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March 2013: Smiles, sleep & excellent feeding.....the thread of wishful thinking!

997 replies

SoYo · 07/05/2013 21:52

Well we may as well start the thread on a positive note before the grumbling about the little darlings begins!!!

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pudtat · 22/05/2013 10:08

Off out to meet friend with 3.5week old who was a bit prem so will make DS look massive (not a prob we usually have). Lunch in town, should be interesting with 2 buggies!

WingDefence · 22/05/2013 10:57

Enjoy lunch pud :)

plonko I'm sure your DS will be fine, weight-wise. Everyone keeps remarking on DD being such a teeny baby but she's not for her age (between 50th & 75th centiles) but its just because she's obviously a young baby. I see 5-month olds and think they look huge, especially their heads!

Don't forget that the weight charts are averages. An equal number of children have to be at the upper weights as there are on the lower centiles.

leniwhite · 22/05/2013 14:09

Plonko - is your HV serious?! Grabbing for toys at 6 weeks?! No flipping way. She needs some revision there for sure.

Ok I've forgotten who asked what now but yes it's me with the fissure; I thought it had healed (mainly because I'm lucky to have a BM more than once in 4 days) but it split again yesterday :( will ask gp for that other cream today.

The disabled toilets have those radar locks so only people with registered disabilities can use them. There's a separate baby change room with no toilet in it, so all in all mummy has to cross her legs! I can't imagine balancing DS on my lap whilst weeing... Shock

I'm EBF with one extra formula at night and sometimes one for first morning feed if there's no BM in the fridge for OH to give him. I always express as often as I can in the day and then hope my boobs get time to refill at night. He even has BF plus formula sometimes because he's just stupidly hungry! So I know my supply isn't suffering because he's suckling most of the day or I'm pumping, yet he still needs more than I can make somehow. I do the little finger test to make sure it's not just comfort sucking and even after a big bottle he's still biting it off Shock

Off to the gp finally for his 6 week check, wondering if I'll ever hear from the HV again....

Hope it's nicer weather where you all are!

WingDefence · 22/05/2013 17:50

It's been lovely sunny weather here opp north leni! Hope the check up went well?

Good news: DH is giving DD her bottle of 2oz ebf next door and it sounds like she isn't choking nearly as much as before. I think warming it has really helped

Bad news: was talking to my mum earlier about how rough I feel with this cold and she said 'so will you be giving DD just formula now then?'
I was a bit Confused until she said 'because it must be pretty draining for you having to feed her all the time'.

Er...

plonko · 22/05/2013 19:32

Leni I rather cocked my brow at her for even suggesting any baby could do that at 6 weeks. Clearly holding his head up and trying to put weight on his feet weren't enough and she insinuated he may be developing communication skills faster than physical ones Hmm I really don't think they need any qualifications to get the job - my friend had a nursery nurse come to do her 2 year olds latest visit! With the toilet issue, are you just looking in normal public toilets? There's a few cafes here that have just one big disabled loo that's an all in one jobby - bog, changing station, enough space for buggy. Anything similar you could dash into and have a quick coffee while you're there so it's not cheeky?

Wing how do you feel about feeding dd when you're ill? I can see that it'd be the end for some but definitely not for all - think of all the awesome antibodies she's getting!

Lovely day here too, and my 2 hour stroll about town has knackered little DS. Oh and he's not a fatty after all! 13lb7 at nearly 11 weeks, so clearly I'm crazy and pushing my worries onto him. Shit.

Eigmum · 22/05/2013 21:13

Hey wingd we are double! My mum said much the same. worseceter I love your post, I need to relax more. Dd is in a perfect routine of napping and awake time and both kids were in bed with no tears by 7.15! However I am up worrying because dd refused the bottle most of the day so I basically fed her all day minus 2 ounces of formula. Thinking of getting the dr brown bottles. Now I am feeling a bit less like a car crash I am fine with the feeding and keep telling myself she'll only be this young for a while and being tied to the bf isn't the end if the world ( if we can avoid the dreaded thrush!) but I know next week is going to be tough as staying with my parents and my dad can't face the bf ( too showy and modern, he was on national something or other and find for him!) and my mother is probably just worried about me. Much like I worry about dd and ds. Going to try and relax, this is my last baby and a few months more bf isn't the end if the world. Just trying to keep my own eating up as I am down at 52 kg and that's light for me, don't want to lose much more!

