Oct 07 - this little piggy stayed at home...

[Dalrymps]

Hey guys sorry for the sh*t title, if there's already been a new thread set up please direct me there???

Stefka - just wanted to say at your DH on your behalf! Can you express some milk and leave Dareh with him for an afternoon to give him an idea of how hard it is coping on your own? I've been thinking about doing that with my DP...only thing that puts me off is knowing that I'd come back to an unchanged nappy and domestic chaos!

J20 - Ben has started holding his arm up like that the past couple of days too. I think part of it is that they have just started to find their hands, Ben has been looking at his hands intently, its very amusing to watch. I hadn't thought to check under his arm until you mentioned it, so I looked when I bathed him this morning, luckily it is ok. The rest of him isn't though, his poor skin is terrible, red dry patches all over his arms legs and body and all over his forehead and left side of his face saw the HV yesterday and she has given me a third lot of cream to try on him, I hope this one works

Inzi - I leave Ben to cry for up to 10 mins at a time, a lot of the time its because I am in the middle of something with Sam, I don't think it hurts to be honest, all the books say that babies cry a lot, its just what they do to communicate. I know Ben does it for attention because as soon as I go to him he starts beaming at me, so I am inclined to leave him to cry then. Although today hasn't been a good day, he has been struggling after every bottle for some reason, inconsolable, its definitely something to do with his tummy. He has also thrown up on me 4 times today which is very very unusual, I have had to change twice! I wonder if he is coming down with something

Had him weighed yesterday too, 15lbs 6oz at 11 weeks old, updated pic in my profile

muppetgirl - glad you had a good time
gemmamc - I wouldn't worry about your lo, if he isn't waking up and crying he must be ok. Ben moves ALOT, his arms and legs are always going ten to the dozen, he must just be a very active baby. Have you tried swaddling him when he is asleep?
stefka If my husband had said that to me I would have been very tempted to punch him in the face. Luckily my DH has been left with the boys on a couple of occassions and he realises what hard work they are, he has already said to me that he couldn't do what I do
EmMcK - Welcome

DH is out with his workmates for a drink atm, god knows what state he will be in when he gets home. I'm very would love to be out now. Luckily Sam has been golden today, we've been to his nursery xmas party this afternoon, and he helped me make cakes this morning. The house though is a complete tip

I hope to do that over the holls Miss B. Not had a chance up till now. I know I will come back to chaos too though!

Hiya peeps,
I am a spoilt lil madam lmao am typing on here on my new laptop that dp has bought me for xmas but i whinged last night cos i had sore gum (from dentist) and headache and he let me have it early lmao....today we done some more xmas shopping and have now spent far too much money on ds1....£270 and only £40 on ds2 i feel a meany lol. but then i think of how much i will spend on ds2 next year when he is more aware lol. Also I bought dps xmas pressie today a new laptop, he has chosen the exact same one as I did lol.

Ds1 has a selection of CAT toys, WWE toys and a huge lot of Pirates of the carribean as well as boots.

DP decided to tell him that he had bought them for him as he looked sad ffs after dp had told him they were for his other son ....typical man pander to the kids.

Just wanted to add Stefka that I am also outraged that your dh said that and would be behind MrsFish with the boxing gloves! Just a thought - maybe he meant it to be encouraging in a kind of 'try not to build it up too high' kind of way and it came out wrong? You will know if this is likely or not though...

Add also gemma that Adam also wriggles like this at night - his moses basket is on a rocking stand and it rocks frantically and I can see his arms and legs sticking up! Agree with MrsFish that if he's not waking up unhappy then I'm sure he's fine. But never a bad thing to see the doc if you're worried - I never minded seeing worried parents with perfectly well children when I worked in A&E.

Well off out with some girlfriends for a curry tonight - speak tomorrow...

Hi all!

Stefka - your DH seems to be a master of tactless comments! Maybe he is just the sort of person who speaks before he thinks, or else as Alice says maybe he's trying to be encouraging (and missing the mark!). I second Missbumpy - hand the reins over to him for a day, complete with bottles of ebm, and go somewhere else!

Mrs Fish, your Ben is adorable! Both the boys are. And he's putting on weight so well.

