March 2013- here we go....

[Oodsigma]

Welcome old & new to the other side!

I'll start with a stats list!

Ood -ds 7/3/13, dc4! Elcs

If anyone wants to add any more details feel free!

Eigmum it is totally down to the dream feed revelation. I know most people give the dream feed at 10-11pm but having it at 3am works so well for us. She usually sleeps in the evening between 7/8pm - 10/11pm anyway then back down at midnight. We have discovered its just a matter of timing it right in the night as we don't give the deed to her until we hear her start to make cues in her sleep for food and actually start to stir. I guess having her in a bedside cot makes that easier because we can hear and see her at all times and therefore usually always wake up to her cues in time. We also don't do a proper dream feed i.e. with her still properly asleep because we want to make sure she is still getting enough but even with her being semi-awake she still goes straight back to sleep. Just hoping it continues!

Hi SoYo! Thought you'd gone v quiet after your OH returned to work, just wanted to see how you were getting on. Loving the idea of you trying to escape your MIL. Those feeds sound a bit nightmarish though, I'd be a zombie at that! First smiles though, that's got to make you melt all over her. I can't wait, it's got to be any day now here.

Stormy, no he's a bit more tactful than that when feeling amorous, but he's definitely feeling neglected. My stitches are fine but a little pinchy, not the greatest for getting in the mood!! He's currently redeeming himself by looking after the baby while I laze about in a hot bath. He's quite good really

We do daytime naps downstairs. This involves lugging the Moses basket around. I'm tempted to pop him in the cot now and leave the basket downstairs permanently, but our cat has a tendency to claim comfy horizontal surfaces and she's moulting like a good un.

Now can someone explain the dream feed to me please? BabyPlonk tends to barf if I feed him in his sleep. Am I missing something? Also for the not-bf'ers, do you set an alarm for this? I can see the convenience of just whipping out a nork at that time, but that might not have the desired effect in this house...

Rainbow, Miss Madam is 6 weeks on weds so I think a bit older than your LO. She's definitely generally got more efficient with most feeds down to 45-60min total rather thn the previous 90, but she just has these random days of ravenous gobbling!!!

I generally just go with whatever she wants! As for daytime naps, most of hers are either in the pram while we're out, in the sling or on me. She's not so good in mosesbasket during the day but is definitely getting better in her upstairs one at night!

Ah soyo you must be on the 6 week growth spurt! I remember that with my first, lots of feeding! Then a few days with extra slee - bliss!

Of course I mean sleep!

Everyone has such good systems going! I suppose I should remember His Nibs is only 10 days old... He sleeps after pretty much every feed in his rocker in the day or his cot by our bed at night. I'm still only doing a boob feed once or twice in the day because they went on so long and made me so sore and itchy I couldn't hack it for every time but hearing Soyo say she does that all the time makes me feel like a wuss! I'm going to try and do all his day feeds on the boob tomorrow...

Sorry for tmi but just now I had huge cramping and passed a clot the size of a flat ping pong ball (I can't think of any other similar sized object for some reason?!) which was pretty yucky. Feel the same pressure down there i was feeling just before LO arrived, not nice did anyone else have this ten days afterwards?

LO's been grisly all day and not been pooing after every feed as he usually would, nice combination of me feeling delicate and him being fairly moany, having a bit of a sticky eye and wanting a feed every 30 mins! Luckily OH did last night baby duty so I actually had a decent sleep. As far as his revelation, he had anxiety in his late teens and it's come back with a vengeance with OCD features like intrusive thoughts about dying or punching people (I think that's like when you stand on a cliff path and get the urge to jump - he doesn't actually want to act on the punching someone thing but the thoughts are just there, and they include us as the subjects). I'm obviously worried about that part but he's said he's going to see the gp and get some medication and CBT which he says worked before. His whole addiction to looking at football and constantly being online is apparently how he shuts out those thoughts so when I got angry yesterday he finally cracked and told me. He had a nervous sniff when we first got together that went away but that's also back I've noticed. The midwives are always asking how I am due to my past history of self harm etc from years ago, but ironically they never ask how dad is. I really hope I'll cope ok, I feel very emotionally shut out and I'd just like to be told he loves me and that I did well birthing our son if that makes sense. I do understand though and I'll support him to get better 100% plus I really appreciate him opening up to me and getting help even if it took a while.

