March 09 - there is no snooze button on a baby that needs milk.....!

[meep]

over here ladies

Keep getting brief chance to catch up and then no time to post as per usual.
Kanga - so sorry for your loss, nothing can prepare you for it and can only pass on my condolences.
Re. giggling - DD was so cute last week - she was giggling at DS when he was giggling, 'cos he and I were mucking around. Seems like a pattern on here that those babies with older siblings are giggling more - maybe they just get other children more than they do their mad parents?! (obviously the mad bit only refers to myself and not you good ladies)!
For those of you having tough time with DP/Hs - sorry. I think that having children is a huge stress on the relationship and hope we all make it through the other side. For those of you who have only the one child, my DH really "got" DS more as he got older and could interact with him. Now we have DD, he will happily take DS off to soft play and other things to give me a "break" at home alone with DD (even though DS is in the joyous terrible twos!!)
DD started rolling last week and now every time she is put down on floor, she rolls. Today she has managed to roll back onto her back as well and it was only yesterday that she seemed to not mind being on her front (after a week of rolling onto it ). Have just read in my new fave book (Elizabeth Pantley - No Cry Sleep Solution) that it is quite common that when babies learn a new skill that they will want to practice it as soon as they wake up - may explain DD rolling onto her front every time she wakes up for last few nights).

for those of you getting good sleep, but also of you and sympathy to those not. DD has been disturbed this week more than the last couple - maybe all the rolling she's doing. Is really not boding well for Monday night - she has her first procedure (following her surgery on day 2) on Tuesday morning, which means she has to be nil by mouth for 4 hours before 7.30 and I am dreading it, as she would normally feed at least 2x in that period! Please all keep your fingers crossed for no emergency admissions on Mon night, or she will be nil by mouth for even longer!
Ellie - hope you sort things out with your DH.
Corgi - that sort of crying with DD is often overtiredness or if straining, then wind (but normally with wind, she has to burp or fart before she'll settle. gotta go..

Elsy - Esher is lovely. We've often thought of moving there but end up discounting it because of where the train station is and I don't think the trains are v. regular for commuting ? Do you/your dh commute - how do you find it ? We're often at Claremont.

Corgi - L often cries a bit before going to sleep. Don't worry about it.

Starshine - L's sleep has gone a bit backward again too. Don't know if its the rolling (although she's not doing it in bed) or the heat. Good luck for Tuesday - hope all goes well. Sorry, I know I should remember but what's the procedure for ?

How are the babies dealing with the heat ? L is ok althugh a bit sleepier in the day I think. I remember the first summer with dd1 (who was January born) and worrying about what to put her in at night. Our room is 27 and she's in a short sleeve vest and 0.5 tog grobag. Must dig out fans as think its going to get hotter.

Wheely No heat here. Has been crap fog all week - like living in a bloody cloud.

Ellie Hang in there lvoe, it's so common to go through a shit phase after having a child I wouldn't even think to mention it (not you, me) but really, it's a big upheaval so bear that in mind with your situation and just know that in most cases it will get better. Wish you luck. xx

Have had shit weekend. Was going to spend Saturday getting a break and seeing a couple of friends, was all ready to go, went for my boots and pranged my back. Couldn't breathe properly. I mean, i knew about 3 parts of my spine were already out but this was just adding insult to injury. So had to cancel and then go and see my spinal therapist today up in Perth who put about 6 parts of my spine back in. Bloody hell, no wonder I've had so many problems. That will be accounting for my neck pain, tingling in arms and hand, stomach problems and sciatica. So hopefully, as long as lifting the kids doesn't pull it all back out in the next four days, I will start to improve. I am nervous about the lifting tho as is just a nightmare with the two heavy weights I've got. Thank God the 8 year old can get in the car herself....

Loved Glastonbury, has made me want to go back (without the kids!). Thought Bruce rocked.

Hope you all are fine and bambinos are thriving.

Hang in there lvoe?? no. Hang in their love.

