July 2023 babies

[Summermeadowflowers]

Hello everyone! So this is a continuation of the pregnancy thread(s) as we’re almost full.

DD was born by elective section on July 18th. Her older brother was born following an emergency section after a failed induction in December 2020 and I didn’t want to go through that again! It was a lovely chilled experience and I was a bit nervous waiting but felt like I was in good hands. I was also home the next day.

Feeding has been tricky for us. I really wanted to breastfeed but as with DS, DD hasn’t taken easily to it and struggles to latch. Nipple shields help to an extent although are not a cure all but she doesn’t get much milk and ends up frustrated anyway. I’ve mostly been expressing for her but realistically don’t know how long I can keep it up. It’s a shame as I do really want to breastfeed but it isn’t happening!

Oh and my wound is infected … lovely!

How is everyone else?

@RandomCatGenerator dont feel remotely bad. We’ve upped DS’ pre school days and my MIL also comes round once a week for lunch until my husband is home. I currently only have both kid’s on my own for 1.5 days and I still find it exceptionally hard. It’s going to stay like this until DC2 is 3 months then I’ll reassess, but currently I just don’t think I’d cope and I want to vaguely enjoy mat leave this time round.

I agree, I don’t think anyone should feel bad about getting some help. We decided to keep our nanny for the 3 days a week she usually does all through the summer holidays even though DH and I are both on shared parental leave. With 4 children it would have been a nightmare and it has actually help our toddler to still feel like he gets attention because he goes out with her for one on one time while I am home with the baby.

Last night was horrible and I feel like a zombie today, I have also pulled my shoulder so picking up the children is physically painful 🙄 probably happened on my misguided attempt at a walk the other day 😂
However DH has pulled it out of the bag and booked me a pamper session this afternoon as a surprise! The only problem is that I have to pump some milk off and leave the baby for 2.5 hours.... so my question is, how much milk should I try to pump off for a 4 week old for 2.5 hours ?
also, am I mad for even attempting it ? (I fear I may just cry and run home after 30 mins because I miss her or am worried I’ve somehow given her separation anxiety 😅)
all advice gratefully welcomed

@Loveteathebest

A pamper session sounds much needed - you must go! I’ve left my baby for a hospital visit and a reflexology session so far, and both baby and father survived!

Presumably that length of time equates to one feed, so 90ml would be about right - maybe a little more in case you’re held up?

There’s guidance here: https://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/pumping/milkcalc/

Thank you very much @BackOfTheMum5net that is a great help and very good to hear everyone survived :)

I have managed 100ml so hopefully that will see them through. I will try to feed her all the way to the top before I go out as well

Go for it @Loveteathebest ! We’re combo feeding with a bottle or 2 of formula a day this time round so I have the option of a few hours away in the future. I’m so impressed you have managed to pump with 4 kids! Enjoy and update us how it goes!

Thank you for the very kind words and reassurance - I really appreciate it ❤️

The nursery guilt is real. There are always those posters on any childcare thread who pops up with ‘why did you even have kids if you never want to see them?’ There are lots of stay at home mums around me who I’ve got to know through the church playgroup, and two of them have kids who are about a year on from my DS1 and DS2 (so say 1yr and 3yrs). They’re open about finding it hard sometimes, and they don’t come across as judgemental of my choices at all, but for them nursery is solely to socialise their kids before they start school. Whereas I love DS1 dearly and love spending time with him, but nursery benefits us both, as they stimulate and educate him in a way I absolutely couldn’t every single day.

A nanny sounds like a great solution for you, @Loveteathebest, as you have four kids (I cannot even fathom how you juggle four of them!). DS1 was born in India and we had a nanny (ayah) for a while - she adored him and the one to one attention she gave him when DH and I sometimes weren’t able to was definitely beneficial in making him feel confident and secure.

Can I ask everyone, if you’re comfortable with sharing - is anyone else London based? I’m done 2/3 of west London.

I’m east midlands based @RandomCatGenerator . Looking forward to taking DS to see London one day!

Today has mostly gone well although I hurt DS without meaning to - I pulled him away from DD, who was in her bouncy chair and he tripped and bumped his face into the sofa. Feel horrible. But why oh why can’t they just follow a simple instruction first time - why does it have to get to tears? (I know - toddlers.)