It's never easy eh? He'd hate me for talking to anyone about this too, but I need to keep my sanity too

Oh leni that sounds tough. Big hug. You do get into a rhythm and 10 days is too young for that but then you are thrown like I am tonight when the baby decides to scream blue murder for hours! It will get easier though ... She tells herself as much as you!

leni re clots , did you have a busy day yesterday? Sometimes they come when you've over done it. If you are still under the MW Id Mention it and keep an eye ( nose?!?) out for odd smells in case of infection.

Ah no Leni, I started introducing formula feeds at about 12 days because I was crying with every feed with the pain. As soon as I started it increased & she had 3-4 bottles a day but now as its got easier, the bottles have got less as I just haven't felt the need. It's now usually 0 or 1 a day depending on situation/pain etc. BFing does get easier, only after about 4.5 weeks for me though & I still don't love it, especially these mega feeds!!!

There does seem to be some good routines going, but not in this house. I'm crap at routine at the best of times & am going with more of a 'do what I can to keep her asleep happy & survive the day--' mantra.

Tip for the sticky eye, squeeze a bit of breast milk out onto cotton wool & use that to wipe it, I learnt that from working on SCBU & it worked a treat for DD.

Roll on the morning again, may the night pass quickly (preferably unnoticed due to full night sleep,...we can dream).

It smelled odd the whole time but more strong today. We had a little walk yesterday and friends came round, plus obviously OH's breaking his news, do those count?

I heard back from the La Leche League - they invited me to a meeting but it's a tube ride away on the 10th and I've barely gone 500 yards down the road with him yet! They sent me a bit of an essay of info, most of which are things I've already tried sadly.

Sort of wish it was just one of the current issues I'm having at a time, rather than all of them together. I'm still so happy to have my gorgeous boy and I love him more every day, i just wish I could either feed him directly or stop feeling like expressing isn't the right thing somehow.

well we seem to be on to night 2 of screaming banshee baby. grisly from 6pm feed, never quite properly.getting settled, then from 9pm feed just screaming no matter what we do - nappies checked repeTedly, feeds given. sometimes being held will settle him, sometimes just screams louder. right now a boob has shut gum up, but he spat the last one out after about 5 mins so doubt will work for long. last night was tough as every Time we finally got him asleep, we'd have to wake him for the next feed and it'd start all over again.

Yep we have the same thing here too and still going, my poor boobs!

Leni it's so tough isn't it? You have all these expectations that you put on yourself & then you hear what everyone else is doing & judge yourself against it, something I always said I'd never do but it's natural & can't be helped it seems. Just try & remember that however you're doing things, it's because that's what's right for you at the time & as long as you're waking up in the morning, getting through the day & going to bed with a lovely healthy baby then you're doing nothing wrong.

Pudtat that sounds hideous, I can't bear it when she screams & screams. I'm sure Miss Madam sometimes just gets a bit overtired but its a vicious cycle. Hope it's quick to settle & results in a few days of longer sleeps afterwards!

DH woke me to swap rooms at 1.30 saying she was starting to stir but when I came in she was settled again, had intermittent stirring since but she's never gone past 2am before. I wanted to just leave her but couldn't sleep as I was on the edge wondering when she'd wake up so I'm trying a dream feed. Not sure it'll work though as she's not taking much.

Fingers crossed!

We managed another dream feed last night. She stayed downstairs in the evening because the teatime feed was stressful, she was obviously in pain as well as grumpy and overtired from not napping well. So I left her downstairs with the man and went to bed. He fed her at 1am then brought her up, and she was asleep by 2am. Stirred at 5.30, so I got her out the basket, got two ounces down her, redid the swaddle (those wriggly arms drive us all mad) and she went straight back to sleep until 8.30.

Then she shouted for her breakfast at 8.45, drank three ounces, coughed at the wrong moment and brought it all straight back up. Whoops.

I'm inclined to have the early hours feed as the dream feed, because she can't sleep long enough for two in a row, and half three in the morning is not a good time to have a member of the wide-awake club wanting entertainment. So for now I'm resigned to her actually waking up for a bit somewhere between ten and midnight. We can rethink when she's capable of sleeping longer without a feed.

plonko "pinchy" is not a word that one should ever have to apply to one's bits. I'm not surprised you're not in the mood! Our cats have claimed the buggy - it's liberally coated in hair - but seem to view the basket as enemy territory. As they're still not convinced the baby isn't some sort of alien or possibly monster, the closest they get is sitting on the window sill next to the basket and peering in.