Eigmum · 22/05/2013 21:17

stormy I hope you are ok and got some help. It's just a nightmare watching then squirm on the bottle or boob and be uncomfortable. My sister had a baby with reflux, things greatly improved with weaning which she started at 16 weeks which while it seems like forever if you just keep trying will be here soon....

Eigmum · 22/05/2013 21:22

Plonko! We are a small 12 pounds 5 ounces here at 2 days off 11 weeks so pretty normal for a girl I think. I also think the mixed feeding has played havoc with my hormones as I keep thinking my period is coming ( and sometimes it starts) then it comes to nothing.... Not great to permanently have pmt!

WingDefence · 22/05/2013 21:53

Haha Eig, my DDad has just had to get used to it! I keep telling myself what's the worst that can happen if DD doesn't ever take the bottle and I guess it is possibly broken nights an no going out for me or breaks for six months. Ask me in another month's time if I'm going to be able to cope with that even though it doesn't sound that bad in itself...

plonko I'm glad your fears about his weight were put to rest. There are lots of other things to worry about including weight but do try not to worry now (easier said than done I know).

I felt a bit better this afternoon as my head didn't feel stuffed with cotton wool but worse again tonight - as always with colds I suppose. I've taken two pairs of paracetamol today which I think is okay with BFing but I couldn't not take anything as I felt so rough. As BFing is now established (ie I don't really have to worry about DD's latch and can just plonk her on) it hasn't been too bad but tonight may be a different story. And if she were younger or I had D&V or something I imagine it would be a lot worse.

I'm meant to be going to a conference that I helped to organise and see colleagues with DH and DD tomorrow in York and combining it with visiting a friend who had her DC2 three weeks ago but I have warned my colleagues and friend today that I'm unlikely to make it. If I didn't have DD or weren't ex BFing her I'd probably still go but not only would it be the longest car journey we will have attempted with her (so she's likely to wake and scream for a feed at some point), obviously I'd have her attached to me for some of the work catch-up time I'd planned. I'd anticipated that but not with both of us being ill and that just makes everything harder to cope with, doesn't it?

Anyway, will give her her last feed soon and then to bed, perchance to sleep...

SoYo · 22/05/2013 22:00

Bedtime here. No poo for 48hrs which is most unusual for madam (you're all so right, nobody knows our babies like we do) & she's got a sore tummy. She's finally down 15mins ago after a 90min battle but she's already stirring. Poor pet and poor mummy.

I've read the paper about bed sharing and read the comments from ISIS and UNICEF and I honestly don't think I'm going to change our current plan. We bed share for the last bit of the morning, I'm usually only lightly sleeping by then, we don't have a duvet near her and I have my arm between her and my pillow & hubby's out of bed by then plus she's now 12 weeks and the study doesn't show increased risk after 3months. We all do lots of things that are risky with our babies; I have a dog in the house, take her out in the car, cross busy roads & get upset to the point of having to sit in the garden for 10mins while she screams in the house sometimes but overall I feel like I'm making the right decisions for me and my family so I can live with that!

We had a lovely day today. I went for a walk in the park with pup & bubs, explored a postnatal yoga class which was actually nice & relaxing and not too hippy and went for coffee with a friend. Tomorrow it's lunch for 8mums and prams in a nice pub then swimming. I find it much less stressful being out of the house and Bubs being naturally entertained by the busy goings on than having to try to stimulate her all day which I'm sure makes me a bad mummy but I can live with that & continue to enjoy
Mountains of coffee & cake!

Hope everyone has a good night! I just sat up at the same time madam opened her eyes and just held my breath and froze in the hope she wouldn't spot me, ridiculous, please tell me everyone else does that and it's not just my madness!

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leniwhite · 22/05/2013 22:41

Wing you can take paracetamol normally whilst BFing - it's totally fine.

All our coffee shops seem to have one unfeasibly small and dirty loo with a queue. Not ideal. Still seems like a small problem compared to my unrelenting inability to feed in public Hmm makes me feel like a terrible mother. Whatever I try I just cannot bring myself to do it, doesn't matter where I am, I've still only managed it in front of two friends in houses. The fact that DS screams so suddenly when hunger kicks in doesn't help because people are ready looking even before I think about getting my boobs out! I wish I could get over this... Confused

SoYo · 23/05/2013 02:04

Leni I just wrote you a massive post but deleted it. Gist was if its the fear of someone seeing something have you thought about an apron style cover like this?

cover

Also is there anywhere near you with a feeding room to start with? Some John Lewis & M&S have them?

