Dec 08 babies are nearly one - PARTY TIME!

[EffiePerine]

As I accidentally filled up the old thread I thought I'd better start a new one

kiwi Just want to echo what everyone else has said. I find this age quite trying tbh. One day DS can be an ideal child and then the next a right PITA. Its nothing you are doing really, she is developing and I have given up trying to understand what goes on in their little heads. Trip to the GP to rule out anything sounds ike a good plan though.

Rubs we took our tree down on th 2nd, I normally do it New Years Day but I went to see the gp's. Oh and DS regularly throws his cup/food/toy, anything really once he has lost interest in it.

kayz Forgot to say sorry about the rabbit!

Took the DC's to wave at MIL throught the window yesterday (she is still in hospital). She looks so frail. FIL rang me last night to say that she is becoming incontinent and they wanted to put a cathater(sp?) in but not sure if its possible due to the cancer. Its so awful, I haven't dared to tell DH this yet as he is having a bad time with it all at the moment. But MIL sees the consultant this afternoon, so we should find out if there is any point her staying in hospital, or if she can come home. Obviously she would need massive support but I expect this will all be discussed in the next week or so. BUt it safe to say she has gotten worse despite being in hospital for over two weeks. NOt sure I am doing DH any favours keeping things from him but he just doesn't seem to be handling it well at all right now and I think this might just be a bit too much for him to get his head around. The problem is she was given 6 to 12 months. Now I know this really means nothing but DH and his siblings seem to think that she should have at least this long and just don't accept what is really happening. Am I making any sense at all?

Veggie, can I just direct you here? I thought you would be able to give some advice.

Kiwi I hope DD starts to calm down soon. DS2 can be a bit hard to handle at times. He has just started hitting if we take things he has managed to get hold of that he shouldn't have. So we are trying to combat it by swapping it for something he can have.

I know I said I was doing my work but I just wanted to say to Daisy that that sounds tough. I would say let the hospital explain to your DH and his siblings, because it's better coming from them and if anything comes from you there might be an element of 'shoot the messenger' if you know what I mean. Could you have a quiet word with the staff at the hospital somehow, explain how they haven't got a handle on it? On the other hand, I don't blame your DH and co for struggling to get their head around stuff. Thinking of you all, as ever...

Lady Thank you for thinking of me. I have told DH several times to speak with the staff as he has so many unanswered questions in his head.

I rang DH's Aunt (MIL sister) this morning. She is quite a lot younger than MIL, but very sensible and very close to MIL. Explained my concern for all of the family and she totally agrees with me (which is a relief I'm not just letting my head run away with things). She also informed me that SIL thinks that MIL is putting a lot of it on, but that if MIL passes away any time soon she will regret thinking like this. SIL is also pg and due in March. MIL was ill several years ago with Emphseyma and her condition was made worse as MIL had panic attacks and basically stopped eating and sleeping, so SIL felt she didn't help her situation then and she is feeling the same way again.

Anyway I'm rambling again....I best go sort the DC's lunch out.

I am relieved you have your DH's aunt to talk to. She does sound sensible. I am surprised at your SIL's attitude tbh but I guess it is a very difficult time...

Happy New Year everyone!

We got back from Devon late last night. We had a fab time staying with friends in a gorgeous 14 th century farmhouse with big roaring fires and LOTS of cheerfullness. We did one big walk on Dartmoor but although it was sunny it was soooooo cold that DD2 went mental and then sort if catatonic with the cold so we rushed home and decided to stick to cake and wine by the fire for the rest of the week.

Kiwi - so sorry you are finding DD so hard. I do know how you feel. DD2 does thatscreaming to be put down then immediatley screaming to be picked up. It drives me crazy and in Devon I was obsessed with the idea that our friends were judging her as a difficult baby as all the other kids/babies there seemed almost Stepfordesque in their perfection. This made me fearfully protective of her and I was constantly trying to justify her behaviour to everyone but I think I was really justifying it to myself. As others have said get some breaks and some time for yourself. Get DH to treat you to a date or two.

Daisy - so sorry your MiL is deteriorating so rapidly. I hope she can come home for a while. If she can't could you investigate a hospice? My mum spent her last four weeks in one and it was so much nicer than a hospital. She had her own room, no visiting restrictions, great palliative care, counsellors on hand for her and us (but in a very unobtrusive way). I can't sing it's praises enough.

Summer - I wld put my foot down about the growling dog. Your MiL sounds like she hardly even thinks about her grandson, it's all about her and her wants and needs. How horrid.

Urbane - what about a work drink to cheer us up now the festive season has passed? I think I sent my work email to your FB account.

LadyT - glad you had a lovely new year. How is the new house coming on? We still haven't moved despite me boring you all with my house buying troubles since the beginning of our antenatal thread. I am so jealous of you getting to make somewhere your own!

