March 2013- here we go....

[Oodsigma]

Welcome old & new to the other side!

I'll start with a stats list!

Ood -ds 7/3/13, dc4! Elcs

If anyone wants to add any more details feel free!

Hi wing sorry I missed you earlier... As I understand it (and this has been working for miniPud) the hula burping means sitting them up on your lap, then supporting the body and head (i put a hand round jaw at front and neck plus underarm at the back) leave their legs still and gently circle their upper body like a hula dance. Think it was Eig's night nanny who came up with this. Hope I've got it right and explained it ok...

plonko I think that might just be yours - DD is also six weeks and just on the verge of shifting from newborn to 0-3! That said, the clothes her grandma bought from John Lewis (a shop so posh I hadn't even heard of it until joining MN ) are definitely bigger than the supermarket stuff we've had donated.

We find the dummy's not really needed if she's properly tired. As in, doing her best to fall asleep on the playmat tired. If we put her down awake she likes her dummy.

Bumped into a couple from my antenatal class yesterday. Their daughter is also six weeks, and was 8lbs at birth and 11lbs now. She looked huge compared to mine! Health visitor tomorrow, so I will be talking to her about the fussy feeding and low appetite, and hopefully getting some reassurance.

Just heard a squeak, should go get baby up. But she squeaked at 7.10 and when I stuck my head round the door she was fast asleep. Fed at 2.30 and straight back to sleep, fed at 10.30 and didn't even wake up. I'd call that a very successful night! We've one more week of the man on 12-9 at work, then he's on 10-7 so won't want to be staying up until the 2am feed. So my plan then is dreamfeed at 11 and then just see when she wakes up.

SoYo so long as you're happy not having a set routine, it's all good. Later on when she's bigger and hopefully feeding more efficiently you'll have much shorter feeds and can then think about routine if you want to.

eig stop feeling guilty! It doesn't help anyone, remember.

Right, really must go get baby. Hope she's in a good mood, I don't want loads of crying with this hangover...

Oops, must type faster, crossed with Plonko.

Certainly vocalisations are changing lots, though still worry I'm not very good at being communicated with! Mind you, think communicated better with miniPud than DH yesterday. Spoke to him about introducing baby whisperer routine (as we are pretty much there already but I wanted some consistency to bedtime routine etc) and he had a bit of a sulk saying it was clear I'd already decided and as I'm the one here all the time it's up to me, he gets no say and therefore why bother talking about it I did end up having a little cry over it and dinner got trashed cos I was told rigidity wasn't right and lo and behold he woke exactly as expected. Still, think we've talked things through and are feeling better about it now (I hope).

Thanks for the hula tips. I had been trying to lift her up under her arms so her feet were resting on my lap and actually trying to get her to sort of hula!!!

Good night for us last night - DD went from 10:30ish till 3:30ish, I feed her till 4:30ish and then she went through till 6:50ish. Lots of 'ish'es because I'm going by my bfing app timings and I know that she normally stirs for 15-20 mins before a feed (I snooze on and off through that) without waking. She can make on or two cries and still be fast asleep and each night I'm realising that I can leave her for longer because Im actually waking her up when she's probably just in a restless phase of her sleep cycle (if that makes sense?).

I don't have time to namecheck everyone right now apart from eco I forgot to comment earlier that your day sounded horrendous. I remember one or two in the early days with DS like that. Pouring rain, bus drivers driving off without letting me on the bus (and having seen me), nasty schoolchildren moaning loudly because DS was having a melt down becuase he was so hungry - but he was that hungry because of the EVIL bus drivers, me crying on the bus... You'll look back on days like that and actually feel proud of yourself for getting through it!

SoYo we don't have a routine yet, apart from the one that DD seems to be setting, especially around the evening feeds and early morning feeds. But they aren't yet fixed in stone. I should say re: Baby Whisperer that I didn't stick to it with DS as he fell into his own routine and we've never given him a nightly bath since the day he was born. We did have one book that we read to him every night until he was about 6-7 months though - Maisy's Bedtime! It's weird because he probably wouldn't even recognise it now but it was definitely our trigger for bedtime IYKWIM.

Must go!

