April 2009 - Chapter 3 - Let us round up the stragglers

[PuzzleRocks]

Ta da.

Ah the dreaded one thinks one and the other thinks the other... Ju I know. I so know.
DH and I are back and forth about things too. Nothing having to do with feeds yet, but other things. I have to say that I use my 'bully' mode on DH quite often to 'get my way' which I also feel quite guilty about as I do think things should be very equal in the family. BUT I do think that the primary caregiver should have the right to make decisions which affect their day to day more (as long as they're not completely against morals of the other). And the ff is a very difficult issue.
Do you feel you cannot try it for a week or so (expressing also during that night feed so that you don't lose production and can go back to bf as desired) and see what happens? Have you expressed your fears about losing milk production? And have you talked to him about how you feel that total ff would not benefit you or the baby for certain reasons emotional and practical? Does he understand these things and still want to continue? If so then I would have to say that I would give in (but only a little) and allow a trial run as suggested as long as it doesn't put you in a bad place emotionally.
But I completely understand I struggled a bit too with the nagging early on about ff... the fears of hurting Meg in one way or the other really made me anxious and fretful.

And I cannot remember if you know this/have seen/read it before, but I was told that if you want to encourage milk production one of the best ways is to express copious amounts during the night, as this is when the majority of the milk is made...but if you're feedings are so close together there's no real time to get the machine on in between feeds AND get some sleep.

Slap me if I'm annoying you with information you've heard a million times.

Now I have two questions: well 2 big questions which means there will be more little questions to clarify

1. What can I so about snarls in Meg's hair?
   IS there any way I can avoid them? (She gets them by rubbing her head back and forth on the bed and in her car seat) And does anyone know how to get them out without causing distress?

2. Should I be concerned about the cat always sleeping on Meg's playmat and quilt when it's on the floor (if I forget to put it away right away). He's never on there when she is... but the second I move her I swear he gets right in there...I tried laying his rug near by...not interested always on the mat or quilt...And I feel it's a bit dirty but I cannot KEEP washing the damn things...or should I?

Bleu - I have tried to explain why I don't want to do it, but I'm not sure he completely gets it. He hasn't mentioned it for a while, I think probably because I was so vehemently against it. I've developed a bit of a mental block about ff now, where even considering it upsets me. Which is stupid. I'm tied to the baby almost 24/7 so a bottle in the evening we free me up massively. My current plan is to keep going with just bm until we see the paed and as long as his weight gain continues, albeit slowly.

in total and complete honesty -that's what i would do too. i can be a bit narrow minded and stubborn- which is one of the reasons meg is still being bf and not ff...

Hmmmm 1) I don't really know. What do you wash her hair with? H's hair is pretty fine and doesn't seem to tangle.
2) I imagine the only concern would be risk of developing an allergy to cat hair/ dander. Don't know enough about allergies to know whether early exposure like this will increase or decrease risk, or have no effect. Maybe ask on allergies board? Other than that, I'm all for a good bit of exposure to dirt!

Ah, and you're right re: expressing. I need to do it more. I need a routine.

we wash it with j's no more tears.. it's very fine too, so fine that those little brushes don't seem to do anything, but the hair is also very long in places (i already tuck bit's behind her ears for instance so it doesn't go in her eyes) it's 2 inches or more on the top and sides. And it knots partly because it's wavy/curly. she gets little snarly tufts that I take pains to get out, but cannot seem to do so without her getting frustrated and angry. though that might partly be because she's got to sit still for a while...

Aw, bless her with her long curly hair!! I think you'll have to hang on for the owner of a curly-haired bairn to pop in with the answer!

Bleu - maybe you could try rubbing a little oil into her hair to act as a sort of conditioner? Then comb/brush out the tangles?

I don't know about the 'cat on the mat' situation - maybe good to have exposure to cat fluff to strengthen her against allergies? But maybe bad if your cat goes outside and walks on the playmat with mucky paws? I know my cat used to bring in all sorts of horrid stuff on his paws (cat poo, slug slime etc).

I think as far as sleeping and any other parenting, you just have to go for whatever's right for you and not feel guilty about whatever you do. Follow your instincts and everything will turn out fine in the end. That's my philosophy re child-rearing anyway! [can you tell I'm trying to be optimistic today??)

