Sept 08 - Is it day or night?

[lollyheart]

Hope no one minds me starting a new thread?

I'm too tired and coldy to keep up, but Imoscarsmum, just remember that things ALWAYS seems a lot worse in the evening and at night, I think hormone levels must be low/high?? I used to get awful thoughts in the middle of the night.

I know I'm lucky that DD1 is at school so I only have to entertain her in the venings. Yesterday she said 'I wish Maebh wasn't here' but today she said 'Maebh's the best' . We've had lots of sore tummies, sore ears ... so I think she's missing the attention she's had for 5 years.

Moonlight that sounds like a really good service they offer, if your DS will enjoy it then great.

MuwahahahaMom make sure you take probiotics and maybe avoid some of the other thrushy foods (bread, mushrooms etc) to give your body a chance

I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one finding it hard with 2 (not glad that you're struggling but you know what I mean). Even though both ds's are generally quite good it is still hard to give them both the attention they need and then if I give one attention I feel bad that the other one is being ignored. I've also been snapping at ds1 more than usual and I also shouted at him the other day over something that really wasn't his fault. I was getting stressed that he wasn't understanding something that I thought was straight forward (his speech is very for 2 1/2 and I forget sometimes that his understanding probably isn't as advance as his speech).
Thankfully I'm not overly houseproud as the house is a tip but I cant find the time or energy to clean it.
If ds1 didn't go to childminder once a week and dh didn't get home from work by 5.30 everyday I'd be finding things really hard.

Just had 6 week check from doc. He didn't do much to me except prod my tummy but he says we're both fine and I'm allowed to start running again- haha, when will I have time or energy for that? Although it would prob do me the world of good.

debs75 - we're using tots bots and I bought a few newborn size as the others are huge. Also got some newborn wraps, Gosh they look cute! Am planning to try to resell once we're done. For me it's definitely been worth investing in the smaller sizes, even though Arthur is nearly 9lb.

sunflower78 - thanks for the link to those silver boob rescue things . I'm using breast shells all the time to try to keep air drying and aid healing. Still very very sore, but we are still in his first week.

JennyL - hope you doing ok - it's hard getting near a PC with a newborn isn't it.

We registered Arthur's birth today thanks to dp's incredible organisational skills! Also our kitchen is done and we are moving back in. Jubilation!

Debi I also want to start exercising but just cannot find time. I need one of those buggy clubs I think.

Thanks for all the words of wisdom & supprt. It really helps keep me sane. I think Charlotte's having a drowth spurt as she's been very restless again today. I'll grin and bear it until she gets through it I guess.

How does anyone get anything done??!! And I can't imagine ever having 2 LOs to keep amused!!(Hats off to those ladies that do).

I've started to-do lists and must remember to join a buggy walking group otherwise I'll look like Jabba the Huts double come Xmas.

Ah yes imoscarsmum - The famous Sept 08 lists! Hope hopefully returns soon

mmmm, 9kg to loose by 22 nov for colombian dancing party I've been invited to, need to learn salsa too... any suggestions?? need to fit into s.thing decent!

Weighed myself today and apart from the pregnancy weight I have lost a further 4 pounds, all on a diet of cream cakes and chocolates As soon as our finances are a bit better I'm going to join the gym again though and try to curb my sweet tooth.

Potxola, you'll love the sling, it's wonderfully soft. I never use the bag so don't think you'll miss it.

I thought I was going to blow a fuse last night. Katie was crying and crying and nothing helped. I just felt like having a scream at the world. In the end she did fall asleep though, I put her in the sling and walked to tescos, bought choclates and magazines and by the time I was back home she was asleep.

moonlight i met the HV for the 1st time today. and she offered the local "homestart"
volunteers to come around and "hang" with ds1 & ds2 so i could nap if i need to.
or help around the house for an hour or whatever. i dont think you should feel anything of failure AT ALL, hun!!!
we cant always be the superwomen we usually are. just today, dh & i enrolled ds1 into the nursery. can really only
afford a couple full days per week but still. and i think he is really really going to enjoy it. its jt me thats feeling
sad about him being away for 2 whole days!

since having ds2, i can feel my patience growing shorter and im already very sad
that i cant devote the same amount of time to ds1, he's 24mnths and i can see why your hv said its an age that needs lots of attention.

ninja i hadnt thought about taking probiotics...then again i havent found much time for thinking outside of my
new-mum-of-2 box lately. oh and of course, i totally forgot about the thrush potential from anti-b's. nice. the joys of it all!

moonlight don't feel bad about someone helping you! I don't think mums were meant to do it all on their own, remember years ago most people would be living very close to their families and have grandparents / aunties & neighbours so they could help out. It's only recently that mums are more isolated. Enjoy the extra help. Just don't MN when she turns up .