Restless sleep cries - I was going to say they're a bugger with baby in her own room, because if I go and check on her it's likely to wake her up. But they were a bugger when she was in our room too, because they kept me awake!

I'm not convinced any routine should be set in stone. There's always going to need to be some leeway. I'm using the BW routine as a general guideline. But she was asleep at 7am today so I left her to it until 7.45. Just means shifting everything ahead by 45 minutes, although early wakings after naps might make up some time. Either way, not worrying about it, as that would be a good way to really stress myself out.

Had a stupidly cheerful baby this morning. Loads of big gummy grins while have a kick on the changing mat. I tried to take some photos, but she was so fascinated by the camera she stopped smiling. Being a bit nap resistant now though, alas...

Well she took the bottle of expressed milk from dh at 10 pm with minimum fuss and back off to sleep until I woke her at 2.30 to feed her. She's been having a bottle at 10pm for some weeks now but I suppose since she is 6 weeks she is starting to take more notice ad is more used to the breast. It's just that breast feeding seems to be adding to my tiredness ad I feel I have permanent pmt (!) and I have tried to feed out of the house but feel so uncomfortable that the milk doesn't flow so I am pretty much sofa bound ad feel I am neglecting my toddler who wants to get out more. On the positive side I do (secretly) enjoy feeding her, no fuss with bottles at 2am and it is hard , it's like another lenghthening of the umbilical cord, given the feeding her and I are always within 20 feet of each other! I think I'll stick to the 10pm bottle with dh for this week and see how I feel next week.... Thanks for all the nice comments. Kings college London have released research to she bf makes no difference to eczema, it's genetic so going to stop worrying about that!

Yes ad we went to 3 to 6 months clothes last week as dd seems to have got longer legs over the last week!

Right, my baby is definitely allergic to me. Yesterday - good as gold all day, on the thicker anti-reflux formula mixed with breast milk, no colicy tummy, slept in the sling whilst we walked to the pub with friends and sat in the garden.

Today - howled solidly from first BF through to now and my nipples now have white patches on them. Even howled during feeds.

Should I just give up if my milk makes him so unhappy?! I thought maybe it's because with BFing he gets more lactose (can't easily add Colief to a boob) but surely the pain wouldn't happen so instantly?

I'm feeling sad that I'm not even enjoying BFing, I just want it to be over every time we start still can't BF in front of anyone else either.

OH wants us to go to his parents' for the weekend but that means taking half the house with us, dismantling everything we have set up here and being out of our comfort zone generally. I don't want to go but I know he'll take offence. Familiar scenario as this happened twice during pregnancy too.

I've really hurt my knee crouching to get washing out of the machine with DS in the sling, so driving for 3 hours with my clutch leg like this also doesn't appeal. Oh god, every time he wants us to go 'home' I never feel able to!

I've got thrush everywhere, a bad knee and a colicy baby, and so far I'm totally overspending on my maternity allowance because DS and I cost £50 in OTC medications alone sometimes more than once a week. Who knew Colief cost £12 for a tiny bottle that lasts only a few days

leni remind me why you're persisting with breastfeeding? Because if you're hating it and baby's not into it either, it seems a bit pointless to keep putting you both through it. Also, can the doctor not prescribe the colief?

Also, try Amazon for colief - only costs £9.39 there, and free delivery.

Leni you sound really stressed. I wouldn't be up for visiting relatives under those circumstances either, but my experience has been that the more you do overnight stays the easier it becomes. I didn't bat an eyelid at loading up the car and staying with my parents for 3 nights, but we've done several nights away from home already - but my mum lives 30 mins away, and I don't have thrush! Speaking of, I thought that if you have thrush you will just end up passing it back and forth between you and baby every time you pop him on the boob. Can you have canestan when bfing? If so get yourself to the doctor and abuse your right to free prescriptions!

Pudtat glad you've talked things through. It's hard, isn't it? Being the main carer and just getting used to trying new things and making decisions, but trying to include an OH who's out at work... I think practically everyone on the thread must have had the experience you have!

My house is sooo quiet. DS is just napping on the settee next to me, the cat's asleep in her crate and there's sweet FA on telly. Hmm!

Leni can you call some kind of bf support in your area? I have been under the care of a bf coordinator based at the hospital, who is great; very senior nurse and a real expert. Alternatively, what about le leche league in your area? They would know about likely causes of colic, thrush etc and give advice...

