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November 2012 - We're ready for Spring... any time now please!

999 replies

StuntNun · 26/03/2013 13:40

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1714057-November-2012-The-lurker-amnesty-fred-for-our-quiche

OP posts:
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ValiumQueen · 30/03/2013 15:48

chasing unfortunately the first few weeks on antidepressants can actually be a time when you are more at risk of suicide. Having been suicidal myself in the past, I am concerned by what you are saying. If the thoughts are fleeting, that is one thing, but if you get to the point where you are planning, or dwelling, fantasising as it were, then please talk to someone in real life - even go to A&E or phone the Samaritans, police etc. actually, I think phoning the Samaritans now wouldn't hurt one bit - a chance to vent, sort your thoughts etc.

The Friday before last the thought of jumping under a lorry seemed like a really good idea. I had taken DD1 to school and was walking home. The younger ones were with Daddy, and for a moment it seemed like a solution to my dreadful tiredness. Thankfully I did not act on it, and soon felt a lot better. It was the day after that dreadful incident at the railway station when the depressed mum killed herself and her boy. At the time I felt quite jealous of her, and understood why she would do such a thing. Just a few days later and I see it as the tragedy it was. Such a waste.

After DD1 was born I had post natal depression, but did not seek help. I struggled with serious thoughts of killing myself, and also taking her with me I am sad to say, as at the time I thought we would both be better off. I was extremely lucky to have got through that, seeking help when DD was 8 months old. Please do not suffer as I did - get help. Do not be afraid to ask for help.

You have not made a mess of your life, and there will be a way through if you give yourself a chance. It can be very hard to see this when you are in the midst of depression. We see a beautiful brave young lady with a delightful little boy, who has a life full of potential ahead of her.

ChasingDaisy · 30/03/2013 16:03

I'm ok. I think it is just a fleeting thing and the side effects of the antidepressants.

The only way is up from here I guess.

fruitpastilles · 30/03/2013 16:14

Hugs chasing, I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through right now, but just remember you have a beautiful baby boy who needs his mummy more than anyone else in the world. X

Donnadoon · 30/03/2013 16:18

chasing I don't often post but read daily and I promise you that with your whole life ahead of you there are soooooo many good times to come and one day your gorgeous boy will be taller than you and he will put his arms around your shoulders gently squeezing and say ' Thanks Mum' and these tough months will be a distant memory...just wait and see xxxxx

ChasingDaisy · 30/03/2013 18:11

Detective I just measured O, he is 63.5cms.

YellowWellies · 30/03/2013 18:13

Stunt silent reflux babies can gain weight well - Jonas has always stuck to his centile. Some develop oral aversions and struggle to feed but my boy is a piglet and lots of babies actually comfort feed and end up big because of it - so weight gain isn't incompatible with the diagnosis. His sleep issues did make me think reflux. But I'm paranoid and see it everywhere! Apparently the mildest expressions of food intolerances are usually sleeplessness - I know if I eat soy traces we get a shocking night with two or more wakings.

YellowWellies · 30/03/2013 18:20

Sadly the only way to tell if dairy or soy or any food (caffeine, eggs, chocolate, alcohol are other contenders) is an issue is to eliminate it completely for 4-6 weeks. Just cutting it out for a day or so or cutting down won't make a difference. It takes 2-3 weeks for a food to leave your body and 2-3 weeks to leave theirs. Not great fun to test but if it is reflux linked to diet you won't believe the difference in quality of life after - it is worth it Smile

ValiumQueen · 30/03/2013 18:29

Lovely post donna

FatimaLovesBread · 30/03/2013 18:31

Thanks Stunt
Don't know if anyone will remember but we had a cot made for us. Lovely idea. Except that when it was done, the bars don't conform to the British Standard, they're too wide apart. Same as Aus/New Zealand cots rather than EU. Decided I would buy an Airwrap bumper though to solve that problem.

I've just sorted the cot to look at moving M in. There's a gap round three sides off the mattress. I can slide my hand between it and the bars. Arghhh. I want to be annoyed but then it's a nice thing him making the cot for us

Bryzoan · 30/03/2013 18:38

I thought it was lovely too Donna. So nice to wonder who they will all become as they grow. Your post was lovely too vq, and also very brave. I'm so sorry you were feeling so low the other week - and that you had such a struggle after the birth of dd1. I think sometimes the 'pnd questions' are rather glossed over by hcps. Very glad to hear things feel better now.

PetiteRaleuse · 30/03/2013 18:44

have had many dark thoughts over the years. I think it's normal as long as they are fleeting. You know you won't do it, like you won't buy a ticket for the next plane out.. Anti depressants are a mixed blessing, I have heard they make you feel worse those first few days. Keep talking to us chasing

StuntNun · 30/03/2013 18:51

Could you put rolled up towels around the side of the mattress Fatima?

