To breastfeed or not ?

[Marphise]

Name changed for this.

I'm expecting my second child soon and considering whether to breastfeed or not, and I'm having a hard time deciding.

I didn't breastfeed my first. There were many reasons but mostly I just wasn't in the right head space to commit to it. It was the right decision at the time and I do not regret it.

For the second I started out as "absolutely not" but I'm having second thoughts and only have a few more weeks to decide.

Pros :

• could be a nice bonding experience with baby
• easier at night and on the go

Cons :

• Feeding every 2 hours with baby at the breast for 45min each time... Feels like I'd spend my days breastfeeding and doing little else

• I don't want to become baby's pacifier and have to breastfeed to sleep all the time

• babies who breastfeed need to feed more often and take longer to sleep through the night. As a single parent, putting the kids to bed is the time of day when I get to relax and I'm not keen on having to get up through the night for up to a year (my son slept through the night at 3 months old, my friend's breastfed baby is still waking up five times a night !)

• I wouldn't be able to leave baby in care of anyone else and catch a break, not even for a few hours. And yes I know about pumping but the whole sterilisation of equipment/bottles seems like a huge hassle.

• I wouldn't be able to eat/drink what I want (I'm really looking forward to a few glasses of wine ! Don't want to abstain for another year)

The health benefit aren't really an argument for me, my siblings and I were all bottlefed and are all healthy and a healthy weight. And I also believe that reluctant breastfeeding is worse than happy bottlefeeding for the emotional wellbeing of both the baby and parent. So I will not factor this in my decision.

One alternative would be to breastfeed occasionally and bottlefeed the rest of the time but my understanding is that once used to breast or bottle babies have a hard time switching.

An option would be to try breastfeeding and stop if I really don't like it but this means the milk coming in and then it's much harder to transition (potential mastitis and/or baby learning to accept the bottle). Last time I bottlefed from the start so milk didn't come in. I'm not comfortable with my breasts as it is and the idea of them getting bigger and/or leaking seems gross to me.

So it feels like I have to commit, one way or the other. If I start breastfeeding I can't just stop. And I can't just breasfteed occasionally (I'm guessing that wouldn't work well with baby and with establishing a supply). The bonding experience tempts me but the impact on my body and autonomy repels me.

My cons list is much longer than my pro list, so maybe that's my answer... And I'm leaning towards "not" at the moment. But still, niggling doubts...

So... I don't know what to do. I go from "hell. No" to "maybe ?" every few days. Anyone been through this ? What did you decide ? Did you regret it ?

Thanks !

I can’t comment on anything other than the sleep as I’m medically unable to breastfeed but there is no guarantee that a formula fed baby will sleep better . One of mine was an excellent sleeper , the second is still roaming the house at all hours and she’s now 20 , I don’t think she slept for more than 3 hours at a time until she was about 6 . I would have breastfed if I could have though .

I have had 2 bf and one slept, one didn’t. It’s luck as much as anything.

You can still have a glass or two of wine and bf. You can get mam self sterilising bottles and just give the odd bottle of formula once your supply is established. That’s what I did.

You could always give it a go, you don’t have to commit to anything. Most people stop within a few weeks anyway for various reasons. Don’t put pressure on yourself. Personally I found the first few weeks awful, both times, but after that it is so much easier and there’s no faff with bottles. But if it hadn’t worked I would have been fine with formula.

Why not just give it a go? See every day as a bonus and don't over analyse it.

By the way... My first child lost to much weight when exclusively b fed (I was ill and not producing milk) so on Dr advice I ended up 'dual fueling' from day 10.. Worked fine.

So from the beginning with next child my husband gave baby a bottle late at night. It worked well, I got more sleep and I fed both ways for 9 months...

I didn't have enough milk to exclusively breastfeed but I loved breastfeeding. Lovely bonding experience as you say. If I could do it with no problems I would do it in a heartbeat.

Sounds like combination feeding could work for you OP.

How about a bottle of formula last thing at night which will hopefully mean you only need to breastfeed once in the night.

If you don't mind your milk supply being affected then this gives you the best of both worlds.

Personally, I find making up bottles in the night much more of a faff than breastfeeding.

I struggled to breastfeed DC1 so was hesitant to commit to EBF with DC2 but finding it much easier this time around. We're in a good routine of feeding every 3 hours and I'm glad to have stuck with it. Bear in mind formula can be hard to get hold of at the moment so breastfeeding takes away any of that stress.