Wheely Our nearest station is Hinchley Wood and the trains only go every half an hour - but it is only 25 minutes to Waterloo. Think the Esher trains go three times an hour. It is really lovely round here and the schools are excellent. I practically live at Claremont in the summer, especially now they've got the new playground. I'm terrified of the geese though - they're so agressive!

For those of you not getting on with DHs at the mo, I'll join the club. Actually, I did read somewhere that the most stressful year of marriage is after the second child is born, so I was expecting it somewhat. Also, even though he hasn't said anything, I think DH is having to come to terms with having two daughters when I know he was really desperate for a boy this time. Have a horrible feeling he'll be pushing for number 3 in a couple of years ... no chance!

Eeek, did people see the warning about not letting very young kids out in the heat of the day? Having said that DS1 was born in the Great Heatwave of '06 and was fine (he would nap under a damp flannel).

Ellie Can you and your DH talk to Relate? Sometimes telling a third party can help. I've wanted to kill DH a few times in the last few months, so I agree with slick here, babies are hard on marriages!

Is anyone starting to look at childcare? I'm due to go back into work in Jan and we've been told already to start looking for places! I think we're probably going to go for a nanny as DS1 already has a part time nursery placement he loves and at least our house is already adapted to his needs. Of course now I can't stop reading nanny horror stories.... DH went down to weekend work and cared for DS1 before but can't take any more time without putting his career on the skids, and I have to go back to pay back my occupational leave. It's crazy we're looking at more than £2000 on childcare a month though.

Laumiere! Is it actually worth you going back with those outgoings? Blimey that's tonnes! I think here, if I were to put the wee ones in full time child care it would be about #1200 a month (why does my pound sign never work??) and after tax and travel it would just not be worth me working esp as I'd have to not see them all day too. Then there would be after school club for DD1. It just doesn't make any sense for me although I do miss work and I will have to find something in Novemeber. But as I said before working the evenings or a weekend day fills me with dread on top of what I already do.

FB had a really restless night last night. We tried dreamfeeding him around 11pm but the wee bugger was still awake at 5am and starving hungry! And DD2 is still crying on times so I really don't know what to do with them. Hopefully the solids soon will help FB. Then I have to throw the dummy in the bucket and let DD2 go cold turkey I think. IT WILL BE HELL!!! She's not going to be pleased at all and needless to say we just can't face our nights being more broken than they already are at the moment.

Hey ho.

I not looking for work as there is no way we can afford childcare. And although mum has retired i wouldn't want her looking after dc as she has worked her whole life and deserves to have a rest.

I am looking at doing some sort of home study course to get my brain working again after 5.5yrs.

Slickbird I know what you mean DS wakes between 5.30 and 6am and then between then and 8am has 2 7oz bottles which he drinks about 12/13oz's. But then he has been asleep for 12 hours.

laumiere, I don't understand why anyone let alone parents of young children would take them out during the hottest part of the day. Here ds is just in a nappy and dd2 is in a nappy, sun hat, sunglasses and a feather boa .

Slick we went cold turkey with DD1's dummy when she turned two and it wasn't as bad as we thought it was going to be. That's if you count a week of at least one tantrum a day not too bad (we did, she was SO attached to it)

Mdavza thanks for the info . Will get onto that website asap.

I was out at 11am this morning and it was HORRID - blazing sun, grizzly DDs - we're now back in the house watching Jungle Book and fanning ourselves

God it really just isnt that warm up here! I mean it's comfortable but certainly not like it was a couple of weeks ago. I never fail to be amazed at how the country can literally be cut in half at this time of year! Although I know a lot of English and Welsh who think it NEVER gets hot up here! Trust me, it does, and when it does, we are HAPPY But having said that, I don't envy you all the current heat-wave as I spent a lot of time fretting over the wee ones during the last hot spell, so I hope you are all coping ok. xx

Miss That's actually really good to know as she is really attached to it too. It's the nights I worry about more, she can go through the day without it if I keep her distracted but she still has it at night time.

