FEB 2010 No longer newborns!!

[InmaculadaConcepcion]

Three months and counting, everyone! Our babies are gradually getting the hang of the world...and we are gradually getting the hang of them...

Fizi it took me ages to find out she was lactose intolerant. She was eating for Britain, doing tonnes of wet and dirty nappies but not gaining any weight. I kept on mentioning to the paed that her poos were green and the consistency of pondweed and he said that was normal. I finally got advice from a breastfeeding counsellor at a La Leche support group and they mentioned milk allergy. They said I needed to eliminate all milk products from my diet even traces of whey. I noticed a difference almost immediately... good yellow poos, really happy, less wind and 480g weight gain!!!

Dr CC I love S&V crisps too... ready salted aren't cutting it! Can you post the link to your blog again please... I must have missed that post!

FC I know what you mean about struggling emotionally, do you have other new mums in your area to talk to? I find that helps because so many of us feel the same way.

Finally had a pretty good night's sleep last night so feel nearly normal!!!

IC I had many problems ordering veggie food in Spain. I once ordered eggs and peppers which arrived in a small earthenware dish bubbling in pork fat with little bits of ham embedded in the egg white! I sent it back and they brought back the same dish but had carefully scooped out all the little ham pieces leaving behind empty craters! I was so hungry I ate it!!!!

IC and FC... I cannot understand why the Brits can't take their drink either... but the man in question was Eastern European, I think the charming girl was from here though... and the nice thing is they live just round the corner from me!

DRCC Found your blog! Silly me, it's just on the previous page!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe I should have pointed the finger at Brits, Irish people, Americans and Eastern Europeans when it comes to having an all-too-often violent drinking culture...

I'm happy to be corrected, those are only observations!

I think it's natural for us mums to go through these periods of being a bit down - especially when we are so often coping with it all more-or-less alone with only limited experience and a myriad of confusing advice to help us. The Baby Wisdom book and the What Mothers Do... book both make those points. Our western culture isn't very supportive when it comes to taking responsibility for child-rearing. So we struggle and worry about it. And of course, the sleep deprivation only makes it worse.
Babies are gorgeous, but it can be a lonely business looking after them. Or we get coshed with the guilt if we return to work and have someone else look after them. Can't win, really.

Anyway, I've certainly had my emotional ups and downs too (still having them, of course) so I'm sending out big unmumsnetty hugs to fc and everyone else who's got the baby blues at the moment

Hmm... at the baby having to sit undaided...dd1 didn't do that until she was about 8 or 9 months old (she didn't roll until 6 months, crawl until 10ish months and did not walk until 15 months). Not sure this is such a good indication of time for weaning because she was eating for England by 5 months. Shouldn't that be sitting supported and able to hold their head? dd2 sits well in her Trip Trap (very space saving by the way and easy to clean - dd1 kindly gave it up for the baby) but never stays in it for long of course.
Also somewhat at asking babies to grab hold of food themselves and eat it because I think some may well be hungry and want to eat but lack the necessary coordination skills. I have also always fed a lot of soups, bakes and stews which don't lend themselves to grabbing and self feeding! dd1 did just fine with finger food alongside spoon feeding.
Anyway, I am no expert. Just muddling along nicely.

dh keeps emailing me job adverts he's come across... think I may have to have a proper talk about my lack of motivation

