June 08: I see it, I want it, it's mine!

[spongebrainmaternitypants]

Welcome to our new thread .

Amber, Toys R Us have a massive range of buggies/babies/accesories in blue specially designed for boys! Grandad was very happy to buy it, but then he does have a gay son so making any dodgy comments wouldn't go down well in our house!

The gender stereotyping thing winds me up too - at our NCT 1st birthday party there was only one girl, who was given some hideous plastic pink tat for her NCT present. All the boys crowded round and started playing with it and some of the dads and mums all started going "ohmigod, the boys are playing with pink toys"! I was so and really cos that is not the sort of crap I want A exposed to.

As for the communities thing, I think it's less to do with the church and more to do with the mobility of people nowadays. Years ago you were born, went to school, got a job, married and had children all within a very small radius so everyone knew everyone and no one moved away. Now we all move all over the country (or the world!) and live in suburbs that are designed to keep us away from our neighbours and don't encourage a community spirit. It's very .

Right off to upload some more pics onto FB .

Ktpie - I'm chuckling here at your WI chat - and not wanting to get your kit off - I don't think it's compulsory

Abdn - I like to bring things back down to earth

Amber - hurrah for a healthy boy at last!

Sponge - will go and look at your pics now

Deb that was a cute story about your DS and the tent

lol ktpie, you're right about the WI - very trendy in certain areas but maybe full of oldies in most places! I have joined the Mothers Union at our church - now that is full of old ladies! But it is an organisation that does a lot of good work around the world. You should try to get a friend to go with you.

bdq, no I don't mind at all, I completely agree with you, the 'jokey' comments about boys' stuff/girls' stuff and esp gay stuff can be very damaging. I make every effort to treat my two exactly the same - I don't expect them to behave the same cos I think there are differences between boys abd girls, but I want those differences to come out naturally not forced by stereotyping. My ILs say 'E is going to be the boss of those three' (meaning T and her two male cousins who are similar age) but there is no reason for her to be the dominant one, and the more these things get said the more it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I am reading Steve Biddulph's Secrets Of Happy Children and he talks about the same thing, that you shouldn't say 'you're a pest', you're so clumsy' etc because then that's what they think they are.

Sponge, at the NCT, you'd think they'd know better

I think it has made a difference to community that people don't go to church, a shame. The fact that people don't live where they grew up is also a factor, but I don't live where I grew up but the church has offered me that community anyway. And my sisters live where they grew up but don't really have the community, they have their friends and the family who live nearby, but they don't know people of different generations.

Amber, you should try the Alpha course. I am the same as you that I like to have something I can see and touch etc. There is actually lots of evidence that Jesus lived (in fact that is not disputed, he definitely lived) and that he died and rose again, and that for me is my 'evidence' and the basis of my faith. If you go to Alpha you'll hear loads of amazing stories of God at work in the world today (stories of miraculous recoveries from illness etc)

Amber - I considered the alpha course, but was really surprised by lots of my christian friends not liking it. Channel 4 did an excellent program on the alpha course a few months ago. If you can find it on channel 4 On Demand I would really recommend it.

Oh no, laptop battery going...will be back later. PP

just marking my spot. Lottie vomiting today - hoping it's just post MMR on Tuesday

Hey Viva. Sorry to hear about the vomiting. P had the MMR on Wednesday and now has a sore bottom as a result of doing copious evil poohs. Like you I am assuming and hoping it is just the jab.

Ok, time for sleep. Night all.

yeah it's Saturday! I was out late for book club though and Fraser's been up crying since 4am. DH was the one up and down with him, I only got up once at 5 to feed him, but I'm still tired today.

PP I wasn't going to mention it but I agree with your friends, I have reservations about the Alpha course too. It's just a bit too full on for me and I'd worry about it actually turning people off the church. It's not like the church is at all homogeneous in it's beliefs after all...

Morning all. Just marking my place. Delighted to report that S hasn't cried to get up before 7 for 3 mornings in a row! However we are staying at my parents tonight which means cotbed so am sure that'll destroy the run.

S hasn't had the MMR yet, but friends HV said that the current jabs do affect the poos. Apparently they do when younger too, it's just not really noticeable with the younger baby poo.

On that delightful subject I'll leave you - too many chores to do today!

Marking my place too- mmr been put off til we get back from France (we go on Monday) on basis of fact there is bound to be some kind of reaction and I would rather not deal with it while we are away.

