November 09 babies are growing up quick, and mummy's getting used to getting covered in sick!

[PreggoK8]

Hope this has worked...

Laugs I love "soft around the edges". That really is the way I feel, emotionally and physically.

Ninja Glad you're happier today. I do find it's good to "clear the air" (and do so on a regular basis... I was packing my bags this time last week...)

Scarlotti When Lukas had his cold, it took weeks to go. I'm sorry to say that, but it did. A guesstimate would be 7-8 weeks...

Second the saline drops, and sleeping on the side.

I have no preference for day-of-meet-up but I would prefer to do it earlyish, maybe noon or something? (I'm being selfish, but can get to IKEA in an hour or so, unless it's at school finishing time or rush hour when it can take me two...and I dread to think what it would be like to spend 2 hours stuck in traffic on my own with Lukas...)

Ursi Yes, all I did was get in bed with him at 7PM and stay there. Will do it again tonight. It could just be a coincidence, but yesterday was also the first time ever when he cluster fed early evening.
Re neckfolds, Lukas has had the same thing, on one side his neck got so bad it looked like a bedsore, really red and oozing. I felt like a horrible mother. Tried Bepanthen too, didn't work. Neither did Vaseline, or leaving it alone. I've now been washing it two or three times a day with soaking wet cotton wool, then patting it completely dry and putting on Sudocrem. Not sure if that's advisable, but I can tell you it's worked. It's nearly gone now.

Venus oooh, I'd not thought about the bra issue. No way am I going to be able to squeeze into my sports bras... right with you on the extra hour in bed being more appealing (gosh, I treasure the 20 minutes I get while DH changes a nappy in the morning and takes Lukas downstairs while he has his breakfast!)

My cousin and his wife ended up with getting no 2 when no 1 was a year. I didn't even think that was possible... (certainly not in our house...) She must've literally got pregnant right after the all-clear.

I go from thinking that if I feel as hideous next time as I did this pregnancy, it would probably be easier while Lukas is very small. Ie now... from thinking that we'd all enjoy it so much more if Lukas was around 3 when no 2 came along as he'd be able to dress himself and maybe be pottytrained. Then I think that doing it that way also prolongs the period of sleepless nights... but I guess bottom line is, these things are out of our control. Pregnancies and babies don't happen at the push of a button. I also don't think we could cope financially with no 2 right away (we need 2 incomes...)

Hobnob your poor friend! That's just a dreadful situation! It's lovely that she's got you though!

Re Headmeasures... do your babies get checked by the Health Visitor? Lukas has only had his head measured at birth and at 6 weeks. He's been weighed once a month, but I've had to ask for his length to be measured (and they've told me it's not something they normally do...) but no head measurement!

DWB and at your DH! Of COURSE it's not too much to ask! Of COURSE you're not being lazy! What is it with these men?? Being at home, alone, with a little person is NOT a doddle! He may work full time, but you're on call 24/7!!!

I think maybe part of the problem is that they don't see the bigger picture - if he gets DS ready for bed it'll take 20 minutes of his time (and I guess, according to some warped logic, if that's all it takes you might as well do it yourself) but fail to see that those 20 minutes are the only break you'll get all day - and if you have to spend that time going to the loo, brushing your teeth, changing into PJs and getting yourself ready for bed generally then that really does not count as "downtime" or me-time in anyone's book. But, if it helps, we have exactly the same issues...

My DH is currently not pulling his weight, but that is because he is living in the US. He's busy furnishing our house over there, and I am horrendously jealous because I would quite like multiple trips to IKEA on the company tab but no, I am stuck here with small children while he happily pootles about choosing coffee tables and kitchen stools.

I am honestly quite resentful when I think about him over there, going to the loo all by himself and sleeping all night long and reading the newspaper. Last night, both children woke up twice each between midnight and 6 am. I'm just SHATTERED.

I think I won't be able to make an Oxford meetup unless it's on the weekend - or possibly I can talk DH into taking DS 1 if we do it on a week when he's actually in the country. I have a college alumni lunch on March 6 and then I'm going down to the river to watch the last day of Torpids, so I could possibly meet somebody for a mid-morning cup of coffee..?

