I hate being a mum

[lifesjoys]

Hate it, spend my days stressed out.
Don't look forward to waking up in the morning, don't look forward to bed.
My child just cries all the fucking time!

PND?? Not when I'm not with him.

I've had enough

Ask the midwife to check for tongue/lip tie. Sometimes it can cause severe and painful colic.

Does he relax and settle when you hold him?

Everyone is different please don't feel bad. Looking after babies is hard. It is an emotional responsibility beyond anything we ever experience and so it can come as quite a shock.

My first was a screamer until he hit 4 months. My husband was away at sea, and I lived thousands of miles away from family. It was hard going, but looking back I wouldn't change it for the world. At 4 months as if by magic he calmed down. That and the mix of starting to do things made that period in our lives so lovely.

Or, if you really need your own time you could do what my mum did and go back to work. Could you afford a nanny if you did?

My DS is 8 weeks now, and for the first weeks I felt just like you. Everyone tells you it gets better and it really does. It doesn't get easy but it does get easier.

The things that worked for us: getting a sleepyhead. Caboo sling. Ewan the dream sheep.

My DD is 8 weeks and she screams from 6 to 10pm every night (and when I'm trying to feed during the day). I know it's 'just' colic but it's so so hard. I have a 2 year old DS too who was a much easier baby and rarely cried so it's a mine-field trying to manage both. But from experience with DS I know that all these bad patches do eventually pass and you look back and realise that although it felt never-ending at the time, it isn't and you just need to do what you can to get through. If he's fed, dry and safe just take a time out in the next room for a cuppa and breathe.

You said he's on comfort milk, gsviscon etc, does he have reflux?

My DC2 was a screamer, all day, all night and then some! And I had a 22 month old too!

We tried every formula going, gaviscon, infacol etc. I felt like shit because all he did was cry, scream and puke everywhere. He was dropping centiles quite rapidly despite being 9lb10 st birth. I felt useless and often got to the point of crying myself because I didn't know what to do with him. No amount of walking him, driving him, cuddling him or anything settled him.

One day I let my guard down and a few tears escaped when he'd lost yet more weight at baby clinic. I told them exactly how awful it was and the midwife made an appointment to come and see me at home a few days later.

When she came we had a long discussion and on the back of it I made yet another Drs appointment for DC2, but this time I was determined to sort this out. I now had the confidence from speaking to the midwife that his constant screaming was not just a difficult baby and wasn't normal.

Finally a dr listened to my concerns and prescribed ranitidine. Alongside the gaviscon, this changed my life overnight. He went from unbearable to bearable. Don't get me wrong, it was still very hard, but not impossible! He began to gain weight and he didn't cry all the time. Their were moments of peace. Over the next few months, that increased as we settled into a routine and I got the dosage right for him.

I also was a bad mummy and let him tummy sleep (with an angel care movement mat!) as he actually slept for 2 hours solid as opposed to waking up crying every half an hour. Managing to get some sleep that was a major turning point too, for both of us.

At 10 months, suddenly it was all over! He stopped being sick, was instantly a happier baby and started to sleep through the night occasionally!

There is light at the end of the tunnel. It's just really hard to see when it's you in that horrible, dark place.

It will get better, I promise!

You are not a bad mother. How you're feeling is not unusual. Dealing with a constantly screaming baby is relentlessly awful and (I believe) can bring on PND. I felt like this with my first baby. I remember someone saying to me "don't worry, it gets better after the first 6 weeks" and thinking "6 WEEKS? I can't deal with more of this for another 6 HOURS."

If there are no friends or family you can call on for help, please go to your GP urgently and talk about your feelings. But are you sure you don't have anyone? There's no shame in this. Having gone through this myself, I would go round to help out anyone who told me they were struggling. It does pass, not that it will feel like it now.

Well it will get better, but over months, not days. So that phrase from your mum won't help you now. I loathed the early weeks of babyhood too. I went back to work when DS1 was 3-4 months old. Could you do that? FWIW he was a crier too. In desperation one day I put him in his cot, walked away and hoovered the whole house. When I had finished he was fast asleep.
Please seek help from your GP/HV for your own mental health if you're struggling so much. Your needs are as important as your baby's. And make sure his DF pays maintenance. I'd be so cross he'd left you both like this that would psychologically give me back a sense of control with something.....hit him where it hurts.

Does he cry when you hold/carry him.

You can get a carrier/sling and have your hands free. My youngest was literally attached to me 24/7. I watched many box sets and just went with it. He's now 11 months, and happily potters about and plays by himself for ages.

It gets better. Do see your doctor though.

Cranial oesteopath? Might be worth a go. The first 3 months are very intense, babies are HARD work.

