May 2008 - we just couldn't wait!

[thefortbuilder]

for everyone who's popped already and congratulations to us all!

boy oh boy this thread is moving fast!

mm- just wanted to say that i feel your anger sweetie, it sounds just like my dh!

mitchell - we lived in Melbourne, my dh has dual citizenship, so in thoery we can move there whenever, very lucky i know but when we did it, it turned out not for us, or so we thought!?! i do love Mlebourne, but being a Cornish country bumpkin living in a city is not for me. If we do go back, we keep talking about it, then we will try Perth and surrounds (better weather, Melbourne is very extreme). You never know we may meet up there one day!! I got a temporary visa, apparently its much easier to apply in oz for full residency than here.

Anyway ds2 is still sleepy after his jabs yesterday so i am off fpr an early night, yay

For those of you having DH probs, i.e. them not doing their bit, all I can say is....make them!!!! I know it might sound awful, and I'm sure I must sound like a right old nag of a wife, but right from the word go with DD1 I made sure DH was involved, I pretty much insisted he did things (I am lucky cos he is very good), and now we really share things out childcare-wise, it's just become the norm. I am quite horrified when I read what some of you poor lasses have to put up with. When I returned to work after DD1, DH decided he wanted to 'have her' one day a week, so she only goes to the CM 1.5 days. I realise this isn't possible for a lot of people (he works shifts and my boss was very flexible with which days I work), but I'm sure that's why he's so good with the girls. Maybe try leaving the babies with them for half a day or so, or even a few hours (if you're BFing) and go and have a bit of me time. Sometimes it's good to be a little bit selfish, and it's not even selfish really, you all deserve it.
I just feel that you have to do it when the babies are young, or you 'miss the boat'. It's a bit like if you got married or moved in together, and you decided to do all the housework and cooking etc, DH's would get used to this then it would be a hard habit to break....get them as involved as possible and do it sooner rather than later!!! If they moan about being tired, just tell them to have the kids for a few hours, they'll soon realise how you get tired too.

Thanks pina Yes I managed to go swimming (50 lengths ) without too much of an allergic reaction. A bit sniffly later on in the evening but no-where near as bad as it was . Although I did get told off for going in the over 50's lane!!

DH's cousin's wife had her long awaited baby last night, a wee boy!! She was induced and nothing was happening, so she ended up having a section....but after baby came out, the surgeon said "oh! that's not right!!" and basically she'd had an ectopic on the right a few years ago, but for some reason they had tied off her left ovary aswell (hmmmm, no wonder she couldn't get pregnant naturally ) and it had gone gangrenous !!! They removed it and said it could have been life threatening. She had been to the (crap) G.P. twice with pain in her back/side and they just said it was a urine infection (without even testing her urine ).
I really feel that the little fella wouldn't come out even when she was induced cos he wanted them to open mummy up cos otherwise this wouldn't have been found, and it doesn't bear thinking about how that could have ended. I am so at the hospital who did this!!!!

YCBS Did you get my text msg?? Not sure if I wrote the number down correctly. I am still on for what we planned tomorrow, 12-12:30pm. Send me a text to confirm.

DD1 still doing really well on the potty. Only one accident today (wee), and she managed two 20 min car journeys and 5 wees at my SIL's house, where it was very hectic and there was lots going on, but she still asked to go when she needed to!!! Went to bed in her nappy and 10 mins later was beside herself crying cos she'd done a poo in her nappy...bless her!!!

Right, signing off. Will try and check in the morning YCBS in case I didn't send you a text!!!

