OK - Try again.
PJ - Sorry you've had such a rough time. I agree with the advice you've been given here and I'm glad that your DH has got the ball rolling by saying he's not happy. That's a good start. FWIW, my DH "misses" the old me, as do I. In fact, I was driving through The City on Thursday evening and was aching to be one of the people standing outside one of my old haunts in the sunshine, with a jug of Pimms or a bottle of Veuve. DH seems to suffer more than me though. We used to have these HUGE nights out, pre-babies, where we'd get on so well and just bounce off each other and set the world and our relationship to rights over the course of the night. We really knew how to have a good time. It wouldn't float everyone's boat, but for us, it was a really important thing that we shared and we both miss it. If you and your DH used to share something similar, then I'm not surprised he thinks you've changed. You have, but you have L to fill in the gaps and keep you occupied and he probably just feels like he's lost something important. I know from experience that as your children get older, then you do get some of the "old you" back, but you keep a lot of the "new you" as well. If your DH was more involved in the "new you" and you reassured him that you missed the "old you" as well, then he might not feel so bereft.
We went through a hideous time for the first year we were married, but as SOH said, the way you deal with the lows is really important. We thought more than once that we'd made a mistake, but if you get through the first rough patch, it sets you up to deal with tough times in the future. The first one is the worst. Fight for your relationship now and it won't feel so hard in future.
TMAM - How are you feeling now? I have often thought that life was simpler as a single parent! It passes once I remember the good things about being married. I know you're an old hand at living abroad, but I can't help thinking it must make things harder for you to deal with, especially with double-0 DH away all the time. When I moved here, problems seemed much bigger and harder to handle. I could phone and email friends, but I was out of my place, out of my comfort zone and everything seemed bigger to deal with. I didn't really start to feel better until I'd made some new friends and got really close to them.
April - You and your DH have had a huge lifestyle change. Your financial good fortune won't change you as a person, but surely it must change your behaviour patterns? Certainly I behave differently now, to when DH met me. He used to say I had "changed", particularly after I started working in the City. He even went through a stage of saying I had become "snobbish" and I think (though he denies it), that he used to get irked by me spending "his" money. He'd done all this hard work, yet there was I buying bed linen from Habitat (perish the thought!), where Primark always used to do me before. It's one of those things that's hard to put your finger on - you're still the same person, but everything around you has changed very quickly and you're bound to react to it in some way. I mean, some people win the lottery and don't move house, but most people would and people would say "Oh, they've changed", like it's a surprise or something. I mean, why would I behave in exactly the same way as my poverty-stricken, downtrodden, single-parent self? Since DH met me I have become more confident (through his "coaching" I might add), done a job I never thought I could do, earned four or five times what I used to live on, got married, been fortunate enough to marry someone with a good job, had two more children and am living a lifestyle I never thought possible for me to have. I am still me, I still have the same innate values, but of course I am "different". What I'm getting at (very ineloquently) is that what goes on in your life affects you and you can't help that and can't be expected to. On top of those changes, there's the fact you've given up work. I too am finding this weird. You lose the identity that working gave you. You lose the validation you get from earning a wage and that is HARD. Plus, when you're newly "at home", it's like being new in a job. You're finding your feet. FWIW, I think you're mad not to swallow your pride and get a cleaner. We're both fortunate enough to live in big houses. Don't waste precious time doing a "painting the Forth Bridge" effort into cleaning it when you don't have to. Spend the time with the children, making nice meals and doing little things for yourself and your family. Everyone will appreciate that effort more than the cleaning. Really.
Lupins - I would have a breakdown if my mother had to come and live with me. Only a little thing, but buy some Colour Catcher sheets and if your mum insists on doing mixed washes, ask her to pop a sheet in with each one and then you won't need to worry!
SKY - so sorry about DD's ankle. I hope YOU'RE coping ok and not trying having to do too much.
LG&T - I'm assuming your radio silence is a good thing! Hope Phin is ok. Charley is going to talk dirty to me in your absence. Are you jealous? Huh? Huh?
No news is good news from this end. O is good as gold. Sleeps loads - up to five hours some nights. Feeds well, but usually only every four hours or so. Putting on weight and will probably be signed off next Friday provided the last of his jaundice is cleared.
A is being very good, MOST of the time. She's a right monkey sometimes. Knows how to wind me up. Someone with toddler-taming skills, please step in here! I do try to be positive, "Please give me the remote control, good girl." "A, give the remote control back to Mammy." You know the rest. I end up chasing her (the remote control has been replaced before, incidentally at a cost of £100, so it's not like I can think "ah, f*ck it.") She has "won" because I have got cross, shouted at her and chased her. Same goes for wriggling during nappy change and her trying to put her hands in her poo. My short fuse is the death of my parenting, I tell you.
I think she thinks/ thought O is biting me whilst feeding. She has been biting my toes when I feed him. (Bare feet usually up on footstool.) Have tried to explain, show her the milk, tell her what he's doing, but she seems to like chewing me... Has lessened in last few days though.
On Mars's advice, I have a selection of toys I can play with her whilst O is feeding. Jigsaws and books and so on, but unsurprisingly, she often gets fed up after 15 minutes and starts a wrecking mission. I may just have to completely toddler proof the place and learn to deal with the mess.