October 2014 // thread 5 // baby's first Christmas

[JeannePoole]

Welcome back!

(Dear greetings cards manufacturers: 'Baby's First Christmas' does NOT necessarily have to include Baby being liberally sprinkled with glitter from your shoddily-made merchandise.

Except that, as I'm rapidly discovering, it does.

X post. Took me nearly an hour to type that between nappy changes and me going to loo etc!! Good to know others up too! YAWN...

When does it get easier?

cj yeah am up still. And now it appears the baby is thinking he wants to be awake!!

I think around 8 to 12 weeks sore
But varies for every baby.
Mine is easier than my first by a long shot.

excited- I hate it when they trick you like that and make you think they're about to fall asleep!

I have to admit that most of the time my H (still no D!) is really good and shares the load. I suppose because we're FF it's easy for him to. Last night/ this morning has just really annoyed me, especially because it was only meant to have been a couple of drinks. There were talks of him going out on boxing night but I'll tell him I'd rather he didn't when I've hopefully had a bit more sleep and it's less likely to turn into an argument. Not like he's been hard done by with nights out since DS was born!

fedup- 9 weeks here so I'll be having stern words with DS later letting him know he has a maximum of 3 weeks left of not napping or sleeping through. I'm sure if I use the right tone of voice, it's bound to work and he'll listen to me!

I swear this girl could impersonate doing a huge poo for Scotland in the Olympics. Straining, red faced, I even swear I heard the splat of shite against nappy. Well lights on, swaddle off, undressed and take the nappy off for the big reveal - nothing except a sarcastically gurgling baby happily kicking bare assed. "Ghost poo" declared DH. "Fooled you" chuckles the wean.

fedup with you on that one. Amazing little man has slept through (thank goodness as was terrified he would wake my mum) but of course I was on watch throughout the night in case he woke up and yelled! Boobs leaked too. splendide big hugs I think you are very brave. Also I know lots of formula fed babies who have surpassed all their milestones really quickly and are also not enormous fat babies either so ff obviously hasn't done them any harm.

Been up since 4, starting to feel like I really can't do this. Why has his sleep got worse? It's so unfair. How will medication help the way I feel? It just won't will it? I'll still be trapped here. God sorry I can't seem to help blurting this all out here.

splendide medication really does help, although I know it feels hard to imagine. First, it alleviates the anxiety, which is a large part of a lot of depression, so the racing thoughts slow down. And it smoothes things out. My experience was that it didn't make me happy, which would obviously be a big ask, but it stopped the fear and stopped the great thudding feeling of unilateral failure, and it stopped me feeling like I was trapped in my skull. Without those things I was then able to deal with the rest much more rationally, and things began to get better. One of the problems with depression is that it makes you think you're seeing things as they really are for the first time, but this just isn't true. You are not what you think you are at the moment.

I second what someone said about sitting it down, because saying it out loud is hard. Or tell your partner and then take then with you as advocate. But please do see someone as soon as you can, because you deserve to feel lighter.

Writing, not sitting

splendide medication will help loads as tatty above has said.but you need to feel rested...use formula to get some sleep (this is what I do...formula at 9/10 at night gives me a good 4 hrs stretch...it won't affect your milk supply as I'm doing the same...

Write everything down if you need to but please seek help today, with hols coming up, you need to be seen now...here if you need to talk/handholding xxx

Pah, so tired but have ds1 waking me up to play games.
sore not sure about sleeping through by then but def less wake ups!
splendide please ask dH to book you a gp appt today, it's so important you get help soon lovely

sore last time we visited my boyfriend's mum she cheerfully told me that he didn't sleep through till he was three and a half, although he could walk at ten months. What kind of baby is that? Not the kind I want!

She woke me up an hour ago doing an enormous poo, then went straight back to sleep. I've given up and I'm mournfully reading a Georgette Heyer novel and eating stollen. Someone has given my next door neighbour's children plus the extra children they have staying for Christmas some kind of hooter. Why? I can hear it hooting through the walls. It's like being haunted by a clown.

sorehead i did give him a few kicks! Seemed to help as i mustve fallen asleep at some point as woke up with a very sore neck and leaky boobs! Babymoose is awake and still coughing and had a bit of a feed but is now just grunting away, i really dont like him having this cough but gp said his chest was clear so nowt to be done :(

I would like to clarify that the "she" in the second paragraph of my last post was the baby, not my mother in law.

