radical cross stitch, theological debate, Easter bunnies, changing bags,and a baby brother...it must be June 08!

[spongebrainbigpants]

Welcome to our new thread .

Thanks Abdn I'm just so sad that it's like this, I thought he'd got over it, but obviously not. I just can't imagine the next 30/40 years of this...If he was still with my Mum it would be so much better as she wouldn't let him be like this.

Teasing BDQ - how about - bitofamincepieandanicesherry? bitofawickedqueenmwahhahaha? bitofchristmascakeandalargeglassofbaileys?

Deb, no of course you're not BU. I think you all know my dad's dead, but when he was around, oh boy, could he press the buttons. He once answered the door to one of my boyfriends he particularly disliked (he disliked them all, but this poor soul was on his shit list good and proper) and then called for me shouting 'that long string of misery is here for you!' My brother took over the button pressing role after dad died, until I decided no more. I don't even engage in those type of conversations with my brother any more, and I suppose that's the best thing to do. Tell him he has no idea what he's talking about, and you don't see the point of discussing it any more.

I'm back to last years nickname unless anyone has a better suggestion....

Essie how are you doing today? I was talking about it with DH last night and we both agreed that it was a crap choice... Hope you're okay.

Hi Abdn, thanks! Today I'm in denial about the whole thing, but will be facing the music tomorrow.
Aberystwyth would be disastrous from a personal level: I have a great childcare setup here, especially as I'm alone a lot of the time - my Mum is 5 mins away, and I really lean on mum and dad a lot. () Moving to Aber would mean even less time with DH (he is 3.5 hours away now; it would be six to Aber and no chance of getting to any courts on the day) and it would have to be ft childcare. (All this is obviously not disastrous; it's just that I've got used to the situation I have, IYKWIM, and know what a huge loss it would be!)
I could commute, but it's 2.5 hours each way on a bad road. Plus I can't bear the thought of committing to 1 night away from Iestyn every week (say; that's assuming commuting is even doable).
The head of dept is really supportive and understanding (seems to be one of those rare birds in academia - a genuinely nice guy) which makes it even harder still.
What I wanted from Bangor was some sign of my value (which I've got) but also a jobshare history/law. Which they can't promise me. After the interview I got a taste of all the lovely courses I could teach, and would love teaching. I'll not get that at Bangor unless I move to history, and they've turned me down no fewer than three times to date. It's hard walking around knowing I'm not good enough for them.
Will see what my current head of department offers me tomorrow. But it looks like I might have to turn down this opportunity because it's just at the wrong time. 2 years ago, I'd be packing my bag. And in 2 years time it might be possible. Although they'll probably avoid me now if I turn them down.
Lots and lots of crying here. Mainly frustration.

Deb that's really tough. Your DH is a composer, right? That must be impossible for your dad to understand. (Plenty of stereotypes of sensitive composer types, right? ) Whilst my DH isn't necessarily creative, he isn't a man's man, and isn't always on this planet. My Dad finds it funny though. It's really really hard - no advice, just silly rambling - but it's all about the idea of roles etc, feminism too perhaps. Your Dad expects your DH to look after you in a very traditional way which may not be realistic these days (certainly isn't in this house - and DH doesn't get looked after in any kind of way traditional way). Someone gave me v. good advice about my MIL - also v. traditional (it was about giving up work when I had Iestyn; she didn't). If you try to tell them that they're wrong, you're undermining everything they've believed, and it's hard or even impossible (and unfair?) to do that. But I don't know how you get a compromise - ban discussion of it? Explain to him how he makes you feel? Or even explain that you want him to be your dad and look after you, but saying things like this mean he's not doing that. (Obv. don't make it sound like emotional blackmail, like I just did! Maybe explain it from your point of view eg. if one of my boys...)

Deb how horrible for you. My Dad and DH don't get on very well (although more in a repressed and seething sort of way on Dad's part) and I know how upsetting it can be. The only thing I found helped with my Dad, when he was at his worst (he was going to call round and asked first if DH would be there) was to be v calm but nail my colours to the mast and tell him that it was DH's home and I wasn't going to make sure they could avoid each other. It's horrid to feel torn between the two of them like that but I think it did help to make sure that my Dad knew where my loyalties lay. The tensions only came out in the years after my Mum died and wouldn't have got so bad if she was still around.