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SoYo · 23/05/2013 02:17

Also here's an article on it that I thought was quite nice

BF in public

And remember that it doesn't matter if you just don't want to do it. There's always ways round these things. A friend of mine never did despite exclusively breastfeeding for 6mths. She just decided she'd rather feed in toilets etc & it worked for her & she just figured out which places near her had nice big clean comfy toilets where she felt safe leaving the pram where she'd been sitting & just taking baby & bag with her.

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SoYo · 23/05/2013 02:25

Also here's a list of some places that have good facilities or mother & baby rooms.

feeding places

In my head you're in London so sorry if I've got that wrong!!

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pudtat · 23/05/2013 03:04

Mothercare usually has a feeding room Smile.

It's up to you. If you Want to 'get over it' then is there a friend or indeed a group from any ante natal or nct classes you did who you could meet who would also be feeding, safety in numbers etc. or could you go along to a bfing group in your area - the ultimate safe place to try? I found the usual thing for me of it never again being the first time was quite a thing - once I became someone who HAD fed in public, I could be someone who feeds in public iykwim?

Don't think I actually told you the story of my first effort though? I had chosen a small cafe in our local village on a random Tuesday afternoon so it would be quiet. They have a bf friendly sticker in their door and everything, and it was deserted. Perfect, so I got my hot chocolate and slice of brownie and got DS ready to go. And literally as I was sat there trying to get him to latch on (in the early days he could be a real faffer) this entire family of 14 turned up and filled every chair in the place including all the spare ones at my table. Because they were all together everyone was looking round much more than normal (no politely ignoring the table next to you) and 2 women in the group were alternating between trying to peer down my top at DS and tell me how cute he was and shouting at the room that this lady was trying to feed and they'd put me off if they weren't careful well, they were right. I got totally flustered, DS couldn't work out why he was suddenly being hustled along so much, so kept pulling off and eventually I just stopped trying, downed everything in one, and rushed out - only realising that I hadn't paid when I got outside and so having to sort that out with the waitress from the pavement cos I couldn't manage to get the buggy back in with all these people. It was such a failure, but as I found myself almost in tears on the way back to the car 'because they had spoiled what was supposed to be my first time' (ooh err) I realised I had to get back on the horse. A couple of days later I went to John Lewis to use the feeding room, but as I walked through the cafe saw there already 2 women feeding there. S I got a drink, sat down and did it then. And actually, the busy-ness of the place made me feel more anonymous. And it was ok, and then it was never the first time again.

I did however practice feeding with a scarf at home so both DS and I were used to it. Tbh I don't always bother with it now, but its useful for holding his feet! And that top I linked to helped too - it is very discreet and easy to use without a lot of faffing about. And I practiced with that at home too.

Final tip, I wake DS to feed when it suits me when we're out. I don't wait for hungry cues, he's usually more than willing to sleepily plonk on a boob (ha, autocorrect tried to have him Plonko-ing on a boob) without screaming the place down that way,

However, as Soyo says, if you actually decide just not to bother, then why not take a bottle of EBM with you, easy as you can store for 6 hours at room temp so no need to faff trying to put formula together in public. It's still your milk and you say you're expressing anyway? No need to tie yourself up in knots over it. Do what you're comfy with. By feeding him at home you are doing great. Don't knock yourself over something like this. Smile

pudtat · 23/05/2013 03:22

Ooh, question for you. Just been advised of a memorial service next week for a long standing client who died a few months back at a great age. Would like to go, but not sure if should take DS or try to somehow arrange a sitter? Thoughts...

SoYo · 23/05/2013 05:33

I think taking him is fine Pud. I was at a funeral while I was heavily PG & a friend with a newborn was there, her DD screamed in the middle of the service & the widower turned around & said how lovely it was that there was a new life in the room while they were saying goodbye to an old one.

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StormyBrid · 23/05/2013 06:54

Morning all.

Nothing to add to the breastfeeding comments, really (I did miss out on all that rather). pud makes a good point re: anonymity though - if you're somewhere busy you can just tell yourself it doesn't matter who sees, because they're all strangers and you're never going to see them again so who cares?

We've had a good night - dream feed at 11 and 3, and she didn't wake for either, which meant I slept from 10 until 6 without waking up. I feel almost human, it's bizarre.

