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September 2014 - Into the new year!

997 replies

RedToothBrush · 29/12/2014 20:16

Shiny New Thread for a Shiny New Year.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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7
holls2000 · 05/01/2015 16:20

b went to sleep and woke up crying. ...hasn't hugely stopped since. obviously needs a sleep but it ain't happening!!!

lilone1234 · 05/01/2015 16:48

I have also really enjoyed having DP around, but Molly's routine has also been completely lost (was still working on properly establishing one before Xmas, particularly trying to crack proper daytime naps in crib). This has been unavoidable with travelling over an hour every other day to visit my mum in hospital for 2 weeks before she died, and now travelling frequently to sort funeral but she's been used to having naps in the car and being held most of the time. DP has had to look after her alone a lot and he has bonded with her a lot and is much more helpful with her now, but she has got very used to sleeping on him during the day so now I'm back to square one! I've battled with her over it today, and she's won every time!

holls2000 · 05/01/2015 17:36

Any ideas, lovely ladies? B has been extremely upset on waking up from sleepS this afternoon. Yesterday afternoon he was also v upset. Had feed and play then a sleep then woke up screaming, couldn't be consoled, had a little play, fell asleep on me for an hour and again woke up crying. Could it be teeth?

Acorncat · 05/01/2015 19:22

Mine is also crying everytime he wakes up for the past week. Once he's properly awake he's fine but in that sleepy state he really screams Sad

Nazly · 05/01/2015 20:45

Holls we have that occasionally here; not sure why either...

Nazly · 05/01/2015 21:01

Ladies I am supposed to start work in 5 weeks; but I'd like to open up and share some of my hidden feelings with you : in the last two weeks almost every night I am having nightmares with very similar themes : I leave ds with somebody, a family or friend, then go out and then something goes badly wrong, like I come back to see no nappy change and rash, or he is fed something inappropriate, and sometimes the nightmares are so disturbing I cry in sleep, last night It went like this: I was at work, there was a meeting, it finished late; I had to get home by tube and bus but there were delays and I couldn't find a way to get home quickly, I started walking fast nervously and saw a food place like a restaurant and saw my family members were all there, mil, my mum, etc; (I left ds with them) but ds was not with them; I asked where he was and they suddenly remembered that they all forgot about him and left him home! I started crying and got really upset thinking what could happen to him and how much he'd been crying all day and.... When I woke up...

Not sure what I should be doing... There is something in me which has a strong objection to me going back to work now... In reality I also feel nervous and unhappy; but my nightmares , I feel, are telling me that my feelings and nervousness are a lot stronger than I think

FATEdestiny · 05/01/2015 22:14

Holls - It might be teeth, it might not. It might be a cold, it might not. It might be a snotty nose, a sore bun, tight clothing, too hot, too cold - or a million other things. You don't necessarily always have to know 'the answer' to unexplained crying. As long as you have tried the obvious, he could just be crying because he is upset. So I just cuddle and do my best to console when nothing else works.

Nazly - I am so sorry you are feeling as you are about work. I don't think it is unusual. Most, if not almost all Mums feel anxious about returning to work.

How would you feel about having a few practice days with the people who will be looking after him? You need to reach the point where you trust the care-giver to look after DS in a safe and nurturing way.

Could you ask work if you could have a staged return?

holls2000 · 05/01/2015 22:15

Nazly you poor thing. have you spoken to anyonr else about it? could you go part time? could you leave ds with mil or whoever is going to be lookong after for just a few hours - go and have a massage or something and then go home just to reassure you that it will be ok?

TeamEponine · 05/01/2015 22:18

Nazly, I know exactly what you mean. In fact, I was actually coming on here to ask people about their plans to return to work. I'm supposed to start back in June, but have had a major wobble about that over Christmas. I've emailed hr about going back pt initially, and it looks like that will be possible. It will be very tight financially, but I just can't imagine leaving her at nursery 8am-6pm. I'm going to talk to hr and my line manager about going pt for a year and then going back ft.

Is pt a possibility for you?

holls2000 · 05/01/2015 22:23

I know Fate I am being really stupid. he hardly cries so when he goes like he has done the paat two days it throws me completely. I sort of need a reason (which I know I can't have!!). its bloody hard this parenting lark.