Essie what a difficult choice for you. I can see how much you love what you do and how these decisions just tear you apart .

The plasterers have just finished day 2 (final day tomorrow). The children are being so good, but they are really tired. We've had a nice 2 days and done fun things but somehow it's very tiring to know that you don't have the option of going home until the end of the day. DD1 isn't very well and she kept falling asleep on chairs. I was supposed to squeeze the girls' beds into my room but in the end could only manage T's cot, so had to put the boys and DD1 in the sofa bed. DS1 is very bony and kicky! All 4 of them are in there now - T snuck in and is "reading" a book and acting casual . I can feel plaster dust settling in my skin and all over everything, even though I tried to seal off the rooms. Poor DH is really under the cosh at the moment so just hasn't been around. He came back this afternoon and had to do paperwork, and is up in his study now until he can no longer stay awake.

Thanks everyone - dad e-mailed me last night saying I bet I wanted to hit him - ermm yes! Then he called this morning, he was quite casual and flippant in a way, and sort of apologised. He said that his anger wasn't aimed at me...i.e he should have been shouting at Nigel - well no Dad you shouldn't be shouting at anyone. I was very frosty with him and couldn't get in an in depth discussion as I was up to my eyes in making Airfix type Star wars models and trying to stop Ethan eating chalk.I will tell him when we next speak properly just how he makes me feel.

Essie - you were right he does expect Nigel to look after me in a traditional way, he doesn't understand why I would want to return to teaching part time and for Nigel to work part time - thus sharing child care etc...We are very fortunate due to Nigel's careful ways with money to be able to do this but he just doesn't get it.You have my sympathy on the work problem - you must be pretty devastated as Aber sounded ideal in many ways but just not now.

Rolf - must be worse when your Dad's close by too, sorry to hear about the plasterers but only 1 day to go eh?I have a lovely image of T casually reading with the big ones in the bed settee!

Whinegums - it is reassuring to know that it's not just my Dad and also how weird that your brother should follow in your Dad's footsteps!Any more boxes unpacked today?

Abdn good luck with your interview tomorrow

Morning all!

Deb I'm sorry about your dad. Sounds like he has very fixed ideas about how a man should look after his wife and as Nigel doesn't fit that mould then he mustn't be looking after you properly. No matter that you're happy!

Essie what an awful situation to be in. I can only imagine how difficult it must be. Sending some in-mumsnetty hugs your way.

Abdn did I read that your job interview is today? If so good luck!

Thank you for the name suggestions purée and whinegums ! I shall consider the options and give my new name a twirl soon.

Not much to report on here. Visited friends on Sat and went to see Rob Brydon last night. He was eye wateringly funny.

Jo jingles today followed by a visit to SIL and supercute nephew!

Oh Deb was it a bobby car you were getting Ethan for Christmas? We were at the home of a german couple at the weekend and their little girl had one. S loved it - I so wish I'd come across them before we shelled out on the wheely bug that's gathering dust in the corner! All the other german parents there seemed to have one at home too!

Deb - Sympathies on the Dad issue, I had an argument with my Mum on the phone yesterday, think I'll leave it a bit before I ring her back.

Essie - sorry to hear you are still having work issues, no useful input from me, just hope it all sorts out for you.

Rolf - Bet you can't wait for the plasterers to finish, do you then need to paint? We've been decorating our little bedroom for the baby and J keeps going in and getting covered in dust, must be a nightmare having so much work being done at once.

BDQ - Rob Brydon sounds good.

Whinegums - did you get your tree? I realised last night that one job we should have done over the weekend was to at least get the decorations out of the loft, DH is more than happy to leave it another week, scrooge!

Abdn - I can see why you are excited about the bike! Good luck with the interview.

Viva - the present for your Grandad sounds lovely!

