September 2014 - Into the new year!

[RedToothBrush]

Shiny New Thread for a Shiny New Year.

Child Tax Credits

For all the new Mums on the thread, don't forget to check your eligibility for tax credits now that you have a child. These are not insignificant amounts and this is not a payment that you receive automatically (like child benefit, which you should already be receiving if earning less than £45K each). You have to apply for tax credits through the yougov website linked to above.

It's worth testing out a few options on the calculator. How much would we get in tax credits if we went down to just DH wage? How much tax credits would we get if I worked 1 day/3 days a week. etc.

We were surprised we even qualified for tax credits since DH earns a decent wage. For many years didn't even know that as parents we could get this extra income.

The only thing is that it is paid based on earnings for the previous tax year, so this will be before we all had our children or started maternity leave. But when forward planning, you could reapply in April using earnings from Apr 2014 to Apr 2015.

RE swimming Nazly. It's a nice idea but unless you have a hydrotherapy pool locally (which are kept very warm), my experience is that babies don't really enjoy swimming because public pools are not warm enough.

I have three very confident and able swimmers, mainly because we are members of the local competitive swimming club. But my children have not started lessons until aged 3. At that age they are better able to take instruction.

We play swim before then. Indeed we play swim as a family several times a week in the school holidays. Play swimming can easily develop water confidence. Just don't use bouncy aids (arm bands are a big no no when learning to swim), get baby used to being 'dunked', getting their head wet and water in their eyes, jumping in when older. Generally just having fun in the pool.

Vast numbers of Mums start swimming lessons with their babies. Worryingly few continue so that their child can swim 25 meters by aged 7 (which is a bare minimum IMO). The best value you will get from swimming is between the ages of about 4 and 6.

I have lots of opinions on the lack of swimming ability in the children of our county. 45% of 11 year olds cannot swim 25 meters.

I can't swim.

DH kayaks.

DS WILL be made to swim. Whether he likes or not!

Fate yes I know about temp; I enrolled us in a baby swimming class and the water was warm (32 or 34, can't remember) and the building itself was very warm, so no problem there; all babies enjoyed the whole experience and there are babies younger than ds; but I just have a difficult son who hates dressing in normal times, let alone when he is tired and by a wet mum, so he screamed and cried so loudly when dressing, that I was embarrassed and stressed; and despite him enjoying being in water it was just too much for me, so I left it

Reason for starting early was that babies are born natural swimmers and have a reflex to hold their breath in water(until 6m) and it was actually amazing watching ds naturally swim under water for a very short distance; for me it would have been ideal to just continue the class as I saw how babies progress to next level as toddler swimmers and how happy and confident they are in water; but I am lazy ! (Or maybe just a human who wants to avoid extra crying if possible)

P.S. I love swimming; and water in general; so wanted him to start and love it too... But hey... Maybe later..

nazly we do water babies in a hydrotherapy pool. love it.

kitkat today I plonked b in his bouncy chair and stuck postman pat on.

so...made a fool of myself. my usual hv wasnt at clinic today and she knows b and I well (and is great when I am . anxious). anyway b only puy 7oz on over xmas which means he has dropped off curve slighrly. I suggested this because he has dropped 2 feeds by sleeping through. the past 2 days tho his intake has gone up. anyway I got really upset about it and when she asked who my support network was I howled. so then she suggested I see gp tomorrow incase of pnd. truly don't think it is, more I felt a.bit shit about his weight. then I mentioned his screaming on waking yesterday and she told me gp for him too. so then I paniced.

however today when he cried it waa clear he was tired so I put him down in his cot and he slept for 1.5hrs. then had a feed and play and then I put him in bouncy chair and he cried a bit then had another snooze. going to do his afternoon nap in cot from now on.

it really brought home how fab our hv is - she really understands us both and I think would never have let me panic today. mostly I feel embarrassed for looking such an idiot in a room full of strangers...

Don't worry about what anyone else thinks Holls. If these strangers were in the health visitor clinic then they have no doubt been there themselves. Everyone has a crying, snotty melt down at some point in early motherhood.

Your formula feeding aren't you holls? If DS has dropped feed in the night, just feed more often in the day. I think the tin recommends six feeds a day. So go for 2 hourly though the day and you'll easily get your six feeds in by bedtime - then he'll be less likely to be hungry at night and will not be dropping any calories.

Also - remember that weight-ins and HV appointments are not needed and are only done for your benefit to ease your worries. You do not need to attend them at all and no one will think any worse of you. Most multiple Mums I know don't bother seeing a HV at all. I have not had DD weighed or seen a HV since she was six weeks. No need to worry myself needlessly tracking her weight.

I wondered about feeding more often during the day - last week he had 5 feeds of between 120-220ml, the last 2 days it's gone up to 160-240ml so he might be sorting himself out. if not then will go for 2 hourly - perhaps the crying on waking is hunger in the pm. in which case. Shit. bad mum.

the hv asked if I wanted to wake him in night to feed him. I said no. Which was vvv selfish of me.