Hi just wanted to really wish you well and offer to help any way that I can. What everyone's said so far is right it will get better but right now your doing really good. I haven't found my right partner so far but still looking but if you want a friend or someone to talk to or if I can help please PM me, happy to help any way I can l, thanks Mike x

Where are you op?

Well it does get better - but not after 26 days. It gets a bit better around 3 months, a bit better still at 6 months, and gradually as your DC ages, generally speaking it gets better (though it can be a PITA at any age!)

You are clearly in need of much more support than you currently have. Have you been assessed for PND? Do you have a decent health visitor or a kind GP you can confide in? Could someone (DM, DF, DSis, cousin, friend), come and stay with you for a bit and help you out? My DM stayed for 10 days after the birth of both my DC and it was really helpful. I realise you're further in than 10 days, but as a single mum you may well need hands on support from someone.

But those early days/months are bloody hard, so don't beat yourself up that you're not enjoying it. Most of the mums I know found the adjustment to parenthood very hard indeed. It's an exhausting, stressful, boring and frustrating time with little or no respite. Is there someone you can confide in and ask for help?

And I agree - it sounds like he has colic.

Go back to work early.

Infant care 24/7

Are you feeling better today OP?

First few weeks are hell.

Do you have any nice female neighbours you could talk to if no one else. I found comfort and kindness in the most unlikely sources. Everyone who has had a baby can relate in someway and will want to help you.

OP, hope you are ok

Sorry I didn't reply, he screamed until I cried and pathetically begged him to tell me what was wrong (who asks a newborn why he's crying??)

I sat there and considered throwing myself out the window, I even considered getting up and leaving my house with him still in it (what mother considers that??)

Whilst trying to calm him down, my mum arrive around 9am & settled him (eventually), she then took him to hers so I could clean/tidy & get sorted without any interruptions (I know :( still selfish and wanting me time).

She's offered to have him the whole day & tomorrow too.

Is it bad that as soon as he left, I smiled?? I actually breathed a sigh of relief & smiled.

It's not bad, many of us have felt it too! It's unrelenting at this age. I'm so glad your mum is helping. Be kind to yourself, you are not fully recovered from pregnancy or from labour. Hang in there!

I considered both jumping out of the window and putting the baby out of it, and anyone who tells you they didn't too is probably lying!

I was you! I was suicidal and once ranted at a woman at the shops who said that she'd love to take my DS home. I ranted because she didn't mean it.
Speak to your hv. Go to the doctor. Keep asking for help. Go to baby and toddler groups and accept all and any offers to hold the baby.

Just keep going. No one quite realised how awful a chronically unhappy baby is, but your baby will get over it and things will get better.

I hated it too but it gets better.
Get some from gp.

You need your GP, it does get easier but I doubt your thinking that far ahead.

Considering throwing yourself out the window is really worrying.

OP, I feel your pain. I had PND (didn't realise it for a long time, at the time just hated hated hated my life). I was on my own too, that was first time round. Second time around, hey ho on my own again and this one was even more difficult. I didn't want to take antidepressants (which worked well before) as I was breastfeeding. I became suicidal scarily quickly, and like you had thoughts of jumping out window, just walking out and much, much worse. Thankfully I reached out for help and meds soon helped. It is so unbeleivably hard on your own, the bit you are at now is the worst, honest! I have a teen and a 2 year old! It is fabulous that your mum can help - TAKE ANY HELP OFFERED AND NEVER FEEL GUILTY FOR IT - if it makes you smile/breathe for a bit, you will be so much better for it, and in turn your baby will too.

Unfortunately they pick up on our feelings and there is much research that shows babies of depressed mothers cry more... though it could be that is what made mothers depressed in first place!!

I was referred to a local PND group and met some lovely ladies going through the same thing. Still see some of them now.

Contact HomeStart, your Health visitor should be able to referr you also.

I'm in the SW England - if you are pm if you would like and I can give you more info.

I look back on those days and think thank fuck we survived them, and it was due to reaching out and speaking out.

Good luck

Sleep deprivation, solitary isolation and constant high pitched loud noise played day and night are literally used as torture techniques, designed to break down battle-hardened, combat-trained soldiers. And it works. Within a few days of this treatment soldiers break down.

You have survived and looked after your ds through 26 days of literal torture. That is genuinely heroic.

I know that everybody is saying it will get better and they are right, but you probably don't believe or care right now that the future might actually be OK, so what you have to do for the moment is simply survive.

If surviving means leaving your ds to cry while you have a shower or leaving him with your mum for a day or 2, then it doesn't make you a bad mum. It makes you a good survivor doing what you have to do to get you both through torture.

Keep going 1 minute at a time if needs be. You are amazing.