Lizzie It's incredible how much they can put away in a short space of time eh?!

Well, I've had some good news this morning after my post about wondering where the hell i'd find and fit in a PT job in november, tax credits are going to give us enough to cover my mat allowance as I didn't earn enough last year - they always base it on the previous year's earnings, v frustrating as this time last year, had to find job as they considered my earnings as full time from the year before - even tho my income had dropped to zero!! Crazy-ness! don't get me wrong, I'm one of those people who will always work before getting benefits but with three kids to look after and a high mortgage like many, it's not that easy.

Anyway, we'll still have to watch every penny but at least it takes the pressure off a bit. I had images of myself becoming even more of a wreck!!!

Miss I meant she still has it at nap time.

Well, i've just confirmed with my boss that i'll be going back to work on the 1st of August. Which actually means the beginning of September as obviously there won't be any children to teach in August. Aaaah, a month's paid holiday...! Genius!

Had a gym induction this morning, was hideous, feel like i've been stampeded by elephants. Why on earth am i bothering??!

Thanks for messages re (D)H, though it is a little more complicated than just arguing due to new baby. Long term anger issues, compounded by him being off work with stress, to the extent that I am worried about an escalation into DV. Also unacceptable hurtful 'play-fighting' with DD and me. Lau, it's possible that relate will refuse to see us because he is a 'potential abuser'. That's the short version anyway. Not good .

Missmodular, I also hand out business cards to all and sundry, and advertise by word of mouth. ABRSM do a 1 day course for those starting out in private music teaching which I highly recommend.

Corgi, George always whimpers and fusses before he goes to sleep. Often he's fussing because he's tired i think. The only time he goes down without a whinge is in the middle of the night when he's barely woken up during his feed!!

I'm having my wisdom teeth out tomorrow - Gah!! Am petrified!

Wow, i seem to be exclamation mark obsessed today...

Ellie - sorry to hear about you and DH. I have read your thread and hope your ultimatum works. I have no advice or experience but just let us know if we can lend an ear or whatever. Do take care of yourself and your kids, it sounds like you are being sensible (that isn't meant to sound patronising although suspect it does). Hope all goes well with the teeth - just what you need at the moment.

slick - glad you've had some good news ! I do believe it can get hot in scotland. Last time I was in Scotland (aberdeen, last may) I got sunburn . Mind you, the time before that I got frostbite

Elsy - agree re nasty geese at claremont. We have a video of me being pecked by a small fly-y type bird (technical term there) there as well whcih dh always find amusing as I scream !!

Having a bit of an 'arrrrrggh' day - dd1 has a temperature which was over 39 before brining it down with nurofen. Still about 38. Is fine in herself otherwise. Thought it was the heat to begin with but think it is more than that. What a nightmare when its this hot.

L has really got rolling today - again, great timing given the heat ! Keeps flipping herslef over and then getting upset. Has managed to get herself back once.

Green runny poo here, since he's had his jabs. Sometimes it's extremely smelly, and yesterday I thought it was getting better, but no. Loads of dirty nappies, we phoned NHS24 but they said only to worry if he starts vomiting/has a fever etc. nooo, mrB is extremely chipper at the moment - probably because he loves getting up at 5 am, and coos and babbles in his cot until he starts crying at around 6. And then he falls asleep again but I can't, ugh. He's going through lots of things now, not really crying before naps and bedtime but sort-of chatting/whining, it's sooo cute! Can be extremely loud, last night as I put him in the cot, he kept going for a while but eventually passed out. And he rolled on his side today, many times, very pleased with himself! I'm taking him to my homeopath tomorrow, hope it helps.
On the whole I'm feeling better and more confident this week, don't really know why, and touch wood, hope it lasts!!!

Ellie Can't imagine how tough it must be on you, especially with 2 lo's. I don't think I can say much except that I'll think of you/pray for you/send positive energy. Keep on talking over here.