Gemma, Rebecca bangs her moses basket too, and I don't think it means anything.

We've had Alice and Adam here today - Adam is so cute and so well behaved! Afterwards DH and I took Rebecca out to get her some fresh air - we went shopping and I got a couple more presents and we had a coffee. She did go to sleep for a while... Now she is exhausted, has had her bath and feed and DH is stroking her in the beginning of our nightly get-DD-to-sleep ritual. Tomorrow we're going to see some friends at the coast who have 2 gorgeous little boys dying to meet Rebecca. And I need to do Tesco for Christmas food - we're at my parents for some meals but not all. I'm going to cheat and just buy loads of cheeses, breads, cured meats, salad stuff, and live off that for the other meals.

Hope you're all well!

He just gets grumpy and takes it out on me.

He's home now after a few drinks (works do) and I am now officially 'better than the 16 year olds'. Amazing what a few beers and a Chinese take away can do!

I am certainly going to try and get some time out when he is home. Knowing my luck Dareh will sleep the whole time though!

Just had a quick read through but am now too tired to post properly! Too much Christmas shopping so wil catch up with you all tomorrow.

I did just want to ask Stefka is your DH/DP still alive? Surely you must have at least hospitalised him? if not I truely admire your restraint, I know men can just be tactless and speak before they think but doesn't mean we can't react badly! Please don't let him put you down, we know what a fab job you are doing with Dareh and if you don't feel confident taking him out at the moment don't stress over it just enjoy your little man at home and think of the money you are saving

Night night everyone hope you all have lovely sleeps tonight

Hey everyone, just wanted to say...
Stefka - obviously i don't agree with what your Dh said, very very , it is hard going out by yourself, i've been out quite a lot but still get really stressed about it everytime, i agree with polarmummy, don't let him put you down and definately let him cope on his own for at least one day, it's hard to understand just how difficult it is looking after lo unless you've actually done it and it sounds like youe dh needs some help understanding! Just keep doing what you are doing, you are an amazing mum! If the comments carry on then by all means resort to the punch in the face

I honestly don't know what to do with him. We have loads to do today and he promised me that he would get up to help me so we could get on. He's still in bed - 9 hours sleep obviously isn't enough for him. I have had five hours. When I asked him to get up he told me that he would get up when he likes. I feel exhausted and unsupported

Alice, Choc, and MrsFish,
thanks for your replies. I feel much better about the whole thing today - now that I've had a much better sleep and see things clearly. I also had a chat with the doc on the phone - he made an appointment for me on Monday.

But perhaps my dh is right - and your comments reinforce that. He's just a very active baby...and he sleeps with his eyes open...and the reasons I've suddenly noticed this is also to do with his move from moses basket to a cot right next to my bed. I can now see him much better at night...

I've tried swaddling him but he screams....for the moment I use grobags which seem to be the next best thing to swaddling although they dont' stop him from moving his arms so much...

On the crying issue.....I am glad to hear many of you think it's ok to let them cry a bit. I have heard this from friends who have had their second... I always try to stop him crying, but there are moments when it's not possible e.g. if I have to go to the loo...!

What I really hate though are situations when he is literally screaming his head off (going all red in the face....etc) and I can't do anything about it. It happened on the bus back from central London the other day....it took about 20 minutes of progressively louder screams before we could get off the bus and calm him/ feed him in a cafe (I actually tried breastfeeding him briefly on the bus...! but realised immediately it was a bad idea and it was not working anyway...).

Meanwhile he caught the attention of the whole bus.... and we were really stressed out to see him in that state... What do you all do in these situations??

Stefka,
I am sorry your dh is behaving so badly. I really think it's unacceptable...

My dh has also upset me a few times - in particular when he accuses me of being too anxious. But we talked a lot after a number of serious arguments we've had and I made him look at things from my perspective, and make him realise it's normal for me to be stressed and anxious when I am getting very little sleep and I have to deal with a colicky baby breastfed on demand, etc....