Things that might come up - I am sure Stormy is right about thrush. Are you wearing the nipple guards and sterilising / cleaning everything (not just feeding stuff) to stop this just passing back and forth. Both of you need to be treated too, but not sure how. One for the gp and your free prescriptions definitely! Another possibility on the colic is that he may be intolerant to something in your diet - dairy is a classic. Worth talking to someone about this and considering elimination from your diet ... Though it takes a while to take effect so you would need to commit to at least a week I think to see any benefit. You may or may not feel its worth it?

As for visits, driving with.a sore knee sounds grim, but I guess you would need to build lots of stops into the journey anyway for LO. Travelling with smalls is like moving a small army, but I am sure family would be happy to help out at the other end so you might get more of a break? Know what you mean about home being comforting though... I have everything now organised with military precision (note, this does not mean housework great etc just that cupboards more organised!) and would struggle in another environment. We've not done any overnights and wouldn't be looking to for a while but days out are getting easier as I am gaining confidence. Good luck if you do go for it.

Leni - I'm sure you know this already but white pat he's on the nipples can be thrush on there. Has your baby got white patches on the inside of their mouth? Not just a milky coating on the tongue (DD has that all the time) - use google images if you need to.

I second not going to theirs for the weekend. Most of my family live in south London (where I'm from) and we moved to the NW 2 years ago. Our babies were born on the same day and there's No Way I'd be going anywhere (let alone driving, which it sounds like from your post) down there or anywhere got a weekend. I'm sorry that you said your OH has form on this from your pregnancy :(

Scuse typos. Left handed typing while dd feeds and I'm right handed

I saw the GP who said she didn't want to give him anything because it's just how they are when they're tiny, I told her we'd given him Colief and she asked if we'd tried Infacol but didn't prescribe any. She gave me drops for him and cream for me for tge thrush which I've been using but as soon as I do more than 2 feeds in a row the soreness rages again. Emotionally I'm struggling with the idea of never BFing him again but I don't know why, maybe because he'll be our only LO. I think I feel like I'm just being stupid and I should put up with the pain but that was before it seemed to hurt him too.

HV organised a BF counsellor to call and promised she could do a home visit but I got a voicemail from said counsellor asking me to go to a group instead - it's 30 mins walk away and at the moment it takes about 2 hours to get him settled enough to go anywhere by which time we're late and I'm too sweaty and flustered to even want to try feeding him away from home. I thought the point was she'd come to me so I was comfortable...

LLL lady emailed, but she hasn't suggested anything I didn't already know. I sterilise the shields between each feed and I was told you can feed through the thrush but just throw away any frozen milk afterwards - I never get time to express more than he takes so I don't have any frozen supplies.

As far as the IL visit goes, my DF and everyone else came here, I don't see why PIL can't do the same as they don't have a newborn, plus they own a car and both of them drive. I do feel massively stressed by the mere idea of being away from home with a DS in pain and having to mess about paying for hire cars etc - they don't even have a shower at theirs so the one thing that helps me feel slightly more human after my mornings wrestling with feeding is out!

I tried to tell OH that being pregnant and then having a newborn gives me somewhat of a prerogative to not want to make the journey and to get them to come to us, but he just said we couldn't do it to his mum again (her dog just died too). But he's happy enough to do this to me when I'm still trying to get to grips with being a mum and healing after the birth. I'm actually quite upset

He very helpfully always tells her that it's because I don't want to come and therefore it makes it look like I'm deliberately trying to avoid seeing them. It's too soon, I'm not ready to stay the night with LO away from home yet, my emotions are only just kicking in and I've made it clear they're very welcome here, even got a spare bed, how else can I accommodate them FFS?!

Thanks Wing - that's reassuring, starting to think maybe I was just being a bitch

Leni, my mil is much the same. stand your ground and don't go. If you can't I have resorted to lies, ie baby is sick with thrush doctr wants us to stay close do he can look at him again tomorrow in case its got worse or is something more serious etc. Naughty but effective! I have been known to lie to oh too its just easier, i know bad but sometimes its the path of least resistance if you really arent up to something. There is no way i eould be vistng my in laws yet. Way too stressful. They are coming here in late may ( cant manage before) and i am fine with that. Say Would love to visit let's fix a date when we are all well if you can't make it down here before.