I think a lot of SAHMs have a lot of family support. I know - not all do and maybe some have exceptionally compliant, quiet kids but certainly the SAHMs I know have additional help, although a friend of mine didn’t now I think about it.

I mean, one of the mums has an absolute horror of a toddler but seems to cope very well…you’re right about family support though, that’s a good point.

How DO you get a toddler to listen to you? And how do you get them not to laugh at you when you tell them off?! DS1 kicked DH in the balls the other day when they were on the sofa and DH shouted at him, and DS1 just laughed and tried to do it again…

Success! I managed to go out and relax which is a minor miracle :)
I came home to a sleeping baby who had the bottle no problem even though it was the first time and went back to sleep! DH is very impressed with himself 🥰 and the toddler is even happy.
I feel like pumping off all the milk and getting DH to do the night time feeds from today 😂
I’ve also just informed him that as I’ve had my nails done I can’t do anything, including changing nappies, for at least another hour :)

I have to say that I have no guilt whatsoever @RandomCatGenerator my little boy loves the nanny and so do I 😂 she even take the two older ones out when they are off school and they love it as well so everyone is happy ! I used to have mum guilt so badly when my teenager was first born but then I realised that if the baby is happy then so am I and I just let go of the guilt. It’s not easy though and it takes time but ultimately it helped me.

oh I’m sorry @Summermeadowflowers toddlers never listen and sometimes accidents happen. I’m sure he was ok though and forgot about it in mins, my toddler cries so much when I have to pull him off whichever piece of furniture he has climbed and I sit him on the floor, like his little world has ended but into every life a little rain must fall and they have to learn to listen ! Which they will, in the end 🙄 stay strong, you are doing great !

How is everyone feeling about the bank holiday? Any exciting plans?

@RandomCatGenerator No plans here, just gonna be another day for me!

Torvi was up all day yesterday from 7am to midnight with just two 30 minute naps! Then slept midnight to 5:30am. Bet its just because of her shenanigans, she's slept most of today too. When awake though she's so smiley and content.

I've moved her onto size 2 teats as of today. Feeding is much more efficient! She had her 8 week review on Tuesday and her first lot of vaccinations. Weighing in at 11lb 2oz.

Urgh we’ve got the opposite. DC2 has slept most of the last few days (having woken every hour overnight). The small amount of awake time he’s had he’s been really fussy and miserable. Hoping it’s a 6 week thing 😵‍💫 we’re supposed to be going out for lunch to a nice pub tomorrow for DH’s birthday - it’s a shame I feel so frazzled! Do you have plans @RandomCatGenerator ?

It's mine and DH 1st wedding anniversary on Sunday but we are really not sure what to do, want to do something to celebrate (obviously) but with DS being so unsettled, we aren't really sure what 😭
Just when I think the gaviscon is working, severe wind pain kicks in for him and even though he's trumping till his heart is content (at times) he's crying in pain as he does it and he just will not bring up a burp after either being on the boob or having a bottle of expressed 😭

@Rutennotou how were the jabs? Any after effects? DS has his on Friday and I am not looking forward to them. We also both have our 6-8 week check appointments with the doctor first and then onto the nurse for jabs so going to be a loooong appointment which I'm not looking forward to.

@AnxiousAnnie94 She was sleepy and off her feeds for the rest of the day but was fine the next day. I just gave her a couple of doses of calpol. Review Appointment and jabs done in 20 minutes so hopefully you won't be kept too long!

@Rutennotou oh lovely thank you! I get so worried about him being ill and off his feeds in case he gets dehydrated, but fingers crossed he will be okay :)

Every couple of days or so DD really struggles to nap and is unsettled and grumpy, culminating in hysterics by evening before collapsing in exhaustion. Today was one of those days! I am becoming accustomed to her ‘ways’ and went on an hours walk with her in the sling where she slept, but she’s still been awake waaay too much.

We have nothing special planned but it’s nice to have DH around. I don’t like him wfh - it’s easier when he’s in the office. We’re hopefully sorting the children’s bedrooms although DD won’t be in hers for a while it’s nice for them to have their own space. DS is moving to a proper bed this next week!

