at the end of them.

And definitely put your feet up for a bit whilst feeding!

Well done for reaching out for support. I was in the same boat and with tons of support got through the very hard first six weeks. (Still breastfeeding my 11 month old). I joined a closed Facebook group that was just so amazing, really fantastic ladies full of advice and information. When I really understood what breastfeeding is all about I was more motivated to continue. I managed the pain with paracetamol and took them every 4 hours until it was only a bit sore. Unfortunately the sleep deprivation is just part and parcel of having a tiny baby and I know there were days when I sat on my couch crying I was just so tired. In terms of expressing its really not recommended when your baby is so new because the pump isn't as effective as the baby so your body won't get the message re: making enough milk. Be kind to yourself, you're doing a wonderful thing for your wee one and I'm sure you hear this all the time but it does get easier and hopefully in a few months you'll be an absolute pro.

Thank you all for the positive comments. This is my first baby and I am extremely overwhelmed by it all. And utterly exhausted!
He seems to feed for ages at a time - I know he's growing but sometimes feel like I have my boob out most of the day!

"He seems to feed for ages at a time - I know he's growing but sometimes feel like I have my boob out most of the day!"

Now that is something I can promise you will get better!

But I honestly think you should stop trying to express. It just adds to the stress and pinned down feeling. And your supply is still sorting itself out. If a bottle of formula at bedtime gives you a break and a breathing space then do it. But he won't sleep for long at this age whatever milk he has- his tummy is tiny.

Don't continue breast-feeding for months if it is having a negative impact on your mental health. Looking after your newborn is hard and you need to look after yourself as well. If you can cope with 6 weeks then great. But only you know truly how you feel - don't let your dh or anyone else guilt you into continuing if it is makibg you utterly miserable. Your baby will benefit from having a mother who is happy and well.

I know lack of sleep isn't helping with the feeding and in the middle of the night it seems harder. I will try and persevere for a bit longer as hoping the feeling of dread will ease.
Will maybe stop the expressing also as cannot help with the exhausted feeling.

My DD is nearly 13 weeks and I feel like we're coming out the other side of a tough old time!

I know when she was about 2.5 weeks I just cried and cried because bfing was so hard but at the same time I didn't want to stop. I posted on here and people said it would get easier. I didn't believe them, but they were right!

Now she still does feed quite frequently, but goes longer at night (her daytime feeds are a little closer together then they were to compensate). It feels like it's less draining though because we both know what we're doing. It's not as hard to get her latched on as it was when she was newborn - now if she's crying she knows if I pull her close and tip her onto her side it means milk is coming, so she (usually) stops crying in time to latch. In the first couple of weeks I (or DH) had to pretty much pin her arms out of the way, which was distressing for both of us I think.

If you want to keep bfing, keep at it, it will get easier, I promise. Just take it a day at a time.

But, equally, if it isn't working for you, you don't have to continue. The baby is incredibly important, of course he is, but you are too. And if you're not looking after yourself you can't look after him. You just need to do whatever is best for the two of you

Sorry you're finding it so tough.
I never made it past the two weeks due to tongue tie issues so I'm probably not the best person to give advice.
Just wanted to say I'm sorry your husband is putting pressure on. I think that's probably making you feel trapped into BF. My husband was great and the only thing he ever said was that he knew I'd regret it if I didn't really give it a good try which kept me motivated to try as much as possible.
I think if he had told me he wanted me to keep doing it for the baby to have breast milk I would have felt horribly under pressure and a bit resentful. It's great he's supportive breast feeding but maybe not supporting you that well in coping with it. X

I got the hang of it straight away, but by about 10 days I was ready for quitting. Like you dd seemed to be permanently attached all day, although in fairness at night she was ok except for shorter feeds. I remember doing everything one handed, and my nipples were so chapped and sore. But I stuck with it for what I said was going to be to 3 weeks old, then another week and by then it was easier than bottles. I'm so glad I did and it's really worth giving it a bit more time. Not cos I think you'd be doing something wrong by using formula, but once past the first few weeks its so much easier having feeds always ready made and with you.

Have a look to see if there is a breastfeeding group at your local sure start center. There are 2 types the midwife run group where you can go and get support on feeding techniques if there are issues with latching and so on, but at my local one there is also a weekly support group where mums can go just to chat together with support from the center staff.
At this stage I expect you are feeling quite alone and it could really help to chat with other mums.
All the best whichever way you decide to go and just remeber you have given your baby a great start bfing for the time that you have.

Thanks youlemming I will see if I can find a group to help as some days I feel okay and others I am filled with dread. I never imagined it would be so hard having a newborn.

At 2 weeks I reached my lowest point with Bfeeding to the point where I actually wanted to leave home and leave DS with his dad forever because I couldn't bear the thought of another feed. I didn't, instead I decided to take it one more feed by one more feed and it did get better. We are still feeding now and he's 14 mo not continuously!

Ultimately it's your decision, I carried on because I didn't want to formula feed but if you do, please don't force yourself to continue; it's hard enough when you want to bfeed let alone if you don't

My dh & I were the same. We did one bottle at night so I could get a head start on the night. Dh would basically do from 9-12 & then I'd be on shift until the morning as he was working.

I did 6 weeks and was very happy to give up then. Happy mum, happy baby.

Thatsnotevenaword - that's exactly how I feel at the moment. I feel like I'm being smoothered by my LO is constantly on me. I love him loads but do feel like I have no space and the bfeeding makes it worse as obviously only I can feed him.