Have checked out colief but it's really expensive and the doctor won't prescribe. Thinking will give it a try anyway and if it helps, will talk to doctor again about a prescription.

I realise I'm jinxing it by saying this but it's all gone quiet upstairs (I gave DD her breakfast in bed then dummied her up and went for a smoke) so I may try for a bit more kip.

worsestershiresauce · 23/05/2013 06:55

Morning one and all. I hope we're all bright eyes and bushy tailed after some lovely peaceful nights.

Was flying solo last night as DH was away at a conference, and I swear the tiddler knew. She's been as good as gold recently, but yesterday.... yesterday we had a nap refuser. I tried everything: sling, bouncy chair, walk round the garden, walk round the local shops, rocking, singing (ok,so my singing has yet to relax anyone, but I by that point I was willing to try just about everything), bath.... but nada, it was wide awake baby time.

To be fair to her she held it together well, and dissolve into a screamy puddle of over-tired tears until about 10pm. It took me another hour after that to get her down, and the aid of both a swaddle and a dummy (she has never taken a dummy before, so that was a surprise), but once asleep she slept right through and is still snuffling away happily to herself. I'm reaching the conclusion her day time nap refusals aren't such a bad thing given she consistently sleeps 8 plus hours at night tries not to think about teething and 6 month sleep regression

Another breast feeding in public virgin here, and I think I'll keep it that way and either express or take a carton of formula. I've done ok in my book, having had to feed in front of my ILs, parents, my friends, and even a random neighbour I don't really know. It's not that I'm embarrassed about it, or worried about people's reactions, it's more that it takes ages, and madam can be a very snorty vocal feeder. She is far more civilised on the bottle, which might have something to do with the fact it doesn't fire her food at her or squirt her in the eye.

Eigmum · 23/05/2013 08:58

So, no bottle at all here again but she has an awful cold from ds and a big cough to go with it so we are just bf ing here. I have the big apron thing as I don't want my v small boobs you can hardly see anyway exposed! I didn't plan on feeding in public at all but have managed on the tube, John Lewis in skiable square, the natural history museum and my house. Mainly my house but if needs must I can do it. I mainly got the apron thing for my dad's benefit when I stay there so I am not constantly in the spare room! He still avoids the lounge if I am feeding though ....

Eigmum · 23/05/2013 08:58

Skiable square ummm I mean sloane square!

Eigmum · 23/05/2013 09:01

Ps dd is currently sleeping in my bed .... Better read those guidelines I suppose not! In my view a morning nap in my bed while I catch up on mumsnet is fine!

worsestershiresauce · 23/05/2013 12:01

This whole anti-co sleeping campaign is beginning to get to me. Sometimes co-sleeping is the better and safer option, and scaring mothers to the point where they won't even consider it is wrong. I've just heard a tragic story - someone in the village lost their baby as they fell asleep on the sofa holding him, rather than have him in the bed with them. I'm so so upset on behalf of those parents.

I co-slept up until recently as I considered it safer than me pacing the floor until I either passed out or dropped dd from exhaustion. The guidelines on how to co-sleep safely should be the message, as the reality is co-sleeping is going to happen.

Eigmum · 23/05/2013 13:22

Indeed, we'll I seemed to have enough supply to get through the 10 am feed which has been a bottle for the last two weeks. I wonder how boob will do after her lunch nap. They look non existent but stuff still seems to come out of them! Thinking of getting some of that mothers milk tea. Can't believe I have another 10 week and 6 day old baby with a bad cold. This is exactly the day it all started with ds ( and a week later we came out of hospital). Keep telling myself not the same child and might just be a bad cold and not rsv. Surely I can't be that unlucky twice???

leniwhite · 23/05/2013 13:47

Weirdly I think if were with anyone else, just a friend, not even a BF mummy, I'd be ok the first time.

I bought a butterfly cover but DS goes mad if anything goes over his head and thrashes around, so haven't managed to even practise at home with it!

He's currently a constant boob changer too so all the shouting and swapping is very unsettling. He doesn't just latch on a nurse happily, it's almost a fight to hold on to a baby squirming like an eel sometimes Shock

If the weather improves my ideal scenario would be a nice gathering of friends in the park so I'm in a circle of friends but not the focus.

I always take formula out with us but then I worry people will judge me for giving him that - you'd think the need to feed my baby would override all this silly anxiety, but it doesn't Hmm

I need to see at least one other BF mummy in our area, then I'll feel ok. I'm annoyed with myself for being such a wuss!