October 2014 // thread 2 // keeping each other company through the night feeds!

[sazzlehopes]

Hi all, welcome to thread 2!

I'm bored witless of breastfeeding. Today it's been almost literally all day apart from 2 hours this morning. How long are you supposed to do this for before it actually gets less time consuming? And, when do your nipples toughen up?

Goats the 6 week growth spurt is the big watershed in BF from personal experience. You still feed a lot more frequently (during the day) than you do with FF as its a totally different approach than making up x numbers of bottles and feeding at set intervals, but feeds get fewer and shorter with BF as you go along. The little and often meals that BF babies require is a more natural approach to eating but yes I think most of us are unprepared initially first time as to the time commitment. IMHO its worth it - especially when you get to introducing solids and look at them and think "wow I made and fed you all by my own body!", but its a very personal choice.

I've got the rage about it. I couldn't work out why so much resource is invested in my area in the breastfeeding thing - support workers, baby cafes etc. Now I get it - basically if they want people to stick with it they have to bein your face about it 24/7. They almost have to bully you into keeping going.

What they actually need to do is give you hardcore data supporting the 'breast is best' thing (and having fewer allergies is not a persuasive enough argument ), and then give you sn allowance to spend on clothes that actually allow you to easily get your tits out in public without displaying your entire self to strangers. Oh, and also actually make some clothes that people recovering their body image, want to be seen in.

My life would be easier and more comfortable if I didn't breaetfeed, end of story. I'm sure most people feel the same. They need to make it really worth your while, and if it were thst brilliant, they would.

raaaaaaaaaaah etc

Surely making it worth your while is a slightly selfish way of thinking about it as it's not for your benefit but for your child's? That's come across a bit narky, it's not meant to btw.

Goats who's "they"? The government? Taxpayers? Pip's your kid, if you want to BF her - do, if you don't, don't. No one is forcing you, its no ones interest but yours as a family how you feed her. No one is going to buy you a wardrobe to keep going, equally no one is going to send you to a Gulag if you don't. No one can make the choice for you.

But please don't belittle the benefits because you don't enjoy it that's not fair on others who are also battling with establishing BF - the benefits are anti cancer, anti obesity, anti depression and a whole range of things more than just allergies. The benefits are well documented. But it isn't for everyone and it was giving you the rage in pregnancy so right smack in the hardest period - raging is utterly natural - it is hard in the early days, much harder than virtually everyone expects.

What a day. Baby Badger is feeding/ crying/ feeding/ crying and nothing is calming her down - she's even started crying while feeding. We've done winding, massage, bath, movement, being put down and nothing is calming her. I have no idea what she needs, apart from to sleep, she hasn't slept since she started feeding at 2pm apart from 5 mins here or there so
she must be exhausted. I feel so helpless...

stigz re putting v down it's really difficult I've ben trying to put her in carrycot now for 2 hours but she keeps waking as soon as I put her down.
I feel awful as I'm so tired i'm Just wishing these early days away to a time where I can get a stretch of sleep. I also feel so guilty for neglecting my other 2 kids as I'm just sat on sofa feeding all day. If she wasn't having the occasional bottle from OH I don't know what I'd do.
Right yet another attempt to put v down fingers crossed it works this time.

Have you guys tried the hot water bottle to warm the bed up before you put them in? Seems to have worked for Dylan, he used to wake the second you'd put him in his crib.

Morning! Yesterday was prob the worst so far, LO screamed all day. I cried all day. Anyway, onwards and upwards.

I'm very lonely during the day but can't face visitors. My mum takes every tearful outburst as proof that I have pnd and then says things like "I told x that you were struggling and they said ", I really don't want to be discussed by anyone or feel that I have to hide my emotions in case it's jumped on as pnd.

I tried to go to a baby drop in session yesterday but baby puking and screaming meant I couldn't get out of the house in time.

If you don't like it goats just don't do it! It's your choice and as others say there isn't anything 'wrong' with FF. But FF is 'boring' in other ways. There is a lot about newborn days that is boring - going from a FT job where brain is constantly challenger and stimulated to just sitting, changing, feeding, Truing to eat and sleep - it's just odd. With ds1 I found that hard, with R I know more what to expect and am actually trying to enjoy it as although it's difficult it really doesn't last long and they grow up so quick!
I think more support is needed re latch, and explanatioms re difficult periods like growth spurts etc so people understand more what's going on with their body. Yes it's hard but it can be a really enjoyable thing for a mum and baby. I actually consider myself very lucky to have been able to bf my ds1 no probs (after TT snip) with R we are having some probs but still going.

rudy I smiled when I read your post. Prob not the reaction you were after but that was me first time round and my mum exactly the same? Do you think you have PND? Fwiw I fidnt, I was just bloody tired and who wouldn't be finding it hard to cope with a baby who cries all day, pukes, can't get any sleep....