A couple of other points to consider;

• BF is cheaper and you wouldn't have to worry about availability of formula (of you are due v soon).

• Mine took formula and boob from the off (slightly premature at 36 weeks so fomula was given while my supply came in) so I gave up pumping after about 6 weeks as I hated it! I know some baby's won't though but its possible they will.

• NHS says you need to keep alcohol consumption low and don't sleep with baby after a glass of wine, not that you need to abstain while BF. I'm planning on BF again when I give birth in July but also planning on a well deserved G&T ASAP!!!

Having said all the above, if you don't want to, don't. Do what is right for you.

I am pregnant on my second. I bottle fed the first from day one. I didnt want to breastfeed for the reasons you have stated, and also my head was a mess. This time around, I think I will give it a go, even for a week or so. I know the benefits are great for baby. However, if it doesnt work for whatever reason, back to the bottle we will go without an ounce of shame (unlike the first time around where I lied to my friends for 6 weeks and told them I was bf because I was afraid of them thinking I was selfish). I say give it a shot. If it works, it works. If it doesnt, the bottle is there.

I breastfed and I respect your decision either way but just thought I'd say that from personal experience lots of your cons were only cons for me for a short period of time. Once everything calmed down I grew to love it. The constant nature of it was temporary. Just sharing my experience and appreciate everyone has a different experience.

With the length of feeds, within two months my son would only take about five minutes to have a full feed. He became very efficient very quickly!

All I would say is.... I don't know anyone who regretted giving breastfeeding a try but I know plenty of people who regret not doing so? Maybe just see how it goes over the first few days? And you already have a great attitude so if you decide to switch to bottles then you won't be beating yourself up about it (which unfortunately a lot of mums do).

Thanks so much everyone for your feedback and experiences ! That's very helpful.

Cost/availability of formula isn't an issue as İ'm financially comfortable and I stocked up on several cartons of formula already (I'm usually well organized !) Also, not in the UK and supply isn't an issue here right now (though it could be in the future).

Part of me is tempted to give it a go but going through the milk coming in (big, painful chest, leaking, etc) doesn't seem worth it just to stop a few days later, does it ?

You never know. You may take to it and not stop. For me, formula feeding was best at the time, but curiosity makes me want to see how I get on with BF. You never know what its going to be like or how it will go for you unless you try. Also, from what I remember, the big boobs, pain, and leaking came anyway on day 4, even though I wasnt BF.

The leaking is a bit of a pain but you can just get breast pads (disposable or washable). I am already leaking in pregnancy and having to use them anyway!

I expressed last time due to problems bf directly but didn't really have big problems with soreness due to milk coming in.

Forgive my ignorance, but don’t you get big painful boobs and leak regardless? Most people’s milk comes in so you’d need to go through that anyway. For a few days at least, or can you stop your milk coming in? I remember my friend who didn’t want to bf moaning about her leaky boobs in the first week!

@Marphise don't you leak and your milk comes in whether you breastfeed or not? I leaked from about seven months pregnant so even if been bottle feeding once the baby was here I'd have already had two months of it!

I breastfed all four of mine. I was very fortunate; they all slept 3 to 4 hours between feeds from birth. Bit uncomfortable when the milk first came in, but soon settled down. I did have them (the first two) in the olden days, when they kept you in hospital for 10 days.

To answer some of your cons: I exclusively bf DD for the first few months. She definitely didn't feed every 2hrs for 45mins! She did take a while to feed but my friend's DD was finished after ten mins each time. Every baby is different.

My DD slept through the night at 6 weeks, and I rarely fed her to sleep. I never needed to, sometimes she just fell asleep while feeding.

You can leave them with others - I just expressed a feed (not difficult or time consuming) and left it in a bottle. You can also freeze breast milk. She was never fussed and I got evenings out :) A friend of mine went back to work when hers was six weeks old and just expressed all her feeds.

The amount of alcohol that goes into the milk is negligible - obviously I didn't go out and get wasted but a one or two glasses of wine was fine. It's not like being pregnant. There's also nothing you can't eat (AFAIK!).

It's a LOT easier than faffing with bottles and sterilisation etc.

So - totally your decision, but just thought I'd try to allay some of your fears! I stopped at four months for medical reasons (mine) and the transition was really easy too.

