Feb 08 - Never mind my wrinkly tum, look what's come out of my baby's bum!

[Gill79]

done it

misnat - don't know what to advise about your situation with your dp but just wanted to say you shouldn't blame yourself for any of it. PND is an illness - not something you choose or have any control over. As for feeling protective of and wanting to be with your baby - that just means you're a normal and good mum. I hope you manage to work things out and do what's right for you xxx

Oh missnat how horrid for you. As rozzy said, PND is not your fault in any way, although am sure it must be hard on the partner as well as the mum. Having read thread about DP's dad I am though. Am sure it is hard for DP to believe his dad is capable of being such a t**ser but that is just horrendous for you. Really awful. No wonder you feel down. Just having that happen to you on it's own would be enough to make you feel dreadful, and I didn't realise you had an EP last year either , no wonder you are extra proud of Henley.

Do you still ever have to see DP's dad? His mum doesn't sound a bundle of laughs either. I am realising fast that my own MIL is in fact lovely, despite me moaning about her in the past.

Do you really think you and DP might split? Does he have a clue how you are feeling? We moved down here away from my friends and family (2hr drive) last summer but thankfully I was not in the midst of PND or any other trauma (except being pg with twins!) and I have found just going to the swings and starting convos with other mums has really helped. I am not able to go to any baby/toddler groups as can't take all three so I rely on trips to the swings to keep me sane. I always talk to everyone! I just start up by saying how gorgeous the little one on the swing next to DS1 is (even if they are hideous of course) and then ask the mum how old they are, and their name etc, and get chatting away... god I am probably renowned at the swings for talking the hind legs off a donkey .

Anyway, I have now exchanged numbers with a few of the mums I have seen regularly down there and it makes me feel so much better. I don't often see my "old" friends, but do keep in touch on email and meet up occasionally.

Sorry for loooooooooooooooong post.

Read you other post missnat, your DPs dad is an idiot. So sorry he's in your life.

Why do you now think its over with your DP? Where are you from originally?

I have got a stomach upset today I feel terrible and DH is out tonight. DS decided to eat cat biscuits yesterday, I found 2 in his mouth and an hour later he went back for more. I should've hidden them better

Thanks everyone

egg i really do think that the only way for us both to be happy is for us to split. Weve both tried and tried harder but nothing ever changes.

I sometimes think that DP thinks i use my PND as an excuse for the way i am with Henley. I lost 2 babies within the space of 5 months (1 EP & 1 MMC) and im terrified of losing Henley. All throughout my pregnancy i was convinced that somehing was going to go wrong. Now that hes here i worry every single day. Im scared that hes going to stop breathing in his sleep. Im that scared that DP bought me one of those Angel Care baby monitors. The one with the sensor mat that Henley can lie on. I just wish i could enjoy motherhood and be happy but its not all the bed of roses i thought it would be. I cant even let DP take him out alone for a couple of hours. Lastnight he wanted to take him to his dads but just the thought of it had me in tears and then we ended up arguing again.

I really need my family but there too far away for me just to pop round for a brew. I feel so alone, especially during the day when its just me and Henley. Henley and DP are the only 2 people that ive got down here.

DP dad is a complete ass. I really REALLY hate him. DPs family think that i should just forget about whats happened and forgive him but i cant. I try and tell DP how i fell but all he says is hes my dad. I hate him for that. If it would have been someone else he would have kicked off with them, but because its his dad its ok.

And his mum, shes a nightmare when it comes to Henley. When she sees him she tries to mother him which he hates. She calls herself his mummy. The other week she even cut his hair. Of course she denied it but hes got a straight line in his hair that seemed to appear over night. She tells DP that he has to take Henley to her house because so and so need to see him. Im just sick of it.

When i had Henley i told everyone that i didnt want any visitors at the hospital for the first 24hrs. No one was happy about it but at the end of the day it was mine and DP s time with our new baby. None of DPs family did as i asked. First his dad turned up . Followed by him mum then sister. I feel like they were all disrespectful for not listening to me.

GOD i hate them all and i hate living down here in their world. Im surrounded by them all and i just can not cope anymore.

All of the above is why DP an i argue. We just cant go on like it anymore.

You are all right PND is an illness. I just wish that i didnt have it. Sometimes i wonder do i have it or is it in my head aand am i using it as an excuse.

Im so sorry for bombardaring (sp?) you all with this. I just have no one else to speak to.

Thanks for listening {my cyber friend}

Missnat you are not being unreasonable. I wouldn't be able to forgive and forget your DPs dads behaviour. Could you go and stay with you parents for a week or so? It would give you someone to talk to.

And don't feel bad about offloading on us, its what we're here for!