I had a row with my mum when ds1 was small as I was honest about how hard it was and I had a little cry. Rather than support me she went on about 'seriously thinking before I had another one as its WAY harder with two than one'. I felt she was implying I was doing a crap job with my one baby. If there is anyone you hope you can be honest with it's your mum but I fekt I needed to pretend to her it was all fine too!

Yeah goats you've had a good innings with bf'ing esp since you weren't keen on the idea of it while you were pregnant too, don't feel steamrollered into continuing if it's just really not for you. So far it has suited me because I'm quite lazy and disorganised at the best of times (I prefer to call it "carefree"!) So whacking H onto my boob when she has the munchies and watching some telly wins out for me rather than getting off my arse knocking up a bottle .
H is 4 weeks tomorrow and I feel like nearly every other evening is a clusterfest from 6 onwards til about midnight, but I just grabbed a blessed 5 hours kip there so she must have stocked up enough last night! She gained 11oz at her last weigh-in, now if only I could successfuly lose that kinda percentage body weight!!

Fed - I don't think so. Am tearful but mainly when not slept or when crying is relentless. If baby has a good day then do I.

Rudy, I cried a lot with my first dc. He was prem, cried all the time, was rarely content to be put down. It was v hard work and a complete shock to the system. I was also really funny about visitors which no one seemed to understand why I did not want to see people and why wasn't I enjoying my maternity leave - I hated the early days!!!! The good news is that it does get easier little by little (until they hit 2yrs!!!). I just wanted you to know that you're normal, it's hard and not everyone enjoys the baby bit, I couldn't wait for it to be over. The other good news is that no two babies are the same, I'm actually quite enjoying dc2 who is 2weeks old.x

Kirsti that's my thoughts on BF too - especially when out and about. I can't forget my boobs right?

BF like much of parenting isn't something you get thanked for. Its selfless - there's no medals for any of it. That was a massive mental shift I had to get my head around after years of just looking after me (and being pretty selfish as a result). All you can do is do what is best for your child and your family. And unlike the world of work where a job well done might garner reward or praise, the only job well done is how you feel inside.

I hate bf in public - I'm self conscious about my massive boobs in normal circumstances where I can wear clothes that flatter them, having to get them out of clothes that aren't really made for massive tits is not a nice thing.

Thanks for using the word selfish though, that helps.

Bump - I had my baby in my bed in hospital, in a v shaped pillow. Frankly it was best for me and everyone else in the ward! Obviously it went down like a shit sandwich with the midwives.

Thanks Errr, that's reassuring. For the record there won't be a DC 2!

goats I chose not to BF after 24 hours because it hurt me. I hadn't got the latch right and my nipples were sore. it ended with me not feeding my baby for 7 hours and in tears because it hurt me too much. I know I stopped for selfish reasons, I could have used shields creams etc and had lots of support to do so. But I was unhappy so I talked to dh and we chose to FF. We were both FF and so were most of our families and we are healthy and intelligent so I take all the claims with a slight pinch of salt.

There is nothing wrong with FF and TBH having read everything going on with BF I'm so glad I'm not stuck feeding for hours. It takes an hour or so start to finish, we are in a 3-4 hour routine which means we can plan trips out dinner etc. DH gets up and does the night feeds sometimes and cleaning and making bottles takes no time at all.

If you want to continue BF then get some support, you sound really unhappy which isn't good for you or your baby. Hope you work it out.

I can understand why the word selfish has gotten your back up. However the way you talk about bf when so many really want to do KT and are struggling isn't really that supportive either. No one is the boss of you. Make a decision! If bf is not for you or public bf is something you dong want to do then ff or combined feed. Your attitude towards bf has been luke warm at best, you've done well to get this far. But just do what you need to do to be happy. I really want to bf, it's free and convenient. I'm struggling as my ds needs attention too and this establishing bf bit is full on. I'm carrying on because I want to. I enjoy feeding and know it will get easier.