No baby buggies here but completely agree with gender sterotyping starting young being a piss poor thing. Hence edie has as few pink things as I can get away with which is not easy and got a garage and a toy train for her birthday which she loves (we have the anything with wheels mania too). Neenz that bloke whose book you are reading isn't someone I would necessarily buy anything by based on some of the stuff I have read about him.

Amber fab news re house and illness improvement- prob easier to do practicAl driving when you move as good way to get to know the area. If you are doing that will inspire me to get my arse in gear to conquer my fear and do my advanced task.

Knackered as have had poonamis for last two days which has led to some broken nights.

Hi to everyone else

Hi all, Viva hope C is better now.

I'm not even going to join in with the religious chat, except to say we are heathens. In fact DP was destined for the priesthood (really!) until he got expelled from the seminary!

We have fairly 'unisex' toys here. If B wanted a doll he could have one, don't think either of us would be bothered. He is more interested in things with straps (the turtle rucksack is a big hit because it has them!) and handles - he can stand at our door for ages playing with the handle and chain. Strange!

So, we have been looking at houses!! We have decided to buy on a new estate, not what I thought we would ever do, but it makes sense, and the houses are so much nicer than I thought. We are trying to decide between two houses, exactly the same style - one ready in November, the other in March. Would be interested if anyone has any thoughts to help us decide!

There are some differences in the locations and the gardens - the November house has a bigger north facing garden, and is in the middle of the estate (it's not a huge huge estate, so I don't think it's an issue, DP does). It's not as overlooked by other houses, it will either have a toddlers play area at the back, or it will be left as open space.

The March house is at the edge of the estate and has a total open aspect - couldn't be built on in future either. The garden is smaller, but south facing. It will be more overlooked, as eventually there will be houses either side and new ones back to back. It will also be a building site for longer, as it's surrounded by land which will be developed soon.

If we wait til March, we'll have more money saved. The deposit isn't an issue, but we'll have money for furniture, etc. We could move now, but I'm not sure if we can get a mortgage yet as I don't start work til September, and might have to be past my probation first.

I hate our flat. You all know that B is still in with me, and will be until we move, and we live up three flights of stairs - no fun with a heavy baby!

I want to move in November, but I don't want DP to be unhappy and feel that we should have held on for the other house. But, I am unhappy where we are now, and will be until we move, although that is shorter term - another 7 months compared to several years in the house.

Argh! Any thoughts?

Hope everyone is having a good weekend by the way!

whinegums we've a north facing garden and this far north it means we have lots of sun in the summer (absolutely none in the winter though) and not being overlooked is really lovely. We have a much more private garden now and I really appreciate it - it feels like our space as we don't have neighbours right on top of us. But then I'm always impatient so I'd be voting for the November house anyways!

oh and I read a book by SB once and found it the most negative take on motherhood - according to him, I can't do anything right! I think he's making a living on controversial ideas and I'm not a fan of that and he definitely does believe in gender stereotyping. It's insulting to parents of both genders and detracts from some of the more reasonable points he has.

Whinegums- I would only say that when friends have bought néw they always end up having later move date than you think . If you can wait I would go for match option as would be nice to save up for new stuff.

Ah totally agree with your succint sb objections - right quick post as am glued to the cricket and it's x factor later.

Oh and forgot to mention dss got a place at uni so we are all very proud and relieved here.

Poppy - congratulations to your dss

Whinegums - we had a brand new house in the UK. We moved in early on in the development, about the 3rd house to be finished and had a lot of building work going on around us for a long time. It was rarely a big problem, Tristan was newborn so heavy machinery 1st thing in the morning wasn't a problem. Stefan absolutely loved watching all the builders, it was much better than TV!It was nice to be in at the beginning and easier to make friends in a way as you're all new together.Also when problems with the house arose - which they sometimes do with new houses, the builders were still around to come and sort things out.I'd go for the November! Ours should have been ready for Christmas, then January, we eventually moved in on Feb 17th - Tristan was born 3 days later.So you might still have a bit longer to buy new stuff = don't forget to allow for things like curtain rails/poles and lightfittings with a new house.

Hope poorly babies are better soon, Ethan also suffered bad nappies after MMR.

OK, my question for tonight is - if you could live anywhere in the UK where would it be?

We can't decide where to move back to - I fancy somewhere rural but not isolated and near a bigger town/city for a bit of life and opportunities for the boys as they get older.Nigel fancies Scotland as the boys could keep up their skiing and we'd have more chance of snow. Scotland is a long way from my Mum in Norfolk and I'm not too sure.

