September 2014 Babies leave the newborn stage behind. Thread 2

[SeptemberBabies]

New thread because our initial thread is about to max out.

For babies born around September 2014 - or just before for early arrivals and just after for late arrivals.

The mother apparently thinks the same by all accounts!!! I did ask the question!

Thank you for your messages everyone. Letting her cry herself to sleep last night didn't work. After 45 mins she was still hysterical and I couldn't listen to her screaming any longer. So we went back to 'I settle her in my arms, put her in basket, she wakes up and starts screaming' routine. By 3.30am I'd had enough (had been at it for 7 hours by this point ) and gave up and co-slept with her for a bit on the sofa (although she woke for a feed halfway through) so we probably got about 2 and a half hours sleep. At 6.30am she woke for another feed (although she was quite dopey by then having finally let herself sleep for a bit) so I fed her and decided to try her moses basket again but putting her on her tummy (first time I've ever done this) and she slept for 3 hours - (probably just from exhaustion to be honest rather than the change of sleeping position) so I finally got to bed at 7am for a while until she woke up.

I feel really broken this morning. I've been crying and wondering if we never should have had a baby as I can't cope with this. I don't feel I can tell anyone in RL this. DH helps where he can but is out the house for work about 11-12 hours a day and at night he needs to get some sleep so he can cope with work, and I have no family or anything nearby to help, so I feel like I'm having to manage on my own most of the time. I feel exhausted and isolated and I miss the freedom of my old life. I can't cope with her crying for hours every evening / night (she's generally fairly settled in the day) - it's completely crushing me. I love her dearly (this morning she smiled at me for about 5 minutes and my heart just melted) but am just not sure I'm cut out for motherhood. I feel like I'm the only one who must feel this way. I hope things get better. I'm literally dreading this evening and having to start the whole process again.

On a side point, the practice nurse who gave her jabs said I only need to give her calpol if her temp is above 37.5 (which it hasn't been). However should I try anyway tonight if she is unsettled just to see if it helps? It can't do any harm surely?

Hoping everyone else okay. Sorry for the mega post. Hoping I'm just tired and hormonal and will feel better later. xxx

kitkat hope you are feeling a bit brighter. Don't beat yourself up, bringing up a baby is hard and everyone has times that they don't feel cut out for it.

What I realised is that everything is just a phase. My eldest (11 year old twins) were such hard work - i hated the first year - I was exhausted and just felt like my life revolved around feeding, sterilising bottles and changing. I just felt on autopilot and didn't enjoy them at all. I literally couldn't wait for them to grow up and it put me off ever having any more. Now they are 11, it all seems so distant and there have been plenty more phases along the way - some really enjoyable and others not so enjoyable.

Also with your first, I think you subconsiously set certain ideals and compare yourself to how others are doing. You panic when they cry and you can't console them, you panic when they don't sleep etc.

I've really eased up now and with my new baby boy, I have to say I am enjoying it a whole lot more. I'm finding it a much more natural experience and don't beat myself up if I have to let him cry for a bit whilst I do a bit of housework or if he wakes up five times a night. I've realised that before I know it he will be off to secondary school and I will be missing the baby days again. I've surprised myself in how relaxed I've been, I was literally dreading the newborn phase.

Sorry I've trailed off point but just to let you know that there's a massive amount of mums who feel/have felt like you so you are not alone.

Sorry...I wrote that as you posted your message kitkat.

kitkat sorry you are feeling so down. You are not the only person to have ever felt like this. I keep having moments where I feel like being a mother is just temporary and I'm just pretending. Dh doesn't get it. He is also out 12 hours a day and I feel like I make a lot of decisions alone. He's not super aware of the baby like I am. He could just sit and watch TV and not even notice that DS needs attention. I have to always ask him to do nappies etc. It doesn't help that I breastfeed either.

Have you been going to baby groups? It helps to talk to other mums in the same boat and knowing that we are all muddling through and just guessing. No one really knows what they're doing so they?!

On the calpol front j wouldn't give it just to see if it works, it is paracetamol, a medication and if there's no fever then is perhaps unnecessary. Of course, this is just my opinion, at the end of the day it's your baby so you choose. I try and focus on that a lot, my baby, my choice.

I'm not sure how closely I've followed your posts (there are lots of people here!) but on the sleeping front is it possible to co sleep in your bed? This has massively helped my sleep Deprivation and I don't care if it's a 'rod for my own back', my baby is settled and I get to have some sleep. My life was revolving around sleep and since I accepted its ok to have DS in bed with me its made a huge difference. We do it safely, firm mattress, no gaps anywhere, pillows and duvet well away from him. He sleeps so soundly, so I do to.

I hope some of this helps, you sound very unhappy :( please be assured we all have times where we think 'omg I've changed my mind, send the baby back!!' Not sure my dh will ever understand this, but that's how I feel. It can make me anxious at times to but I'm doing my best. That's all we can all do.

Hey all, I haven't posted since Jasmine was born but have been following the thread. Like someone says it really helps to know that others are in the same boat. Jasmine is 6 weeks old tomorrow and we've had jaundice, thrush, reflux and now I have raynauds in my nipple but we've muddled through. I've been going to "milk spots" I don't know if they have them in your area (I'm in south london) but they are a great place to chat and there's a midwife there to give advice.