LM xxx

Hi all, had more sleep soback to feeling fine again! Can' I second what LM says about how shockingly unhelpful some DPs are on here? My DH has mentioned how this time he doesn't seem to be able to help with J as much- that's because he's so busy with K. With K he looked after her every evening- I went to be about 7 pm, she'd be asleep downstairs, and DH was on duty until 11 pm with a bottle of EBM so I at least got one stretch of sleep. We're doing things very differently this time, and I never seem to have time to express, but he's still getting them both to look after while I get some 'me time'. I do hate having to ask if I can have a shower though....but I still find it excellent ' me time' - can't hear anyone crying! DH hasn't been able to get so much of his 'me time'(oops) but he gets to go out to work, and he gets a whole 10 minutes each way in the car on his own, so atm its tough luck!
Forgotten what the point was, if I even ahd one, J crying so thats it for another day!
Mumofkandj

I've been thinking too how unhelpful some DHs seem. It's not easy when they are working but it's not easy for us either and like other people have said if they're not forced to do it, how will they bond with the bab?
Well I've been struggling with inland revenue here in Spain for about 2 months now to get the 2500euros everyone's entitled to for having a baby and I've finally got it sorted today so should be getting that plus 100euros a month backdated to April at the end of this month...yippeeee!

Phew! Thanks for backing me up girls, I was a bit scared to come on MN today in case I got linched for being maybe a bit too honest about the DH thing . DH is brilliant with my girls, however, having spent a whole week at home with us, and a lot of time with DD1 potty training her (yes I really must give him the credit, I've hardly done a thing, but tbh, she did it mostly herself anyway!) the cracks are starting to show, he looks knackered and is definitely not as patient as he usually is with her!!! He didn't even want to bath her tonight, and that never happens!! I have been gently trying to explain to him that this is why I sometimes am at the end of my tether when he gets home from a 12 hour shift, DD1 is lovely but at the end of the day she is a 2 yr old and a very demanding.

However, no accidents at all today so yippeee, we seem to have cracked the potty!!

Met YCBS and Harry for lunch which was lovely .

Better go and feed my screaming baby....

I think would be my response YCBS!!!

Well i think ALL of you are lucky. My DP does very little at all with our Lo. I think he has changed her nappy twice since she was born and both times were assisted by me.
He will feed her, but only when i am juggling something like our tea and feeding her. and even then its just bottle in and watch Tv, i ask have you winded her and he says nope im no good at that. and when i complain he does very little he simply says well you go out and work 7 days a week to put food on the table etc etc.

I actually feel very alone and if it wasnt for that fact this is my house i would pack my bags and leave sometimes.

What amazes me most was he wanted this baby more than i did, yet he spends very little time with her and one night i realised he had come home from work and gone out after and not even asked how she was or seen her ( she was asleep upstairs). I've been away from her once in 11 weeks that was for 45 mins and the whole time i just thought of her. so when your all feeling with your dh or dp's, think of me with mine, or without him as the future may be if things continue

Pina - I'm in Timperley, South Manchester so maybe half an hour or so from Stockport.

babylove21 - sorry to hear about your dp not helping out, it's so annoying that some men don't think looking after a baby is as hard as going out to work, when you are actually doing longer hours than they are! Luckily my dh is very good at doing stuff with dc, so i can't complain.

Bad mummy alert - ds fell 3 feet off the changing unit that we have in the kitchen yesterday! I put him on there and turned my back for probably 10 seconds while i was getting his bottle ready and the next thing i know there's a thud and i turn round and he's lying face down on the floor. It seems he must have pushed himself up with his feet and gone head first over the end of it, flipped over and landed on his front. Luckily he only cried for a few seconds and then seemed fine so we didn't bother going to A&E as know we'd have to wait around for hours. He seems fine today so looks like a lucky escape from injury but felt so guilty!

Hello everyone. I feel a bit shy about leaving a message because I haven't been on in so long but I've been following the messages and pleased to read that you are all doing so well.

All the babies sound brill too. Great!! Baby Alex is nearly 12 weeks and just a gem.

Hope you all have a lovely Saturday.