Sponge - how are you? How was the wedding?

I've been doing some mad ordering of Christmas presents, going to wait for it all to arrive then assess what else we need. Not got J much yet though, hopefully he will get the bike as his main pressie, then I've bought him some small art stuff, crayons etc, but struggling to think of some medium sized things, he seems to have so many electronic noisy things already. Any ideas?

I've been feeling sorry for myself as the only friend I've made with a similar aged kid to J is moving back to Australia in January. They are so lovely, the boys get on really well and she is expecing her second now as well. We went there for lunch on friday and had a lovely afternoon, the boys had a whale of a time playing together but afterwards it just made me feel even sadder that they are going. Also makes me annoyed with myself for not making some effort to meet more people. Worried as well that J will be losing his best friend at the same time as the baby arriving, seems like a lot of change all at once for him, although I don't think he will understand about them going. Sorry to whinge!

thanks Rolf, bdq, and ktpie, interview is done but I'm not as sure I want the post now so wont be upset if I don't get it. There's a significant staff development portion to it and the travel involved, even to Edinburgh, is a bit of a hassle for the salary. I think it went okay but I hate phone interviews!!!!

ktpie DS1's best friend moved back to Germany three days before Fraser was born But DS1 was okay, I think he just felt like she was on holiday at first (he kept wanting to walk past her house and see if she was home) and because he was pretty young he really took fraser arriving in stride...

essie more hugs - it sounds like the Aber job is coming at the wrong time and I think tears of frustration are the only response.... I don't think you should play down the help from your mum either. It's wonderful for I and it must really make a big difference for you. But it's so hard to give up opportunities! How absolutely frustrating that the history dept in Bangor has turned you down - but that's the wrong words... do you think it's because you're too close? My PhD dept had a habit of not hiring anyone who'd done a PhD or post doc there and the thinking was that it was due to the fact that they'd seen us develop and therefore never moved on to think of us as experienced researchers. They were seduced by the shiny newness of candidates from elsewhere time after time. Which is fine if you are able to move but not everyone has a teacher or dental hygenist for a partner (think about it, what would be the perfect partner job where you could move anywhere and your spouse could be employed? It was an issue for us and why we ended up in Aberdeen...)

Essie what an awful situation. I really feel for you but agree that having the extra support of your mum when dh is away so much is too much to give up. Before my mum and dad moved closer I was always terrifed of being ill when dh was away and unable to look after the kids. Its worth a lot of money to have that kind of support.

Deb I think all you can do is make it clear that you love your dad but you won't allow him to dis-respect your husband. Its a horrible situation though and it must be terrible for you.

J slept though last night for the first time ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I woke up with dh's alarm at 6 this morning and was gobsmacked. Brt its years before he does it again

Have you all seen the news about the toxic go go hamsters? Unless it all turns out to be a big scare over nothing in the next 24 hours I am in serious trouble with dd's christmas presents!

Thanks Abdn, I think it's more myself that I feel sorry for, I've not found it that easy to meet people, especially not with similar age kids and we get on so well with them, typical that they are moving away.

Sybil - Hope the hamster thing turns out to be a lot of fuss over nothing.

I've cheered up a bit this morning, got a delivery of wool, big bag for less than £20, Viva, Sponge, any other knitters, have you checked out Kemps, the clearance section is great.
Also got an M&S delivery, some port and whisky gift sets, should have been over £50 but they had messed up on the website and it ended up just being the cost of the postage, £3.50! Unfortunately they cottoned on pretty quick so it's not still available, I usually miss out on these things so pleased they have arrived and will be great Christmas pressies. Also ordered some books from them, that offer is still on if anyone is interested, they have 50% off then if you look round on the internet you can get codes for 10% and 15% that work together, so 75% off in total.

kt, sorry about your friend going away. It is so important to have mum friends esp when you don't work, so it is no surprise you are feeling sad about it.

Essie, the work situation sounds really hard but it sounds like it's just not the right move for you at the moment. I think the childcare and DH issue is massive and there's no way you can commute 2.5 hours. Sorry it's been so upsetting.