Things are going better now. I think men can also have strange reactions to these situations and even my dh who is normally very supportive has had situations when he was acting a bit selfish (like leaving me alone at home with a crying baby, so he could go and "have a break" in a cafe somewhere....I did later tell him that perhaps he hasn't noticed but I can never take a break from the baby....). They get tired and stressed too, and we should keep that in mind - but that doesn't mean that we should let them get away with unacceptable things - we should try to make sure we discuss any issues promptly to avoid problems spiralling...My advice is that it helps to show you understand he is stressed too, but then you must be assertive in putting forward your views.

been meaning to ask this for ages.............what does IMAO mean? i'm just being really dense aren't i!!

Inzi, just something i found was restricting Zach going to the toilet and causing him to strain was nappies which as we all know pad out when even slightly wet....also warm boiled water with a bit of brown sugar in helps as does very diluted pure orange ( thats what i was advised with ds1 9 yrs ago and it worked). I found infacol clogged Zach up and switched to gripe water which worked a treat. HTH

xxx

inzi - i don't know what to suggest i'm afraid, but just wanted to post to say you are not a crap mummy, just one who is worried about her lo. have you done anything differently recently like changed her formula? just wondered in case that had upset her...

stefka - hope you can get your dh to understand how much you need his help and support. it really is a two-person job at times isn't it? and its so important that us mummies get a bit of a break and a helping hand....

can't remember who was having probs with dh...but dp and i had a row and he stated that looking after a baby shouldn't prevent me getting housework etc done so when he was off work last week i handed zach to him and said he is your responsibility from now. From 6pm he had to bath him, feed him, change him, feed him, play with him, changed him again only for zach to have the biggest poo ever GOOD BOY!!!! within seconds, so he had to change him again at which point zach decided he wanted feeding so there was dp, trying to change and dress him, and getting in a flap cos he wanted feeding at the same time. also dp wanted dinner and a shower and didn't have time to do it, he then wanted a drink himself and had to try and do it with zach in his arms (so not experienced at one handed cooking, cleaning n drinking lol) after a mere 3 hours he looked at me and said "sweetheart please take over i am starving and need the loo, i promise i will help more from now on" and guess what HE HAS lol.

My reply to him when he said he was knackered was and you have only done it for 3 hours I have been doing it for 12 weeks, so who do you think has more reason to be knackered?"

since then he has been an angel lol and helped so much more than before even getting up for the early morning feed..well 7am cos thats when zach wakes for a feed.

I would recommend everyone who has a not so helpful dp/dh to do the same it works wonders especially as the babies seem to know mummy hasn't got them and act up lmao

Greedy I too have been wondering about iamo - I have just twigged (I think!!) that it's Lmao - Laugh my arse off - LES can you confirm?

Gemma Adam does the inconsolable shouting too. I just cuddle him and kiss his head and shush him. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I was recommended this FAB dvd when Sam was small that transformed our ability to calm him when he was having a meltdown. Doesn't work quite as dramatically for Adam but bits help. Its this www.amazon.co.uk/HAPPIEST-BABY-BLOCK-Harvey-Karp/dp/B00080915C/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=11983329 74&sr=8-2 - The Happiest Baby on the Block. Choc this is the dvd I was talking about with you too. You need to be a bit desperate to watch it as the presenter - Dr Harvey Karp - is really cheesy. But he knows his stuff! The technique is the 5 s's - swinging, side hold, swaddling, shushing, sucking. Works a treat!

Um - off to reread posts and will be back!

Inzi how you describe Jane is how Adam presented with his reflux. He would have a couple of oz's, seem to be still hungry but would then cry in pain and pull away when trying to have more. Sitting him more upright to feed helped and keeping him upright for a while after each feed. If this helps it might be worth seeing your doc for Gaviscon which made a big difference to him.

Well I have finally decorated our tree - it looks fab! though - checked the lights before putting them on the tree, then spent over half an hour decorating it, went to turn the lights on and the effing things aren't working!!!!!! Just can't be arsed to do anything about it though! Will see if dh can sort when he gets back from the gym....

Had a lovely night out with the girls last night - knackered this am but sometimes its nice to kid myself I have a life by staying out till nearly11!!! That would have been an early night not long ago - how our lives change!! And wouldn't change back for anything.