Re. changing shape - does anybody else find that their tummy looks okay until they eat a big meal, and then they look five months pregnant again?! I think I may be living in giant Bridget Jones pants when I have to go to formal dinners in the future... It is hard enough getting one foot in front of the other, never mind exercising.

Speaking of exercising, I had better rescue poor Arthur from tummytime. I can hear pathetic moaning from the mat, where he's given up trying to shove himself forward and is just lying there having a grumble. It's good for you, my lad...

Seriously and at some of these men. To not change the baby for bed is DWB It's funny you should say that one as the ten minutes to get pjs on, brush teeth and relax at end of day is really vital to me and I was just thinking that last night. Normally H starts to cry within two mins of being handed over, so it's not relaxing as she is not relaxed but if dh moaned about doing that ten mins I would hit the roof. Surely it is a basic human right to be able to have a wash at the end of the day on your own!!

Brood When Ethan was born they only measured his weight and head circumference, not his length. I was told length wasn't measured anymore as well. At 6 week check they measured his head and length... strangely enough they thought lengths were still measured!!

Re Baby No. 2, I've always thought it made sense to have them close together. I want to work full time when our children are in school and would like to minimise the length of time I'm either on maternity leave or working part-time. I know that might be wishing my life away but a career and making decent money is important to me. I also think it must be very hard to go back to these baby days when your child is able to sleep well and toilet trained etc. I'd rather deal with all of the sleepless nights as quickly as possible!

I agree about the ten or fifteen minutes at the end of the day. I'll be speaking to DP about it again this evening when he comes home. I think it's just finding the right balance which we're struggling with. DP does all of the baths, every other day, so it's not that he doesn't do anything but he sometimes seems to see taking the baby for 10 minutes as a chore... and I know when he does take him he enjoys it. DP loves bathing him. He was on his own with Ethan for around 5 hours on Friday night while I was out and found that hard work so I'll use that as an example of my usual day and a means of starting a conversation about our share of the 'workload', which includes Ethan. Sounds awful!

venus, thanks for that tip. Actually just after posting my question, I thought the same and tried it already. It is in fact a bit easier.
broodzilla, I hope I can still manage just with cleaning and drying (I think, this is really important). I hope I won't forget to ask the HV on thursday about it.

Hello ladies. Spent the last 4 days catching up!
Well, we?ve finally found a house to rent! Moving in date will prob be mid March. I?m finding it hard to get excited though as I really liked a gorgeous one which was finished to a really high standard, but DP liked the sound of another one in an (ever so slightly) nicer area instead and that?s the one we?ve gone for. It?s just hard because it doesn?t look very homely inside as they?ve done the bear minimum to make it habitable, e.g. used the cheapest/garish yellow paint, the shower is practically antique, and it all looks a bit grubby. We?ve asked if we can decorate it ourselves, which we have permission to do, but I just resent having to spent time, money and blood sweat and tears decorating ourselves when it?s a bloody rental!
Also, it?s completely unfunished so we need to buy a double bed, a sofa, dining room table + chairs, fridge, freezer, and wardrobe & drawers for Joe?s room. There?s a possibility we can buy some bits from MILs neighbour who?s just gone into a home, but it depends on how much they want for it. I?m just so worried about it all! Especially after what happened last time we rented? I fear we may end up with no home again and a load of furniture we?ll need to store.

So sorry about your loss Wizzy, I can?t even begin to imagine. We?re all here to listen any time you need to talk (or read whenever you write, as it were)
Also sorry to read about those dealing with unsupportive partners, there seems to be a lot of that going on. I?m happy to hear about all the lovely things though like meet ups, babies rolling over, etc.
As for nookie, I gave in far earlier than I should (about 3 weeks even though I?d had stitches!) and just have no libido at the mo. I avoid it wherever possible, and was upset when DP suggested the new house would get things going as Joe would have his own room and we would just get me some new underwear or something and I?d be fixed. A discussion ensued where I put him straight and said he was being really insensitive! He is now very apologetic. Oaf.
Sorry for the epic post!!

Mmmm, these flapjacks are seriously good. Regular flapjack mix (100g butter, 100g soft brown sugar, big spoonful of golden syrup, 200g porridge oats) plus 50g mixed peel and aprox 20g chopped up crystallised ginger. Then in a tin for 25 mins at 170 oC. Yum, yum, yum!!!