Right, must go and do useful things with my final day of the hols. DH is off at the docs getting jabs as he is off to Afghanistan next week. I am in a total tux about it and will no doubt be camped on this thread all next week as I will be on my own, having a nervous breakdown and unable to watch tv or browse the wider web in case I see news on Afghanistan that sends me over the edge. Please, please all keep your fingers crossed/ say a prayer for his safe return.

This work isn't going too well, is it? I am going to have to turn the computer OFF.

Aubi, we haven't done anything on the house yet. The exterior work is all done now so I am in a spin about the interior and what to do first and how to afford it. There are loads of kitchen and bathroom sales at the mo so I think we need to get our act together this week and just go for it and get stuff. My BIL is going to put in our kitchen, which is amazingly kind of him and he won't accept any money, but I must find a way to get him to take some. I will certainly be sending out the vibes for your DH in Afghanistan, as will everyone I am sure. Glad Devon was so utterly lovely. I wonder if you anywhere near WG? What are your plans re your house then, are you putting it back on the market? I am excited about our new house but I am also worried about having enough money to renovate it as the exterior works cost so much more than we'd originally thought and also falling out with DP while we do it. He says I am inflexible about how we do it, whereas I know that I am very reasonable whereas he is unable to compromise Sigh.

Daisy: sorry to hear MIL is still in hosp. Your DH's aunt sounds good - it's odd how families react to a crisis. Thinking of your family and especially YOU - please remember to look after yourself.

Aub: keeping everything crossed for your DH. Will he have to do much travelling about?

BTW, for DS2's birthday we got him one of these: www.zoobies.com, the slightly freaky turtle one. He rally likes it and I hope it may help him settle a bit at night (though you aren't suppoed to put the animal bit in a cot). Was thinking it might be an idea for unsettled babies or older children. I find I keep forgetting to try obvious things with DS2 (like a comforter) cos DS1 flatly rejected them. DS1 has never been keen on particular toys, but DS2 immediately scooped up the freaky turtle and cuddled it. Now we need to thikn of a name...

On the subject of obvious tactics, can any of you with older children suggest some ways of dealing with DS1 that don;t involve locking him in the coal shed? He is just so mouthy at the moment, very cheeky as well as hitting (sigh). And howling tantrums at the smallest thing. Otherwise known as being 3. I try to do the How To Talk thing but it's hard when DH favours the 'sticking him on the naughty step' option, esp as he bahaves far better for DH than me. Am hoping the return of routine will help, we've been a bit all over the place over the holidays.

effie you have my sympathies with the older child! Just tried to go to the park, got there and DD (3.4) stood screaming for half an hour because she forgot Polly friggin Pocket!!!!

Cue 20 mins trying to get her back into the car seat as she had the mother of all tantrums. She is seriously out of control at the moment, and as for bedtimes...well thats probably a whole other thread So unfortunately I have no advice, but bear me in mind if you find anything that works! Tried the 'How to Talk' too. She just screams, louder

aub I will pray for your DH to keep safe. It must be so frightening for you!

out of control is about right - DH is muttering about him turning into a feral child and will have no truck with my 'he is 3' argument. Reassuring to know I'm not alone, but I wouldn't wish a screaming 3 yo on anyone!

I thought we had escaped the 'terrible twos'. Turns out we are getting them now! I am like your DH effie, I have muttered to DH more than once over the past week about her having an ASBO! DH nods and generally says FFS, she's 3!!!

I was just thinking about the how to talk thing the other day. It works perfectly with DS1 as he despite all my attempts at completely messing him up is a textbook angel child. However, I think DS2 will be different, I get the feeling that by the time I get to the stage being able to get an answer the 'how are you feeling right now' he is quite likely to answer 'like I want to bite a chickens head off' he already seems to have quite a temper. I have already started ignoring his throw himself on the floor tantrums in the hope of curbing this behaviour. But this is a difficult strategy in public.

Aub I know what you mean about justifying or explaining there behaviour but usually in my case it's in an attempt to show that I'm not a completely crap parent. Also will be thinking of you next week is he there for the whole week (please don't say it's longer than that)

Lady could you please send the article I would love to read it! I think one day before we go home I'll have to come watch a game. I know that DH is going to want to join a cricket team after he reads the book. He misses so many of his close friends who have moved back home or he left back there and the book will really make him miss them I think.

LadyT Bertie Wooster says crikey. So even if it is Australian too it's also very English. And a great word. My Dad said 'cripes' the other day which made me smile a lot. He's irish so normally a bit more (ahem) fulsome.

