March 2013 - we're gonna need a bigger wine rack

[Plonkysaurus]

Ta da!

Ok, let's swap. You have remaining nap time (unknown length) to write 10 lessons. The aim of those 10 lessons is that 100 students will, at the end, all have produced coursework which will all be one grade above their (already inflated) target. Some of the students are illiterate. Some hate history. Some hate you. Oh, and you've just realised it needs 20 lessons, you don't know what the exam board are after, no one at the exam board will speak to you, and you've remembered that whilst you're a good teacher you're secretly a rubbish historian so can't even answer the question yourself.

Actually, fuck it. No one in their right mind would attempt the above. Vineyard it is! (I really don't want to write a marketing blog either, think I prefer my impossible task to yours!!)

I would give them both a bash but I'm far too busy watching Downton & eating a box of 20 truffles, sorry guys! I've got a bonus day off & I was planning some Mummy/Baby fun but instead I've put her in nursery. She was awake and screaming from 3.10-6.05 and I just needed a bloody rest. I can have a bloody awful bash at both your tasks if you fancy a labour ward oncall on Thursday? It's good fun most of the time!

Don't tempt me Betty, I very nearly went down the medicine route, and still now occasionally day dream about retraining, more realistically as a midwife but in my perfect world I would do your job but without on call and only Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm

I've just found "British history for dummies" on my bookshelf and it is helping. What does that make me?!?

Oh good lord no, I don't think teaching or medical-ness is my thing. My dream job would be thinking up ideas for tv shows, but I don't have a rhino hide thick skin or very many good ideas. Otherwise food technician. Not chef.

See, you lot go out and do amazing jobs that involve, like, making sure babies get to live, and that kids done some book learnin'. Me, I like to daydream. Thankfully my current role has that built in or I'd be stuffed.

I'm one step closer to having finished my day's work though so I'm planning on a good long run this afternoon. I say long, I mean as long as my lungs don't collapse.

PS Betty I have done would have done the same.

If we're talking dream jobs, I would quite like to be Susie Dent when I grow up. Or a tea taster. Or a proof reader, but I don't really know where to start on that one.

I do lots of proof reading Stormy - it's a job you can do freelance from home!

If we're talking who we'd like to be when we grow up then may I bagsy Lauren Laverne? I'd be crap doing what she does but I reckon if I was Lauren Laverne I could do what Lauren Laverne does really well. And look great while I'm at it.

My dream job would be to work on the set of Great British Bake Off.

gerry you put me off teaching.

Oh and if anyone wants to swap jobs with me feel free.

I'm told I'd need a portfolio to show prospective clients proofreading I've already done. Two undergrad dissertations, a PhD one, and a few scientific articles, all lost on dead computers. And I'm not sure I'd want prospective clients looking at the mountain of slash fanfiction I've proofread over the years...

Been jobhunting online. Hull's such a shithole, even Tesco aren't hiring. If anyone has any suggestions about what work I should be looking for, I'd love to hear them.

Must resist urge to comment on proofreaders who don't use proper grammar. The subjunctive is your friend, Plonky dearest...

I wanted to be a Blue Peter presenter but now I want to be Will i Am's best friend. And last night, I dreamed I was a midwife and delivered a 15lb baby boy. I was exhausted when I woke up so hats off to you Betty

Yes my written posts on mn leave rather a lot to be desired don't they? Thankfully I proof read copy, and frankly that leaves a lot to be desired too!

Oh that's nice. Dp's basically just said I'm a nasty cow. So that's two parts (or maybe three) of my life where I am scraping the lower end of inadequate.

Oh plonk, I wish you didn't say such horrid things about yourself, you say such lovely things to us all the time, I wish you could do the same for yourself. I'd be willing to bet dp either didn't mean it, or meant it just in that second of anger and is already regretting it.

My phone is going to die shortly so I'll dip my toe into brevity and see how it feels.

Your work gerry sounds impossible. Teaching wise I believe that it's the calibre of your teaching skills that matter not your subject knowledge. You can't 'do history' really can you? That's like saying you must know everything that ever happened. History for dummies is legit. Today I trained teachers on how to deliver the new primary literacy curriculum through outdoor learning. Last night I was looking at the curriculum glossary checking my understanding of verb, noun, adjective, preposition and metaphor where correct Blagged! And a very lovely day it was too. Did you make progress with the impossible task is the end?

Plonky I'm guessing by now your man has seen the error of his comment and apologised? As wise owl gerry said you mustn't be so harsh on yourself. We all think you're fab. At everything. Except the subjunctive. Whatever that is

Any it's lovely to hear from you a bit more. How are things for you work wise?

Doli your business idea sounds exciting. I want to make a success of our tourism based business. I also want to be a midwife. And a nature therapist. And a waitress. Eclectic?

Stormy could you maybe ask on Facebook if anyone needs any proof reading doing? I imagine people would bite your hand off. That could get you some work to showcase as examples. Would that work? Sounds like an
excellent match for
your skills and life, career wise.

Can't remember anything else. I used all my brain cells up doing my first freelance day. We got very very wet I love summer rain. The teachers I was working with not so much.