NottheOP - I've said to my partner that I will wait till 6 weeks then if still not happy I will consider bottle feeding permantly.

Hearing that others feel the same way has been very helpful tho as you start to question if you are the only one feeling like this.

Not at all, I think you expect the pain but you can't anticipate the relentlessness. It's as though you're never cuddling, just always feeding. It's quite suffocating.

I think it would be easier if you just accept that for at least 6/8 weeks you're not going to get anything done. Stock up on snacks, Netflix and just glue yourself to the sofa. Less frustrating that way and if you get showered and out for a stroll, that's a good day!

This is not just you! My son is 6 weeks old today and I have in the last couple of days finished slowly transitioning him over from bf to fully ff- took 2 weeks to slowly introduce it as I felt the same!

Felt like I only ever held him to feed- didn't get to cuddle/ play the way DH did, I never felt the 'bonding' they tell you you should and in general felt like a chore- feel guilty admitting this but its the way i felt. I hated it when DH would have taken him so i could nap/ bath/ eat and then suddenly appear with a screaming baby announcing 'hes hungry'!

My Lo would latch well and I wasn't sore but he'd frequently pull away leaving me and him covered in milk, I was fed up of feeling dirty due to being soaked- dried breast milk doesn't half pong! He would also feed hourly or more alot of the time and fall asleep- used to use me as a dummy almost all night too an in the end at about 3 and a half weeks I read the benefits of bf which were broken into '3 days', '4-6 weeks' and '3-6 months' I realised I could not possibly continue to 3 months and so decide to stop at the 4-6 weeks stage. It was the best decision I could have made I feel so much happier and we can actually leave the house without me stressing about him needing feeding whilst out- I couldn't bf in public due to ending up soaked and having to relatch! Also he has settled into a lovely feeding routine in particular overnight giving us both more sleep.

I fully believe a happy mummy is more important than bf so don't beat yourself up like I did- cant count the number of times I cried about it- proper sobbing breath catching crying which hasn't happened at all since transitioning him over!

Do what is right for you and ignore anyone who tells you otherwise! I actually had a relative (whole extended family are all breast feed till 6 months brigade) say to me when I told her 'well done you I tortured myself bfeeding till 7 months as I didn't have to confidence to make that decision'

What is it precisely about it that you don't like? This is important in regards to whether you give up and when.
If it's because it's painful, that stops at about a month I think - use lanolin cream all the time.
If it's because you find it socially embarrassing - which I did - that doesn't go away and you should allow yourself to give up when you want.
If it's because you want a break or your partner to share it, do mixed feeding. Part Breast and part formula from a bottle. This is the best of both worlds.
If you just plain hate it and are really uncomfortable with even the idea of it then give up now and go onto purely bottles and formula.
Speak to your HV if you want further advice but that's my experience xxx

I've struggled with bf and feel like a milk machine without the satisfaction that my baby is getting what she needs as we have to top up with formula. Now when I hear my baby's feeding cues my Stomach goes over as I dread it starting again. I have found nightfeeds the hardest. You are not alone! X

I'm breastfeeding and DD now 12 weeks. It isn't painful, I'm ok doing it in public and she likes it.

But. I never expected it to be this difficult! Not the actual feeding but the impact it has on my life. The night feeds are a killer. I dread bedtime now, as I just don't know what it will bring. I do realise that every baby is different and that just because an infant is formula fed, it could still be a bad sleeper. However, the overwhelming evidence is that ff babies do sleep better. All my friends with ff babies are getting good sleep - with many babies sleeping through the night. Whereas it's a different story for my breastfeeding friends.

It's all on me. My DH can't feed her and as she won't take a bottle of expressed milk, I'm pretty much needing to be with her all the time. At most, I've managed two hours to myself during the day. She likes to feed more at night so they are out. I don't have evenings anymore. I go to bed when she does.

Sorry, this isn't v encouraging! But I don't feel people were truthful enough with me. Yes, breast may be best - but all the ff babies I've seen are thriving too! I don't feel there's enough scientific proof to back this up.

I do like bonding with my baby and I'll continue to feed till she's about 6 months. But if we have another child, I'd seriously consider giving ff a go.

Just to add - I know that I'll be accused of being selfish for wanting some time yo myself and more sleep. But, in my DH's words, I'm coming apart at the seams here and seriously feel like I'm cracking up. There's a lot of guilt tripping going on with breastfeeding and not enough actual helpful support and understanding. Maybe I'll feel better about it if I can just get some bloody sleep!!"

Plus, people say just give into it and accept you won't get anything done. Easier said than done!! I get so twitchy if the house is a mess and I actually like doing chores!

Do what makes you feel better. A happy mum is better for your baby. I could not stand the idea of breast feeding and never planned to even try. Formula from the start. DS is almost 40 weeks, a great sleeper, happy, as fit as a flea, has never even had a proper cold and has a fantastic relationship with DH and me partly because we share it equally.

I don't feel he has been disadvantaged at all. Great if you are happy breastfeeding but if not don't persist in unhappiness would be my view.

I stopped at 4 weeks. It was actually getting more painful (if that was even possible) not less.
The guilt I felt for not battling on was huge - and my HV was instrumental in this. However she did the square root of fuck all to actually support me to continue.
The second we switched I was happier, more relaxed and I do not doubt for a second that it was right for me. And yes my DD was a very good sleeper.