OP posts:
ValiumQueen · 30/03/2013 18:59

bry Smile

fatima it is important you pack out the gaps from a safety point of view, or buy a made to measure mattress. You could use foam cut to size to fill gaps? And make sure the sheet is a tight fit so it cannot all be pulled out.

fruitpastilles · 30/03/2013 19:04

Ahhh S fast asleep in her cot, dp just gone to the chippy, looking forward to eating my dinner while it's hot for once!

ChasingDaisy · 30/03/2013 19:12

Thank you everyone. I wish I had the brainpower to thank you all properly, as there are some lovely words there.

I know what I am feeling is so typical of depression, feeling everyone would be better off without me etc, but that doesn't make it any less real.

I wish I didn't care what people thought of me, but I really do and it affects me a lot. I even thought today, that the girl on Hollyoaks tried to kill herself and now everyone likes her. That made it seem like a good idea. Fucked up huh?

I had depression before I fell pregnant but it got better during pregnancy and until 6-8 weeks post birth. I have gradually got worse since then, so pregnancy hormones must have had a protective effect. I thought I had got better but now I realise it was just on hold. That makes me feel like I will never get better.

Gah, this is fucking shit.

YellowWellies · 30/03/2013 19:26

Fatima take care there was a story on the news recently about a wee boy who died getting stuck in a gap between mattress and bars.

Chasing keep talking to us. As Donna says one day you'll have a big strapping lad who will be in awe of you. You're amazing xxx

Lily311 · 30/03/2013 19:33

Hugs chasing. I have no words of advice, I have no idea what you are going through but I do know that we are all here if you need us.

fatima back at my mum's house the mattress is too small for the cot so we used foam rolls to fill the gap in. We also put mattress protector and double sheets over the mattress and foAm rolls so it it now very tight and she can't pull them off.

I am so very tired today, my brother took O for a walk and I cleaned the flat. I should have had a nap. I hope it's because spring is coming, I certainly get enough sleep during the night.

PetiteRaleuse · 30/03/2013 19:34

chasing you poor love. Of course it will get better. When things are that bad, and you KNOW you won't leave little O, things only can get better. Keep talking.

itsnotyouitsMeals · 30/03/2013 20:19

Been thinking of you all afternoon chasing. You are the very best person for O depression or not. I don't think I know enough to write the right words but we are here and will listen and support.

Also I meant to say there is a book that might help re relationships: The Freedom Project www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/lwd.php

Xxx

TheDetective · 30/03/2013 20:28

Chasing don't make me drive all that bloody way back again! As much as I liked the food, my arse is fucking aching like it's been taken by suprise... Grin

I know things seem impossible right now. It will take time for things to feel better. Remember you have only just started on the anti-ds. The depression will not go away overnight.

It might be worth considering counselling?

There is a lot I want to say, but given this is a public forum, I will send you a message. I just don't want you to ever feel alone, or worthless. You are a lovely, kind, fun person. I wish you lived bloody nearer. This penchant for friends in Northampton is tiring on the old legs!

PetiteRaleuse · 30/03/2013 20:48

Chasing I don't know much about Northampton other than when I wanted to do Equine Studies moulton college wasn't far, but that was a very long time ago. But have you looked at the MN Local boards? I know they have just relaunched them, and there may be one near you?

Clarella · 30/03/2013 20:49

chasing - stick with it. I 've not read enough of thread to know all details but I know how it feels when you feel so exhaustingly low. I've had depression linked to anxiety many times, again in pregnancy. it's suffocating but you can get through to the other side and be stronger for it. give time for meds to work. drink lots of nice milky cocoa to relax you. those thoughts are just intrusive thoughts and the way you are perceiving things right now as you are low.

I've posted before but these ladies are amazing
www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/

have you asked doc if you can be referred to the perinatal mental health team? I've just been discharged. they were great.

mammoth hugs.

bad news: thrush in lo and I think me following stoopid antibiotics and a stoopid dairy free attempt. :( binging on yogurt.

good news: lo just self settled hugging my foot. (while googling thrush) prised off, put in sleeping bag, left room to see if would do it again with teddy, didnt but only took me to stroke head a few times and he was off!

all we did was print off the no cry sleep solution pdf and have a raging row about it.....

TheDetective · 30/03/2013 20:50

I did a bloody pregnancy test. I feel pregnant. Test says no. Thank fuck. The nausea and funny nose are clearly something else! Bleurrrrrgh!

I probably didn't need to do the test - DP can tell I'm ovulating currently the one time of month he is guaranteed a shag! Grin.

Oh dear. I put Oscar down at 8.15, without a bed time feed, as he had not long fed, and seemed tired. He's whinging already. Bugger.

Sent DP up to deal with........

Clarella · 30/03/2013 20:52

chasing - regarding meds - don't know what you are on but they've never agreed with me. call an out of hours doctor to discuss what you're feeling / taking perhaps?

www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/

ChasingDaisy · 30/03/2013 20:57

Thanks Clarella, I have taken these meds (fluoxetine) before and got on with them ok. Just need to ride these first couple of weeks out I guess.

PR I too wanted to study equine studies at Moulton College Smile. I settled for Northampton Uni Sad