NOV 09 - once the lights are out and the last baby has arrived safe and fine, see you here on cloud nine!

[Broodzilla]

I've just realized we're now under the "being a parent" header. I've got stage freight!

Hi guys

'Thumper' (Toby's nickname after the way he would thump his legs on his cot mattress in the hospital everytime a noisy midwife walked past or a door slamed) is a week old today.

I haven't given my labour story so here goes:
I woke up last Saturday at 7.30am with water trickling out of me. I thought it was my waters but had no other symptoms at all, no pain or anything. So rang my mum. Rang the midwives at Shrewsbury. They told me to come in at 1pm if nothing had happened (and earlier if something happened) to get me checked over. Well we all got up, my mum came over just in case, then at about 10am I started getting small crampy feelings. Since my last labour was 2 hours long start to finish we decided we'd better do something rather than sit around. So I rang midwives again and they said 'well we have no delivery rooms but come in anyway'. Hmmm. So we went in. I was put in a room and checked. 1-2cm dilated. Not much! And my waters were actually still in tact. It had been my hindwaters. Then they put me on a fetal monitor and the contractions upped a level and the waters broke. This was at 1pm. So I was moved to another 'not a delivery room but good enough' room and then I needed gas and air. Four hours later and a lot of puffing later Toby was born 'back to back'. Everything went fairly smoothly but it was more painful than I remember last time and longer (due to him being back to back). I think the midwife should have encouraged me to stand up more rather than lying down as that made it take longer i reckon. Anyway, when he was born at 3.55pm he was given straight to me. He latched on shortly afterwards and feeding him was the best feeling in the world and I had some well-earned toast!

Since then we've been in breast feeding heaven (lovely when it works, I love the feeling of feeding my baby) and hell (sore, cracked nipples from day 2) and very, very sadly I've now decided I can't do it anymore. My nipples are just soooo sore and cracked I can't bear to put him on and even expressing milk last night hurt like hell. I can't even bear to put lamish-thingy cream on them as it hurts too much. I have been in bits about this all week, as I was the previous two times when I gave up after 3 weeks and 6 days with the DSs. I don't know why I can't do it. I don't know what it is about me. Perhaps I have a low pain threshold. Various midwives have thrown various theories at me including sensitive skin, etc. Who knows? Plus he wasn't really thriving on my milk and although I know that is normal in the first week for a BF baby he hasn't been a content baby at all and I've had pressure from my mum and even DH in a pssive way (he has supported me fully in my attempt to BF but he's been unhappy watching me suffer) to give up.

So that's my story so far. Toby is sleeping better in the day than at night, sigh, but we're trying to do all the right things to encourage him to switch around. He woke about 4 times last night and was awake 1am-4am!!! DH is having a lie in as he looked after him during that time last night. I said at about 3am 'can we send him back!!!!' At least that made us laugh

I can't believe I gave birth a week ago today will put photos on my profile now.

Southernbelle I found when I had stitches with DS1 that they felt tighter after a few days and unconfortable but do get your MW to check you out just in case.

I've just been through my bounty bags, what a waste of paper and cardboard: most of it just went straight in the recycle bin! We have two tubs of sudofed, two nappies, lots of washing powder samples, and that's about it.

I thought the over-night one was good with a big bottle of conditioner in it.

although it makes you wonder why they'd think you'd need a big bottle of laundry conditioner when you're staying in hospital over-night, really.

Oh tamlin i'm so sorry didn't mean to make you sad about cs, its def much more important that the babies arrive safe and well and not how "natural" it all was. Plus you do have the greatest story ever ! i'd have been hysterical and in total panic as soon as i heard the words footling breech and oujust handled it so well.

southernbelle Yes yes yes stiches gets worse before they get better. I felt great in the hospital then 3 days in I could barely walk!! I still have some "discomfort" after 2 weeks. Sorry if TMI but I had a really large internal
bruise (felt like a hard lump under the skin) plus i think whats really hurting are the internal stiches healing . Anyway if you can have a look with a mirror the sore bits /stiches needs to be bright pink/rosy coloured (a sign of healing) if its a bit yellow it might need antiseptic and you should get the mw to have a look! Hope that helps and you feel better soon!

Otherwise had my first night of "mum of 2" ds1 is full of cold had a really high temperature and i had to sleep in his cot bed (v. uncomfortable) plus getting up to feed ds2 every 2 hours!! I'm worn out today but special treat dp has bought me sushi for lunch which i'd given up when pregnant YUM YUM YUM

BBL I hope you can now lay the bf to rest and enjoy spending time with Toby. I fully understand as had this with DS1 - I didn't let it go though and it contributed to my pnd. Remember that our generation were all formula fed and we have some of the best entreprenuers and success stories of our time
Toby will thrive and that is all that matters. You are a cracking Mum to all 3 of your boys and that is what is important - a loving happy home.

southern I found things got more sore, I suspect that the extreme bruising has an almost anaesthetic effect as everything is so swollen - when it starts to ease the nerves then pick up the pain signals. Lovely

I am going to have to get checked as my lochia is smelling a bit odd and I'm now wondering if there's an infection or something going on? Anyone got any experience of this ever?

