Dec 08 - The One where they take on the world (school)

[DeidreBarlow]

New thread

So poor DS1 is having trouble with concentration at school again. He is going start bringing unfinished school work home from school (I'm not sure if I mentioned this last week, I don't think I did). Anyhoo so far so good he has been managing to get everything done in school. But it also occurred to me that it is quite normal to stare off into space or daydream, but poor DS1 never gets a minute to himself to do that. When he's not in school he's either got swimming, gymnastics or violin. He has plenty of free days but at least two afternoons he seems to have friends coming over to play (I could say he is popular but I have a sneaking suspicion a couple of the mums see me as free childcare so often text a couple of days ahead to invite me to have their child for a play date! ). Then when none of these things are happening he has a very,how should I put this, strong willed brother to play with. Don't get me wrong they love playing together, but ds2 is very dominating and wants constant attention from DS1. So basically I think DS1 needs more time to himself, to be with his own thoughts. I have cleared our spare room out (I have suddenly had a recollection of telling you this) & he has been going in there to be alone, often only for 10mins, but that seemsto be enough. DH was talking to his old 4-6 year group teacher this morning and she seems to be writing a paper on this subject. She feels kids esp boys don't need a chance to get bored and when they are bored thry will tapped into their creativity to releave the boredom. This was good in two ways as I now feel I have a strategy (make my boys bored) but also it was a little vindication, DH & I have several times clashed over him handing his phone to the boys so they can play angry birds, so "they don't get bored". He tried to do it yesterday during DS1's violin concert but I stopped him and sure enough DS2 actually found stuff to do, including getting my scarf to dance in time to the music. Don't get me wrong I have nothing against games, I feel minecraft in particular is quite a good thing. But I don't feel they need to be on it the moment they stop doing something else.

Right I'm rambling.

I was late getting the boys today because I fell asleep on the sofa. I tried to let DD cry the other night and she screamed for about an hour until she threw up everywhere.

So I've decided to contact Beans sleep people when it's payday. But now some of my June mums have said its pointless as they'll just tell me to leave her to cry scream which doesn't work.

Bloody fed up of spending all day either crying or trying to keep myself awake.

Vag, I think you're absolutely right. Being bored is no bad thing as they learn to entertain themselves a bit more.

Kayz, they may tell you to leave her to cry, but not totally without direction, they give you strategies on how to deal with the crying and how to stave it off etc. I'm sure it's at least worth a try. Will probably take a week or two of hard work, but hopefully would pay off. Plus they're happy for you to call them again when you need support. I think you get a free follow up call or 2.

Turns out DD1 has ringworm from the dog. Nice. Topical cream to be applied twice daily. Might try to do my pelvic floor exercises at the same time as I never remember to do the! Aaaagh. Leaky box alert!

DD3 been asleep almost constantly bar one feed at 1.30! But then she didn't sleep all morning, so its probably well needed. Will wake her at 5 if nothing more!

Oh, the shame. I've just had to ring DH at work to come and rescue me. I could not get out of my parking space!

Vag if DD gets told off at school it's usually for daydreaming! I also agree that being bored is good for them. No one goes through life being constantly entertained do they?

Kayz the sleep thing is tough. I had to leave DS to cry in the end. I'd fine months on about 3 hrs sleep a night. I spent my days weeping or shouting at DD because I was so exhausted! It is tough. But as long as you know she is clean, not hungry etc then IMO she won't come to any harm through crying. And she won't remember it in the morning. DS took about a week to crack. Which for me was confirmation I did do the right thing, as he wasn't hot or cold or hungry. He just needed some guidance about what was expected of him at night time. Good luck, we are always here if you need us to hold your hand through it

Ladyt that is some serious free hours your putting in. Anyway you can scale it back a bit, gradually?

Am parked up at a gatwick hotel reading work procedures with my Bridgett jones 25cl wine in bed to get me through. Dull.
Will catch up in a couple of days properly but crikey lady that's some commitment of your own time. You sound consumed by it all, and Understandably. Give some time to yourself.
Urgh hate that you can't scroll back on the phone app.

Snigger Nolda!

Nolda you poor thing (sorry I am giggling while I write this). In what way were you parked in?

Rubes best of luck for the exam today!