Just wanted to add something on the unsupportive dh's topic. My dh is very supportive and helpful but he has struggled a bit as with both boys its taken him a while to bond. He couldn't be more in love with ds1 now but it took about 5 months to get to that point. And while his bond is developing with Adam its not 100% yet. Neither of us are worried about this as we know it will come. But babies are VERY demanding and I think if you didn't love them completely then it would be quite hard to not be extrememly pissed off with how much you give and how little you get back when the are very small. Especially if they see you who they love completley struggling so much. I think this means my dh (and prob yours) is less tolerant of the lack of sleep than I am. He has certainly struggled less this time as I think he knows it gets better and also he knows that he when he eventually does fall in love with his little boy it will be amazing.

I think this is probably more common that people talk about. And obviously can affect Mums too! Its not seen as very socially acceptable to say yo don't love your child but then why should you necessarily have that immediate rush of love - it doesn't happen like that for everyone. And if you don't have it it doesn't make you a bad person. Easier sometimes for us as we've had the 9 months when they were growing inside us to begin to form that bond and also to make some changes in your life like sleeping more and not drinking etc. But to dads it probably comes as more of a shock.

Its still shit if you feel unsupported but maybe its worth chatting to your dh's about this in case this is how they are feeling and don't feel as though they can add to your stress by telling you. I sho0udl emphasise that my dh couldn't love Sam more - he absolutely dotes on him and would happily give his life for him. So it WILL happen!

Anyway - that turned into a bit of a longer post than I meant but wanted to share that with you in case it helps anyone....

missbumpy - I'm the same as you - I'm rubbish at letting dd cry. She doesn't necessarily stop if I pick her up, especially if she's just tired, but it makes me feel a bit better. I can't imagine it would hurt her to leave her instead so do whatever works for you I guess. And yes, it's a bit crap that you have to sort out your own appointments for jabs - mine come pre-arranged in the post. Next one's 2 weeks on Tues - can't wait .

Stefka - poor you about gallstones - I believe they're about as painful as it gets. at your dh - I'm sure there's nothing you're doing wrong, and has he ever seen how the children of most 16 yo's turn out? (hoping no mums here are 16!)

Gemma - had same problem on the bus this week - dd cried first because she was too warm, then because she was tired - and yes, the whole bus was watching. You've just got to ignore them - babies cry and that doesn't mean they should be hidden away. In most countries people don't bat an eyelid, yet here you're frowned at for disturbing other people's peace. Well, we were all babies once and we all cried so people just have to accept it. The only time I get annoyed is when parents just sit there and ignore a crying baby or let a child misbehave.

Inzi - had exactly the same problem with Anya early in the week - was hungry and stuffing hands in her mouth but wouldn't feed much, went on for about 3 days getting gradually worse. Ended up at the GP's who referred us to hospital, where she took a big feed! Doctor's couldn't find anything wrong and she's been fine since - no idea what was going on. If I were you I'd get her checked out - it may be early signs of an infection, and you need to make sure she doesn't get dehydrated, but you may well find that it's just a phase that she suddenly snaps out of. I know it's worrying though. btw we stopped infacol at about the same time - she's not seemed to need it since. Infacol shouldn't adversly affect anything though, it's very mild.

Had lovely meet-up with muppetgirl this week. It's great to put a face to a name (even a name to a name!) and her ds is so cute and well-behaved. When he cried for food it was like "mummy could I please have some milk?". When Anya cried for food it was like "I'd like to announce to the entire cafe that I am starving and I demand to be fed right this minute". If anybody else is floating past the Manchester area let me know - I'd love to meet up.

I mean you have to ignore the other disapproving people, not ignore the baby....

Alice yes LMAO means laughing my arse off, sorry guess i have spent too much time online and know too many abbreviations.

xxxx

Evening all, we were given a copy of the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD that alicet mentioned and I am more than happy to send it on to anyone who would like it. He is very cheesy indeed (complete with comedic American moustache ), but what he says is really effective with a fussy lo and we use his tips when Joseph is going mad and is inconsolable, and they really have calmed him. We also got the book, so the DVD really is looking for another home...
Have just fed Joseph so I am off to have fortifying glass of wine. I am guessing that one an evening is okay when you are bfing, and it makes me feel like I am still part of the real world on this Saturday night before Christmas.