July 2023 babies

[Summermeadowflowers]

Hello everyone! So this is a continuation of the pregnancy thread(s) as we’re almost full.

DD was born by elective section on July 18th. Her older brother was born following an emergency section after a failed induction in December 2020 and I didn’t want to go through that again! It was a lovely chilled experience and I was a bit nervous waiting but felt like I was in good hands. I was also home the next day.

Feeding has been tricky for us. I really wanted to breastfeed but as with DS, DD hasn’t taken easily to it and struggles to latch. Nipple shields help to an extent although are not a cure all but she doesn’t get much milk and ends up frustrated anyway. I’ve mostly been expressing for her but realistically don’t know how long I can keep it up. It’s a shame as I do really want to breastfeed but it isn’t happening!

Oh and my wound is infected … lovely!

How is everyone else?

That subs horrible @rach971 Is she on antibiotics?

Oh no! Sounds lots of us are poorly at the moment! Seems strange with the weather being so warm?!

I started with a sore throat and headache, little bit sneezy and sniffy, but now I just have a bit of a bunged up nose and a horrible annoying cough! Especially at night when I am trying not to wake DS up as he's only going 2 hours at a time anyway, I don't want any less than that!
I have no idea how I will know when DS has caught it (I would like to say if, but he's with me so much it will be a miracle if he doesn't) as mine started with a sore throat and headache and he can't tell me if he has those and he's always crying to do with his reflux and wind. So I won't be able to give calpol to make him feel better. So I am really worried. He's been much more unsettled last night/ this morning and refused his bottle which wasn't like him, so I assumed sore throat and gave him some calpol, but then 10 minutes later we had a poo explosion which we had been waiting for for 2 days, however even though he had a massive, runny (thanks lactulose) poo, it didn't seem to settle him and his tummy still seems sore and he's still straining. Is that normal after constipation? Is it likely to be something that takes a few days to feel better?
Also, anyone have any tips for making it not hurt him when he trumps? I'm pleased it's coming out, but he's screaming each time it does, don't know if that's to do with the constipation or trapped wind or reflux or all three?
I took DS off of gaviscon yesterday as he hasn't pooed and being on gaviscon and omeprazole which are both known to constipate was worrying me, so am doing a little test to see if he's much worse without the gaviscon.

Has anyone ever used an osteopath? I've been recommended one. I don't believe in it AT ALL as how can touch or whatever it is they do, make anything better? However, at this point, I am willing to try anything, but don't want to spend out money if any of you have reviews of it being useless.

I just feel like the worst mum as I can't make him better and it's really taking a toll on our family life as me and DH can't really do anything as he's so unsettled and also we are missing out on 'us' time and I don't want us to lose being us and not just mum and dad, don't know if that makes sense or if that's just because I'm an emotional new mum.

We’ve got the cough/cold/headache bug as well. Has really hit us all hard. @AnxiousAnnie94 sympathy - DH and I also have had bad chesty coughs that are dreadful overnight especially when we don’t want to wake DC2! If it’s any consolation I’d say DC2 has got of easiest. He’s snotty and sniffly and quite pissed off (but that could just be being 7 weeks 🙃) but actually he’s nowhere near as poorly as 3 yo DC1 has been with it.

The crying when passing gas - I don’t want to go against anything else you’ve been told but I thought this was a developmental thing? DC2
does it, especially overnight. I thought it was normal albeit hard to hear. It could be due to constipation from the meds though I suppose. Hopefully it’ll settle now you’ve knocked the gaviscon on the head. Also weirdly, both of my DC have done the straining, red faced crying thing when they are in need of sleep - worth a thought. So hard for you.

We saw an osteopath with DC1. I thought it was utter quack. After the first session DC1 basically slept for 10 or so hours straight only waking to feed. We couldn’t believe it. But the next day he was back to being really unsettled and with each session we saw less to no affect. Can’t explain the first session though.