Kayz I think the sleep person is probably a good idea but I really don't think you can do it on your own. Can your mum come and stay over and help your resolve? You probably need someone to back you up. We did a sort of sleep training with DS1 but it was more taking turns to get up and shush him it's not the sort of thing you can do on your own when you are already on your knees. Is she waking to feed? If that is it you could always go the porridge before bed route that we tried with DS2.

Lady I hear you on the tiny house moan, I love our house I do, but its just so small and if we leave a coupleof tthings out it looks untidy immediately. When it's tidy its fine but dh leaves his shoes and work case out, a couple of other things get dropped around it and suddenly its cluttered. One thing that helps us a little is a very good shed. We have loads of crap in there.

I couldn't sleep last night worrying about DS1 so I got up and read up on daydreaming and was pleased to read loads of positive stuff about it and kids including teenagers that day dream. It talked a lot about them imagining themselves with super powers and hoe good it is for their creative minds. I also read about a study that showed they tend to have better reading comprehension and can multi task. That's got to be a good thing in a man.

Deids we really should get our kids together. I think they would get on so well.

Also wouldn't it be lovely to have 5 year get together? Not sure how or where but it would be fun. Maybe in January after all the Christmas madness?

Vag I think they would get on very well. I meant to add about your DS it's not that he can't do the work, it's just it's taking longer because if his daydreaming. DDs school has an 'effort club' at lunch time. So if they don't finish the work in class that's expected, they go there for 10/15 mins and lose a bit if play time. DD has been a couple if times (daydreaming, her teacher calls her Dilly Daydream!!!) but she tells me it's more boys in her class that go. It's an age thing I'm sure! And let's face it he's clearly gifted at gymnastics & violin!!!

Rubes good luck with the exams. Large waiting for you at the end.

Kayz, that sounds so hard for you. I think Vag's idea of your mum supplying a bit of back up would be a very good idea. We did something similar with DD when she was one and DH and I took it in turns to go up to her every five minutes.

Vag, I like the daydreaming being good for you thing. It sounds good.

On the parking, I have a long car (and limited parking skills). I was parked in a bay at ninety degrees to the driveway outside DDs school to pick her up from gym. When I arrived the bays either side of me were empty but when I returned to the car there were large cars parked in both. The killer was that the drive is narrow and there was a wooden fence along the side of the road opposite the parking bays. It was whe DS started to cry because we weren't going any where that I called DH. He was very good about it fortunately and perhaps secretly pleased to escape for 15 mins. I think I need a smaller car (or some parking lessons)!

Hello there,

Vag I wouldn't worry too much. Your DS1 is clearly a clever little boy with various impressive talents, he can speak 3 languages, never mind the violin and gymnastics! Being dreamy usually means creativity which is a bonus for all sorts of careers.

Oh and I agree with you on letting them get bored.

Kayz Do whatever you need to do, however, just a word of warning - it doesn't always work. I don't want to depress you but I went into it thinking it would definately work and was very disappointed when it didn't. We did 'sort of' controlled crying with DD2 when she was about 2. I went in and reassured her, patted etc, but didn't pick her up, left for a few minutes etc. We did it for 8 days and gave up! I was shattered, she was shattered it was just a disaster. I think she is too stubborn. Anyway, I've given up on worrying about her getting into our bed. She comes in and then we all get some sleep. She has odd nights of sleeping through but usually she is in with us. I now subscribe to whatever helps the most people get the most sleep. Although If you think she is hungry a couple of weatabix before bed works wonders!

LadyT That sounds like a lot of work. No wonder you are feeling preoccupied by it all.

Our house is really small. We de-clutter like mad and try and make sure everything has a place. I'm already thinking about reducing toys in time for Christmas. I know what you mean about new houses seeming better designed but lots of show homes have extra small furniture to make them seem more spacious. Plus they shoehorn an en suite into what seems to me would be better used as cupboard space. There is a modern pre-occupation with everyone in the house having their own toilet!

Rubes Hope the late night studying paid off!

Oh Nolda! I can picture that, what a nightmare. My friend used to live in some flats with a very small parking area. She once went onto the main road and flagged down a van and asked a random man to get her car out for her as she'd got it wedged against the wall.

Seriously people we need a warning system, if you believe your post might be hilarious you need to let us know we should do a wee first. Nolda I'm sorry but that was wee first warning worthy.