Not bad Mum, don't say that.

I think in terms of oz for feeds, rather than mls -- but I'd guess at somewhere averaging 200ml per feed would be about right - so around about 1200ml over 6 feeds per day, give or take.

When I was fully formula feeding my son, we got him sleeping through simply by giving him all six of his feeds in the day - every 2 to 2 1/2 hours.

I tried it as an experiment when he was only 5 weeks old. I was expecting to trial it for a week and see what happened, then go back to normal with 6ish feeds spaced over 24 hours ish. In fact from the first day of trying 6 feeds through the day he slept 7-7 without waking (at just 5 weeks old!). He never had another night feed.

So rather than upping the amount he has per feed, you could try feeding more frequently.

Holls why would you ever say bad mum, etc? We've all been there... As a first time mum I can't even count the number of times I panicked, ds cried inconsolably or screamed a place off, etc. If I were to think of myself as bad mum I would be very stressed and don't know how I would deal with things...
By the way it is great that your little one sleeps through, you are so lucky; I would never ever disturb a baby's sleep for a feed unless he was in absolute critical conditions ! What did that hv think suggesting it?! I would just offer more during the day until he has a bit left in each bottle and they you know how much he needs

For all its worth ds is going back to being uncomfortable at evenings again which I put down to being gassy - but I am sure it will pass at some stage...

P.S. Fate how can I get my bf baby to sleep through? Was it you talking about dream feeding?

I agree - poor suggestion from HV to wake baby during the night to feed unless it is necessary from a health perspective. Learning to sleep through the night is important for mother and baby!

I need to take Molly to be weighed soon, and just get out more in general with her. I only go for a short walk round the block every day because I take the dog too but she zig zags in front of the pram and goes behind lamp posts so her lead gets caught etc. so the walks are just really quite stressful! I would feel bad leaving her to just go for a walk with baby but I think I will have to especially as weather improves!

Holls, WHY would you wake him to feed him during the night?

I don't get that logic. We all need uninterrupted sleep - even babies. And sleep for you means everything else is easier, which in turn has benefits for your baby. Its NOT selfish in any way to want sleep and I defy anyone who suggests it is. Remember sleep deprivation is a recognised form of torture, if you want some perspective here.

We've both really struggled (me and DH) with feeding over the last month. Christmas has made it worse because of all the unsettled unusual trips and visitors. Its definitely affected DS on top of what seems to be discomfort with teething. (Not to mention his daft breast / bottle issues).

Thankfully his feeding pattern has seemed to have improved over the last two days as DH has gone back to work which is a massive relief. DH has said he has found it very hard - we've both really needed each other to talk sense into the other at times - so asking about your support network isn't a terrible question to be asked. That said I freely admit, if I'd have been asked the same question on my own I'd have gone to pieces. (DH came with me to the last weigh in before Christmas for that very reason). Its possible it could be PND but I find the whole feeding / weigh in thing incredibly stressful and worrying in its own right.

I have to be honest in thinking that in many respects its counter productive in offering reassurance. For me its definitely having the opposite effect, but its very difficult to stop once you see a dip as you feel like if you are a bad mother and are failing in some way. If your child follows the curve great, but babies don't read statistics.

Bad Mum my arse!

I agree poor advise from HV. There is a lady on the October thread who's baby is losing weight. Now losing weight is a whole different ball game to a baby who has just put on weight a bit more slowly for a short period of time like Holls. Absolutely no need to wake the baby (or indeed even stress or worry about it too much) at this stage.

P.S. Fate how can I get my bf baby to sleep through? Was it you talking about dream feeding?

Nazly - I've been mix feeding for the last two weeks (from 12 weeks) but having said that DD was sleeping 11pm-8am from 8 weeks when she was exclusively breast fed.

I do dream feed. That means lifting and slightly waking baby when I go to bed (somewhere between 10.30-11.30) and giving a bottle. I started from about 6 weeks with an expressed bottle. You can't realistically do a breastfeed dreamfeed because the baby will be too tired to stimulate let-down - but expressed milk from a bottle will work. Since Christmas I decided I can't be bothered with the faff of expressing so it is a 7oz bottle of formula now. I breastfeed just for the pleasure of it now, rather than stressing about nourishment.

Holls I think if your baby was hungry after he woke up from his naps then he wouldn't have gone back to sleep in the first place. I also think this HV has upset you unnecessarily. A brief period of slightly slowed weight growth is fine - babies tend to grow in brief growth spurts so probably just means your DS hasn't had a growth spurt for a little while. I'm not convinced babies follow weight gain charts in a perfect curve! Oh and no I wouldn't wake to feed either. Jessica tends to have last feed of formula (bf rest of day) at about 8.30-9pmish, and then naturally wake up because she's hungry at 5ish, then she'll sleep again until about 7.30ish. But yes I certainly wouldn't wake to feed unless weight was becoming a serious problem (e.g baby was losing weight). I value my sleep too much! How are things with your DH now?