Took DS to his nursery this morning. He starts in 3 weeks. Am having a bit of a moment about it because they kept talking about how important it was for the child to learn to be independent and it feels like a heartbeat since we brought him home from hospital. although also because he just ran off and played with all the other children without batting an eyelid and we had to drag him away.

Rube we took our christmas tree down yesterday. I'd had enough of it really, and DD was delighted as we'd moved some of the toy boxes to fit the tree in the sitting room. I just get fed up of them after a while (even though I start lobbying for a tree in late November). Always get very quite sentimental packing away christmas stuff - makes me think about where we'll be when we get it out again. Most likely here slightly more haggard (me) and louder (the DCs).

Daisy I'm really sorry to hear about your MIL. Think LadyT's advice is very wise. Thank goodness for your DH's aunt. And at your SIL, but people deal with these things in their own way and you just have to let them get on with it.

Effie those zoobies look great. Am no help at all I'm afraid on what to do with shouty/cheeky DCs. I had to wrestle a screaming DS into the bath the other day and then he wore himself out crying and shouting sitting on my knee. All because I wouldn't let him pick more of the icing off the christmas cake.

Veggie I LOL at your biting the head off a chicken thing. Hope DS1 enjoyed being back at school - do email me your address and we'll post a thomas comic over. We went for lunch at the RFH on New Year's Day and DS thought that your DS1 would be there to play with and was much disappointed.

And Aub yes yes to work drink - will FB you. And be thinking of you while your DH is away. Devon sounds lovely. I spent the whole of Christmas saying "Well of course I'd love to be outside tramping in the snow but it's too cold for DD so I'll just have to stay here by the fire. With this mince pie. And large glass of mulled wine."

Kiwi I hope the inlaws gave you a break. Good luck for tomorrow. And SL - how was work?

Right. Believe it or not I was supposed to be working today. Must frantically do something that looks complicated/as if it's taken me all day...

Wow today went so fast. I had so many plans to do stuff with only DS2 to look after and well before I knew it it was time to pick up DS1 from school. Thanks for asking after him Urbane. Do you know I'm coming over in late Feb and staying with a friend in Lewisham, which days are you off and we could meet up at the play area of Greenwich park. That would be lovely if you could send a Thomas mag actually, DS1 is really missing them. I've been thinking of giving someone over there some money to send one over every now and then. He was a little bit sad at school today. He really loved school before the break but I think he also really enjoyed all the lovely time we had over the Christmas break. DH is home in the morning so he will take him to school so that might help him. I think he just really missed us all. He is fine now. Hopefully soon he will start picking up some Dutch as he talked about kids saying 'Nay' to him today (it's about the only Dutch he understands) and it made him sad. I'm sure they are saying other stuff too but he only hears the 'nay'. I hope no one is being mean to him. DH has a team building thing tomorrow night and will be away in some castle with his group so inevitably DS1 will be a bit unhappy about that.

Crikey could be old English, us Aussies still use the old language.

What did they mean about independant Urbane? I think your little man is quite independant? He independantly chose to wear his wellies the day we saw him, and he was quite good at guarding the stairs from those evil babies, he held base while my DS1 went at them with the crucifix fingers!

my dh's first word after we first ever did the deed was "crikey". i do love him!

Wry smile here for all the older child stories. DD is 2.5 - we haven't yet had to deal with too many full blown tantrum performances, but she is getting noticably more volatile. At the moment you can still distract her out of a strop (always works better than trying to reason/reassure her) but not sure how long that will last. She is very excited at the moment as she is due to start pre-school on Thursday and absolutely can't wait. I'm sure she'll be fine, she is a friendly, happy, confident little soul but I do slightly worry about all the world has to throw at her.

Daisy - sorry for all you are going through, but really glad to hear you have some support from DH's aunt. I also think Lady T's advice is very sound - you can't be the middle man for them.

DS is another climber. We use a sort of sit in cage thing which very slightly contains him and of course DD shares the bath with him so they mostly just splash each other and giggle their heads off. Yesterday it was playing peekabo and shouting into their toy drums.

Aub and WG - your devon new years sound very lovely. And Aub, I hope next week goes smoothly and safely - will be thinking of you.

Kiwi - hope you had some relief today. I think we've all got our portion of trouble stored for us sometime and if DD is a bit "difficult" now, you'll probably find another time when everything feels like plain sailing and all those with perfect babies struggle with nightmare toddlers. Its not the DCs fault or yours, so nobody has cause to feel smug if its going well or bad if not so well. With DD it really helped once she started talking - I'm not so great at mind reading toddlers/babies, but some people are obviously better at it.

Struggling with first day back at work after the break. Really brings home how much I want to be out of here. But on the upside, at least its only a week before we go to the States for my brother's wedding. I think that is going to be quite "challenging" with my two, but hopefully fun as well.

