September 2014 - Into the new year!

[RedToothBrush]

Shiny New Thread for a Shiny New Year.

Hi again Aisha18. I just answered your query on the October thread . There are a few of us on both Sept an Oct threads I think.

lilone that happened with my perfect prep after screaming at it several times, your not frigging empty I ran a cleaning cycle and removed the filter ran some water through it then put it back in. I must have put it back correctly as it now works fine.

I made a massive cock up yesterday when i let Elijah sleep 3.30pm-8.00pm I mean really what was I thinking. Of course he didn't go down till 10.30 then woke up at 11pm.

He tried to do it today but I have put a stop to it

LILONE (sorry god knows why that is in caps, and I am too lazy to start again) mine did that too. I had air in the filter. Take it out, shove it in bowl of cold water, wiggle it around a little bit till the bubbles come out, and then stick it back in the filter. If it continues, try the tommee tipped Facebook page. I messaged them in a tizz at 2am (I know, that doesn't sound like me at all, does it) and they REPLIED before the next feed. I could have kissed them. Good luck.

Today I have tried to feed B more as I was worried after the weight thing yesterday. He had 220ml at 7am, 180ml at 10am, 100 ml at 12pm, 150 at 2pm (straight after swimming), then he slept for an hour and was clearly still tired and had 120 at 5pm, and then his bedtime feed he had 100ml and fell asleep on the bottle. All that underwater swimming has taken it out of him!!!

Saw the doc today. Oh god, have I posted about this already today? Sorry if I have. He is fine. I am fine. She had a baby last year and was soooooo nice I think I would like her to join my normal HV as my new best friends.

Aisha here are two good links
www.askdrsears.com/topics/feeding-eating/breastfeeding/faqs/getting-baby-to-take-bottle
www.babycenter.com/404_how-can-i-teach-my-breastfed-baby-to-take-a-bottle_3177.bc

I know that once you've bought the perfect prep machine then you might as well get your moneys worth and use it. But really, making up bottles is dead simple and no hassle whatsoever. I really don't get why people need a stupidly expensive machine to do it when all you need is a kettle, fridge and microwave.

Holls, what is your DS's weight? I don't know if feeding is weight related or age related but DD is 15lb 8oz (7.05kg) at nearly 15 weeks. I make up seven 6oz bottles (170ml). The tin recommends 6 feeds in 24 hours but I do 7 feeds, she doesn't finish them all though. As an approximate she has the following:

8am - Breastfeed then about 4oz
10am - About 5oz + breastfeed
12pm - About 5oz + breastfeed
2pm - About 6oz
5pm - About 6oz
8pm - About 6oz + breastfeed
11pm - About 5oz
No feeds overnight, even if she wakes.

If you think long term, to when you have a small child eating meals, they generally need snack time as well, at first. I've always found toddler eating patterns generally follows:

8am breakfast
10am morning snack
12pm lunch
2pm afternoon snack
5pm dinner
7pm milky drink before bed.

So I am sort of working towards these kinds of timings for DD bottles. Once we get to 6 months then I will start offering proper food followed by regular bottle at times already established as part of routine.

Aw thanks everyone, I've been feeling much better these last two days so don't think I'm heading for pnd. Getting out every day is a must, and making sure I did it today has helped. We go to a few baby classes locally but holls I'm in a bit of a similar situation to you in that my family (and all my very close old friends) are miles away. Since I moved oop North to Yorkshireland to be with DH I've been working really hard so haven't socialised as much outside of the work circle as I usually would have. Love living up here but having dd has also made me think about my local support network in a different way.

Nazly sounds like you've made a good decision re: going back to work. You have to do what's going to work for you and ds otherwise you'll be very stressed

Aisha have you got somebody else to try a bottle with your lo? Dd is ebf and won't take a bottle from me but (after lots of practice) will now take one from DH.

Thanks cookie and holls, I will play about with the filter tomorrow and hopefully sort it out. I have also screamed at the machine several times!

fate I got my pp machine when I was at the height of anxiety and it took the edge off!! quite happily make up bottles when out. just the pp machine made me stress less.

so yesterday was a tad unusual because swimming sent b to zzzz land! asked gp yesterday about feeding 2 hourly and she said not unless he is hungry - shall ask my hv when I see her next week. in the meantime I am writing down just how much he has each feed. he was 15 5 on tues so at 15w5d. he had 28oz yesterday which is 7 less than the tin suggests but is more thsn he was having this time last week. I also find he spends feeds being v nosy about everything so am going to try giving him a rest to look around and then hsve another go.

in other news pram tyre has puncture. arse

Also…dare I say it in this day and age? I don't have a microwave!!

