June 08- the shoes, the food, the glamour!

[pureeandpearls]

Struggling to load pages these days and saw we were over the 900 so took the liberty of starting a new thread.

Neenz - I completely understand what you mean and it is one of my biggest fears about NZ. Of the RL Mums I am friends with, there's only a couple I would want to meet up alone with and feel comfortable asking. What made a really big difference for us was having a girls night out (no babies!) and also meeting up with Dads too. I think some of the Dads have even become friends (Not DH, he's of the snotty opinion that the Dads at his Dad's group are better...! Think it's more about his ego as the Dads group understand the SAHD thing.)

Forgotten everyone else I was going to reply to...bear with me.

Abdn - How's recovery going? You're so organised (and popular) with your playdates. Will ask you for pointers in a couple of months time.

BDQ - I hate DH being away for the night too. Am so impressed with those of you that are part time 'de facto' single parents.

Amber - If I'd been able to keep it together with the taxis and balloons, I'd still have been blubbing my heart out at the ambulances. Cried through most of last weeks Supernanny (or whatever it's called, Jo with the naughty step woman) because the family had suffered a cot death at 11 months. Wow at the difference in nursery fees! Once he's been there for a year the reduction will make up for your dental work.

Puree - what a wonderful second date. I love walking by the South Bank, it is so romantic. DH and I's second date was at the pub where we met! We went to see an open mic acoustic night and really liked one of the guys music. He and his wife are now some of our very best friends, he was best man at our wedding! So in a weird way, our second date ended up being more practical than romantic!

I've never considered Violet before, it is a really lovely name. (I like Theodore too, but there are so few girls names I really like).

Neenz - I feel the same at these groups. There is a Mum I chat to a lot at Tiny Talk who expressed an interest in meeting up for a coffee this week, but it's taken since March to get to that point! There are a lot of new people there at the moment and I was sat next to a Mum this week and there was a moment when neither of us were talking to anyone else and we looked at each other and smiled then I sat there trying to think of something to say and really couldn't think of anything at all, she didn't say anything either, I hate awkward moments like that, I'm sure I used to be able to make small talk, before my brain melted in pregnancy I guess! I really need to try as the only Mum friend I have made friends with is almost certainly moving back to Australia soon, I'll really miss her!
I could do with meeting some people in the village which we moved to this year, apart from our neighbours and the owner of the local farm shop we don't know anyone.
Amber - the only thing I really miss about work is seeing my friends there, and the money. I do still see them fairly regularly though.

BDQ - DH has a friend staying over tonight so they have just gone out to the pub, I'm sat in with a glass of orange squash, what an exciting Friday night I have!

Can I ask a question? DH and I have never, ever, been anywhere without A since he was born. Basically my family live hundreds of miles away and PILs have never offered (live 45 mins away). DH seems to think they would be willing but tbh I think if someone hasn't offered in 15 mths then it's not really something they're dead keen on! Not to mention that years ago when DH asked MIL if she'd look after his DSSs (on 2 separate occasions), she said no, so I really don't feel this is an option. Also she's just gone 7 weeks without evening bothering to see A so she might as well be a stranger to him. Tbh he sees my mum more often as I visit every month

So, after that long waffle, is there anyone else on here in a similar position - i.e. never have time alone without DC's. It's not like I'm longing to do this, but when I take a step back, it probably does seem rather odd. I'm not keen on a stranger looking after A and there is no-one I know to ask

not his DSSs, mine!

Allnew - I understand completely. DHs family all in NZ. My bro and nephew 60 miles away and sis 120 miles away - and Mum in a home with dementia. My sis and I only became friendly again about 4 months ago, so prior to that no family to babysit here either.

Actually lovely Essie was the first person to look after Ryder other than DH or I, I think, on Xmas eve.

A friend who have a baby 6ms younger did offer to babysit for us once and DH and I went for a meal. However, whilst they have the best intentions, they really are clueless about babies and have enough trouble looking after one. I think they found having the two babies too hard. Well, put it this way, they have never offered again.... But that one night showed DH and I how much we needed the time together, we were like dizzy teenagers again.

So yes, I know exactly where you're coming from. Now my sister comes and stays about once a month which is wonderful. We've also bitten the bullet and joined up to a professional sitting service attached to a local nursery. It is reassuringly (and eye wateringly) expensive. I really do recommend it, IMO I don't see that a well referenced and CRB'd checked sitter is any different to a childminder.

However I would strongly recommend asking your PILs, perhaps at their house, just so you know where you stand with them. That was if there was ever an emergency you would know you could/n't rely on them.