My inlaws drove 4.5 hrs to visit for 1 hour because they didn't want to intrude or cause stress. Then turned round and went back again. We didn't make them, just said it'd likely be 2-3 months before we were up to going there. Just so as you know that you're not alone...

Infacol - if you can't get it on prescription, go to Tesco for it. It's nearly a fiver in the chemist near me, more like £2.50 in Tesco.

More words needed with the OH, I think, leni - if you're not up to going away to visit people, you're not up to it, and that's that. It's not fair of him to try to make you, or to make you feel guilty about not wanting to. You need to be prioritising yourself and your baby, not your mother in law. And so does he!

We're having a screamy bedtime. I will not go up yet, it's only been three minutes. Must resist. Argh.

Oh my goodness I want to cut my ears off, can someone please explain controlled crying to me? I'm hiding in the kitchen with the baby monitor on, been trying to do bedtime since 7pm. It's the first time I've tried it and I'm alone, DP isn't back until the small hours. We've done bath, bottle, bed, he drifted off four times (twice after 8 mins of crying, twice me holding him) and he just keeps waking up and wailing.

I'm starving, still not had dinner, and cannot figure out how to put my baby to bed!

Apparently FIL can't drive here due to detached retina. First i've heard of it... In fairness I think it's more that OH has engineered things to make me look bad - like telling her we're coming before we've actually got anything sorted out. I have no idea why he does it. He told her i think her house is dirty - it is because they have sheep - but why the hell tell her?! I was trying to protect my unborn child, not start a fight!

Not once has OH asked me how I feel that my mum will never meet LO, or how I feel generally after the birth at all, yet I'm being as understanding as possible about his anxiety/OCD. His mum's feelings come above mine

Sorry, i feel annoyed at myself yet again for moaning, maybe doing it here is easier than having a RL talk with him.

plonko - you do it by not holding him. If he stops crying before ten minutes, don't go in. Just assume he's asleep and leave him to it. If he starts crying again, don't go straight in, give it another ten minutes. Rinse and repeat. If you do have to go in, don't make a big fuss of him, just check his blankets, have a sniff of his nappy just in case, just generally make sure there's nothing wrong aside from tiredness. Hopefully your presence will calm him a bit. Then you leave the room and start the whole thing again. Repeat until you're reduced to inconsolable weeping, or the baby stops crying. Eventually, he will fall asleep. Babies can't stay awake forever.

Plonko, stormy is right.

If you are going to do it put baby down in cot calm and awake. Leave the room. If he starts crying wait 10 mins ( think of little jobs you just must do) go in, pick up, ssshhh, check for wind, check nappy, look for signs of hunger ( unless you ff and know he's had a tank full!). When calm put down in cot, ideally still awake. If he starts again wait 10 mins, do the same again. If he manages a third 10 mins of crying then I was told that an under 3 month old should be offered a top up of milk at this point and then re settled as will be over tired.

Wow, that was horrible. He fell asleep just after I posted, so I didn't even go in and check on him just in case. I hope tomorrow is easier - DP certainly won't persist with this method if we have a repeat of this evening, but I really want to get into a bedtime routine ASAP. Thanks for your support Stormy

Leni I hope you and DH can come to some kind of agreement soon. It sounds like he's being a wee bit selfish...you need lots of support right now, not pressure to leave your comfort zone. Personally I'd tell him to go sing, but that's not helpful. I can't suggest anything that's not already been said - you need to talk to him.

I'm completely zonked and getting an early night. God only knows how other people do this single parenthood malarkey - five days on me tod and I'm losing the plot! And I had help!

Leni it's good to write it down sometimes. I feel for you. Hopefully OH will understand. Take it from a second timer, this bit to 12 weeks i s by far the hardest bit of parenting from a stamina perspective. My three year old is a breeze in comparison. In 2 months time things and transport etc will be easier, even enjoyable fr you AND little one. Right now Little one needs milk, sleep and cuddles. That's it. In a few weeks time he or she will start to take an interest in the world, stuff etc. plenty of time for visits then ... Try and get oh to see that.