I saw a cranial osteopath with DS when I couldn’t get him to breastfeed. It made no difference as far as I could see. I was a bit disappointed when my lactation consultant suggested it for DD - I didn’t bother. I’m getting a little cynical about it all!

First swimming lesson for DD and she still hasn’t slept. Her daytime naps are really becoming a little bit of a concern - I remember DS being unsettled at this age but not this resistant to sleep. She’s been awake since she woke at 8, finally fell asleep on the way back from swimming but then woke after half an hour. So in six hours, half an hour sleep - that’s really bad and I can’t even blame DS as he’s at nursery today. I’ve tried everything though so … 🤷🏼‍♀️

@AnxiousAnnie94 you’re not the worst mum ever, I’m actually in awe of how well you’ve coped. I hope that doesn’t sound condescending, it isn’t intended to!

@Summermeadowflowers thank you.
On paper, I am hoping really well, but in my head, not so much.

Is it wrong that I just feel so jealous? Jealous of the people I see on social media who are taking their babies out to restaurants, cafes etc? Jealous that it must mean their babies don't cry. Jealous of the mums in this group who's babies sleep well and don't seem to cry all the time? Jealous of my husband who gets to go out to work, comes home at 6, has tea made for him, has a quick cuddle with DS before handing him back because he can't settle him. Jealous of him because he gets a full night sleep and doesn't hear DS grunting and wriggling and doesn't have to breastfeed him at least every two hours in the night.

Then I feel like I'm letting DS down because I can't do as much as I want to do with him. He hates laying in his pram due to his tummy pain, so now I don't take him for nice walks, so I don't get out that way like I want to. He now doesn't like his car seat, so I don't tend to go out in the car unless I absolutely have to. I think he's bored of the house, but I don't know what else I can do as he cries going anywhere.

Then I worry I'm creating bad habits for him as when he falls asleep, I let him sleep on me for hours as I fear he will wake up if I put him down. He's 9 weeks and I don't put him down awake as he just cries.
Is it normal that I absolutely hate hearing him cry if he's with someone else or if I put him down to do something? Like I cannot bare it as I feel that I'm letting him down.

He genuinely is being carried by me or sitting on my most of the day and I don't think it's normal. He sleeps on me or is being carried round by me trying to settle him. He will maybe have an hour a day in his swinging chair which he will occasionally sit in happily so I can cook tea, if I'm lucky. But surely that's not normal? I think I am creating bad habits for him and worry he will never happily go to other people and worry that I will never be happy with him going to others and I know how to settle him easier and I know he's in pain.

I don't know, I think I'm just coping (loosely) because what else can I do?

@Summermeadowflowers @AnxiousAnnie94My 9 week old daughter doesn't really nap during the day either. She's happy to be held by me, DP, my family or sit in the bouncy chair/lie on the play mat. She's always ready to play which is cute but I'm not sure how much babies need to sleep. @AnxiousAnnie94 I haven't ventured out much with dd either. I go on short walks with her in the pram but not everyday. I've only put her in a car seat to go and visit great grandparents (my grandparents - 1hr visit for each set) and to the doctor's. I went to a coffee shop recently but I didn't take dd with me because the thought of it gave me anxiety and I'm not sure why.

Oh darling it is completely normal and understandable to feel jealous. I used to irrationally hate anyone I saw pushing a bassinet when DC1 was a newborn because he would just scream until he was sick in his. I also used to hate my DH for having the break of work. Kindly, it sound like your DH needs to do more - why can’t he take DS out in the sling or the pram when he gets in for an hour? Evening walks often settle babies and it gives you a much needed break. Even if he doesn’t settle
it gives you a break from the crying. DH has done it with both our babies and it has been invaluable. DS1 was a ‘cry all the time’ baby and he’d crash out in the sling of an evening without fail. Also, I’d question why your DH gets to have a full night sleep? Why cant he pitch in with nappies or winding overnight?