Morning all. Sore sorry your H is being an arse. Hope you're all feeling better this morning.
Yellow your talk of ghost PPP made me laugh, I know exactly what you mean. We also get skid marks from farts
DH slept on the floor, our 12lb baby has ruined his back when he has to hold her more than 5 mins. Although sympathetic this makes me laugh.
BUT she slept 9 hours!!! No naps yesterday so must have been knackered.

Yellow and Munday oh god, yes. The Ghost Poo is definitely a thing here, too. We get The Face, we get NNNNNNNNYYYYYGGGGGGGHHHHHH, we even get The Smell. And there'll be a pristine nappy at the end of it. Alternatively we get Stealth Poos, which are worse. "I'll just quickly change this nappy," you think. And then the horror descends... I'm going to get him playing poker and send him to Vegas. He'll make us a fortune.

splendide keep talking to us, and think about the formula thing. It really might help, if only so that you can have a break. My DS has been FF from the start, and it does make such a difference being able to hand him over to DH for a feed when I'm feeling the relentlessness of it all.

...Christ, doesn't it take a long time to type coherently on a phone with a wriggly baby on your knee?

splendide I'm so sorry your feeling this. I want you to know medication does work, I have battled with depression for most of my twenties and until I was pregnant was taking sertraline.

Everything you are voicing is the depression talking, although medication won't prevent sleepless nights it will improve your mood and ability to cope. The first step is seeking help, there is such a good support network out there, voicing these thoughts can help you rationalise them. Remember we are here for you and can empathise with you. Hope things get better soon xxx

Jeanne we too have stealth poos (by day and ghost poos by night!) DH has taken to calling her a stealth bomber!

Splendide the difference with meds is that you won't feel you're trapped here with a baby but will enjoy it xxx

Haha ghost poo, have me a well needed chuckle. Dylan is a stealth pooer. No inkling of what's happening until you're left to deal with the consequences.
last night was all kinds of hell. The annual in laws Christmas party. Dh's mum had been on a hate mission with me recently (no one seems to understand why!) And I was greeted with a "oh hello" as she rushed past me to Dylan. Fine. I can cope with that. My baby was then passed around everyone, I was promptly ignored and dh was spoken to about Dylan all night. I had told him earlier that day I was worried I was going to be completely ignored all night and that it was going to be about dh and his son. It was exactly that! Mil has thrown her toys put the pram about boxing day too. She wanted Dylan for his first Christmas day but because I rarely see me family we usually go there Christmas day not because I refuse to eat nut roast on Christmas day but because it'd rate to get my bunch together in one place. We wanted a second Christmas day with dh and his family on boxing day but she insisted on inviting all her friends round etc now she's getting her knickers in a twist about when you open presents etc! Gah! Stupid woman. After such a shitty evening It's heightened all the feelings of not wanting to be here at all. I know if we lived back in Gloucestershire I would get support from friends and family. Here I have nothing.
And to top it off I've just had 3 attempts at keeping Dylan's meds down. Cue me sobbing everywhere in a pile on the floor.

Sorry for the massive post just needed to get it off my chest

Splendide as others have said medication can really help. Sometimes if you get to a point where you are feeling really low your body needs the medication as a bit of a kick start to boost your mood. If you think of your normal baseline mood as a horizontal line, usually when something bad/good happens you will drop below or peak above this line. If you experience depression you can drop so far below your normal base line that even when something good happens, your mood can't get back up to that baseline so you still feel rubbish. Antidepressants can help in that situation to get you back to a more normal baseline mood. I hope that helps - in my previous job I worked in primary care therapy services and this was sometimes useful for people to visualise. Also, you said you think the meds won't work but you don't have anything to lose by trying them out - just remember that they don't kick in straight away. They can take 2-6 weeks to start working so maybe it's worth looking at mix feeding to take the pressure off a bit.

I had a read of your other thread and I think you said one of the reasons you didn't want to leave the baby with your husband or family was that you couldn't do that to them - do you mean you are worried about inflicting the screaming baby on them? If you are I can sympathise with that. I leave L with DH after an evening feed so I can get a head start on sleep. At first I felt bad if I left him when baby was screaming but actually, they just get on with it and would much prefer to give me a break and deal with it than have me getting stressed and to the point that I can't cope. You don't have to be solely responsible for calming the baby and I think I read somewhere that sometimes babies settle better for someone else as they can't smell milk like they so with us. Also, if you don't fancy doing the telephone counselling, if you insist on seeing someone face to face, services usually have to provide this to you, they just start off by offering the least intense intervention. It's also important not to downplay how you're feeling, particularly if you have had some suicidal thoughts so that they can make sure they are providing you with the appropriate service.

That was a bit long, but I hope you get to the doctors today. We are all here for you whenever you need to vent.