DH and I have some different views about parenting, but I think as the mother, if you're the person who does the lion's share, your opinion is probably the best! I'm the one who spends ages researching stuff about nappies and weaning etc (though DH has become very interested in the different kinds of nappies you can buy), so I'm the best informed I reckon. BF and FF decisions will be made by me because I'm the one who feeds A. If DH has a very strong opinion about feeding, I'll listen to him and decide as and when. Before I do something I always ask him what he thinks e.g. moving A into a cot due to safety fears. He's involved in decisions, but I tend to be the most practical and if things were left to him they would never happen since he's Mr Procrastinator 2009 .

Hi all - am going to do a big catch up in a minute but have had a quick look through and OMG Nutty, hope you're okay, that is awful news

Regarding sleeping, I am getting tempted to move E into her room. She is outgrowing her moses basket and she has slept every night straight through 8 pm til at least 7 am for weeks now and I don't wake either once I'm in bed, until she does. I work from home and my 'office' is in my bedroom. As I often work in the evening, I put E's basket in her cot in her room until I go to bed and she is fine with that. Feel a bit weird about it though as kept DS's in with me til 6 months, DS1 cos he was prem and DS2 cos he always wanted a feed in the night and so was easier. Not sure what to do!

Regarding help with DC's from family, my IL's have also done nothing but this is the norm for them. What gets me the most is my sis. She doesn't have kids but teaches primary so good with kids and lives 4 miles away. DS's adore her but she hardly ever visits and NEVER helps. When I was 9 months preg in Easter hols, she never came round to help, even though I had both DS's at home, DH working long hours and I was still working from home (only 3 weeks mat leave for me - but only work 8 hours!). Even when I was in labour and she brought mum over she watched me vacuum between contractions. She said she'd do my ironing for when I came back - it was untouched. She visited the day I came out and let me/DH make drinks. She came round fathers day to help me do a family meal, she basically just watched and then left all the washing up/clearing up, knowing I had 3 DC's to look after and we were packing to go on hols the next day. She has looked after DS's twice since DS2 was born 5 years ago.

Now it is the 7 weeks hols and I have got 3 DC's to watch, E is constantly BF, and I have my work to do on top of all that. DH no time off as he is in the middle of a big project. She, and her DP who is also a teacher, will have the 7 weeks off and I will not get a second of help. I know it's not her responsibility but I would like to think that I would be helping her if the tables were turned. In fact, when she left her DP a few years ago, I let her stay here, sorted out all her finances with her and when she moved back to her house, I had her for dinner regularly, bought her food shopping etc even though I had Ds2 as a baby and worked etc.

Thanfully my mum is a star and I can rely on her for anything

Sorry, rant over! Think a nerve was touched there though. But cos she is my sis and I love her, I could never slag her off in RL, so this has really helped!

Off for a cuppa and catch up now!

MrsG, did you give extra water or dioralyte? I am still not entirely sure what to do. Poo frequency seems to have decreased but now they are bigger. And still happening after every feed. I want my once every three days baby back.

Talking about poos, DD1 did one in the loo this morning (cue very happy mummy) and we're now potty training. Well we're not really because the 2 wees she's done since both went in her pants.

Sod the guidelines, if H is a noisy sleeper then she'll move to the other room before she's 6 months old

Off for a proper catch up now, you guys have been busy!

Oh, that reminds me...

When Dh was a tiny baby he was put in a room on his own on the top floor (PIL slept downstairs), with a thick blanket and a fan heater. Doors closed. It's a miracle he's still alive!

Bleu as somebody who's had long hair, rides a motorbike and is head sore the easiest way to get rid of knots is with a lubricant. I use to brush out my hair when it had conditioner on it but found it worked fairly well with just shampoo. Have you tried that?

GladShe'sGotShortHairNowTiggaxx

When our DCs have their own kids in 20-30 years (eek!), they'll all be weaning at 2 years, putting the babes to sleep on their front/ hanging upside down/ in a hessian sack, going back to work with the baby in a sling etc, as the guidelines will have changed multiple times by then. We'll be all , but will hold our tongues as we will remember what it was like!

Bicnod, is Oscar okay? Welcome to the FB group

Re. who has a say in parenting matters, I too feel that as the mum, who spends much more time with the DCs, my vote should count more. When we disagree (which luckily, doesn't happen that often), I shout and scream until I get my way then give in later We had a very big row over dummies when DD1 was little.