I have to admit I'm looking forward to quitting the bf altogether. I'm still aiming to get to 6 months (Jessica is nearly 4 months now) but I'm just itching to get some more freedom back now. Also I want Jessica to get used to have bottles in the daytime and having feeds from other people. For the first time last week my parents had Jessica whilst I went to get DH from hospital after his back surgery (even I had to admit that I couldn't push a wheelchair / pram simultaneously)! I was gone about two and a half hours and left plenty of expressed milk in the fridge. As I say I'd never left Jessica with anyone but DH before (and even then not much). Apparently she was fine at first - played for a bit and then had a 30 minute nap and then she got hungry. My Mum warmed up her milk for her but she adamantly refused it. She was hysterical when I came home so and wouldn't settle until she was on my boob. She just wouldn't take a bottle from my Mum. I'm not sure if this was because it wasn't me giving it, or because it wasn't warmed enough for her, or she just associates bottles now with bedtime (she has a bottle of formula before bed). Any ideas? I'm gutted - was really hoping she'd be okay with my parents so that me and DH could eventually have some time together again. It's DH's birthday next month and I'd love to take him out for dinner for a baby-free night out. We haven't had one together since Jessica was born.

dh being much better thank god

I think if he was hungry he would let me know! seeing gp shortly so fingers crossed.

the support network thing upset me cos my parents are abroad, my closest friends are miles away except for one and I haye feeling that I am putting on her. my in laws are great but I feel a bit judged...mil was laughing about me ringing the hv on a weekly (daily!) basis when I was really anxious. I felt such a fool. I think if my mum was close by I would feel a bit less lonely at times. even though I know she would drive me potty!!!

Holls are there any baby groups on near you? It can really help to discuss your experiences / concerns with other Mums who are often going through / have been through similar things. I was really nervous about going to groups (really had to force myself as I get really anxious meeting new people) but pleased I did. xxx

Oh, and pleased to hear your DH has been much better recently.

KitKat - formula milk tastes different to breast milk (have you tried them?). Maybe your baby is used to the breastmilk flavour only coming from your breast and the formula milk taste coming from the bottle. I suppose in a similar way that I would find it odd to drink tea out of a coke can or wine from a coffee mug.

So maybe she freaked because it was expressed milk in a bottle? It also could be temperature (my DD likes her milk warmer than I'd expect). Also, when my DD first started with a bottle she would only have it when she was already dozing a bit and was not too hungry. If she got either too hungry or too tired then she would scream at the offer of a bottle and only breast would do. The answer, we found, was to feed before hunger cues started.

Holls - I second going to some baby groups. If you have a local surestart centre, this is a good place to start.

re the hv....exactly. I told the gp today and she smirked - she had a little boy last year so was great. not pnd she thinks. just xmas more stressful than I realised. we do go to various groups but I find a lot of them quite cliquey. However have made a friend at swimming. also have a lovely friend from my school days who has kids and a baby who is a similar age to B. today I have felt back in routine which has helped. thank you all for being so kind.

dh doing bedtime on friday (his idea) and having b on sat am whilst I go.back to the gym. that might see me off!!!!

Holls - think it will help to have that little bit off time off - especially the gym, great stress release!

Does anyone else's perfect prep machine nearly always say it's empty when it's clearly not? Filter takes ages to drip down, I must have put it in wrong.

I'm still waiting to have lunch. Molly is currently sleeping on me again. Made the mistake of doing things when she played and fell asleep on play mat earlier instead of eating!

I was wondering about ilove too, hope she's ok!

I'm normally just a lurker on here and the oct thread and love reading all your messages (makes me feel like I'm not turning into a complete but case very often and that we are all in a similar boat!) I'm wondering if anyone can help...I'm desperately trying to get dd (ebf) to take a bottle of expressed milk as I would love to leave her with dh to be able to start doing some exercise again (or even just go to the dentist without the fear of having to get my boobs out mid appointment to pacify a screaming baby!) I have tried 4 bottles (2xavent ones, mam, nuk) and she won't take anything...I'm not prepared to 'starve her into submission' but just wondering if anyone knows any techniques that may help? She took a bottle at 2 days old and 1 at 6 weeks but nothing else, she also doesn't like dummy...??

You probably have tried this, but if you haven't tried it, try starting to breastfeed unlatch her and slip in the bottle instead, keeping her in the same position as much as possible. If she associates the position with feeding and you can 'trick' her into taking a bottle, then she may learn that bottles also have food.

DS is mainly fed expressed milk by bottle but even he is fussy about his bottles and dummies. He doesn't get on with dummies at all, and has been fussy about other bottles (we use tommy tippee) ones. Very frustrating. And probably isn't what you want to hear, given you've already tried a few and there is no guarantee that's the problem.