Wg that's v funny. My DH is prone to the same exclamation in similar circumstances . I thought it was only him.

Veggie would love to see you and veggie boys - I don't work Thursday or Friday. DS would really enjoy sending the comic - postman pat is a big hit in our house at the moment, so expect it done up like a parcel...

Right. Didn't do any work. So have to this evening now instead. As you can see am concentrating very hard.

My DH doesn't say crikey. Maybe I'm not good enough

Oh urbane - that sounds very familiar. Am still sitting at my desk, in my office failing to do enough work. I need a good kick up the backside, I definitely used to be more motivated and efficient.

Me again. Just a quick question. DD2 is still teething and some days it makes her pretty inconsolable. Calpol does not seem to touch it but Calbuporfen never fails to improve her mood. I have always been wary of giving the DCs ibuprofen based medicine as it it so harsh on the stomach and the GP told me to only use in emergencies. I have noticed DD2 is often a bit sick after meals on days I give her ibuprofen and this chimes with my own experience when I once got a stomach ulcer after I was given large doses of ibuprofen while on nil be mouth for ten days (but thats another story). Anyhow, I wondered how you ladies use Calbuprofen? Would you use it daily if it was the only thing that relieved the teething pain?

lol @ the crikey talk! I think it's been abused in Paul Hogan movies so much that most people think it only used back home
Christmas tree baubles and tinsle off and tree remains with lights and star only. They will come off tomorrow, and then I suspect the tree will sit there bare for a week before dh gets round to taking it out.

Lady i'm jealous of you having that house to do. I can remember doing ours and I was hating life when it went on so long, but now i'm hating renting and wish I lived somewhere where I could do something towards my own home. Oh well, one day, if we ever sell.

Summer i've never had a crikey either

Aub - can't advise there - I really only use disprol and the powders these days - it's brilliant stuff

We use Calprofen Aubs, often daily if the teething's bad. I've never noticed any adverse effects but also didn't realise it was not recommended

Hello again,
Back properly rather than making random comments on "crikey"

By the way my MIL is not that bad. The strops do not last long and she is otherwise nice and cooks us lots of nice food. The strops about things that I can do nothing about upset me and make me stressed out though even though they are brief. I just felt like a moan. The dog worries me though. I think I might start taking DS up to the bedroom we sleep in with some toys and shut the door and just play with him there next time I am there. Trouble is the dog is allowed everywhere so I wouldn't be able to shut her out of the living room or whatever without her whining to get in and MIL saying to let her in. Oh and veggie MIL inherited the dog from previous owner who passed away, and didn't treat her that well. She does walk her LOADS and LOADS, and the dog is nice, just not really child-friendly. Oh and she got the dog before DS so can't really complain about her having it to be honest, it's just that they are not that compatible.

Calprofen, I got the impression from veggie's post yesterday that she doesn't like using it that often either? DS has only had it maybe three times in his life. One was last night at 2am and he slept until 7am, so I may use again tonight to get us through this bad sleeping patch but I will bear in mind that it's not that good often. Calpol hasn't been doing much here either.

urbane you were asking about my work, not sure if you meant me, but I was moaning about sleep and going back so maybe you did mean me. Fortunately I got masses of sleep last night - we have split the night into two chunks the waking in the night chunk and the getting up ridiculously early chunk, I got the early part and as I said above he slept until 7am. given I went to bed knackered at 9:30 I got a good sleep in.

daisy sorry to hear your MIL is still in hospital and not doing so well. I hope she can come out soon, and that you are all OK.

Oh bugger he has woken already.

I just read WG's comment about her DH saying 'crikey' and at that EXACT moment a very earnest Dad on the Centerparcs ad said 'crikey'. DP rolled his eyes as I was laughing hysterically and started snorting coffee out of my nose, apparently for no reason. (Yes, I know it's a bit late for coffee, I will pay for this later).

Invis, I am sorry work is still yucky. Any further glints of opportunities? Where's the wedding in the US? Incidentally, you talk about inefficiency - I know I am at home but I have been USELESS with working today. And DP's trial pleaded out today so he is under my feet all day tomorrow so it will be nigh on impossible to get anything done

Oh, and back to crikey - DP has never crikeyed me. Huh.

Ahh, Paul Hogan, I'd forgotten about him I don't think I'd want a crikey from him, under any circumstances. His hair was such an unrealistic shade of yellow.

I've never heard of Calbuprofen, Aubi. But surely it can't be too bad if one can give it to babies? And if it's the only thing which seems to soothe the pain...

Aw Veggie, I was sad to hear about your DS1 only hearing the other kiddies say nay, he is such a sweet little chap.

I like that rollerskating baby ad for Evian but I feel a bit manipulated