IC just 2 cents of my biology background observations. Tell me to shsh if you are bored. I haven't read it, it just my scientific mind playing. For weaning, babies have to have a certain size and a certain development, it is a combination of the 2. You are probably right saying that your DD is not ready. But you still have time before she reach 6 months or 7 (? she was early and small isn't it?). I have seen extremely developped tiny babies who weren't ready for weaning, it looks like the size of the throat and probably the stomac play a role. As well big babies, without the proper development (i.e. sitting, coordination...) can't be ready either. Also some don't "know" what food is. And won't open their mouth before you actually teach them to by putting a small amount on their lips. Of course, you have the "monsters" like my DD2, who has been interested since 2 months, and is now trying to grab everything in front of her in my plate or her sister's. It is impossible to eat anything with her on my knees anymore. Even in her chair she is leaning as far as she can over the table (sometimes sucking the table ).
She seems ready for BLW but I will wait till she is over 6 months, purees are fine for now...
Agree with chinook , almost, as I am a bit scared of those fixing at the table chairs (but again I have very heavy babies who get over the safety weight really early, DD2 already to heavy for the pram and has been too tall for over a month), I am a fan of the antilop high chair from IKEA it is the best one, for cleaning, safety, space, and price (11 £, 5 years ago). No need for those expensive high chairs which are uggly and a nightmare to clean and store. www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/00069725
IC I am interested in your book too, how do you find time! I wish I could write
AbsB poor you, must have been really upsetting. I hate those kind of people, well I hate that they make me feel so bad and scared . You deserved that beer!

mawbroon "The most important thing is that you don't help them put the food in their mouth - they must do it on their own" I disagree with that I have seen babies who are never interested in food you have a duty as a parent too teach them what is it. And for that present them with a spoon of food or some finger food if they still haven't showinterest after 6 or 7 months. I am not talking about force feeding.

mamaloco - I was talking about BLW when I said not to help them put the food in their mouth. Who mentioned force feeding?

FC I am not sure I can be classed as french anymore, my compratriots have always found me weird anyway . Even my mum thinks I am some kind of hippy because we don't have a car and I tried BF both DDs, even if it failed with DD1.
BLW makes sense only to a point, the waiting for babies to grab the food, I am not sure about. As I said before some babies are never ready and some are "ready' too early. Like BG I muddle around, making as I go. No books or methods, just try and learn. For DD1, veg purees and single taste for starters, then very quickly finger foods, couscous, rice and puree of what DH and I were having with bits. She refused anything pureed slightly before one. And have eaten like us since, except for diner time where she would have some milky/soup. I found that she was too tired to have diner with a spoon, but drinking was fine till about 2.
True BLW is too messy for me too .
I think there is no magic answer.

Me, mawbroon I was talking about teaching them by putting some food in their mouth, if they still are not interested at 6 months. sorry if you felt offended, and tthat I wasn't clear enough

mamaloco love the thought of your LO sucking the table... sounds like my dd1. She would eat absolutely anything, on one occasion that included a dead beetle (not nice, too crunchy) . Had to teach her early that she had to give to Mama anything she found on the floor - she got very diligent, presenting me with the tiniest pieces of fluff. (In my defence, it's an old house so not too much reflection on my cleaning... I hope)
On a more serious note, I agree that some children will show no interest in food. My friend's LO is now 2 and would happily eat breakfast and be done with it for the day. He never asks for food and has to be reminded.

Not that i know anything about weaning but my sisters little girl who is three next month still only eats baby food and it has to be orange. She has some sort of eating disorder brought about by a combination of my brother in law force feeding her (holding her jaw and shoving the food in when she wouldn't eat) and the fact that she's a very clever little thing and has worked out that by not eating, it upsets her parents and gives her power!

My sister is beside herself and her DD is now seeing a child psychologist to help them deal with it. Her twin brother eats absolutely everything and has done from 10 months old. It's very strange!

On a different note... I've decided not to return to work after maternity leave as the cost of childcare/oyster card pretty much equals my pay! I'm not sure how and when to let my employer know as I don't want to burn any bridges and might go back in two or three years time. it's a job share - anybody else in a similar position?

AbsB Won't you be obliged to reembourse your maternity pay? I was in your situation, but worked on contract so wouldn't go back to the same job and had only the statutory maternity pay. but I worked out that all my wages would go to child care, and I would have to pay to go to work

This is all very interesting about solids. I'd kind of thought that I'd wait until LO shows an interest, but I hadn't realised that some babies never do and have to be enouraged. I expect my mum or sister would have bullied persuaded me to give her pureed something soon enough, anyway!