Scarlotti, I had a uterine infection with DS 1, and they didn't pick up on it until I was running a high fever. How are you feeling generally..? I was a bit loopy, my abdomen was really sore and puffy, and the lochia was still really heavy (filling a pad every couple of hours). I just had no idea what normal was supposed to be (and still don't, for that matter.)

BBL, I'm sorry you've been having a rough time breastfeeding. You can't say you didn't give it your best shot, and Toby got the colostrum which is the most important bit.

I refused the Bounty bag in hospital because I didn't want a lot of advertising tat (and thought it was awfully wasteful), but didn't realize that the child tax credit and allowance forms etc were in the bag. Whose bright idea was that?! I'm actually a bit cross that Bounty's marketing has been linked with the availability of forms that everybody needs - they should offer the latter separately. I assume the NHS is getting a fabulous kickback from the bags...

tamlin I can fully understand you getting all emotional about that first smile. After an awful colic fuelled week of no sleep and lots of crying I was playing with Isaac this morning and singing to him and he gave me a big smile and then did it again and again!

I keep getting really random calls from various health professionals who obviously aren't communicating with each other. My after-care got a bit messed up cos I was always visiting Isaac during the ward rounds etc.

First they messed up Isaac's heel prick test so he's had it done three times, apparently the last lot of results got lost due to postal strike. They wanted me to go to kings hospital even though it's not convenient for me to get to with a pram, nor where I had my baby. Just had another midwife ring to say I have to go for a GTT at kings (no, no no!) I had a weird reaction to it first time and just can't imagine how I could look after a baby in a hospital waiting room for 3+ hours sweating and hallucinating, not to mention getting there and back.

The best one in the bounty bags was tooth paste: now we're unlikely to need that for a while. DS2 is very pleased with his new tooth paste!

I've not been on for a while. Managing both children is taking me some practice! I'm still bf and I enjoy it very much, but the cluster feeding and doing the feeds through the night on my own is exhausting. Also DS1 is being very demanding and craves lots of attention. He is great with DS2 but his behaviour towards us is terrible. He has gone from being a good boy to throwing wobblers in the street and being very rude. I know it will get worse before it gets better. I've noticed a slight change of improvement in him the last 2 days so I'm hoping we're making progress.

Southern I had very sore stiches with DS1 and couldn't sit of lay down without being in terrible pain. It turned out I had an infection and was put on antibiotics. I've had more stitches this time around and had no pain. Try and get it checked out.

BBL sorry the bf didn't work out. You sound sensible to let it go and move on

Fruitpastels thank god it is not just me having the problems with ds- what you describe is EXACTLY as ds1 has been with us.
We took him to the park this afternoon, Hedy was asleep in the sling, and it was really, really nice for the first time in two weeks of sibling rivalry disasters!!

Hiya

Wook you asked on the other thread about expressing. I tried that but only managed 60ml in one evening and that was a lot of pumping and he gulped it down and then necked a bottle after that. So I've given up. I can't begin to describe how gutted I am and guilty I feel and I went through this same thing with DS1 at 3 weeks and DS2 at 6 days. I don't know why I can't do it or get through the early days of pain like other people seem to be able... ho hum.

To anyone with a new second baby I remember exactly what it was like with DS1 when DS2 was born. They do react in different ways and it is hard to give attention to the first child when all you want to do is live in baby fug with new baby. DS1 refused to go to bed for ages because I'd given birth to DS2 in the night and had just 'disappeared' over night in his eyes. He also went through a nightmare potty training which I think was a result of DS2's birth. Hang on in there. They do adjust and grow to love their new baby brother or sister.

Wook It's nice not to feel alone on this problem as well. I didn't expect it to be so difficult. I'm a childminder and DS1 is very much used to sharing me. He doesn't act up too much with me. He knows I mean business when he misbehaves. But when DH is home it makes for a very unhappy household. Poor DH can't hold the baby without DS1 fighting for attention. It does takes time for things to settle but when you're sleep deprived and trying to divide your attention it feels like a constant battle. I'm sat next to DS1 now and he is a sweetheart when he wants to be - bless him.

We've had the same here with DS1. Lots of naughty-ish behaviour and animosity towards me. Things do seem to have eased a little in the last day or two so I'm hoping that he's just now getting used to sharing me. I did sit down and explain that I knew it was hard for him and that I had plenty of love to go around - not sure it went in but who knows. Slighty easier for me as DS1 is 4 so can reason to some extent.
He's also started to kiss/stroke the baby so I'm hoping that's a step in the right direction too!

Tamlin I'm on antibiotics for a bladder infection already. I feel ok in myself to be honest, it's just that the pad doesn't smell right (sorry, tmi ) but there's not much coming out now. I grazed my labia during the birth so I'm wondering whether maybe something isn't quite right with that.
Sigh. I did take a look but not sure what I'm looking for tbh!!
Dh has offered to look, but as he's gone back to bed the last 2 mornings he's been asleep when I've showered - which is the only time I'll agree to it for obvious reasons!