I hope it isn’t too terrible, @habiller !

I am having similar problems with daytime naps, it’s the age, I think. It’s a long and exhausting day though. DS at least would sleep in the car but DD doesn’t.

Omg SAME! Dd was awake since around 8am yesterday although she was restless all night. During the day she would only nap in your arms and even then not for long. Yesterday was such a blur. However, she was absolutely exhausted by the evening and slept several hours. I had to wake her in the end as it got to 5 hours since her last bottle. She slept after this. I feel a bit more human now I've had some sleep. She's nearly 8 weeks now!

This might sound ridiculous but has anyone mastered ‘putting their baby down for a nap’? I tried when DC2 was about 3 or 4 weeks and it was an unmitigated disaster. Got into an overtired screamy mess. We are lucky in that he will currently nap in the pram, the sling, the car seat and sometimes on the boob (if very tired) without protest which is super handy on days DC1 is around as it means we can go out. But it would be so lovely to be able to ‘put him down’ on my days off. I’m tired of being out of the house all day to get him to nap (he fights the sling inside but is happy as Larry in it out the house 🙄). Does anyone have any tips or is it just too damn early? (he’s 6, nearly 7 weeks)

‘My days off’ being the days the 3 year old isn’t around 😂

I hear you. I read Gina Ford before I had DS and she talks about ‘put baby down for nap at X time.’ It’s still a mystery to me. I could put DD down but she’d still be awake three hours later! She’ll sometimes sleep in bed with me, though.

Hi @VivaVivaa i do indeed put my LO down for her naps. She sleeps in her cot next to my bed at night and I put her down in there in the day time when she isn’t in the pram.
I put the pram up in the house which is a great help, there is background noise so the baby isn’t in a quiet room and she gets used to sleeping with all the craziness of our house !
I also find that having white noise on where she is sleeping helps her stay settled and I wrap her in her blanket before I feed her or rock her so that when I put her down the temperature doesn’t suddenly change around her. She is 5 weeks old and has been doing this for a few weeks now :) hope this helps

So. We are trying to get into a routine of putting him to bed at the same time as us (or DH at least, I tend to faff around doing housework and playing on my phone…) around 21:00. We plan to gradually draw that back so that we put him to bed at 19:00-ish once he starts eating less frequently. This is so that he gets used to a ‘bedtime’ that will stick once he’s a toddler, either once he gets his own room (well, a shared room with DS1 anyway) or before.

We haven’t managed to ‘put him down’ for naps however. I do however try to make sure he sleeps for at least 2 hours over lunchtime, as this is a good routine to get into. I don’t mind if it’s on me, as long as he does have a good long sleep at that time. If he isn’t on me, he’s in the Sleepyhead / Dock-a-Tot in the living room.

When he gets a bit older - again, once he’s in his own room / in a cot - we’ll put him in his room for this long lunchtime nap.

I think it’s probably a bit early to try putting him down for naps in his bed during the day - mine is the same age as yours @VivaVivaa. I think their routines are still evolving too much. Plus, in my opinion, it’s still more important to get them used to noise and light when they’re napping, so they don’t get used to napping only in pitch black silence. We prioritised this for DS1 and you can now basically put up shelves elsewhere in the flat and it won’t stop his nap.

If you do want to start getting into a clearer routine now though, perhaps look up Gina Ford ‘the Little Contented Baby’ series. She’s a bit of a marmite author as some of her views seem a bit harsh and old fashioned. For example, she thinks babies should always sleep in their own room, even newborns. However, I know a few people who have used her books to create a sleeping routine for their baby, even quite early on. If you take her as guidance / inspiration, shes a good place to start in my opinion. We used her weaning book this way to good effect.

On napping, DS2 is a pretty sleepy baby. But he’s basically guaranteed to nap on me. It isn’t ideal, but it is a good starting point when I NEED him to go to sleep lest he get upset and fractious.

Our main issue with sleep at the moment comes down to wind / poo issues. We seem to have gone backwards: having had great success in helping his digestive system by using the anti reflux formula between 2 weeks and now, we have now reverted to great strains and pained yelling. Also, dark green poo?!. Going to ask the doctor about it at the six week check next week.