No microwave?! How do you eat in this day and age?!

DS had a feeding frenzy yesterday.

Woke up this morning and has a rattlely chest (snuffles and slight cough).

Refused his bottle, but clearly hungry so tried breast feeding.

I now have a fair idea how much food he can get in 5 mins as its all over me, its all over him and ALL over the bed.

Trouble is he seems hungry still and I'm not entirely sure what to do.

A was a bit like that this morning Red. But I think it may have been more his teeth. I gave him calpol and waited for a bit before trying to feed him about 20 minutes later and he finished the bottle.

Holls - Writing stuff down will only add to your worry and anxiety I think. Your doctor is right, just go with the flow and feed when he is hungry as much as he wants. It was wrong of me to say about 2 hourly feeding, now that I think about it. Your son doesn't need 'feeding up' or anything, his weight is fine. It was just that silly HV worrying you.

Red - I feel for you. My 5 year old had a horrible bug just after Christmas with projectile vomiting. It lasted 4 days and he had a raised temperature with it. I suspect norovirus or similar, but didn't go to the doctors just treated at home. I hope your DS doesn't get that.

It's really hard when it's a baby because of feeds and dehydration risk. I assume you still have expressed milk in stock? You may just need to be patient with really tiny amounts. You could try expressed milk in a calpol syringe at just 5ml at a time.

Holls I would agree with Fate re: writing how much your DS has having been there, done that. I'd rapidly lose track too, as writing how he has is easier said than done during a day between trying to do everything else. Which made me panic too, especially as I couldn't add it up.

The thing is, I know that DS is eating as much as he wants and there isn't much I can do to get him to take more if he's not hungry. I think the thing is to make sure he is offered more than he actually drinks (in short if he's draining every bottle then you should be giving more. Don't feel if he drains a bottle you are depriving him though. If he's draining the odd bottle then just offer more in the next.)

Feeding is weight related, but its also baby related. Two 15lb 15 babies won't eat the same. So comparing amounts with others is liable to add to anxiety rather than remove it (if its more you'll stress that he's eating but not gaining enough, if its less you'll stress that he's not eating enough)

Thanks for the support this morning. DS had a short feed immediately after and though I was worried about a repeat, he fell asleep on me, so I just left him. He's now woken up and had another small feed. He seems happy and not distressed, but a bit clingy/sleepy which is generally unlike him for this time. I really need to move him though as I need to finish expressing (and open the curtains!)

Inbloom, holls, my parents are abroad; my mil is abroad, as are my brother and sister and best friends (and may I add they are in different countries! And not even close enough so we can fly there relatively easily ); we only have a few friends in this country and that's it...

During holiday seasons I felt extremely lonely even though dh was home- I can handle my feelings more or less, but when we were out and about with a few baby-less friends and had them over, I felt now it is even important for ds to see other people and be loved by others and that just made me really upset. I felt my life choices has an impact on his wellbeing and felt sorry.

The feeling is specially strong as he is the first grandchild on both side, and he was awaited for by family for so long, that all immediate family members adore him immensely.

My parents were around after he was borne and I insisted my mum to stay for a long time, but having family members even parents in your own home for long time is not ideal (as I have the experience with mil staying here nearly 2m every year!!) so it just does not work... Moving from this country after 10 years and after making a life for ourselves is difficult; Very difficult, and staying here with no day to day emotional support is also very difficult...

Recently I just feel I have been really daft and stupid about giving birth and bringing up a baby; I am normally very rational and decide with my head; but I underestimated my emotions and baby's massively in all my decisions

Nazly, its hard. But please reflect on this:

I live in the same place as I did when I was 10 years old. I've moved away and back twice. For education and travel. I always said I would never settle in the same place as I grew up as I thought it was narrow-minded and lacked a desire to 'live life to the full'. But after being educated and seeing the world I came to realise that where I grew up was a great place that offered both DH and I some of the best opportunities and qualify of life we could hope for. We've considered moving several times, but in the end we always struggle to think of better reasons to go elsewhere. I wonder for the future about whether the creature comforts and security in his life will give him the fire in his belly to grab life by the throat or whether he'll take things for granted (as I probably have and make the same mistakes I have). Despite living here so long, my friends are all scattered to the far corners of the world and some of my best friends I met over the internet one way or another and never lived close by anyway. So local emotional support from friends is not something we really have. We are working on it.