I don't set an alarm for the dream feed, but she's such a noisy sleeper I tend to be only dozing for much of the night, and I wake up very easily when she makes a noise. Then it's just a matter of learning which noises mean "I'm asleep and I have arms and they are pissing me right off" (reswaddle time); "I'm asleep and I like to shout about it" (roll over and go back to sleep time); "I'm asleep now but my tummy's getting empty..." (try and get a bottle in there time) and so on. Have to wait for her cue though, because if she's deeply asleep it's hard work getting the bottle in there and then she just sucks it once then keeps sleeping.

leni ten days is still very early days. I didn't know if it was bum or breakfast time at that point. You'll find a rhythm soon enough. Also, remember breastfeeding is not a competitive sport! So long as baby's well fed and you're happy it's all good. Oh, and by the way, you did an awesome job birthing your son!

pudtat remind me, are you swaddling? If not, I'd recommend it. Mine gets ever so shouty and flappy when she's tired, but as soon as she's wrapped up tight she chills out. Doesn't always mean she'll go to sleep, but it means she's resting and we're not being driven mad by the noise.

SoYo how did your dream feed go?

Hi stormy - yes we are swaddling, but have had to resign ourselves to underarm in the last few days as he now fights against having his arms pinned 90% of the time and simply works himself into a frenzy - counterproductive when the point is to calm them . He also does this thing where he sticks his legs out totally straight so you can't get the bottom bit tucked in properly either - sigh.

So go on then, here's a question for those exclusively breastfeeding. I know it's normal to think you're not producing enough, but I am noticeably on drugs to try and up my milk and have a professional bf coordinator telling me my supply is still low. However, everyone says the best way of increasing it is to have lots of boob time with LO, as he is most efficient extraction method . However, he gets frustrated when they are "empty" - such as when I have fed him, expressed as instructed and then he randomly wants a top up. He will feed for up to 5 mins and then pull off in a strop. Giving him a top up is then harder as he is all fighty. I do try swapping him back and forth, but sometimes it is clear that without some "recovery" time there isn't much there... does this simply not happen to those whose norks are behaving themselves or do you just keep swapping through the strop or what?

I would still like to think I could be doing much more feeding, if not totally BF, but things like this are hard as it is a bit demoralising to see my body "failing' him in this way. That then makes me less keen to express (in case he wants a go) and of course that reduces the production cycle etc etc etc - it's so hard managing all this stuff, both physically and emotionally sometimes.

Oops, hit the wrong button before I meant to post then. Was going to say leni you did great, and are doing great. I feel for your OH, as this is a stressful time, but at least by opening up both of you can try and understand his behaviour - you may be able to resent it slightly less, and hopefully he can engage with why you feel unsupported. I hope he can see the doc soon and get on the road to recovery for all 3 of you.

Spoke too soon re: cats and baskets. Just had to evict the neurotic one, twice. Argh!

She fell asleep on my shoulder after the last feed so I tried a sleeping bag rather than a swaddle. Popped her in the basket, stuck the dummy in, she threw her arms up next to her head and was out like a light. So time for another rethink on the sleeping arrangements! She just had a flail and dropped the dummy, put it back and she's back to sleep - in the swaddle that flail would've been extensive and wriggly and resulted in her hands either just under her chin or escaped, and irritating her either way.

Really hoping for a day of good sleeps today - the latest Science of Discworld book just came through my letterbox. Whether I've got the mental energy for it is debatable, but I'm going to give it a try anyway.

Leni I hope your partner feels better soon and the three of you can begin to love your new lives. You did an excellent job, I hope you're proud of yourself! And I couldn't contemplate going further than the end of the street at 10 days postpartum, the idea of going on the tube with a newborn would scare me senseless.

We had a great night last night...DP decided he wanted to feed, play with and bath the poor boy. Everything seemed to take twice as long as usual, so we had some banshee wailing from an overtired, stressed out baby. So I'm knackered trying to keep things as calm and steady as possible here today. We've been out for a short walk using the baby carrier, it was lovely but I have discovered I've got no abdominal muscles whatsoever! Am feeling brave again today, and have decided that the next nappy change will be when we try out our cloth nappies...