Hi guys- found you!
Just popping by.Dont get a minute these days. Yes help, help, help needed please! Accept it all girls.
However, I am slowly getting into the swing of things. Euey has put on 27 oz in three weeks on exclusive Bf. He is a right pudding. But I am a little sad he wont be little long
Thinking of you all and wishing you guys were my neighbours. (How much fun would that be!)
I am missing hopefully too. When was her last post?

Take care xx

deb I'm very that you are allowed to start running again. I should be able to go to the gym again just before Xmas and I'm going to register for Race for Life next year to force me to get off my back side.

I too agree with accepting help.

I have realised today how crap I am when left on my own with DS. If my mum's around or it's the weekend and DH is around to hold DS when I'm not feeding, then he seems to be a lot more contented throughout the day as he's had other people to hold him. Today it was just me and DS, and after a fairly contented morning (after sleeping on DH's chest for 2 hours) the afternoon descended into a crying marathon. I was shopping in Sainsbury's and he started crying. I had to walk home with the shopping and a screaming baby for 20 minutes. I stopped a couple of times to try and soothe him but it didn't last long. Since getting home at 3pm I haven't been able to put him down. He's either slept or fed but wakes up and starts crying if I try and put him down.

Have started reading the Baby Whisperer and it's made me feel sick, all the things we've been doing it says are encouraging bad habits and that we'll end up being a slave to the baby. These include: letting him sleep on our chests, co-sleeping, picking him up when he cries and not putting him down as soon as he stops, feeding to sleep, not letting him learn how to fall asleep 'independently', feeding on demand.

So now I feel terrible. We tried the pick up put down thing last night to try and get him in his moses basket. After an hour of this, we gave up and fed him and then continued to let him suckle in our bed. So now we've made it worse because we haven't been consistent - and maybe that's why he's been so clingy today.

I just thought that maybe DS wasn't getting enough sleep at night because everytime he would start to rouse he would sense me next to him and try to feed rather than going back to sleep. He seems to sleep a lot better when he's taken away from me and is with DH or my mum.

People keep saying that DS will find his own routine by 8 weeks. But does that mean we'll be able to start putting him in a cot by 8 weeks...I don't want to be co-sleeping for much longer as I can only cope with the hourly waking at nights if my mum and DH are around to help in the morning.

I'm not expecting DS to sleep through the night...just to limit his wakings to maybe 3 times and maybe go to sleep without me at 8pm(I'm currently going to bed at 9pm and missing my evenings with DH). And perhaps nap during the day without having to be held (which he CAN do, just not if I'm the only one looking after him that day).

Sorry for mammoth post, I am having a 'DG is USELESS' day.

Thanks everyone re accepting help.

Digitalgirl The Baby Whisperer is a fantastic book for putting under one end of your LO's cot when they are suffering with a cold. Er, - that's about it imo.

'These include: letting him sleep on our chests, co-sleeping, picking him up when he cries and not putting him down as soon as he stops, feeding to sleep, not letting him learn how to fall asleep 'independently', feeding on demand.'

I can't see him doing these things at 14 myself, but you never know what can happen if you let these 'bad habbits' form

He might sometimes settle better away from you because he can't smell the milk. He's too young for PUPD. Usually these 'training' methods are recommended from 6 months. Don't worry about being consistent, - seriously, babies are very rarely 'trainable' like this at such a young age and 'most' parents that tell you their LO was, were just very lucky that their LO was amenable to it.

Can you try a mixture of co-sleeping and putting him in the moses basket? i.e putting him in it when you think you can 'get away' with it, but keeping him with you when you feel you might not be able to?

Between 6 and 12 weeks babies 'begin' to settle into a routine-ish, that, once recognised by you can start to be nudged this way and that for your own convenience. It depends on the baby, and just when you think you have it, they'll have a growth spurt or cut a tooth and you'll have to figure it out once more.

Please don't feel bad about not being able to follow the rules of any parenting book, - as someone wise once said 'Every day is an experiment!'

Digital girl you're not useless!!!

I've been reading baby wisperer too and thinking 'oh my goodness I always feed ds to sleep!' but personally I find it good to have things to aim towards, rather than having arrived at them all straight away. I am a routine person by nature, so find the BW flexible routine works well for my brain, and also the unpredictability of a new baby. Following the eat, activity, sleep (never mind the 'you' time!) has given me structure and control and a direction to head towards. Ds is naturally nocturnal, so we're aiming to turn him around by waking him for regular feeds in the day, and keep everything very quiet and dark and night. We have had a few good nights and I know its worth it in the long run! Making sure every feed is a full feed has helped too, waking him with a nappy change if necessary, so he's very contented between feeds until he gets tired. Self-settling to sleep is a long, long, long way off though! One thing at a time though.
Tonight its dd giving us all the trouble. I think she's reacting to having the baby in the house (even though she adores him) and all the people who keep traipsing in, giving presents, playing with her for a bit and leaving again. She doesn't know if she's coming or going poor thing, and at 18 months is too young to understand. We've had quite a few days of boundary testing, and tonight she just won't settle to sleep. She's screaming hysterically til one of us goes in, then she quickly lies down and is very peaceful, just very awake, and screams if we leave again. We don't even have to say anything, just our presence is enough. sigh
Here's hoping everyone gets more sleep tonight!