I know you are in the absolute thick of it but just to remind you social media isn’t real. You don’t see all the hired help in the perfectly curated photos. Of course their babies cry, they just don’t share the shit bits. I’d be more worried about a baby that didn’t cry then did tbh.

He genuinely is being carried by me or sitting on my most of the day and I don't think it's normal

Im sorry, but I think this is normal for a lot of 9 week olds. Your baby comes out with their own needs and some babies are just a lot more sensitive than others and need a lot more soothing. Having a high needs baby is tough, especially if they also have reflux, but it won’t be this way forever. You really aren’t creating ‘bad habits ‘. Newborn phase is literally about survival and there isn’t anything that can’t be changed in the future. And it is completely normal to feel sick at them crying. Those with low crying babies probably don’t understand but it drove me to the edge with DC1.

If it’s any consolation I wouldn’t say DC2 is a particularly settled, potato baby. He often goes bonkers in the evening. Most car journeys end in screaming. Naps are horrendous and have never happened in the Moses baskets. He grunts and thrashes for large parts of the night. He’s just not as bad as DC1 as he can be put down for 5 minutes at a time, spends the first chunk of the night (4 hours?) in the cot and he will go in the pram, so overall it feels like a victory. I’m still literally counting down the days until 3, then 6 months though.

@VivaVivaa oh thank you!
I just feel completely useless as a first time mum that he's always with me. I used to pride myself on having a tidy and clean house and now I just feel that my house is a tip as I just don't have the time to sort it out anymore and looking around the living room makes me feel so shit, but I genuinely can't put DS down for 5 minutes without him screaming and that's not exaggerating.
But it's the sort of screaming where he has his mouth open, but goes silent and needs to take a breath and he gets himself so worked up and I just can't leave him like that because a) the neighbours must already wonder what I'm doing to him as all he does he cry and b) it physically hurts me to hear him crying and know he just wants comfort from me. But then I am now wondering is he crying when I put him down because he knows I will pick him up?

DH gets annoyed with himself because he can't settle him and DS will settle easier with me and I worry that's because he's with me more and I don't just 'let him cry'. DH then gets upset that DS is not settling with him, so gives him back to me because he doesn't want him taking more air in and making his wind situation worse. He wants to be with him more and says he finds it easier when are round others houses as DS is generally calmer if we visit my SILs house and DH will be able to settle him much easier. I feel on edge all the time at home if DH has him and rush to get ready of a weekend morning when he is here as I don't want DH feeling sad and disheartened when DS cries and doesn't settle with him. But we both also know that the more he does it, the easier it will be. I worry if it's because I breastfeed too as DS knows I am his comfort and don't want DH to never be able to settle him.
Tbh, it's my fault DH gets a full night's sleep. He has to get up at 4am for work so I don't want to wake him and disturb him in the night as I don't want him to be tired at work. On a weekend, if I need help with an explosive nappy (happened last week), I will wake him and he will do whatever I need help with.

I think I need a break tbh, as I haven't been anywhere without DS in 9 weeks, I haven't left the house without him at all. Which don't get me wrong, I expect to happen, but when DH pops out for a haircut or whatever, I just wish that was me. But I find it so hard to express and at the minute DS is feeding every 2 hours, which again, I'm not sure is normal and I'm sure he should be going longer, but due to his pain, he screams in pain during feeding and has only 5-8 minute feeds each time. So I would struggle to go out as I need to be there to feed him.

Is 3 months easier? If so only 3 weeks to go until it might get a little easier.

I feel bad for all of this as I love DS more than anything but sometimes I just feel sad that things aren't as easy as I expected and I have a baby that just cries all the time.

@AnxiousAnnie94 i remember having all the same worries with DS and he’s a brilliant sleeper, he really is. Please don’t worry about bad habits. Even if you were creating bad habits, they can be broken.

And no, it isn’t wrong to feel jealous. You may find as time goes on you can do all
of those things but I know that’s not much help now.