So, tell me what you think . Do you love where you live - tell me all about it.

Thanks!!

Deb- am sook looking forward to your show. I am a London girl I am afraid so not much to say if you don't fancy city life.

Thanks re dss - he is now chatting about accomodation etc. It's so exciting but I think we ESP edie will miss him despite fact he has taken years off dh and my life at times ( I know dsc not same thing but it's poss more stressful If less physically demanding when they are older).

Cheers for those messages about the houses. I am a bit concerned about the later move date - if I was going to wait til March, I couldn't bear it to be even later than that. However... We're going to have fun and games on the mortgage front too. As I have a new job (that I haven't even started yet) and DP is getting on in years we're not standard fodder. However, we do have a big deposit of about 40%, and the actual mortgage is less than twice our joint income. A few years ago I'm sure it would have been a lot easier! Oh well, what will be etc.

Deb, Scotland is great in lots of ways, but I miss England. I would love to be back in the North East. You could do rural easily, but still be close to bigger towns and cities, including Newcastle (I can't call it NewcastleGateshead, what a load of tosh!) and Durham. I think the quality of life there is great - I think Alnwick or Hexham came out as some of the top places to live in the whole country. Beautiful countryside and the best coast in the world. Bit chilly though. You'd still be close enough to get to Scotland when there was snow, and great transport links to the rest of the country. Ah well, that's my two pennorth for what it's worth!

Not liking the new stylee X Factor with the audience - too much like Britain's Got Talent.

I know what you mean whinegums but I know I will still be watching - north east a good thought though. Sis was at uni in Newcastle and my ex was from teeside and I always liked the town v country thing there

Whinegums - thanks Have you been talking to Nigel, he's changed tack from Scotland and mentioned Hexham to me too. Are you from the North East? Does your dp work in Scotland or does he have to travel to London for work sometimes, I remember he was in St Petersburg once.I'm really hoping that once back in the UK opportunities will arise for Nigel and his music - he has a new rock opera needing a director

Poppy - I'm sort of looking forward to the programme but not iykwim!! It will be strange to see Ethan as a little baby - we were filmed in October!

Ha ha, no Debs, honest! Hexham is very nice, and a great location. DP works for the national opera company here, and is from Scotland - has no desire to move, or we would be looking for a house in the North East. He doesn't travel to London that much - last time was last year for work. He does travel around Scotland and is away a bit though, and sometimes abroad, i.e. the St Petersburg gig.

Well, I am sure there would be plenty of opportunities for Nigel - not that I am trying to swing you, but Newcastle has a great cultural scene, and a fantastic concert hall (the Sage), as well as an excellent music scene. As does Scotland

Oooh, yes, must remember your programme - remind me us of all of the transmission details again?

Poppy that is great about DSS. Is he going to be far away?

Whinegums not easy on the new house debate. Can you negotiate a bigger discount on the March house because you are buying earlier in the development and so it is better for the developer's cash flow? At the end of the day though you should go for the house that you love the most as it will be your home for a long time.

Deb just sky + you for Tuesday. DH and I got very excited looking at the program info which says "Deborah and Nigel live in Austria..." wow we have stayed at the house of reality TV stars. Where in the UK. Places I have lived in or know well:

Gloucestershire: lovely countryside both the Cotswolds and the Severn Valley. Cheltenham quite a smart town; Gloucester a bit grotty but my spiritual home. Lots of good schools (private) if you and Nigel are looking for teaching work.

Cambridge: obviously beautiful, but countryside around is too flat for mountain lovers. Expensive.

Nottingham: Great largish city. Lots of good sports facilities, concerts, shopping, restaurants. Terrible reputation for gun crime, but this is really limited to 2 inner city estates that I am sure you wouldn't be iterested in living in. The countryside immediately around Nottingham is a bit dull IMO, but the Peak District is within 40 mins. The Peak District might be worth considering. (Ktpie hope that is all fair)

Surrey: Great in many way, but spectacularly expensive, and crowded. Good proximity to Gatwick for flights to the Alps though.

HTH

Thanks Whinegums and Ali, we keep seeing the Sage on TV and it looks fantastic.

Lol Ali at reality TV stars!they've got me down as Deborah too - I'm Debra!!

Reminder - Tuesday 10.30 am on ITV 1

The Sage is fab - one of my friends sings in the choir there and loves it, and other musos I know like it a lot.

Ok, DP is sending me off to negotiate on the house today - if I can get the price down, he says I can reserve the November house! I've started a thread in chat for negotiating tips if anyone has any - here