My parents DO live close by and DH's parents are about an hour away. But even that is no guarantee of emotional support. DH had been none contact with his parents for almost a year before DS was born and things are still very strained. His mum was pretty horrid about him at Christmas so I detect another fall out is probably on the horizon. I wouldn't say they were emotionally supportive for that reason; neither DH or I would turn to them if we had a crisis. And my relationship with my Mum has crashed and burned since having DS. We probably would turn to them in a crisis, but only when that crisis had hit a point that I felt had no other choice.

My point being, that even living in the same country (or even town) and making different life choices doesn't mean that you would have the emotional support you crave right now. So there is no point torturing yourself over it. Plus the life experience you have gained from living abroad is something you will pass on to your children. Don't dismiss its value.

Nazly - Just about everyone underestimates parenthood until they actually become parents.

Getting out to parent and toddler groups will create you a support network in time. The friendship circle around me now is mostly made up of women who have children the same age as mine that I met at parent & toddler / school gates / Brownies / Cubs / Swimming etc. Your son is the one who will link you to new friends and so extra support.

Nazly, I miss my mum terribly, however, I can't wait to take B out to see her later on in the year - a whole month! But much as I love her and miss her and it would have been great to have her around…I also know I would probably have wanted to kill her! We are super close, and most of my family have moved abroad. My ex step mum and one brother are over here. And that's it; I have lots of siblings and am nc with my dad pretty much so my mum and stepdad and granny and brother and sister going away was a big thing. Mum has been pretty good on the phone, and my MIL was amazing, especially at the beginning when I was a bit very all over the place.
We live in an area very close to where we grew up and are lucky to have friends up here - but none with babies, so I am making new friends, which I find tricky, cos although I am really chatty, I'm also really shy so it takes me time. My close friends with babies are hours away. It would be quicker to fly to see mum than to drive to them!!!

As for feeding, whilst tramping round town today buying a washing machine (cos that's just what you need to break just after Xmas) and what have you, I have come to the conclusion that you can lead a baby to milk but you can't force him to drink. He will have what he wants. Just as Ella said, it's the same with naps. The last couple of weeks he has really struggled to sleep during the day. Today, well he's in the 2nd hour of nap number 2 already. It's just babies, isn't it? They like to get us in a spin and then, when we think we understand, off they go again.

Right. Enough waffle from me. How can this child sleep so long??!!!! Not that i am complaining, obviously!!!

Ella - Enjoy your night out tonight! I am going on a training course all day Saturday, so Daddy is in charge of all four for the day. He'll be fine. I'm quite looking forward to some child-free, grown-up time.

Really fed up today. DH post-op has done nothing but lay in bed and watch TV and feel sorry for himself. He's not even bothered getting dressed. It's been a week and a half now FFS. I know he's in pain and I really am trying to be sympathetic (and I know how horrendous back pain is as I've been there myself) but he's hardly helping himself by being in bed all day, and he's expecting me to run around and do everything for him and Jessica and look after the house. I'm exhausted and doing it all on my own without a break. I'm afraid I've reached the point where sympathy has turned into frustration. Sorry, just needed to rant (and have a few tears on sofa).

God I probably sound like a really uncaring b

Rant away KitKat

I've had spinal surgery (whilst I had a 12 month old and 28 month old at home). Everyone is different but I'd say he's milking it.

After the surgery, literally straight afterwards, I felt tons better than before. Within a week I was up and walking around normally. Granted I couldn't lift things or bend down at first. But could stand, walk around the house, go up and down stairs and sit.

Dressing is difficult - things like bending down to put trousers or socks on. But you could help him? Then he should definitely be able to get up, sit on sofa with you, make hot drinks for you, make a sandwich/toast, generally give you moral support.

He is doing himself no favours whatsoever staying in bed.

I think that's what is so frustrating. I'm more than willing to help him (and indeed I have put socks on for him, wash his hair, help him get into clean PJ bottoms, etc etc) but all he does afterwards is go back to bed. I know he can't lift or bend down but he could be doing some things. He did say pre-surgery he might do some studying for an exam he's got coming up with work but he hasn't bothered with that either. I've offered to go out for like 5 minute walks with him to start building his strength up but he can't be bothered. I just feel really pissed off with him now.

It reminds me a bit of when he lost his job a year and a half ago. He got really depressed and just mopped around the house all day whilst I was taking on extra shifts to help cover the bills (I.E working 60+ hours a week) and would come home to find he hadn't even bothered to do the washing up or a load of laundry because he had been too busy feeling sorry for himself. Again I was sympathetic at first, but after a while couldn't help but get pissed off.

KitKat - His doctor will instantly prescribe anti-depressants if he speaks to his GP.