I am happy to report that dh going to do bedtime on fridays and have ds at weekend while I go to gym. progress?

FATEdestiny · 05/01/2015 22:36

You're not being stupid Holls, just a Mum who wants to do what's best for baby. Good progress with DH, I am sure he will be fine.

Re: Returning to Work. I have to be careful here because I know some people simply cannot afford to stay at home or go part time, and there is no need at all to feel bad about this.

When I stopped working we didn't actually think we'd manage financially with a massive drop in joint income (I was/am a teacher). Your outgoings go down when you are not working (petrol/office clothing etc), you also prioritise your budget and learn to live within your new means.

EllaBella220 · 05/01/2015 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedToothBrush · 05/01/2015 23:54

DS has started waking up with an unholy scream which is really unnerving. I honestly think its something like a bad dream or just confusion as he wakes rather than a physical reason. A hug or something to distract him seems to sort him out fairly quickly.

Nazly, if its any consolation, I have been having very vivid upsetting nightmares recently. I have no reason to, as unlike you, I don't know when I will be returning to work (walked out of job 3 weeks before getting pregnant and financially, its questionable whether we will be better off anyway). They have been utterly horrendous.

I get night terrors if I eat certain things as the additives don't agree with me and these dreams have been very similar. My best guess is there is something hormonal/chemical going on in the same way in my case.

So I wouldn't necessarily say that its purely down to your worries. I have no idea if its something that is connected to having a baby or whether it might just be a coincidence, but I do wonder given the timing.
Any concerns you have might well be amplified if it happens to be something to do with your body recovering.

OP posts:
TeamEponine · 06/01/2015 07:54

Going back to work pt is going to be very tough financially for us as, at the moment, I bring in most of the money. In a year or so DH's salary should jump a bit though, but I still earn a fair amount more, so going pt means we will only just have enough money coming in to cover our basic bills. Luckily we have some savings, so we will need to use that for things like clothes, meals out, holidays, work on the car, etc. we've decided that this is a good use of our savings though as it will give me a year of pt work and more time with DD.

I do also want to go back to work as I love my job and I do find being with DD 24/7 relentless. I do adore her, but I think I will enjoy her more if I get to have a bit of a break. Probably sounds awful Sad

cookielove · 06/01/2015 08:14

That doesn't sound awful team its hard being with them 24hrs a day! It's nice to have some adult time. I work i childcare so will be going back to other people's babies but its the other staff I am looking forward to being with!

Will miss my little man!

KitKat1985 · 06/01/2015 11:40

Jessica also sometimes tearful when she wakes. I think it's usually to do with her still being tired though and being annoyed at being awake, as sometimes she will drop back to sleep afterwards.

Nazly - could you possibly do a staged return? Might help both you and DS adjust to going back to work / nursery.

I'm lucky to have a year off. Have already spoken with my boss though about my return to work hours (as I work variable shifts currently as a nurse, but need set hours for my return as Jessica needs to be booked into the nursery for set days). The only way we can make it work financially around DH's 9-5 job is for me to work double shifts two set days a week I.E, 6.45am-9.15pm tues and thurs) and a one weekend day (DH is home then so need for nursery) so we only have to pay for two nursery days a week, as if she was booked in 5 days a week our nursery fees would be nearly £1000 a month which would be completely financially unviable for us). It does mean though on my work days I won't see Jessica at all and they will be bloody long, knackering days, so I'm not looking forward to it. Sad Would love to go part-time but don't think it's financially possible at the moment - I'm the higher wage earner out of me and DH and me going part-time would put quite a dent on our finances. Sigh. On the flip-side, I have stated to get a tad [whispers] bored and lonely sometimes at home, and it can be a bit relentless sometimes doing child-care all the time, so maybe it'll be nice in one way to go back, but overall I'm dreading it.

In other news Jessica did her first night in her cot-bed last night. It took her a while to settle and I had to go back to her several times but one she was asleep she was no different to how she is when she's been in her basket. Hopefully after a few more nights she'll get used to it!

In other news is anyone else's LO really noisy at the moment. Jessica has discovered her voice and is chattering away constantly, or making 'ahhhhhhh' noises all the time. It's quite funny!

FATEdestiny · 06/01/2015 11:42

Is anyone's babies already at the stranger anxiety stage?