BG I am so with you on lack of motivation. Does it even make financial sense for you to go back, with two? (Sorry for being too nosy.) I feel I have to go back, to get SMP the second time round, as we're planning to have DC2 next year. But when we have two I'm not sure it will make financial sense to pay for two sets of childcare, and anyway I don't like working!!! Looking after a baby is SO much nicer .

On that note though, I too have found myself getting down sometimes. I think it's the isolation that gets me. It's so important to have mum friends. Your 'normal' friends just don't get it (or mine don't!). FC no wonder you feel blue, you are back at work (full time?) with a young baby, you must be exhausted and torn all the time. I'm sure you're doing a great job both at work and at home though.

Good for you Abs! Wish I could do the same! I do keep making comments to DP along the lines of how muh we'll be spending on childcare... But I should be able to get a job that pays more. Humph. Maybe not though, I now live in an officially 'deprived' area .

abs good for you on the work decision!! I think if I were you I'd have a general chat with youir HR department to see if there are any conditions you have to be aware of, For example I know universities require you to go back to work for 13 weeks (which can be PT) or else have to pay back maternity benefit.

As for me, I'd like a part time job at my previous salary, with flexibility to accommodate the school run and school holidays... Yeah, right. Sounds pretty unlikely I don't think dh is quite realistic on the cost of putting two dcs into nursery and how much pressure I would be under.

Must go. dd2 has enough of standing/bouncing on my lap while I type one handed

By the way - I really don't want to start a heated debate on weaning! I totally respect everyone's choices. For me anyway, my RL experiences very rarely reflect pervading attitudes on MN, so I enjoy a varied input before making decisions. I have to remind myself that DH doesn't read MN and therefore often need to be well-armed to counter his pre-conceived ideas!

Thanks for kind words everyone. I have been back at work full time since mid-April and I have do overnight trips at least once a month and travel abroad once a month. Boss has just asked me to take on more work too which is causing a few arguments with DH. This extra work could end up being a new role for me, a role easily transferred into a part-time position but it may mean even more travel and stress for the next year. DH plans to start his own business next year so we really need my salary for the time being. I find I lack motivation a lot of the time too which gets me down even more as I feel that I am not doing anything particularly well. So those of you who want to renegotiate / stop working DO IT!! I would if I could.

Abs- I don't think I will bother going back to childminding. It was very hard work for little financial reward and often i felt that ds1 was getting a rough deal, so it kind of looks like I will "just" be a SAHM for the foreseeable future.

Perhaps when ds2 is about a year, I will try to get myself some gigs (if I can find a ceilidh band to play with!). I used to do it years ago and the money wasn't too bad - certainly worth doing. i wouldn't like to be leaving ds2 in the evenings for a while yet though.

Well, the weaning discussion is certainly giving me a lot to think about, much appreciation for all the input! Perhaps I'll offer tastes of things on my fingers to DD and see how she reacts. If she seems keen, then I will start offering more. I'm happy to do a combination of BLW and purees, personally - but of course, much will depend on DD and her preferences as well as mine!

We were given one of those attachable high chairs, but our table is made of glass and round.... I think our knees will do to start with...

How boring, I thought there was going to be a fight and everything. Was on the verge of making popcorn.

FC that sounds really tough.

Nice to know there's so many different opinions regarding weaning. Guess that means that when we get round to it, we'll just do what feels right.

Dammit, missed my chance to say:
"Well, the weaning discussion is certainly giving me a lot of food for thought..."

My sleep deprivation is clearly interfering with my ability to pun at will.

Sorry CC! Were you already to start chanting "Fight, fight...!!"

Mamaloco I'm not really sure as I'm on statutory maternity pay, my company don't have any benefits so I assume not!

Mawbroon excuse the ignorance but what is a ceilidh band and what do you play?