I don’t have it as bad as some of you as DD is okay at night but the days are breaking me 😅 She still hasn’t slept - after swimming? What sort of weirdo 7 week old doesn’t collapse in exhaustion after swimming?? She also doesn’t settle well in the pram and screams in the car seat. She’s screaming now and I’ve lost the will!

@Summermeadowflowers DS sleeps SO much during the day, I wonder if he wears himself out crying so much.

So routine wise, I will try and keep in in bed (my bed) after 6am(ish) feed. He will usually go back into his moses basket after each feed in the night until the nearest one to 6am and if I put him back in, he will scream, but if I lay him on my bed with a dummy, he will lay and stir until his 8ish feed. He will wake up screaming and I have to rush to get dressed and open all the blinds etc whilst he is laying there crying. We then go to his room and change his nappy and get dressed, go downstairs, I grab a belvita or something quick and a drink and then feed him downstairs- he will have been awake about 40 minutes at this point, he will then feed for about 5 minutes and then cry in pain for about 15 minutes and then will fall asleep on me. He will then sleep for about an hour and a half and then wake up crying. I will take him up and change his nappy and there might be a period of smiles and non crying after the crying during nappy change. At this smile period, I will lie him on his play mat and try and look at sensory things with him, I will finish this 10/15 minutes time with tummy time which he will tolerate for up to 1 minute and then cry. Then we will go back downstairs and feed, then he will cry in pain again and then fall asleep and the process continues most of the day until about 5ish when he will have a longer period awake/crying and then crash at about 7. We then go upstairs at 8 for a bath, I get him dressed and settle him and then DH gives him an expressed milk bottle (which he has screamed at and refused the last 2 nights) he then comes back to me to be settled with a dummy after crying after the feed. He will then fall asleep on me and me and DH will watch the telly really quietly with the subtitles on so we don't wake DS up. I can't lay DS in his moses basket at this point as he will wake up due to the TV light, but stays asleep on me (?). At half 9/10ish, we will turn the telly off and lay DS in his moses basket. I will usually get until 11:30pm until DS wakes for his first feed and then he will go back down pretty quickly in the night, he won't burp ever, but doesn't cry at all after night time feeds, falls asleep pretty much straight away after feeding for 5ish minutes and lays asleep in his moses basket grunting for about half an hour, then half an hour to an hour deep sleep, then awake again for a feed and that's the routine until 6am where it starts again!

I worry he's sleeping too much in the day, but on occasions when he has been awake more, he just cries 🤷🏼‍♀️

It’s so hard, isn’t it! I am a lot calmer and more pragmatic than I was with DS but even so I have to admit getting a bit fed up today. I know she is overtired and can’t rather than won’t sleep but it’s hard to enjoy her. It’s also upsetting as she was such a dream baby to start with and I’m worrying I’ve distressed her in some way!

DD had her first jabs today. It was so sad.
I thought I would share a piece of advice for the mums who are still due to do theirs.

DD was fine for a few hours after (we did the calpol in the room) but started crying about 4 hrs later. She was inconsolable, I couldn't figure out what was happening as she's not a typically a fussy baby and she was screaming in pain and I have given her the 2nd dose of calpol.

After trying everything and crying with her. 😂 I called my mum for help. She noticed that how I was holding her meant her little legs were in my hands and I was touching her injection sites! Poor lamb was being poked in her sore spots!

Once we adjusted her to lay across my legs with her little legs dangling and not touching anything, I could rock her off to sleep. It worked a great!

Its automatic to hold your babies legs/bum against your body so hope this helps any other mums out there.

Thanks @GC2023 - a very good tip. I’ll bear it in mind on Wednesday.

That’s if we can have jabs, that is. Can you have them if the baby has a temperature?

DS2 has an absolutely stinking cold, he’s snuffling away beside me really pitifully. His big brother is coughing horribly next door too. We are a plague house.