Just have a go! It might not be for you and that's fine but I certainly think it's worth giving a try.
I breastfed both of mine and they both had the odd bottle now and then from about 4 weeks in... so I could get the odd night of unbroken sleep! They both took bottles fine even tho they were primarily breastfed. All you need to worry about is the first few weeks when your milk is coming in.. dont use a bottle of formula during those weeks as it could effect your milk supply...

Oh and they do say the first few days of milk are actually the most important nutritionally so even if you only manage to do it for a few days it's still helpful..

When any of the DC woke in the night needing a feed it was wonderful just to lift them up and latch them on without faffing around getting a bottle ready. Fab never to have to make sure I had sterilised bottles and teats and so on. Brilliant not to have to buy formula and bottles. Not to have to throw feeds away because they had been made up too long.

I don't care whether woman breast feed or formula feed, really- whatever works for you and your baby is what is best. I breastfed all of mine (to 2 years, 2.5 years and 3 years respectively and thank god we aren't having a fourth the way weaning was later each time!) and am very happy I did, but I am sure they would have been perfectly fine on formula if that was what had worked for our family.

Do what you think is best OP. But you can eat and drink whatever you like when bf-ing so you can take that off your list! Have bf both my kids and never had to adjust my diet. Also I think sleep is just down to the child - my first never slept and my second is a fantastic sleeper so that may be down to other factors.

Dont worry, it's not a case of committing to extended breastfeeding or bottlefeeding.

You can do combination feeding, which is breast and bottle.

You can start off breastfeeding and just see how it goes, and stop if it doesn't suit (probably what I would try in your shoes)

You can set a date in your mind, e.g. 2 weeks, and stop then and move on to bottle feeding (you might decide you dont want to). That way you feel a bit more in control.

Really you pass on the main health benefits from breastfeeding within a week or two (the colostrum), after that it makes a small difference but nowhere near as much as at the beginning and is pretty negligible really.

Personally, I breastfed with the odd bottle so I could go out/get some sleep, aimed to stop at 6 months but stopped at 5 as I wanted to start some medication which was fine on paper for breastfeeding mums but hadn't been around that long. I was worried my daughter would be upset but she barely noticed, took to bottle feeding straight away.

As for the baby staying on the boob for ages, our feeds lasted 10 minutes max. Only very occasionally longer. Once she had fed she didnt want another for at least 3 hours. She slept through from about 4 months old. So it really doesnt have to be bad good luck.

Read some of the posts about people struggling to buy their baby's brand of formula - with breastmilk that's not an issue, always the right temperature, free and so much easier once you get past the first month

I'd honestly just give it a try. I BF for about 8 weeks and then it just got so so hard and she was feeding for hours at a time and still not satisfied, later found out she had a partial tongue tie. It wasn't for me and we then moved on to formula

Feeding every 2 hours with baby at the breast for 45min each time... Feels like I'd spend my days breastfeeding and doing little else
Some babies feed more quickly and/or less often than others. It's unlikely to be 45 minutes every time but it does depend on how efficient your little one is. There will be periods of more intense breastfeeding to build up your supply or when the baby is having a growth spurt but I formula-fed babies also go through these periods every so often. It's certainly quick and easy to put the baby to the breast rather than having to make up a bottle so that will lessen the difference in time spent feeding.

I don't want to become baby's pacifier and have to breastfeed to sleep all the time
I followed a sleep - eat - play schedule with mine, i.e. I fed them as soon as they woke up. That meant they didn't associate breastfeeding with getting to sleep and could get to sleep without me.

babies who breastfeed need to feed more often and take longer to sleep through the night. As a single parent, putting the kids to bed is the time of day when I get to relax and I'm not keen on having to get up through the night for up to a year
A bedside crib makes night feeding easier on you. Some babies sleep better than others, I think often it's down to luck rather than how they are fed.

I wouldn't be able to leave baby in care of anyone else and catch a break, not even for a few hours. And yes I know about pumping but the whole sterilisation of equipment/bottles seems like a huge hassle.
It's no harder to sterilise a breast pump than a bottle for formula. You don't have to exclusively breastfeed if you don't want to, you could easily leave formula when you want to go out or have a break.

I wouldn't be able to eat/drink what I want (I'm really looking forward to a few glasses of wine !
Some people drink alcohol while breastfeeding, it's not necessary to be teetotal.