FC I'm full of admiration for you going back to work ft. If my job were my career then I would even pay to go back.. I am thinking of doing teacher training with a view to teaching art. I don't know anything about it but if I do it part-time, maybe by the time DD is of school age, I can start work (have you thought of anything like this BG?). Maybe it's pie in the sky? I'm going to start teaching workshops at my local school in September so that's a start!

I also need to start selling paintings so this could be the push I need!!!!!!!!!

Forgot to say that work also lets you have access to qualified lactation consultants for free, which I think will def. be getting used.

CC that's amazing. A bit more than what you get on the NHS... (ie. here's your baby, here's your boob, now get on with it)

Abs thought of retraining to teach but I can't stand children (in a teaching capacity I mean )

I don't have any special talents either like writing novels, playing in a ceilidh band, or painting (even dd1 is embarrassed by my drawing skills and she's only just 3!! )

Hello all! Checking in again after quite a long time. It's been difficult to find time to login and write, I have only been able to manage the occasional lurking so have only managed to catch various snippets. I have to say you are all coping much better than I am! May add msgs when I catch more stuff I've missed - apologising in advance. DD still waking up on average 3 times between 7pm and 7am, and has recently decided she would only suckle to sleep This is going to turn into problems I'm sure once I go back to work in August. Any help with tips on how to self-settle gratefully received, am currently trying out the PPO (pantley pull-off) but that's only the first step - she can't seem to sleep when we lie her down when she's tired. This morning I tried to get her to sleep for her mid-morning nap by lying down with her for 1 hour (she had yawned 3 times before) during which she tried to do stomach crunches nearly the whole time until she got fed up and got upset, so we went downstairs and she stayed up for another 1.5 hours playing till it was time for her afternoon nap. The last few days she had been sleeping only about 11 hours a day while previously it was 15-16 hours a day. Last night I'm quite sure she was overtired, her left hand kept on flicking up and down and it took her ages to calm down sufficiently to sleep even while feeding.

Am planning to breastfeed till DD's one year but boss is already trying to hint that 6 months is quite long by UK standards Breastfeeding would mean that I won't be able to travel much and my job used to entail a lot of travelling with me being away for a week or 2 at a time. Will have to see how to do job without travelling for a while....! I heard there's a law somewhere that companies have to accomodate BF-ing mothers?

CC - Love your new flat, especially the huge fridge. DH is also going to be the SAHD. We've found that while the support for mums in the UK is pretty good (bumps n babes, coffee mornings, NCT etc), there isn't the same support for dads. What is it like in SB? A friend in the US mentioned in addition to lactation consultants, you also get lactation rooms where you can express in private and store breastmilk safely

BG - love your description of DD2 - sounds like my DD, also Aquarius. She's not yet able to sit up unaided but does fine in her highchair chewing on her teething toy - thought we'd get her prepared for chewing in the chair. Going to try some baby rice this week and next week maybe give her some boiled broccoli to gum. She's only 21 weeks tho. Flyingcloud, IC, am planning to go for a combination of purees and finger foods. I spoke to the HV last week and she said if we wanted to start weaning before 25 weeks to only give baby rice and boiled veges, but after 25 weeks baby can eat anything we do provided there's no added salt/sugar.

mamaloco - we've got the ANTILOP highchair too, DH figured it would be really easy to hose down and it's cheap. But also got her a clip on highchair - then found out that our table is too thick for it. Now we just need to get a thinner table or only use the clip on when eating out. Guess we'll stick with the ikea one for now. It's absolutely great and in fact Ikea delivers (!!) so didn't have to brave the awful queues and crowds to get it.

I have to say since DD I've started buying online in bulk, saves having to carry huge bundles of things around in the supermarket.

Forgot to add! Took DD swimming today, what with the absurdly hot weather we've been having. She loved it, plan to do it at least once a week now weather permitting. I loved it too :D missed exercising....