@AngryBirdsNoMore DD was sick for her jabs but no temperature. She had a rash that I had called 111 about and was seen by a GP the day before, he said to attend the vaccination appt and let the doctor decide whether to proceed or not on the day.

anyone up and also tempted to elbow their dh awake 😂I can’t believe he actually sleeps through some of these night feeds. Then will ask ‘was she up much last night’ come morning.’

@Summermeadowflowers my dd also is going off day time naps. I can do relate, it is so difficult trying to get her to nap - usually the sling works but now it’s so hot we can’t really use it past 11 or she screams.

thank you @GC2023 for the tip! I’m dreading the jabs, it’s the hottest day of the week and I just know she’s gonna be miserable to start with and I hate that it’s going to leave her feeling worse 😖

@AnxiousAnnie94 you’re doing an incredible job! easier said than done but I’ve found I just have to carve out time for myself, even if it’s washing up whilst listening to a podcast. I’ve booked to get my haircut next week and it already feels like such a luxury, sorry If you already said it but are you using a sling? When not too hot, I find ours a lifeline so I can potter around doing odd jobs while DD sleeps. She often fights it at first but quickly falls to sleep after 2 mins or so.

@gg9320 thank you :)
We do have a sling, it's a tula free to grow carrier, I'm not sure if it's a 'good' one or not, I got it off of Vinted after having a brief look at slings when I was pregnant. I didn't want one that was one of those stretchy wrap around ones that you have to tie yourself as I worry I'd do it wrong or not be able to do it alone.
DS will go in the sling and cry, I don't use it often as it's a fight getting him in, once he's in and stopped his crying, the most he's been in there is about half an hour whilst I cooked tea, he didn't fall asleep, but kept looking at me strangely 🤣 I think he looks a bit uncomfortable in there though, I'm not sure though? It's a tight as it goes, but I think his head looks too low down?

He is sooooo badly constipated today and I was up most of the night listening to him in pain straining to poo and he's not wanting to feed for long today so far due to his straining and pain... Now I'm worried about him getting dehydrated as it's so hot today 🤷🏼‍♀️ little and often feeds it is today then!

He’s gorgeous @AnxiousAnnie94 and you look lovely!

Have you thought of a moby wrap? They are material but they are sort of ‘pre wrapped.’ We have an ergo baby wrap and it is easy to put on but I understand feeling worried. I have two in fact, I will try and find one and let me know if you’d like to try it, you’d be very welcome.

@Summermeadowflowers oh thank you. That would be very nice. I only briefly looked into slings as didn't think it would be necessary, didn't realise I would have a baby that cries so much 🤣

@AnxiousAnnie94 you should get your DH to do every nappy change and burping during the night. Could he meal prep so that you're not making his dinner for him when he comes home from work? It's not fair you never get a break.

Thanks @GC2023 and @habiller.

@habiller thats hilarious on showing him the household objects! I’ve been trying different sounds with DS, like a little bell, rattle, rice in a container. I think it’s entertaining me more than him but watching his head turning towards the sounds is lovely.

We went to baby sensory this morning. An hour was a long time. DC2 boobed for the first 20 minutes, was cool for the next 20 or so minutes then screamed the place down for the last 15 minutes 😬 maybe 7 weeks was a bit premature! There was a screaming 10 week old as well so me and his mum bonded over that at least!

I have an Ergo baby carrier which is great but I wanted something more wrap sling like but didn’t want to have to wrap it every time as I was worried I’d do it wrong. I went for a Koala babycare baby sling. Partially pre wrapped, it’s so so easy to get baby in and finish tightening. It goes on like a T-shirt so I can do the whole thing and get baby in myself. He loves it and suffers from reflux so cries a lot. Straight to sleep. I only use it when I can have a hand on his bum though as I’m terrified he’ll fall through! I’m the same with all carriers though. Might be something to consider for anyone struggling to get baby to settle!

@Hippomumma oooh thank you, I will have a look at them:)