K8 x-posted. Have you tried Freecycle? It's a great way of getting (and getting rid of) all sorts of stuff, including furniture. It's usually in good condition and could mean you could just buy key stuff at first and replace the Freecycle things as and when you can afford it.

scarlotti I spoke to the HV today about how to ease congestion and she suggested using saline but also raising the cot a bit and putting a bowl of water on the radiator to get some humidity into the air. Someone on here also suggested getting a humidifier. She also said to take baby into a steamy bathroom, after the bath lie them face down on a towel on your lap with another towel on top and tap their back. She said this can help unblock them a bit?

I was a bit annoyed cos she had a go at me for feeding Isaac twice in the night. (at midnight and 3am) She said I'd created a bad sleep association and I'd made him need food to sleep. The thing is he's a very big baby considering he was prem at 18lb and I think he's genuinely hungry and he screams for food. I don't know how else I can get him back to sleep and stop screaming, and he's so loud. Any advice anyone? He's on formula btw.

I'm also desperate to get back into shape. I've actually gained a stone since giving birth and stopping breastfeeding. My boobs are bloody enormous at GG and I'm actually thinking of getting them reduced but need to try dieting first. I really want to go to the gym but by the time DH is home I'm knackered and all I want to do is slob around on the couch. the weather doesn't help either as it's a bit too cold for long walks with the buggy. Am considering going to a powerpramming class.

lemon I've read that you can start to feed them less during the night, then substitute it with water so that they gradually manage not to wake with hunger at that time. I'm not sure how that works though, as I'd think that feeding them less would result in waking more often! How about increasing feeds during the day? Did the HV not give you any advice? Not much good for them to criticise a routine but not offer advice to try to change it.

Thanks for the tip Venus, I'll have a look. You're making me dribble with your cooking by the way, I'm almost outdribbling
Joe!
Lemon agree with DWB, it was crappy to have a go about your current arrangement but not suggest alternative!

lemon, your HV sounds similar to mine (actually, I've just got a new one so hopefully this one is better).
I still feed Paula (at least) twice but tbh sometimes I think she wouldn't have needed it as she will only drink a little. I think it was in What to expect in the first year where I read some really good tips about how to reduce the night feeds (they sound good, I haven't tried them yet). Do you have it? If not, I'll check it again and post it on here.

What is actually exactly the qualification of an HV? At first I found the system really good but now I'm not too sure about it anymore. I really think my "parenting" is within the normal range and it is up to me to decide certain things but my old HV had really a way of telling me what to do which I didn't like.

butter I was wondering about your SPD. I did pilates from 4 months after my emcs and just took things slowly and stopped anything if it hurt.

brood they only measure heas at birth and 6/7 weeks normally, but DD's had sprouted from 50th to 98th centile in that time so we had to go for an extra check-up.

DWB getting ready for bed was one time where I insisted DH held Isla for a while. She just screamed if I put her down on the bed and would wake DD1. It is so frustrating spending all day being sucked on, and then feeling like brushing your teeth is a luxury that perhaps you don't deserve is soul-destroying! Despite my happiness with DH ATM, I've just realised that he has probably only changed

ursi A health visitor is a qualified nurse or midwife with at least two years' experience as a nurse or midwife.

Ursigurke, I've wondered the same thing about HVs - I gather that some of them are ok, but the local ones here don't seem terrific (I think I told the story about the one looking at my naked son on the scales and saying 'She's a good weight, you can take her off now.')

lemontop, I think it's a bit early to expect them to sleep through the night without wanting a snack, isn't it?! I still get up at night for a drink of water. Most of my friends didn't start weaning off night feeds until their babies were over six months, so I think your HV is a bit potty.

I'd like to stick up for my HV and say she is fantastic. She has been an advocate for me with GPs, getting me appointments or new medicines and even speaking to the dietician for me at the children's hospital and getting her number for me .

It seems as though there is a lot of one-size-fits-all advice out there, or even pretty wonky stuff from HV. This was certainly my experience last time, which is so sad since even the most well-meaning comments can have a devastating effect on new mums' morale.

It's a relief to hear so many others have the same brand of dh as me have to say that having Ioan's bedtime at 7pm is a godsend in terms of time without dc's and being able to get ready for bed.
hobnob same here re nappies and baths, but we do the same in the morning so I get to sleep whilst dh sorts out DS1.