Stormy I've currently got my feet up with a strong brew and Pyramids open on the kindle. Glad I'm not the only geek here

Oh god, baths... the man's working until 8pm tonight so I'll be all alone and trying out bathtime for the first time. Am weirdly apprehensive about it!

plonko I've got all the Discworld books, the Harry Potters, the Chronicles of Narnia, and a variety of Tolkien, all on one bookcase in the living room. The baby seems to enjoy staring at them all.

At one day postpartum I had to go to my parents' as my dad's brother and his family were visiting. Ten adults, two babies and a three year old in one house, kind of hectic. It's only half a mile away but buggered if I was walking it! Got a lift instead. As for the tube... nope, wouldn't even consider it (if I lived in London). They only stop for a moment then the doors are closing and they're off - I'd be worried about getting the baby on and it leaving before I was on too.

DH and I knew it was serious when we amalgamated our two complete Pratchett collections and sold the excess books.

Very excited as miniPud is now officially over birth weight! Hurrah! Even allowing for lower than recommended formula top ups (which means he's getting more from me - double hurrah). Talking of which, best go and feed him now...

Now that's commitment, pudtat. Better hope he never turns into a massive knob, cos you're stuck with him now! Although if someone's a massive knob you don't have to have an attack of conscience about leaving them sans Pratchetts, I suppose...

An update on the swaddling situation: I have not got enough hands for this. Was talking to a friend about it earlier and she said she's rubbish but her bloke is ruthless with swaddles, and tucks the hands under the bum, and they a) can't escape and b) fall asleep straight away. So I gave it a try. Blanket spread out on the floor, baby on it and screaming, me holding her arm in place with my foot while using both hands to tuck it under her. Zonked out as soon as her head hit the basket, and she's not escaped yet. Long may this continue!

Hi all - I was discharged by the community MW today. I'm going to miss them actually. But DD can't be discharged yet as she has a bit of jaundice still (although tons better than a week ago and it's barely noticeable). In our area, apparently if a baby still has jaundice at 14 days (which will be Friday), they have to be referred to the jaundice clinic at the hospital which would be a right pain, especially as she is clearly almost completely better. So fingers crossed she will be discharged on Friday and not referred on...

She was weighed today and has put on 7oz since last Thurs so is well past her birth weight! We're still planning on introducing a bottle of formula at or just after this weekend so DH can do a middle of night feed.

Right, nearly DS's bedtime so hopefully this feed will finish soon. And I'll save my night feed question for another post and will also respond to your posts

Evening all, good day here - we were so discharged by MW, Albie is an ounce over birth weight which means since last Weds he's put on ten ounces did three boob feeds today and only one required an after top up!

Ewan the sleep sheep had flat batteries which caused chaos with naps, but triple As were duly bought and he's now back in prime position.

MW thinks i have an infection as the clot I passed last night was much bigger than normal, so i need a trip to the gp tomorrow. Bizarrely couldn't sleep even though I wasn't on duty last night, missed sleeping on the side closest to the cot. LO is doing cluster feeds in the mornings but even the MW was surprised at the sheer amounts he's eating

Got my spangly new microwave! But actually finding the Milton easier to use so might stick to just cooking all our freezer food in the microwave instead

Thanks for the support - OH has been much more cuddly (and a bit sexy too which hasn't happened in 9 months...) since talking about it. We've been through so much in the time we've been together, our survival says a lot about us, it's very reassuring.

How soon can I try LO in a sleeping bag?

You could try a sleeping bag now, leni - not much chance of them slipping inside, after all. But beware the flappy arms!

I am intrigued by Ewan the sleep sheep. Tell us more.

Brilliant leni! Well done to our newborns for eating so much. I had to ask the MW for reassurance that I can't over feed a bfed baby

Hope you haven't got an infection though :(

DD is moving her cluster feeds about too. Not had as much tonight but munched all morning instead. I've bought an excellent app to monitor feeds with brilliant graphs etc but no pattern as yet...

Re night feeds, after my last post a couple of days ago I did really well at putting DD back in the Moses basket after her feeds and felt tons more rested as a result. But last night I was back to being too tired and ended up having her sleeping on my chest all night so I was in a right grumpy mood this morning. DH suggested that I try feeding her tonight in her room (we've got a futon chair in there) and then I am less likely to fall asleep properly and will have to put her in the basket when I come back into our room to sleep myself. Will let you know how it goes...