Mocat xx

Hi mocat i remember you, and i think we are all short of time to leave messages so dont feel akward.

indigo blue, lucky lucky lucky lol. i alwyas wanted one of those change stations but didnt have the money. i use my mat on the spare bed, but i suppose the risk of falling is the same. dd is on lap not looking impressed with mn so i best go.

babylove I am at your DP, what is it with these men??!! A friend once told me that if you paid a person for what a SAHM does, i.e. all the childcare and housework etc, they would be on about £36K......
I think a lot of these men need such a kick up the backside. If I were you I would tell your DP that sometimes you would lovingly swap places and go out to work while he has DD. When DD2 was still only weeks old and I was finding it hard with her and DD1 (a toddler) when DH was at work, he used to moan about having to go to work while I was lucky enough (ha ha!!) to stay at home with the girls. I used to look him in the eye and say " I would seriously rather be at work than have to be doing this right now". NOw, whether that makes me a bad mother??? I don't know, but I am fortunate enough to love my job and so I actually meant it. I don't think these men realise that although they are working, it's just not as wearing as a crying baby all day long......

indigoblue sounds like you had a lucky escape!! I had one of those units with DD1, but gave it to my SIL when she had her son, so we don't have it now, I just use a change mat on the floor, and tbh, it's much easier as I can just leave her there while I go and wash my hands or whatever afterwards. Word of warning to you all though, my DH (paramedic) once went to a 5 month old baby who had suffocated and died as he had been left to sleep on his changemat and managed to pull it on top of himself.......

Had a good day here. We ventured into town with DD1 and our travel potty (which, btw, is FAB, it's called a potette and £6.99 from mothercare). She did really well, no accidents and asked for a wee in Tesco but managed to hold it in til we got to the loos!!! She even did a poo in it earlier with much less apprehension....I think we can safely say we've cracked it. I can't believe this time last week she was still in nappies all the time!! We had one less bag of rubbish for the binmen this week!!

So sorry for being a potty-training bore for the last week!!! .

YCBS Glad to hear your DH is helpful in other ways, a meal cooked and all the washing up sounds very impressive!! I liked the look of the park the other day, we are going to go again on Monday with DH and both girls, DD1 will love the water fountains!!

Have a nice Saturday evening all of you

LM

Just watched a bit of a programme on Living channel called 'Mums on strike', it's quite obvious what it's about, maybe try and casually watch it with your DP/DH's !!!

hi all

the dp/ dh issue is a hot one isn't it. i also remember madly envying dp going off to work while i stayed at home looking after ds1. i like my job too (most of the time) and it was such a shock going from that environment to being at home all day doing something i didn't think i was very good at!

i'm sure a lot of men feel completely out of their depth with a baby, however much they wanted it. not excusing them, just trying to explain some of it maybe? reality of screaming newborn is pretty different from most people's ideas of what having a baby will be like. many of us mothers must find ourselves thinking 'was this really such a great idea?' especially with the first one (the beauty of second babies is you know they change...) and i just think it's easier for men to be mentally/ physically absent if they want to. in the early weeks/ months babies are so dependent (and frankly pretty unrewarding) but mothers have to step up to the mark even if sometimes they don't want to.

really feel for those who are not properly supported in this really difficult and demanding job . ((hugs))

we're doing ok here. gradually finding things to do with ds1 that don't rely on ds2 being asleep, lol. ds2 is much more focused on what's going on around him especially his big brother (handy!) - yesterday he sat on my knee for ages watching happily while i helped ds1 make a big sea picture. i felt like 'look at me coping!!' so unusual for me to feel like that

ds2 is still doing a fair amount of evening screaming especially late at night luckily ds1 sleeps like a log so the screeching doesn't wake him up! on the plus side ds2 is sleeping for longer stretches so i no longer feel like the living dead most days.

and most excitingly i have now been out for a run twice!!!!!!! first time i felt like pants but this morning was great, almost like old times, ah it was lovely to be out.

YCBS don't be ridiculous, you have absolutely no reason to be . Have sent you another email (((hugs)))

pina your eveing sounds like a nightmare! Well done you for coping so well. Let's hope tonight is better.

asics well done on the run. I went on DH's rowing machine yesterday for 15 mins, felt good but oh boy, I ache today!
Glad you are having some 'I'm such an amazing coping mummy' moments...it's lovely when they happen isn't it?!!!