LizzieDo you mean you feed him between 5 and 6 am, and again after 8? Is it okay? I'll see if mine wants to feed then, but he is just awake and happy - and usually has a massive poo. Can't fall asleep by himself, though. I bf then - the only time of the day he'll still accept my v dry breast, and I think it's more for comfort than food. Mummy-dummy.

About childcare: I'm starting back one day a week in August, my Sil is going to look after him and basically most of my salary will go towards paying her. I just need to get out once a day, keep in touch with the world, but don't think I'll do it for more than 1 day a week.

ellie Not seen your other thread but sorry it sounds more serious than normal. quite surprised tho' that RELATE won't see you both if he is a "potenital abuser" How does that work then??

Wheely Hope you LO's temp comes down soon. It is a worry in heat too. Am sure you're doin all the right things so will no doubt come down soon. Let us know how you get on.

ellie I used to work for a violence against women charity (and had an abusive DP), send me a messsge if you want to talk more specifically.

slick I have to go back to work for at least 3 months to pay back the mat leave and DH's mental health won't take staying off any more. I'm only 29 and can't take a career break either.

I'm not happy moving DS1 from his specialist pre-school as he'll be starting school in Jan 2011 anyway, and with his issues a childminder with a lot of other kids isn't an option, and I don't really see the point in having a carer for DS1 and putting DS2 in nursery. In our bit of London the avg rate for a nursery is £55 a day per child, so about £500 a week for 2 kids, and a nanny is £300-400 a week + tax. We have no family nearby to help, so we really don't have a choice. Our combined salaries will cover it, but we'll basically both be working all week for an extra £200 each spending money.

mdavza

Yes ds wakes between 5.30am and 6am and he has a 7oz bottle he then has a little sleep until 7.30am or 8am depending how noisy dd's are being he then has another 6oz's. He then goes through to 11 before he feds again. I think as he's my 3rd i tend to go with the flow, if he wants feeding then i fed him.

As for green poo if i remember correctly it means the babies a bit windy. A couple of doses of infracol used to sort dd1 out.

Slick - relate deal more with general relationship issues. they would see me alone but not DH and I together because there has been violence of a kind towards me and DD, and also pet abuse which is a massive indicator for DV (only found that out this morning!), and 'abusers' need counselling without their partners involved. so he has to go to anger management instead.

Laumiere - i thought your advice on my thread was completely spot on. some of the posters are on there are extremely intense and it's hard to say that you want to fight for your relationship. i have asked DH to move out for a while (a fortnight initially) to give us both some space. in that time he is going to begin anger management counselling and i'm going to go to relate on my own. i also thought about the safe word
idea, think that will be worth a go.

Mdavza and Lizzimun - DS exactly the same. Feeds 5.30-6.30, falls asleep while nursing and then we nap together in bed till 7.30ish when he wakes up to feed again. DD wakes up about 8 and comes into the bed with us. it's my favourite feeding time actually, when he's all sleepy and snuffly. very cute...

Laumiere That sounds tough. Every female friend I know has the same problem. It's such a nightmare trying to juggle it all and make ends meet. The biggest problem of our society today which everyone (politicians, media)seems to ignore is the fact that mortgages now require two incomes. If Thatcher had never changed the rules from opening up the borrowing based on 1 income to 2, I bet we wouldn't have had HALF the problems we do now. Escalating house-prices (fair play taken a drop recently but people still got high mortgages), woman HAVING to work whether they want to or not, juggling that with kids, kids (some not all, obviously) not getting the parental attention they should cos the parents might be working two or more jobs to make ends meet, kids hanging out more on streets as a result, getting in to trouble, drugs etc etc. Ok, bleak picture and obviously not like that everywhere but I'd say at every level of society there are problems relating to this very thing and the amount of times it is just over-looked drives me crazy. Not to mention the stresses it puts on a family as a whole.

I really think the only way round it (in theory) as we are too far gone now, is government help for child care costs like Norway and Sweden. But, there's no money around right now....

Sorry. What board am I on again?