I would never let any DC of mine go to your DP's dad's house even if I went aswell, letalone ever without me. He is clearly an untrustworthy and filthy nasty piece of mwork. And I would have pressed the alarm bell if that man tried to visit in hospital when I had just had my baby. I think my DH would not know what had hit him if I was in your situation, but I know it is so hard if you feel like he is all you have nearby.

Could you do as Alkar said and stay with your own family for a week (without DP) so you can really offload and hopefully start to feel a bit happier.

With DS1 I was always terrified something would happen to him, and I think everyone is, but it would be so much harder if you have had MCs or lost a baby before. Can you find some info on both PND and coping after miscarriage online to print out for your DP to read so he can get some idea of how you feel?

Alkar at the cat biscuits! DS2 eats anything he can find on the floor. I have never been so vigilant with the hoover in my life.

Oh and if anyone called themselves "mummy" when referring to any of my children I would go insane. Esp if it was my MIL. Makes me shudder. I presume she is no longer with the arsehole dad?

Missnatalie - the boundaries in these relationships that you are talking about are being trampled on so much that there ARE no boundaries. You are depressed and very vulnerable, with a young baby. I am a counsellor and never come on here in that capacity but your plight has touched me. Feel free to pm me. Alternatively please come on here as much as you can you need support. Can you resume counselling? How did you find counselling? Are you taking any medication? Sorry for the barrage of questions.

Misnat - family is important but some things are unforgiveable - at the end of the day you are henleys mum and your dp should stand by you and support you first. I agree with egg and alkar can you get away for a week or 2 and go and stay with your family? Maybe say you want to go and help your sister out with her new baby if that gets the family off your back? I have never lost a baby so I can't imagine what it must be like for you - henley was also a bit poorly when he was born wasn't he? You say you can't bear to be apart from Henley but do you think part of the problem might be that you don't fully trust your dp - particularly if he's taking them round to his parents who both sound strange/unpleasant. You sound really down sweetie I think some time out would be a good idea. Sending lots of cyber hugs to you.

Alkar - ds1 used to love cat biscuits. Hasn't done him any harm although the purring and mewing are sometimes a bit annoying.

I agree with Rozzy.
I spent some time with my parents and it helped me.
PND and post-natal distress ISN'T in our heads, they are very real and scary.

Morning,

Sorry i didnt come back on yesterday. DP came home from work and then we had a chat so didnt get a chance.

Going to stay with my mum and dad would be a good thing to do but i dont really want to take Henley away from his daddy for a week. DP keeps telling me to go up but i know he wont like it.

My mum is coming up on Monday to look after Henley whilst im in the hospital and then im going back with her on Wednesday. I just wish i lived closer to my parents.

I really dont want DP taking him to to his mums or dads house but i feel like i have no choice. Ive told him how i feel about it and all i get is "but he/shes my dad/mum and Henleys grandparents".

DPs dad has recently been diagnosed with Cancer so im now getting all his family saying that i need to make more of an effort and take Henley round as he might not have long left.

The way i feel right now is that i have no say in anything. Im living down here with DP and his family so i need to live by their ways. I used to be such a strong and confident person but im not anymore. Im just so miserable. Sometimes i just feel like giving up. If i was to just disapear things would be so much easier for everyone. I wouldnt do anything to harm myself though as i dont want Henley growing up thinking that his mum was a coward.

I think the only way for me to feel better is to move away from this place permanantly. Even if its not back to Manchester i could move closer. I just really dont know what to do. Im tired of crying, i really am. I feel like a lost little girl that is being walked all over by DP and his family and i have no energy to speak up for myself.

Im so sorry to put this on you all. Thank you so much for all the replies

Oh missnatalie, I'm sorry about your pils - they sound horrendous. I agree with the others, sounds like it would be good for you to get away for a bit if you can.

Also, if your dp is not protecting you from them or seeing your pov, then maybe you must absolutely put your foot down - hard I know and also you come across as a gentle person who might not like to say No and that's enough. But you have to look after yourself and henley. I hope you can work it out.

also missnat, it is quite understandable you don't want dp to take your ds to his parents - they sound quite untrustworthy. Also, you may feel like a lost girl, but I know you can be a lioness as well and have the strength to deal with this.

missnat I am only down the road from manc so if you want to meet up when you are back at your parents let me know x

oh missnat you are having a terrible time. I'm surprised your dp isn't more supportive, poor you. Cyber hugs coming your way, hun. You are responsible for yourself and your lo at the end of the day and you should do what is best for you two not what everyone else says is best for them. As you live so close to PIL presumably you see them much more often than your own paernts anyway so i can't see any reason why you shopuldn't go and see your parents, afetrall, you can use your inlaws argument...they are your parents/ henleys grandparents. Don't let the cancer thing become a blackmail point either. Many many people survive cancer and it is not a stick to beat you with so that they can get their own way. No one seems to care about your welfare (and in turn henley's either). You are not over protective (and if you are so is just about every mum i know!!! 'cos they all behave in much the same way,e specially with babies).