Sorry. Long winded reply I know. A strong part of the NZ move is to be around family we can rely on to give DH and us time together.

penguin, that will be such a nice change for you to have family around to help

I have thought about the prof sitting service but I think I've avoided it because I know I'd have to go through the whole MIL thing with DH. I think she's the type of person who would make it feel like she's doing us a favour, rather than wanting to spend time with her GS. I do think it's really, really odd that she's never offered. I would have thought that as a GM that would be a great way to spend time with GS alone. But she does tend to be very self-obsessed - if it's not shopping or her holidays, then tbh it's secondary (let's just say that she has forgotten DH's birthday for the last few years)

I've noticed on other threads that people recommend asking the nursery staff about babysitting, but unfortunately my nursery says in the terms & conditions that this isn't allowed

Allnew - we are similar, closest we've got to time without J is going for a quick pint when we were staying with my Grandma, about a year ago. What is probably worse is that J is hardly ever apart from me, obviously DH has looked after him but not all that often.

Morning all - wanted to add that DH and I had a very romantic date on the south bank early on, maybe it had romantic properties!

allnew sort about the babysitting. IMO and IME MIL's are a bit strange in this respect, I think they're much more proactive in getting involved wit. Their daughters children. I would def ask them and see what they say. If they make it sound like they're doing you a favour take it on the chin and enjoy your night out anyway. S's nursery doesn't allow babysitting during nursery opening times, but evening is ok - it might be worth speaking to the nursery manager to see how strict their policy is. Did you also say you go and visit your own family regularly. Next time you go, can you sneak out for a few hours while your family fussed over LO?

Quick question for anyone that's around - what do you do with your LO when you're having a shower and there's only the two of you in the house?

I meant sorry about the babysitting, not sort!

BDQ, the twins are either still in bed or they come in the bathroom with me and play with a toy or book (they tend to stay away from the toilet thankfully). It works ok.

allnew, get your dh to chat to his parents to see how the land lies.

I second looking into a professional sitter. The cost is expensive but just look at it as your not going out as much as you used to so you can afford to spend more overall each time.

Thanks again for yesterday - you have given me the confidence to try try and try again wrt other mums

Hi all.

Allnew, we've never had a night away from B. I'm hoping the next time we go to visit my mum we can leave him with her for a night and book ourselves into a swanky hotel. I found a babysitter via netmums (!!!), she's pretty good. It's very hard if you don't have family or friends with experience of babies.

Dull day here - appalling weather, and B has cold, so I'm just pottering. Doing a bit of cooking for the freezer, a huge pile of laundry, etc. Rock n roll.

I'm so glad to be back at work on the friends front. The only new friends I made as a mum are BDQ and Viva! I hated mother and baby groups, etc etc. However already at work I feel I among potential friends. I like my department very much too. I suppose it's a like-minded thing isn't it? It's fab having proper chats again.

Abdn, how is Fraser?

Haven't had a night away from Ethan either, but you've all got me thinking now, maybe dh and I will try to get a night away whilst my Mum's here, we haven't even been out at night together for about 6 months.

We've had a couple of nights out without C. We're pretty lucky as her godfather is a very willing babysitter (and a GP so competent with babies despite having none!) also my Mum visits every other week and she's more than happy to babysit so we can go out. In fact we should probably have gone out more than we have, but with exams and work, there doesn't seem to be much time! We have a couple of nights out planned soon though, we're going to see Michael McIntyre in a couple of weeks (have gone for babysitting option no.3 -a friend I met at AN class is going to sit for us, and I'm going to return the favour for her and her husband at some point, C loves her and we see her most weeks so I have every confidence that she will have no problems with bed time!)

have we all been watching strictly and xfactor? it's very quiet.

Re: showering, I drag the highchair into the bathroom and just give R some toys to play with. Easy for me as I live in a one level flat. He loves me singing in the shower.

It is quiet today.

Morning!
I'm sat here sniffling, it could be a side effect of going sloe picking in gale force winds yesterday!

J normally goes for a morning nap so I slum about in my dressing gown until then so I can have a shower in peace, otherwise he comes in the bathroom with me and leans over into the bath and gets splashed, sometimes he decides a teddy wants to come in the shower with me as well so that is fetched.

Was talking to DH about the lack of leaving J, I'm not too bothered about evenings as he is asleep anyway so doesn't know if we are there and at the moment I'm not keen on nights out. I think we will have to try and leave him with someone different during the day at some point so he gets used to it.

I made my first lavender bath bomb yesterday, it was very easy, am going to have a bath to test it then make a few for Christmas presents.

Whinegums, good that you are enjoying work - have you gone back full-time? I find the days I am at work quite hard-going because I don't get home till 7pm and then I help DH finish off bathtime, then cook a meal and if there's a load of washing to put in or hang out (which there often is with nappies to wash) then it seems to be 9pm before I've even stopped. I just think how does anyone do this every day - they must be exhausted.

But it is my own fault cos I should leave DH a list of jobs to do while he gives the DTs their milk - he gets in with them at 5.30-ish and should be able to do some stuff for tea and round the house, but I think he should have a rest and spend some time with the kids . It's only two days, I suppose if I worked full-time I would make sure he did more jobs, and I'd have a cleaner .

Viva, sounds like you have the babysitting sorted! We use MIL/FIL but I do feel bad asking - I am sure the last thing they want to do on a Sat night is sit in our house. How do you do the recipricol babysitting with your friend ie does your DH stay at home to look after yours and you go and look after your friend's?