We won't though Ju, will we?

lol Ju. Weaning at 2 And hanging upside down in a sack

Though I like the idea of working with baby in a sling. DH and I commented that it would not be all the hard to do many jobs with a baby in a sling... offices would just need feeding rooms.

Grr. I traipse down to the clinic for Holly's second jabs only to find the vaccine hasn't been delivered. I have to go back this afternoon. Still, Ellen had a great time splashing in the puddles on our way back. Made me rather wish I had worn my wellies.

Wow Bleu, how much hair does Meg have? Ellen was pretty bald until recently and Holly doesn't have anywhere near enough for knots.
Curls are the best, both mine get theirs from their Daddy.

Dawn - I have four brothers and sisters. Two of them still haven't bothered to come meet Holly, one of whom lives barely 30 minutes away. Not that I care, the ones who matter have met her. In fact my lovely eldest sister was present at her birth.

Now, a small dilemma. On the drive up to my parents last weekend, wee H basically screamed almost all the way up and all the way back - it was not fun and came as somewhat of a surprise as the first time we did the journey he slept through both legs. We're going up again next weekend. My question is this: would I be an awful, awful person to try out a bit of Piriton liquid to see if it will knock him out for the journey? Is it a slippery slope to start drugging him this early

Gets on high horseJu!Gets iff high horse actually, falls off through laughing

GigglingTiggaxx

Ju sod the piriton whip the phernagan out! lol., only joking lmao. sure a little piriton wouldnt hurt.

sorry about my epic post earlier, once I started I couldn't stop!

Well, it turns out that the sister of a little girl who projectile vomited all over DS2 yesterday has swine flu - bloody fantastic!

Aw shucks, thanks for asking about me , right, for those interested/nosey, here's JJ's story.

Came back to UK, not 'for the birth', but because we were still awaiting handover of our new apartment, plus DH's job not 100% recession-proof at that point, in fact advised by his boss it might be wise for me to return home ;-(. So made decision to fly back & stay w/parents at 35 weeks - the latest airlines will permit lest you deliver midair. Admitted to hospital for high blood pressure at 38 weeks, didn't leave til 11 days later with babeinarms. Natural birth, induced, very intense, and only gasandair as I felt the need to push before I could say "epidural?" Chr1$ta11fu**ingmighty it was painful, and midwife declared afterwards I'd 'got away with' small grazes - didn't feel like small grazes...

Mum was my totally unprepared but totally perfect birthing partner, and now has very special bond with DD because of it. DD stayed in hospital for 4 days altogether, reason being she came out, was put onto me, took one breath,and decided that was enough, nurse shouted 'floppy baby', I went into banshee panic mode screaming 'tell me my baby is ok', and didn't get to meet her properly til 1 hour later once she'd been resussed and me cleaned up. Never textbook is it? There was also a risk of group b strep which isn't routinely checked for in UK, but doc in Dubai had tested for a few weeks previous - no time to administer the necessary antibiotics by IV during my 6 hour labour - induced at 10am, born at 4pm, they had to keep her in for observation in special care, so I did the ward run for middle of the night feedings. Seems a long time ago now.

Birthweight 5lb15. Quite cross at NHS lack of attention to detail. Doc in Dubai had scanned at 35 wks and warned of small baby, midwife in UK dismissed this as nonsense on the strength of measuring my belly - wtf? - not v scientific - grrrr.

DH flew back on the 2nd day to see us, by some big conspiracy between my family, as I wasn't expecting him til the 5th day, nice surprise though after I'd got over the shock, and we spent a good 10 days together before he had to go back to UAE. As it turned out, DH job had been secured, boss having made sure he was going to be on site for the remainder of the project. And we pushed for an early handover of the apartment, so moved back when DD was 6 weeks old. Never been a happier reunion.

Hope you won't hate me - no stretch marks, and regained ppg weight in 2 weeks, though not hard when you start out at over 14st. Still BFing - no bottle, but nurses weighing DD every week to ensure on track - am being the hellish bolshy mum trying to persuade them that the new WHO weightgain chart renders theirs useless, but they won't have it, and are still using the old ones for bottlefed babies. At 10lb DD is now just into 0-3mth clothes, except sleepsuits which are too darned short - gets tall genes from me and DH. Still, I have this niggling worry about it all, so whilst everyone else is trying to get their DCs to sleep through, we know that given half a chance our DD will, but have to set alarm for 3hourly feeds for her weightgain to remain steady.

So that's meeeeee see you around and hope to get to know you all too. JJ