Take care, get away and if your dp loves you he'll understand and you never know, he might suggest moving back nearer your family, if he realsies how much better you are when you're there.

BTW your father in law is sick and probably prosecutable for harrasing you!

Miss Nat - I think you sound as if you are feeling a bit depressed at the moment. Have you tried MIND or the Samaritans in order to have someone to talk to?

I stayed with my parents in France for 2 weeks when i needed a break (and 2 weeks in London) and I found that DH appreciated Katie and I a lot more when we got back. Also, sometimes it's nice to be back with one's own family.

Just trying to catch up...

MissNat: your DP's Dad is a complete loon! You'd be in your rights to refuse to ever be in the same room with ever again. However much he loves his dad, how can your DP forgive the guy for leching at his girlfriend?

Try to be strong -- if not for yourself, than for Henley. You're very important to him, however imperfect you might be as a mum, you are still essential to him.

• ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

Underwater pix, gingermumi -- who does them, how?

Gotta dash, no time to post at all, I just had this idea... I know it's a bit early to be thinking of next thread titles, but what about
"Feb 08: Lessons in dressing an Octopus" .

ps:
LMM MissNat has already said she's got PND, that's partly what's making it hard for her to be decisive about the old creep goat groper & others in her DP's family.

Hi Everyone,

I'm not on Feb 08 myself but I know Tinksmum and she has recently texted me with the following:

"Hi [APsmum] I'm at women's thought I had BH but I'm in Labour! They're trying to stop it but it's only slowing down at the moment. Women's NNU is full so waiting for a bed elsewhere. Please can you let MN know. If one of Feb wants my number so they can have updates that's coo, they're mostly on Facebook"

She has also texted me just now (I just arrived home and had switched the laptop on to send this message). She says she's in an ambulance on the way to another hospital now.

Really hope they can keep little Tink inside for a bit longer. Will post a similar message in general pregnancy board I think?

Sorry I am so dozy - could anyone point the way to Feb 09 please?!

Was a bit confused there for a minute! Sending good vibes to APsmum anyway! Hope the little one waits a bit longer!

Good luck, to tinksmom i hope the hospital manage to stop her labour!!!!

Sorry i have not been on for a while, i cleaned the keyboard to my pc and it was fine but siddenly stopped working- so couldn't type anything-

Miss Nat i am so sorry to hear you being so down, however u have very good reason to be, i agree you really should go spend some time with your family, wether dp likes it or not its you and your well being thats most important, not his or his families,

You said you have no friends down this way, that must be so hard, i dont know what i would do without a good old moan to a friends every so often, if its any help to you, i am in Redditch, worcestershire which is bout half hours drive from wolverhampton, it would be a pleaseure to meet up if its possible of course,

hi to everyone else,

we have been for a photo session today and they have taken some gorge pics of the four of us, really cannot wait to collect the dvd on monday!!!!! woohoo.

hope all is well with everyone, xxx

am i the only one v confused by the APsmum message?? ... a feb 09 baby would be extraordinarily early... perhaps its a second baby for a Feb 07er?? ooooh, i am curious, i may go on a hunt and find out more .

right my parents have been here and have asked if they could leave some nightclothes and toiletires rather than having to carry them round . i have not told DH... my mum is a shining star but oh my goodness she can be a bit stressful as a nana, i have to do my best not to snap as i'm told what i'm doing wrong. its so unlike her i really am surprised. at least i can take it in my stride and quickly knock it on its head - my poor SIL the other day had to listen to my mum rubbish her adherence to the no runny egg whites before they're one rule . SO out the blue that my mum would turn out to be a bossy and slightly insensitive GP.

sarah, make sure you post some pics for us!

will def add pics SB- cannot wait to see them tomorrow, xxxx

had a manic weekend here, feel like i have fed the 40'000!!!! we had friends for dinner last night, i made mousakka and the fab pancakes again yum yum,

my dp's here for luch today, (not planned but was fine as they bought the roasted beef with them and i only had to do veg etc!!!! ) then my DB arrived with new partner and we have all being playing on the wii for hours and have just rustled up some tea!!!!!!

looking forward to an early night tonight i am shattered,

Hope everyone is ok and had a good weekend, xxx

Hey all.

SB unfortunately I'm pretty sure tinkerbelles mum is due Feb 09. I remember seeing posts by her before - she lost one baby who was born really early and her 2nd was born at around 30 weeks I think although is fine now. I hope the hospital can help her hang on a little longer.