oh and we're using reusables with both kids and its going great, although I have to use a fleece liner on the bumgenius coz those orange poos were staining the nappy! I love how much smaller a bumgenius is than a bamboozle on a newborn too, means they're not all nappy from the waist to the knees. But the bamboozles are great overnight and look really cute with the newborn wraps

Me again, dh has just bought me a gorgeous Mamaway nursing top from ebay, they're selling last year's designs for £12 instead of the usual £28ish pounds that their stuff costs!

Actually carrieon has a good point imo, about knowing where you're going/aiming and setting VERY small goals. It helps you and your DP to develop strategies for the tough bits, but first figure out what is accepable to YOU, not some book.

I.e. Perhaps you don't mind feeding to sleep, but would rather not co-sleep for much longer!

omg! I've ruined my DD! we let her fall asleep on chest, while feeding, co-sleeping... we did stick to routine with DS, but then he kind of was born on a very good routine. DD is very different, and now we kind of half-co-sleep, just cos I'm so tired when I feed her during the night... Once she drops the 3am feed it'll be easier, as she's started falling asleep on her own in her crib this week... after all they're babies, not machines... it's good to have some structure, and we do have some, but at the same time, well, they've been inside us for 9 months, come out to the unknown and thy're supposed to sleep/feed/poo on demand?!

anyway, I understand the feeling guilty about other DCs, I feel I'm a monster sometimes towards DS = lack of sleep makes me soooo short-fused, he's only 4 and within a wk he had a new baby sis and started big school, I can see he feels left out sometimes as she's quite demanding , and I wish someone offered help (no relatives/friends close by unfortunately..).

The most damaging thing about 'The Baby Whisperer' is how guilt inducing it is for mothers.

Cosleeping, feeding to sleep, rocking to sleep, sleeping on chest, yada yada are not damaging.

Co sleeping etc may not be for everyone or maybe you want to stop these things earlier than other lunatics like myself are willing to do it for, but millions of babies around the world go to sleep in one or more of these fashions everyday. they eventually all grow up and want to leave their parents' sides.

One day, in the not too distant future, that helpless newborn in your arms will demand its own room and shut the door when you would like to come in.

Enjoy these cuddles when you can - and they need/want it. Remember, their needs and wants are the same at the moment.

A much more enlightening book to read at the moment is called The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. The first 3rd of the book is an excellent overview of how infant sleep works in the first 4 months of life and how it changes over the first year. The most developmentally important part of anyone's life as far as brain development goes.

As an aside and in no way meant as a judgment on my behalf: I have read elsewhere on Tracy Hogg was estranged from her own daughter for many years. TH is now deceased, btw. There are some fascinating threads on MN on how many mums find her book damaging - to the parents.

"I have read elsewhere on MN that Tracy Hogg..."

Foxytocin Robyn is 4 weeks tomorrow and yes we are bf. She finally did her poo yesterday and it was huge. She felt a lot better after she had done it and we got 3 hours sleep from her. I defo think she gets a bit constipated, then again she has a really small bum so I guess it is hard to poo out (sorry tmi again)

Fullmoon howler thanks for the links my sling is like the ring ones I need to play around with it to get the best fit I think. What confuses me is it has padded rails but as I am large the rails are all round my back and side. Doh me is probably putting it on back to front.

here is one on how TH damages the parent.

there was a funny enlightening one last year i think on how the lexicon of her book scares you to feeling like you have to fix your baby now or he/she will turn out to be an axe murderer or something. can't find it though.

constipation is about hard poos that come out in little balls. eek! your bf baby is not constipated. her digestive system is maturing. yes they will trump a lot more and seem like they need a poo but like most things, this stage passes soon enough. gotta go get dd ready for nursery - and myself dressed too.

Morning!

Have now finished the antib's and will be back to breastfeeding soon I think. ONly reason HV suggested ff was that baby had an upset tummy, very runny poo's (sorry) and a very sore bum. (she checked it was ok to bf on antib's with a pharmasist, and the nurse checked with the doc before she prescribed them. I also read all the leaflets enclosed that said it was ok) I went along with the ff as I didn't want baby to suffer un-necessarily, and in the end it has only been for a couple of days. He is much more settled now tho so must have been doing something to his insides, poor little man!