Plonky Gerry's right, you are about as opposite from a nasty cow as it is possible to be.

Stormy I'm confused, did you write or just proof read those documents? In either case you'll be able to get copies from the university, and use them in a portfolio. Failing that, offer to proof read a couple of items for free, as a way of getting a toe in the door.

As for other career options, why don't you aim higher? Get all your qualifications onto a CV, work on a personal statement (I imagine Gerry could help with that), and start looking for work in your field of study, or even general office admin. Temping is a really good way of gaining experience, and a good stepping stone to a permanent position. Have you signed up with any temping agencies? You get a better hourly rate for temp work, and because you are being paid by the hour can often work flexi time.

As for my dream job, it would have to be a mountain guide, or failing that personal trainer. There is no better place to be in the world than up a mountain.

Gerry yes, we are looking at somewhere local, but it would be a massive project, hence I suspect we will end up with somewhere further afield. It's all a but pie in the sky at the moment, but if it ever becomes a reality, a job is yours if you want it.

Another perfect day here today, because not only did we finally get an appointment booked for a heart scan, but dolitoddle also napped for 45min meaning I got another swim!

You're not a nasty caah Plonk. I don't believe it. I might be right now but you've had plenty of opportunity to let your inner caah out and I've not seen any really likely looking signs .

I brought work home and should do it but have only just got DS to bed, desperately just want to sleep myself and may drink instead. Only there isn't any so will have to be which isn't the same...

Thanks everyone. I don't think he realised how upset I was, I spent the evening doing chores and giving him the cold shoulder. I have been a nasty cow in the past and this label sometimes gets levelled at me to shut me up - despite my best efforts to behave more like a fluffy hun. I don't have many friends because I use to have a very bad attitude. So it's a label that really hurts.

He tried to give me a kiss goodnight and I ignored him, because an apology would be more appropriate.

So I've not woken up in the best of moods. On the other hand ds is still asleep! I'm wondering if I could get him to take ds to nursery so I could have a swim before work. Would be a lovely luxury.

Eco your day sounds great! Those people surely won't forget what you've said in a long while, what a great way to make it a memorable day. And...dare I ask? Any movement on the mortgage?

Gerry I agree with Eco on course stuffs. History is a biiig topic. Someone I know got through a classics degree without ever reading the Iliad because, frankly, she thinks it's shit. It might be me. Anyway my point is, you can do everything all the time. Hope your job becomes less stressful though, it's not for the faint hearted is it?

Nap sounds gorgeous Doli, fingers crossed she starts to realise they keep mummy sane! When you say hotel would be further afield, any chance you'd be looking at the midlands?

Wotta did you sink into your sofa with a cuppa?

Plonky I hope you got that swim, and it's made everything rosy again in your world. We all know you're lovely, because you care about how we are feeling, so please don't think bad things about yourself.

That nap yesterday. Jinxed last night. Up for two hours, with, and there is no polite way of putting this, farts ! Honestly, how someone so small could contain so much wind, I have no idea, but looking on the bright side at least most of it is out now. DH was a star and did half the shift, despite having work today, so Eco that medal you took off him, can he please have it back?!

Eco your first day in the new role sounded great. So glad things are working out. I loved outdoor lessons at school. I suspect I had rather less dedicated teachers than you and Gerry as our outdoor lessons mainly involved wandering about looking for leaves, but when you are 6 that has a certain appeal.

It's about to pour, which is where a half built conservatory is really handy. Guess where the washing is?

They are champion farters, these toddlers, aren't they? My phone wanted to change that to garters.

A little late to the party, but Fartypants has started doing the bum in the air yoga pose. She seems to enjoy being Weird Angles Baby.

As for me, I'm applying for a job!

Argh. The bit where you ramble about how amazing and awesome and well suited you are for a job? That part's hard.

Ooh! Exciting Stormy! Can we help?

Doli it became a lunch time swim. And sauna. So good.

And god yes, wind! DS doesn't suffer too much these days unless he's been at Grandma's but when he does, boy do we know about it. But he's in the habit of waking at 4-5 every morning. Not for the day, just cuddles and usually milk. So we're trying to break him of that habit, and last night he was very obliging. Having said that, we'll likely get the windypops tonight.

What's the position, Stormy? Talking yourself up for a job is hard - the trick is to be shameless. Something along the lines of 'I'm the greatest thing since sliced you-know-what, and I know about subjuwhatsits' should do the trick.

Work has completely fizzled out today what with cancelled meetings, cancelled courses and a new path opening before us, so I'm having a ME DAY. It's great.

Ooh Stormy what's the job? I'm excellent at writing bullshit that's how I got into medical school so let us know if we can help!

Plonk and Something DD and I watched Tangled at 5am after a particularly wakefulness screamy night, excellent stuff. I love a bit of Disney!

I can write bullshit very well, just not when it's lies about me! It's sixteen hours a week in a supermarket, so not exactly aiming high, but financially doable and would mean having a work/life balance. And the man's caved re: baby number two.