Debs, you are definitely NOT being unreasonable! Glad your dad has emailed to say sorry. The thing is, so maybe Nigel isn't great at diy, but like you say he loves you and the kids and does his job as DH and dad as well as anyone ever could - and I know which kind of DH I'd rather have! (mine is rubbish at diy as well btw!). You jusy have to refuse to have those conversations with your dad - tell him mind his own business!

Anyway... you know how I said I didn't want to get PG this month?

OMG Neenz!!! I take it that means you are expecting? Fantastic news, congratulations.

CONGRATULATONS NEENZ!!!!!!

Debs Your dad is being totally unreasonable!

Essie so sorry to hear the timing is wrong. I hope things work out well.

Wow Neenz brilliant news! Congratulations!

Ooh, sounds like someone has some exciting news Neenz! Many congratulations to you.

ktpie depending on your definition of medium sized, what about duplo bricks/sets, elc my first scribbler, clickeroos (they have them at elc and S loves them), play food (lots of different types in all the major toy shops, shopping trolley (toys'r'us have a quite cheap one that has decent reviews), a marble run/rolling ball track, band in a box set of musical instruments (Melissa and doug do some nice sets you can get online).

S desperate for some attention so must run!

Neenz . CongratulatIons! Tell all...

Congratulations Neenz, fab news !

Essie, if my mum lived 5 mins away from me I wouldn't move for any job . Hope it works out x

ktpie, thanks for the knitting link.

Neenz, you can't just post like that and then disappear!!!

Oops, yes, sorry about that .

I thought my period was due yesterday but wasn't sure because sometimes my cycle can be 28 days, sometimes 30, today is CD30 and my temp was still high so I thought I'd give a test a go. Did one of my cheapo out of date ones and it came up positive. So then did a proper Boots one and that was also positive! Faint line but still a line.

Then I texted my mum and dad (on hol in Malta) then rang round my sisters to tell them - and when I spoke to sister No.2 she tells me she is PG too! She has three kids already, she found out last week, she said she was waiting for mum and dad to get back off holiday before telling everyone (which is not like her - we don't really keep pregnancy a secret in our family), but now she has told everyone. I think she is a bit wary of what people will think of her getting PG again - but it was definitely planned, she has wanted another baby for ages, but her DH said no. I think she got him drunk and took advantage .

So it is early days and obviously it might not work out, but fingers crossed.

Yippee Neenz, congratulations

Wow Neenz! Congratulations!
Abdn was it the OU job interview?

Everyone - thanks for all the lovely comments. A quick update - a bit of a u-turn at Bangor today, and now History and Law are working together (both heads meeting for lunch tomorrow) to try to get me a jobshare. It's what I want. So, everyone, pray for me (or Sponge and other atheists tug at rabbit's feet or whatever you guys do ) because I really really need this to work out. I'm not out of the woods yet, haven't phoned Aber to say yes or no, but it all hinges on this. Can go into more detail but it's dull really. I am so tense I can hardly breathe! (BTW, I have opted for this over more money. My head of dept couldn't believe it. But I'd rather be poor and happy - and I mean it, enough to put my (non)money where my mouth is. Even surprised myself there.)
DH has left tonight - an omen or what?! Sybil, Sponge, everyone, you're all right, the support from my family is too much to lose. (In some ways, if I'd never had it, I would cope better - but I have, and I don't want to lose it.)

One bit of good news - to get me out of thinking too much about it, I've learnt how to knit. (Seriously, !) Viva - the korknisse? I've made eight!! I can cast on, cast off, plain, purl, rib and decrease now. Yay! They're a brilliant starter project.

Will return and post nicely responding to everyone - loving the Christmas names! - when things are resolved and I'm not living with palpitations.

congrats neenz!!!

It was the OU interview today. I'm glad it's done and I don't need to think about it for a few days.

Essie fingers crossed and prayers heading your way, that would be perfect if you can stay at Bangor... And money is definitely not everything, especially when there's more than one person in the picture (you can't put a value on more time with your DH can you?).