We went out for a meal last night and took the DTs with us, early on, about 6.30pm. I was a bit apprehensive cos sometimes they get fed up and whinge to get down from their high chairs, but they were brilliant, we were there for about an hour and a half and by the end they did get fed up but we kept plying them with breadsticks and gave them books to play with and they were fine. We were home at 8.30, threw them in the bath and then bed and they went straight to sleep. We'll definitely do it again.

I haven't watched Strictly or X Factor yet - I am going to have to stop using the computer on Sunday mornings because I hate to find out who has been kicked out before I have watched it - but I always forget not to look at FB until it is too late.

Hi all - thanks for your babysitting responses. Not sure what we'll do, but maybe the early evening meals out idea with A will suit us better

bdq - re. the shower question, it changes between leaving A in his cot watching tv (his cot is still in my bedroom or bringing him into the bathroom with me (although this is hard as he tries to get into the bin, play with the cleaning stuff etc. which isn't ideal)

A has now started taking a few steps again (if you remember he started a couple of weeks ago and then stopped). Hopefully he'll keep at it this time!

I've been watching strictly and am enjoying it. Haven't caught x factor for a few weeks now

hi everyone.

Thanks for all the suggestions on having a shower - I ended up just letting S play upstairs while I had a shower with only the bathroom door and his bedroom door open so he could wander about as he pleased. He kept bringing my pj's to me in the shower .

I met my gorgeous new nephew yesterday. He was as light as a feather and sooooooo tiny. S was a substantial size when he was born (8lb 6oz) so tiny little 7lb babies seem just miniscule to me! I bet yours were even smaller though neenz.

How are all the pg ladies doing. Who's due first - is it sponge? I hope everyone that's ttc has their turn soon too.

On nights out - we've (especially me ) have had a lot of nights out. We're very lucky in having lots of willing family not too far away as well as quite a few capable friends.

Haven't watched any strictly but I've been sucked into the X factor and I never usually watch any of that stuff.

Well supposed to be studying, but have in fact been doing some online christmas shopping (sorry Deb, but it is October now ) so I'd really better get on with the studying. 3 exams in one month and NO real revision so far. 2 exams for subjects I did when I was pg so a long time ago!!!

We used a girl from the nursery to babysit and it was great - she even did the washing up! Maybe you could have a cheeky word with one of them - I'm sure it happens. Just ask if they could 'recommend someone' .

My second date with Mark was at an arsenal match!

I can't wait for X factor tonight to find out who goes through. God I'm sure those two hideous irish boys will. Thought the young black girl was amazing, and the little geordie lad.I have gone right off Danyl. I now really like the guy with the mohican.

I envy everyone who can go for a meal with theit child. There's just no way with Luke. he won't sit in his chair for more than 5 minutes and has no interest in eating anything whatsoever.

Tooth still agony. A little better than yesterday though.

Sorry about your tooth Amber. Are you on anti-biotics or anti-imflammatories? It will be worth all the pain when it's all healed up I promise (having had root canal myself in the past I know what you're going through!).

I'm also looking forward to X Factor, in my new found fan status . I'm with you on those terribly annoying irish boys.

Do you think Luke would still have ants in his pants if you ate out with him Amber (as opposed to how he is at home)? S loves being in new places and people watching so I think I could get away with about an hour if he was particularly interested. That said, I think you're quite brave Neenz I'd be too worried about a meltdown to take him out for tea early evening just yet.

Oh, allnew re: walking - S took a few steps first and then didn't for weeks. Then one day he walked across the room at nursery and since then he didn't look back.

Did I mention earlier that he can now lift his leg right over the side of the bath when he's in the bath . Little monkey!

neenz that's right, my friend will come here and look after C, and her OH will stay in with their little one, and vice versa.

I have a sicky baby today C has managed to be sick in her new car seat too, why are these things so hard to clean

I love Strictly best, but record Xfactor to watch afterwards! I hate the twins, clearly Ronan thought they were shit, so hopefully he'll talk Louis out of them! not a great deal of choice in the groups category though, is there?!

Quick post to mark my spot - just waiting for A's 'doting' aunt to turn up . This is my SIL and A's legal guardian, she has seen him four times since he was born and is coming up to stay tonight so she's closer to Gatwick for a flight tomorrow . I said she should come and spend some time with A - she said she'd "see what she could do".

She'll be here at 8pm so made no effort whatsoever to get here before A went to sleep - dh is furious and really upset .

Anyway, couple of answers to questions - have spent only one night away from A and that was when I was in hospital .

Never shower when I'm on my own with A unless he is napping - couldn't possibly contemplate leaving him to play in the bathroom, god knows what he'd do!

That's all I can remember, sorry. Dog tired .

BDQ - we do sometimes take Luke out with us to eat and that's how I know what a nightmare it is. Today at Mudchute City Farm was a perfect example. Last week at Bluewater was another.