I hate being a mum

[lifesjoys]

Hate it, spend my days stressed out.
Don't look forward to waking up in the morning, don't look forward to bed.
My child just cries all the fucking time!

PND?? Not when I'm not with him.

I've had enough

OP please believe what an amazing job you're doing.

Great that your mum is helping

And no of course it is not daft to want me time still. Or to smile when you get time to yourself.

Be kinder to yourself. You sound like you're having a tough time.

Go and see your GP, go to groups if you can, mum and baby, bumps to babies, anything with a health visitor. Go and talk to people who have been there, people who will cuddle your baby while you drink a hot cup of tea. Do not feel bad, they use baby screams as torture!

If you are having issues with reflux type symptoms ask for more help, can be a sign of dairy intolerance and that can be painful for them. Ranitidine might help with the reflux, holding upright for 20 minutes after feeding, carrying in a sling, that sort of thing.

You aren't alone and you aren't alone in these feelings.

See you gp or hv tomorrow about how you feel.

My dd screamed all night and day. Times out she has a milk allergy and silent reflux. Nutramigen milk free formula, ranitidine and omeperazole (for the silent reflux) worked for us. Not a miracle cure but made her much less screamy. Oh and an outwards facing (she wouldn't face in) carrier.

Try soothing the screams by turning hair dryer on (not on him just for the noise) it calmed mine just enough to feed and then be rocked to sleep. Try a swing. Try swaddling. Try car journeys or walks in pram. Something will work and you'll get through. Tiny babies are bloody hard work.

OP don't feel bad - I absolutely felt the same re: window. Remember, it's absolutely ok for you to put baby down somewhere safe (cot, flat on back with nothing around him) and walk away for a while. Go to a different room, walk out the front door and take some deep breaths of fresh air and let your mind clear before you try again. Baby will be safe and fine until you walk back into the room.

I hope you felt a bit more refreshed after your mum took him for a while? You said earlier you have no OH - even with an OH to support and take turns with it is HARD. And you are doing it alone with noone to bounce off. You're doing amazingly well. Don't feel guilty about using your mum for help - it takes a tribe and all that

So glad your mum is helping OP.

I felt exactly like you when my son was born, in fact there was a few weeks when I could only get through each day by phoning the Samaritans. I used to dream about walking out the door and never coming back. My baby had reflux and screamed all day and all night.

I think you should see a GP, I did have PND and anti-depressants were a lifesaver. They didn't make me feel great but they took the edge off and stopped a lot of the awful thoughts.

You can do this

It's hard for me to admit this publicly but when DC2 was a newborn, I felt like you do. He screamed and screamed and screamed. All the time. He was colicky, constantly hungry because he'd suck away at me until my nipples bled and then promptly throw everything back up. And I wanted to kill myself. My DC1 had been angelic, no trouble at all but when my son arrived, she was insanely jealous and kept threatening to run away (she was 3). Finally, one day when DD was with my mum, H was at work, I cracked. I screamed right back at my screaming baby. In his face. He screamed harder. In desperation, I called the doctor's surgery, who put me straight through to the doctor. I told him that I wanted to throw my son out of the window, and then myself after him. He told me to put my son in his cot, to shut his door and to give myself 30 minutes of peace. To go into another part of the house where I couldn't hear the screaming. So I did. I know I got help after that, and support, but I can't remember the details. All I remember is being given permission to step away from my screaming baby. The doctor was calm and very sympathetic. It was such a relief.

It's weird how the window is a "thing".

It really will get easier

Just stick in there.

I'm so sorry you are struggling I think going to GP is a good idea

Millions of mums feels like this

Omg you poor thing. I felt so miserable my first few weeks! Breastfeeding didn't work, and I felt like a failure. I had an emergency c-section and couldn't drive or do my normal stuff for 4 weeks. Life sucked.
But now my girl is 3 months old. And I've started filling my time and I feel so much better.
I joined mummy social and have met up with a couple of other mums and babies and had bitching sessions about nappies and night feeds. We do baby massage on a Monday, tiny talk on a Tuesday, songbirds on a Wednesday, waterbabies on a Thursday and sensory play on a Friday. I'm so busy I don't get bored and at all the groups I've made friends and have a laugh with adults!! And got so much advice (not all helpful).
If you wanted to do something like this it might help rather than feeling like it's just you and your baby all the time? Our local children's centre has loads of free groups and classes which are lovely and FREEEEEE!!
Also, all our children's centres do baby massage for free and apparently it reduces tummy pain and colic which can reduce crying? Might be worth a try?

I had crying Ds2. Was truely awful. Hope you get some support soon. I'd come and sit for you!!

How are you OP?

Another one thinking of you OP

Gaviscon and comfort milk could be causing a lot of constipation and belly ache for your little one. Comfort milk is already thicker so adding Gaviscon would make it really hard to get out of a teat...

Definitely mention to your GP and health visitors how you are feeling op. Don't suffer in silence and don't get to a point where you aren't thinking straight

He's only on comfort milk specifically for the colic & constipation.

How's today been?

He's been with my mum all day. I sept from 10am until 5:30pm.

Went to my mums for dinner, he slept the entire time bar feeds.

Definitely slept not sept

It's good that you've recharged your batteries a little, could you arrange for your mum to have him one or two mornings a week so you have that light of the end of the tunnel if things start to overwhelm you?

Don't put up with the constant crying though, if it is reflux and the Gaviscon isn't working push the GP for other meds like ranitidine. I had to do this with my daughter, the difference in her was amazing!

Whereabouts are you based op? Someone might know of groups local to you or a support network.

I agree go back to doctors mine was same

Found out she was allergic to cows protein and breast milk protein

I was given nutramigen formula and it worked

Go back and insist they try something else

I was just about to suggest Cows milk protein allergy. DS2 (my 3rd) had me in bits, I was exhausted, couldn't bond with him, he just screamed and screamed constantly and it was utterly soul destroying.
OP, it might be worth suggesting allergy to the GP, it made all the difference to us. And even if it's not that, just someone to talk to can help.

I was just reading through and was about to suggest the same as the last 2 posters with the allergy. My 4 month old is on nutramigen and it has completely changed things for him. It's definitely worth asking your gp about.

Also, please talk with your gp/health visitor about how you're feeling. Your feelings can be completely normal, but there is help out there.

How are you OP? Have you seen GP?

OP is there a local baby group, Sure Start, you can go to? Looking after a baby can feel incredibly lonely and isolating and those groups can help you feel less cut off and alone. It's something to get you out of the house, some routine and structure to your week.

My boy had reflux and it was one tough first gig. You might not feel all the lovely rosy warm feelings mothers of non-reflux babies feel. It was some time before I felt like I liked him and I felt totally overwhelmed. I often wished I could leave, it's totally normally to have those thoughts when you feel overwhelmed.

My advice is, don't ignore it, get support. Go to your gp and speak to them about how you're feeling. Please look after yourself, it's so important.

How are you doing Op? My ds is 7weeks and i am really really struggling with the exhaustion. I am so overtired that I can't even sleep now and when he cries I just feel like screaming. I'm getting a lot of help but it still doesn't feel enough. This past week and a half has been particularly bad as he had a cold and has been excessively windy. Hope things have improved for you xx