Well DH has decided to come to church with us today . So I'd better go and get ready!

hi all! Mocat i am the same as you, just never het to posting but do read up on here.
DH has just gione on a course for 2 weeks so had a talk with DS about him being the man of the house now. he's on report at school and i so hope he pulls his sox up !
have a good week everyone
and pina - i'm on slimming world too - my weigh i n is 2moro!
jbr xxx

Hi everyone

Indigoblue...OMG you must have been so worried! Hope Jamie is OK. I change DS in the middle of the opened out sofa bed (so as big as a double)now partly cos I was worried he'd fall of where I was changing him before.

Babylove can you have a talk to DH about things? You can't keep going on as you are. I hope things work themselves out.

Pina god, what an evening! And men don't get that do they? DHs would be like "I can't cope with all this" after about 10 mins. If he moans about untidines give him a (metaphorical) slap!

asics Well done on the run, I'm off for a swim today.

JBR hope you manage with DH away. How's DS1 coping with the new arrival and the upheaval?

Hope I haven't forgotten anyone.
Well we went to the beach for the weekend and it was LOVELY . Ds was AMAZED by it all. He spent the whole time gazing around him and didn't sleep all day. It was like he couldn't bear to shut his eyes and miss anything. Then unfortunately screamed all the way home..overtired I think! But it was fab to get away. We took SOOOOOO much stuff though even the baby bath!

Hope you all had a nice weekend...xx

Hugs for everyone with unhelpful DPs. I'm shocked at what some people think is acceptable. my DH and I discussed how household jobs would be split before J arrived, and I suspect it helps that I was knackered when pg so did much less than normal- so DH had to do more or put up with pissed off huge hormonal woman! TBH, he has 2 older sisters and I think I got him well trained before he moved in,and we've always shared housework and earning.
How our jobs go-sorry, its more to say what a bloke can do, mine works 38 hrs out of the house- not as much as some,though,I'm sure. He changed jobs so his commute is shorter to get a better balance in his life, and is planning on working less/stopping work when I go back to work. I guess he's one 'extreme' of how helpful a bloke can be, I know I'm very lucky and not many of my RL friends have partners ready to be stay at home dads either!
He expects to get up first (he's always been more of a morning person) so he deals with DD1s 5.30 am morning call. He makes us all breakfast, he does his own and DD1s packed lunches, gets DD1 dressed usually. He cooks tea most days, does supermarket shopping (I've not been allowed for years coz i spend too much), and generally puts DD1 to bed- but I'm fighting to do bedtime DD1 more, I miss her. No wonder he was depressed (he's doing much better now)!
With that list, I feel I need to justify that I do actually do something at home . I do the washing,vaccing, cleaning, washing up, cooking to fill the freezer, and a fair amount of baking (daily bread, etc),plan and plant the allotment (he does the major digging over,weeding, we share harvesting but K's had all the strwaberries!) cut the grass,ummm. I do the packing up,and storing of clothes for the girls, and of course all the other shopping!oh yes, and do most things for J...
I remember DH wanting insrtuctions for looking after DD1 when she was new- we found it tons harder last time! My suggestion for leaving DP, or actually any trusted person with your baby for the first few times write down what you expect. e.g. when starts crying try a) picking up and jiggling,if that doesn't work try b) changing nappy, then try c), d) e) etc. Put down if being a bit sick is normal for your child, and list what to use for changing a nappy (any creams to put on all the time, or only if red skin). Personally I found writing a list made me more comfortable about leaving her with anyone, despite my mum rarely reading it!
I totally agree with LM about leaving them to it, even if its just half an hour to begin with. These little ones are amazingly tough, so if these blokes need practice to get the hang of things, a few short spells (and a tough mum who isn't going to take over!) will hopefully let them realise they can do it too.
I'm sorry if any of this offends anyone, that isn't my aim, just giving some suggestions I wish I'd been given when K was tiny.HTH