August 2008 - The One where Sazzles was missing so this is what we got!

[oopsacoconut]

I can't do the list sazzles will have to do it when she is back!

Hey all, quick advice request: we are putting DS in his cot tonight for the first time. So far he seems thoroughly delighted with it in all respects except a rather crucial one, namely that he doesn't understand it's where he sleeps DP is up there now shushing and soothing, but have you ladies any words of wisdom for me about what we can expect and how we can help him get used to it?

cyteen leave him alone, don't play with him and make sure its warm and comfortable - usual blanket, usual routine etc

stupid advice really as you're hardly about to decorate it with barbed wire and play rock music

will go now

He finally called at 7. Said his boss called him in to a meeting at 6.05. He'd only just left. For some reason I'm feeling paranoid that he's not telling the truth. I'm probably being silly. I've never had any reason to doubt him. I wish he'd get a job closer to home. And his hours are 9-6 so It's a long enough day without him staying late, then the journey home on top of it. Won't see him till AT LEAST 9 now.

oh Ann

Evening all.

Ann , I am sure it is just pressure of a new job, it can be tough trying to juggle the work thing, particularly if he is trying to make a success of it for all of you as a family. Does make it more difficult with a long journey though.

dizzy, had to be nosey... you can be scaaary

no1 - real shame you can't make it, I hope that your back continues to mend itself.

cyteen - I second dizzy's advice - keep it really calm, darkened and sleep like. Might be worthwhile putting him in his cot for every nap as well (when you can, and even if initially he has to fall asleep elsewhere, he will wake up there), so he begins to associate it with sleeping.

albs - HV, honestly , I keep getting it at the other end of the scale (2nd centile babe), I don't see why they can't just accept that a happy healthy baby is just that.

cc - any sign of your gasman? hope dizzy hasn't kidnapped him for too long, I hear she likes a chatter

that was me reining myself in

was trying to remain calm but I just felt it was a worthless comment, regardless of the name, but I was no doubt worse as it is DD2s name

VG I don't know. Probably because I'm covered in stretch marks, with a flabby belly, and have no life. He works in an office surrounded by women with names like Mimi and Suki, who are about a million times more attractive than I'll ever be. And he's gone so much of the day. He spends more time around them than he does around me. And when he's home, he sleeps.

oh Ann, have you told him thats how you feel at the moment is there any way he can understand you're just feeling a touch weary and need a little grown up time as a couple?

I find its VERY easy to get lost within the 'family' and forget that the basis of it was you both as a couple in the first place

btw, Mimi has massive issues about her tiny norks and its all special effects with wonder bras and chicken fillets and word on the street has it that Suki caught genital warts from that bloke in accounting she shagged at last years christmas party

Ann, there are so many things I want to say to you, but it would take forever to post (and you would probably tell me to sod off ). So in order to keep it simple - the important thing to do, as dizzy says, is to keep talking - not the minute he comes in, or he is likely to feel you are having a go at him when he has been at work all day, but maybe at a weekend?

Is this a regular occurrence? If not, I would hazard a guess that as it is a newish job, and particularly in the current climate, he feels he has to be seen in the office, and if the boss wants a meeting, that he feels he can't just say 'hang on a minute, I just need to call Ann and tell her I'll be late'. But it is important for him (both of you) to keep an eye on it (purely from a home/work balance perspective, I don't mean anything more sinister) because it is all too easy to tip the balance and take home for granted.

Remember that you are fantastic, and you are doing the most important job in the world .

Ann, he obviously has a problem saying no to everyone except you - annoying and presumptive but complimentary in a way, shows he has faith in your love. Isn't he on a contract though or did I imagine that? The fun of being a temp is that you don't have to do unpaid hours.

VG Yes please to sleepsuits 6-9 or 9-12m and or trousers with stretchy waistbands/baggy bums. Will buy you an evil pudding tomorrow.

Cyteen, teatowel over the head! Touch of lavender oil on the sheets or cotbars near his head?

He's late fairly often. We had a chat this weekend about stuff. Mainly because on Saturday night, he 'saw to himself' . Now I don't have a problem with that, except for the fact that he didn't bother to try and initiate anything with me first. He let me toddle off to bed, and then did it. THAT bothers me. It's been difficult lately because of illness/Seb not sleeping etc, but it really made me feel rubbish that he didn't bother with me first. (Especially as the little man was actually asleep)

He says maybe I need to go back to work if I'm feeling the way I am.

Thanks Dizzy

Buckets - I think you're right about him having a problem saying no to anyone but me.

Remind him that you don't need a huge amount of income right now, that his time is more valuable to the family. No point burning the candle at both ends for some point in the future - when he finally stops and looks round he will have missed all the good stuff.

Ann hope your dp has returned now, my boss frequently called meetings 5 mins before hometime - he did not have regard to people's homelives, it's likely to be nothing more than that

no1 you cant make tomorrow but I'm sure there will be more meet ups in the future

Went shopping in Guildford today - got gorgeous jumpsuit + knitted leggings for ds in gap and my birthday present from mum was black patent knee high boots from Russell & Bromley - WOW

sorry, wrote that post half an hour ago then was interrupted by ds crying, settled now and I see I've missed half the conversation Ann and more issues involved - feel for you

ann I can see you;re feeling so cobfused. I'm not sure what to say (I know I live a different life with my dh having a job so based at home and so public, so I can't quite understand - but i know how rubbish i feel when he seems to have time to do x y and z before going out but not a b or c that I need). Listen to Dizzy, buckets et al -they're fab!

Ann here's a little first hand insight from a similar place in my not so far off past. I had thoughts similar to those you shared a few post back. DH was working with a young semi-hotty who was very flirtive. It might as well have been 100. After a few breakdowns/outbursts/choice-talks DH finally sat me down and told me something that made so much sense that I could have kicked myself for not realizing sooner. Here's kinda how he put it:

'I was attracted to you for your inner strength. You're assertiveness. You're belief in yourself. That came across in the way you carried yourself, in how you looked and honestly in how everyone looked at you. I loved how secure and comfortable you were with yourself. That's not lost just hidden somewhere under all this insecurity crap. The only reason you feel threatened by any other female is because you see in them what you THINK you've lost in yourself.'

Then he went to give me this whole I'm not leaving blah blah blah blah. None of the rest of the talk really mattered. He had hit the nail on the head and it was up to me to pull myself back together.

Awww ann you poor thing. However I agree with others that the late meeting is a plausible explanation (as long as it doesn't happen that often).

The 'seeing to himself' - I wonder if maybe he just was too knackered for sex,but had the urge so just ummm whacked it out so to speak so he could get to bed and get to sleep. There is sex sex and then intimate loving sex and I don't know about you but I feel the need for both at different times.

You feel isolated, vulnerable and dependent when you are at home looking after a small baby and not doing much else. Agree with dizzy you need to keep talking and tell him you need some tlc and reassurance in this situation. Also, take control yourself and do something to make yourself feel better. I've just booked myself some pilates classes. It is a start because it is only me who can sort my stomach out. And actually dh doesn't mind too much, it is me who minds.

Anyway, I'm rabbiting so