My DD will smile at anyone who has a smiley and happy face. This could be a complete stranger in the street, a relative, her older siblings, me and her Daddy. DD noticed the face looking at her and if the face has a smile, she smiles back. If the face doesn't have a smile, sometimes she still smiles back and other times she doesn't. Ella, I wonder if the way your LO is with your eldest is because he feels awkward with her and this apprehension shows in his face?

KitKat1985 · 06/01/2015 11:45

P.S. [Bad Mum alert]! I have recently discovered Jessica is happy to be in her bouncer and watch CBeebies for a while, gives me a break and a chance to go on Mumsnet!

Inbl00m · 06/01/2015 11:58

Team I've felt awful this week for thinking I might 'enjoy' dd more if I go back to work. I'd planned to take a year off but I didn't realise just how relentless this would be.

Has anybody got any experience of pnd and how did you know you had it. For some reason I'm finding this week the hardest so far. Objectively I know it's easier now she (mostly) sleeps through and I even get 4 hours per evening to myself before I go up to bed, but struggling now much more than in the early days so wondering if I've got a touch of pnd...Sad

Inbl00m · 06/01/2015 12:00

Ella I was wondering about stranger anxiety too, but dd just likes happy, smiley people. Anybody who's a bit awkward with her (mostly old people) is a big NO these days !

KitKat1985 · 06/01/2015 12:14

Inbl00m it might be a touch of PND. Are you anxious and / or tearful a lot? Always worth speaking to your GP if you're not sure. I think this stage though (I.E, now we're all past the 'I had a baby!' excited stage) can feel quite relentless and days all seem the same. It doesn't help I think being mid-winter so going out is more difficult, so I certainly feel quite cooped up being in the house nearly all the time.

Oh and Jessica will smile at anyone that gives her attention!

FATEdestiny · 06/01/2015 13:58

Inbl00m - Bear in mind it is January, the month when mental health issues increase for everyone, not just new mums. It could be PND, it could be January depression or it could be both. There is no shame in speaking to your doctor about how you are feeling if you need to.

Are there any baby groups you could go to? Just getting out of the house and talking to people will help.

I've decided to start a baby massage course. I've done the same course twice before and already do baby massage with DD at home. So I really have no need to go on a course to learn. But the point of me going isn't really about learning anything new, it is about meeting some Mums of babies a similar age - to have more people to talk to.

Nazly · 06/01/2015 14:59

Thanks ladies
Re going to work I just feel and decided over night that neither of us is ready yet. So I am exploring the idea of working from home a few hours a day and then maybe working part time; as you mentioned kitkat staged return; I think most probably my work will be happy with this but in an unlikely event that they are not I may even resign and change jobs , as there is demand for my skill set in job market and I am not worried; but I don't think that is going to happen anyhow as my office want me back

I even thought about postponing my return for 6m but I think I prefer to start doing some work very gradually and add the time; otherwise it will be difficult to go back even later

Financially this will be difficult; we will use savings and postpone our plans to move to a more family friendly home...

I find it stupid that smp will be discontinued as soon as you go back to work, even for a few hours a week, as this means going back little by little makes less financial sense. Right now if I calculate, going back to work a few hours per day and paying for child care and not getting smp anymore means we are worse off financially!!! Oops!! But I still think I should do it...

Red you could be right, but then the nightmares would not happen every single night then...

Nazly · 06/01/2015 15:08

Inbloom I recently find it very difficult to deal with things specially the days I stay home. Even if I go to super market I feel better, but I make plan to meet others as often as possible; free sure start classes, free baby groups, baby sensory classes, and I am looking for jo jingles and baby sign language now that I decided not to go back full time (I have to choose, we can't afford all)

I stopped taking him to swimming classes; last semester was good while we were in the water but I found dressing time stressful and generally timing it in the day was difficult and he also missed one third of classes because he wasn't well

Anybody else goes to swimming?

Ds used to smile to anybody around but now he looks at them carefully and some times cries and some times not. He only smiles if they play with him and pay extra attention. How stages passes by quickly...

CumbrianExile · 06/01/2015 18:05

Yeah, I always find it easier if I get out of the house for a least 30 minutes. If you can't get to a group or there isnt one on that day, why not go for a walk? Its not the best weather, but if you have a rain cover for the pram and a good coat you should be fine. I find I feel lots better for a little fresh air Smile