BBL, you really shouldn't feel guilty! You have tried it, for some reason it doesn't really work and luckily there is such thing like formula. Toby needs a happy and healthy mum, that's what counts. I have been breastfed, my husband bottlefed and I have all the allergies and colds and he is the healthy one!

Hi girls,

everybody properly tired? [yawn]

BBL I v much understand you being sad about bf not working out, but yay for you giving it your best! In the end bottle fed babies grow up just the same and sleep better sooner. With two other dc not insignificant and might help bonding with baby as much or more than bf. Feel good about yourself, I'm sure you are a great mum.

southern agree with all, stitches get worse, then it wobbles for a few days between better and not, then def better. My hospital gave me a squirt bottle to spray bits clean after going to the loo, witch hazel pads that go on the proper pad, as well as a fab numbing spray (and, while in the hospital still, glorious ice packs). The nurse said to use loo paper only to pat dry, not to wipe.

Lemon oh man, I hope they don't really make you wait that long with a newborn! Esme was pricked 7 times in her poor little heels bc they kept moitoring blood sugar. I was almost in tears at the end as it clearly hurt her.

fruit start to know what you mean with the rivalry.
My biggest problem is that I am so tired I get awfully short tempered with poor DD1. Really don't feel like I am doing this very well. Today she wasn't allowed to keep pulling out and putting back in baby's pacifier, so she started swatting the baby with a greeting card with sharp corners...she didn't hurt the baby and it was a go at expressing her feelings more than at the baby, but I, like in a reflex, pushed her back roughly which made her cry. Not whiney crying, but really hurt emotionally. Snuggled her right away and apologized, but i feel v bad about it. Imagine that's the sort of thing that'll turn her against the baby (and me).

Comma, I can really understand your tiredness and that you feel bad about how you treated your DD1. But I'm sure she has forgotten it quickly. And you are just a human being.

I'm extremely tired too. Tried to have a nap together with Paula yesterday evening. So I fed her a little bit, she closed her eyes, I put her next to me, curled around her, closed my eyes, heared lots of strange baby noises, opened my eyes and saw two button eyes staring happily at me,... we did that for an hour in total and then I gave up. I handed her over to my husband where she fell asleep immediately on his chest!!!! And at night she woke up 6! times (compared to twice the night before)

BBL I'm so glad you've made a decision, I really hope that you can move on and forget the guilt (easier said than done I know) and that you can enjoy being mummy to your lovely boys

BBL you made the right decision- not only yourself to consider, but family as a whole. There's more than enough to feel guilty about as a mum without feeling guilty about bfing too!

Must admit, I am finding bfing more trying this time as it involves so much sitting around, and with ds to consider too.. would love to be able to give all my time and energy to the baby, as I was able to do with ds.

comma that all sounds quite familiar. I was woken by ds shouting at dh yesterday morning - not something he'd normally do, as ds had wanted to come in to the bedroom and dh had told him not to wake me and Hedy. not a great start to the weekend for any of us!

Thanks guys what would I do without you? My mum has just rung in tears because I didn't tell her I'd given up but my sister told her. The main reason I didn't tell her because of the pressure she put on me to give up and how she made me feel every time she said 'look, he's still hungry' after I'd BF'd him for half an hour, but I didn't say that, I said that I didn't tell her because I knew I'd cry and I didn't want to cry any more (also true actually). Anyway, I still cry whenever I think about it or feed him a bottle but I'll get over it. I did with the other DSs it's just emotions are all over the place right now. Ahhhhh baby blues!!!! I took all three DSs into town today and it went quite well, we had great fun in Watesrtones trying to get around the tables. We had a nice coffee / smoothie each in Costa too We needed to get out of the house.

People describing toddler reactions, that's exactly how DS 1 has been - perfectly sweet with the baby, vile to the rest of us.

Food poisoning all last night - curse you, nasty Tesco's chicken burgers. (DH says that I'm a snob about Tesco's, but honestly, this is the second time that bloody chain has given us food poisoning in the last year). There's nothing worse than retching your guts out in the bathroom at 4 am while DH bangs on the door yelling 'Honey, are you done? The baby needs feeding again...'

Oh Tamlin poor, poor you. Big hug. There's nothing worse than being ill and having a baby to look after and feed at the same time.

Tamlin - you poor thing, sounds awful.

Can't remember who said it, but I'm also at the solid, uncomfortable watermelons stage, bloomin sore!

Martha is just sleeping for England at the moment, not sure how the feeding's going, ok i think, but i thought that with the other 2 and it wasn't so we'll see. she'll latch on well then pull off abit so she jus has a bit more than the nipple in her mouth and then continue - do you think this is cause my milk's just come in and surprising her abit? if i take her off, often she is too sleepy to latch back on again.

Beepbeep Toby did the same thing: I think it is that they get surprised by the milk.

I'm feeling a bit run down this evening. I think it is all the emotion (I have shed sooo many tears in the last week!) plus lack of sleep plus cold weather plus upheavel in our lives etc.

We've started giving Toby a bath before 'bedtime' every night - usually around now when the other DSs have gone down. I totally love this time, a real wind down bonding time too. Then if he goes down ok DH and I can enjoy our tea and a glass of wine