We have a 4 year age gap, had planned less but 2 m/c put paid to that. Child care costs is what made the gap have to be at least 3 years for us. It is nice in that there is no baby regression and we got to regain our energy first but I can see the appeal of a smaller gap.

Will reply to other things in a bit, bedtime is calling and DS' are getting edgy!

Tamlin LOL at your HV, classic.
I just take anything anyone says about babies and what to do with them with a pinch of salt really- all babies are different- H is different to ds for example, and yet they have the same parents. Mum tells me one thing, HV says another, BFing counsellor different Gina Ford, Dr Spock and all my friends say something else. Anything that works seems to only work in the short term anyway! Then there's a growth spurt, ear infection etc and it's back to square one!

As for drinking in the night, Lemon I am with Tamlin, still a bit early surely? Depends I suppose how awful it is for you sleepwise.

The best advice I ever had was from an HV though- on weaning, which is the next hurdle after feeding and sleep- argh!. I was doing it all exactly by the book and didn't wean (huge) ds till he was gone 6 months. At 7 months he was having beautifully pureed organic veg, as suggested in books again. He was ravenous! He was living on carrot and pear etc, basically the diet of a supermodel! No wonder he was awake all night! HV ordered me to give him cheese, yoghurt, beef, toast etc- all things U
I thought I wasn't supposed to. She was right, he started to thrive and go through the night.

Scarlotti we have 4 yr gap too, and for the same reason! I remember you being on the knicker checkers thread this time last year. A year ago!!! Do you find the mcs still upset you at random times even though you now have new dc in your arms? On 'Doctors' today (my favourite daytime prog!!) there was a story about a girl who'd had an abortion and regretted it - it made me really cry (hormones!) as it made me think of 'the ones that got away', even though H was there and smiling away

hobnob, glad to hear that you are happy with your HV. I just don't like the way my old one talked to me. Once I mentioned that Paula seems to change her rhythm and that I haven't found out yet how it was. She said, it's not up to her to decide it is you. You have to tell her! I found that very annoying. I think I am not the only one who goes with the child. Paula went into her own rhythm so easily that I think it is right for us. Every person is different and everybody needs an individual amount of sleep. Anyway. It is just not her decision which way of parenting we have to choose. And there have been another couple of decisions. Like giving Paula the BCG or not. (in this discussion she even said she didn't want to pressurise me)
Anyway, it's Paula time now so I really need to go

Ursi I think the baby dictates the rhythm at first too and really to go along with it makes most sense as it's the path of least resistance- you can make a rod for your own back trying to impose things. HVs are very different aren't they- yours sounds firm at least and I'd probably like that more than the nice but a bit drippy ones I seem to meet.
What do you mean about the BCG?

Hobnob when that poo arrives....!

at some of the HVs... I loved mine, but sadly she quit at the end of Dec. They're so overworked that I only saw her about 3 times, but spoke to her more often. Lukas has only been seen at jabs anyway, I've got him weighed at the postnatal group. I'd like to have more contact with a HV to at least know if he's developing normally...

Having just said any day is fine with me I now can't do Wed or Thu for the meet-up. I've signed up for a breastfeeding support trainer course.

Ursi just realized my post made it sound like I didn't use to wash Lukas I did,.. It's just that the only thing to clear it to wash AND use sudocrem rather than just wash (or use Bepanthen wipes).

Completely agree with the too early to cut off night feeds! There's no way I could go from 7PM until 6AM without a nibble and at least a couple of drinks, so how could a tiny baby?

Meet-up Fri 11th is not great for me as ds is off to his dad's engagement party that day (don't even get me started on that one) but the other days are fine.

I've not seen a HV since the first and only time on day 10. Do you think if I avoid clinic any longer they will chase me?

ursigurke yes I've got that book. I actually forgot I had it as I'd given up on reading any parenting books after all the conflicting advice, but there's some good stuff in what to expect. Will dig it out.

I was just a bit frustrated today as the hv didn't really want to listen when I was trying to explain that Isaac waking twice was a recent thing and he had been able to sleep longer before.

What are others doing about the BCG? Isaac's was snowed off and I haven't hurried to rearrange it. Have your babies been ok with it?