P.S. Meep you are conspicuous by your abscence!

Slick

Your right i get so annoyed when some bitches women make statements about working mum's and children in nurseies. They just don't get it, that it not a life choice it is a necessary if you want children and to live.

Where i am child minders charge between £3.50 and £4.50 (with food and nappies on top) or nursey which costs £29 per session either morning or afternoon.

EllieorOllie As you can see from the time i am unable to go back to sleep once awake.

I hope you can sort out your problems with your (d)h.

EllieorOllie I really hope things work out for you. I read the thread and I can't imagine how you must feel.

Amy spent most of yesterday in just a nappy. She was so warm her hair was damp all day, poor sausage. So far so good today, but then we'd been and dropped daddy off and done a supermarket shop and back home again by 9am!

(Would just like to add, I went out looking like a tramp - didn't have time to wash my hair first )

Dh seriously peed me off last night. Came home at 7.30 and I started to make a lasagne for tea. He was reading to A, but after a while she got hungry and cried. He couldn't deal with her crying for a bit until I could feed her, and so told me that I am now not allowed to cook anymore because I need to be there to feed her. He said it so forcefully I couldn't believe it.

Needless to say, I was in a grump. But at least the lasagne was nice.

This morning things improved (thought I'd better forgive him...) but when I went to put the shopping in the boot of the car, I almost took my head off. He's taken the hydraulic bits that hold the boot open off, so it's incredibly heavy to lift, and slams straight down! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarggghhhhhh!!!

I think he may be slightly scared of me now...

grinningbee

I would take him at his word - no cooking his dinners (but make sure you are having a cooked meal). I bet by the weekend he has changed his tune.

I did this to DH when we moved into together and both woking FT. I cooked dinner he had to wash up. If he didn't wash up/load the dishwasher then i wouldn't cook him a dinner the following day.

Why has he taken those bits of the car, get him to mend the car before you do yourself a bad injury. The last thing you want is to knock youself out and be unable to look after Amy.

I have dd2 and DS in just nappies and fans on to move the air around so it is a bit cool.

Hi All

Ellie - I had meant to say, MN can get v. black and white sometimes (I remember a poster from my first antenatal thread psoting a thread that her dh had forgotten to give her ds lunch - at a few months old so was mainly milk fed - and people were jumping on the thread suggesting this was child abuse and she should leave etc.). I think you're handling your thread well. Good luck.

well I spent my night at A&E with dd1 ! Her temp shot right up to 39.7 and wouldn't shift with meds. We have no out of hours gp service during the night it appears so they told me to go to A&E as it was so high. Anyway, it subsided at the hospital (of course) although was still high) but turned out to be a throat infection so have antibiotics. Got home at 4. DH had to give L a bottle in the night - but I don't think she was very happy with it. She took a long time to settle.

DD1 much better already so a lazy day here - probably far too much high school musical(her)/ coffee (me) than is good for anyone !

Presently doesn't seem to be quite so hot here as yesterday but there is time for it to change. Mae is just in her vest but she has a muslin sort of over her becos she doesn't seem to nap without a blanket of some kind. But the warmth at night now seems to mean she is waking and feeding every few hours again.

I'm back to work in Sept as I am the main earner in our household. I am going back 4 days a week to start with, and Mae is going to nursery 2 days a week and my mum is having her 2 days a week. Nusery's round here cost approx £30-35 a day generally without nappies. I've been trying to convince DH that he should consider working part time as it would make more financial sense but he isn't keen. It still seems that the idea of him staying at home is a career no-no.

wheely god that sounds scary! Glad it's better now. We're always on alert with DS1, the cerebal palsy means he's always in danger of overheating.

ellie The only person who can judge your relationship is you, and I'd never suggest you or anyone else should stay in a situation where you feel in danger, but equally, you chose to marry and have kids with your DH for a reason, and that doesn't go away in the current situation. If you're on MSN and want to talk I'm ladydiventa at hotmail dot com, or give me a call on 07506733372. Always happy to talk!