Thank for reassurance about DS1 I think he's clever but with the teacher focusing on the negatives it makes me question my ability to judge his cleverness due to parental bias. Sadly I think he was born into the wrong generation for anything to come of the gymnastics or violin. All those only child, Chinese kids with their 'new money' parents, he's got no chance bless him. I still think he'd make a great matial arts movie double stunt man or stunt choreographer (there is a little Derby born gymnast who went on to do that), that'd be a brilliant job.

Kayz I saw on FB that DS1 skonked himself into a tree, is he ok? You poor thing you've got so much to cope with while DH is away. Can anyone give you a break. I think you're amazing, I'd be on my knees.

Oh and oh bloody mortgage provider is really taking the piss. They have faffed around with getting the papers to the estate agent for them to fill out to show we are abiding by the buy to let mortgage rules, so we can have the interest dropped back by 2% to what it should be. The agent got it in, in time for this months mortgage payment, but they delayed it again because their system can't cope with tenancies over 24 months and our tenants have signed for 36 months. Now as well as delaying things and making us pay an extra £300 a month yet again, we now have to make our tenants reduce their tenancy to 24 months, then resign in 2 years. The estate agent thinks she can sort it with a one year extension clause but it's still more faffing. We are going to try to claim back the extra interest because we are being charged it for unauthorised letting, when we have not had anyone in the property from February. They have been really annoying and it is costing us a lot of money. Do you know if there is an ombudsman that deals with this sort of thing. I am considering taking it further if they don't reimburse us for the extra interest.

How the hell do you run nose first into a tree??? Only one of mine could do such a thing!!! Luckily he is fine, just got a cut on one of his eyelids and the bridge of his nose is bruised. I think he'll have a black eye in the morning. I have cancelled his swimming lesson just in case he feels bad later.

I am going to York with my brother tomorrow and leaving DD with my Mum. Touch wood she won't bash her head on anything!!!

Vag, have a chat with Citizen's Advice Bureau maybe? What a total shag. I also meant to thank you for your card! Lovely!

Kayz! Lordy! Poor you! Will be good for you to have some sleep this weekend.

DD3 up at 4.45am. Feeling surprisingly ok. She's just woken up after 3hr sleep. My left boob had transformed into a milk-firing football missile. Had already hand expressed a load off it, but am surprised it didn't shoot DD3 across the room when she latched on. The relief is marvellous!!

PS I still haven't got her changed for the day don't think I can be bothered now!

Kayz, didn't mean this weekend, meant tmw!

Gross. have just found a big spot right next to my nipple. I had to squeeze it. It was disgusting. I hope DD3 hasn't had any.

Oh cheers Beans, I've just remembered one of me old Derby mates works for CAB! Will get onto her if they don't be nice to us

Skated through 2 big safety exams today having done bare minimum. 1 big one tomorrow then a practice then Thursdays only one and Fri a service doddle day. Urgh can't bare it.
Stressful Have come home as we finished early and caught the tail end of infants bedtime stories with chocolate milk and cookies at school evening! even his teacher had her pjs on!!
Right must go. Dinner ready and early start tmrw [sigh]

Well done Rubes... Not long now.

I need a big fart, but I can't do one as DH will pass out if he has to smell it. Bugger. Am in bed already.

Think I can safely say that today was awful. DD3 constantly screaming all afternoon. I am wiped out. Poor little bird. DH has got her some dentinox anti colic stuff, which I'll use only in the daytime as nights not too bad as yet. Suspect I've just tempted fate and tonight will be hell. She was awake (apart from 5min catnaps) from 1.30-6.30. I could NOT get her to sleep. Lordy me. Finally totally passed out at 6.30, so I am getting to sleep now and DH is FFing her (her first ever bottle- eek!!) whenever she wakes up, so I can have a few hours in a row. Yay! I held out on FFing til nearly 3 weeks. I think I at least managed expressed milk in a bottle with the other 2 at the late feed til about 2 months!! Oops.

Night all.

Two words Beans, Dutch oven. Hold the quilt down you'll be right. Hope you get loads of sleep.

8.30-1am. Then 2-now. Feel more human. Had to wake her to feed at 1 as my boob was throbbing, despite hand expressing!!

I think my left boob is a gusher and makes feeding uncomfortable as right boob = less screamy feeds. Not sure how to combat it really.