I also think this article is great read it if you have a sec- it says there's no such thing as "making a rod for your back"
m.huffpost.com/uk/entry/6113852

KitKat You're not alone with these feelings, believe me. Ds constantly cried for over 2 weeks. I was desperate, crying every day with him cause I thought about myself as a bad mum when I can't comfort my baby. I thought he was unhappy with me and would be better off with someone else, that it was a mistake to have a baby as I couldn't handle him.

Next 2 days he was amazingly smiley and happy, even at night when I was changing his nappy, he was just laughing.
Last two days he is again unsettled, although I hoped it's end of bad days.

This crying period.. it will end eventually so just hold on. You're doing the best you can...

Kitbag you describe exactly how I felt for the first 6 weeks. Hugs, hugs and more hugs. I know how you feel, my family r abroad and it's hard especially with DH being out at work and not clicking that I'm not feeling 100%! Look after yourself, I have found baby groups the way forward xx

Kitkat and holls The same here, whole family abroad. I have only dh here who's at work most of the time.

Kitkat - I was feeling exactly the same as you a few days ago. Is there anyone who can help you out to give you a bit of a break. I found that I was in a vicious cycle of being tired and then not coping well, which stressed me out, made me doubt my ability to do this whole motherhood thing, could sleep for worrying and DD having a tough time, then back to the beginning of the cycle. I ended up going to my mum's (she's not local to me unfortunately) for a few nights. She did a couple of expressed bottles each night so I could get some sleep, and it made a huge difference. Feels like I got to reset myself. If there is someone you can ask to help, please do so. I was scared to ask as I thought not coping would make me a bad mother, but getting some help was definitely the right thing to do.

These first few weeks are so tough. Think we all need hugs and cake!!! We are getting through each day, and that's a big achievement

• couldn't sleep!!!

Kitkat, give her calpol tonight. It'll do no harm and you won't spend all night wondering whether to give it or not.
Have you tried cosleeping properly? Just be really careful on te sofa especially if you're exhausted. Bed is better.
She's still so little she just hates being away from you and you'll both get some sleep that way. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture and that's partly why you feel this way. Admitting this doesn't mean you're failing or a bad mum in any way.
Come here and talk to us!

Sorry you're having a hard time Kit kat. I think it makes a real difference if youre on your own all day + night - when my hubby is working a lot I definitely find it harder to cope. How old is Jessica now? It takes a while for them to start sleeping longer. I don't know if it's just coincidence but my Jessica has been sleeping a bit longer since I put her in a sleeping bag over night. Keeps her snuggly warm and I don't have to faff about tucking her blankets in which used to wake her up.

I've never got on with a moses basket. Always found transferring sleeping baby difficult.

Three sided big-cot butted up to my bed works best for me. With sleeping bag for covering baby.

Then I can feed/settle baby in bed with me, with me lying down and dozing myself. Then when settled just slide baby across into cot. No disturbing baby or their covers.

Im so sorry you feel like this kitkat. Im finding it bloody hard too and have suffered (it still creeps up on me) with quite bad anxiety. You are doing a brilliant job x

Why, oh bloody why is a middle of the night nappy change so reliably followed by another poo?!?

Probably the same reason why Ive just dropped one bottle and had to change the top/teat only to have the valve bit (Dr Browns) come apart from the next bottle and the rest are disassembled in the bloody steriliser. It is nearly 4am ffs and DS has just closed his eyes so Im praying he doesnt want more milk yet!

The same reason my 8 week old DS just slept through for the first time but my 3.5 yr old DD woke twice which she doesn't normally do!!

And also babies like nice fresh nappies to poo in. I'd forgotten about this little treasure when I had this one. Bless them!!

Yes my baby will also poo in a clean nappy !

Ha, A has took to waiting til I am mid nappy change to pee. Usually when I have sudocream on my hands so its harder to grab something to catch the flow. I have been caught 5 times in the last three days

my lovely son wouldn't settle till 9. he did however then sleep till 1.15 as did I which was lovely. another feed at 4.15 and then awake at 6. However I THOUGHT COMFORT MILK WAS MEANT TO FILL THEM UP? HE IS eating loads and bang on 3 hrs apart from his long stretch 9-1.

DS has grown an inch in less than a week. Most of the 0 - 3 month stuff was boxed away last night. It does make me feel massively better about his feeding though. He's still dinky, but now long and thin dinky. And he lots of 3 - 6 ,month clothes which are all kinds of awesome. including the cheesy santa outfit he has for Christmas, well December so he gets a bit of use out of it. He will hate me when he's grown up and sees all the photographs!

If we can't dress our babies in cute outfits now when can we

Holls I thought it was hungry baby milk that filled them up more rather than the comfort one? I may be totally wrong though

Emily is definitely a night owl like me, she naps in the evening but then wakes up to play about 9 and then goes back to sleep at 11 till about 5 and then will sleep in till 9ish and if we don't have anywhere to be I join her . Or if I get up at 7ish it gives me a chance to have a shower in peace and do some homework before she wakes up as she has got a lot more demanding during the day (in a nice way), as she wants to be played with and interacted with all the time rather than being happy to sit in her bouncer