October 2012... PELVIC FLOORS!

[Londonmrss]

Ready...
Steady...
And squeeze!

cross posted - yomping, that sounds shit and october, totally agree with u. my dad is gay & he is the best dad ever. he was an amazing support when babybeccus was born. his current partner's ex wife is also gay too and they had 4 adult kids together and they all meet every weekend & have a massive boozey dinner together at dad's cooked by dad's partner. how many straight parents achieve that! i wish i could go too, but they r all in oz! elpis hope things r better with your dp.

beccus DS is also dropping centiles and while it is a massive worry, I can't deny, I also have to keep telling myself that he gives off all the signs of a healthy baby:

• he wets plenty of nappies
• he poos regularly
• he cried tears - oh boy does he!
• he is growing - the pile of clothes he no longer fits into is testament to that.

It is very hard because I want to say, fuck their charts. But we all subscribe to it - even in this group, where we are so supportive of each other's issues, we also celebrate things like staying on the percentile line or whatever. So do I say fuck it/them when he's not following his percentile line, but then rejoice when he or another one of us does?

I don't know. All I know is - look at the baby, not the charts. If your baby - and you know your baby - seems fine, you will know.

Oh and p.s haven't forgotten about the swimming!

beccus sorry you might have seen up thread, or maybe it was the thread before, that I've pretty much made my mind up to stop getting him weighed at clinics, and will just keep an eye on it at home. I think it was squid that said these things need to be measured over months, not weeks.

I went last week after three weeks of not going and he'd dropped to the 9th percentile. I was patronised and the HV who was weighing all the babies gave big grins to those babies gaining according to their charts, and frowns to women and babies like me - those not gaining at the speed they like. It made me feel like total shit. I was advised to go back in four weeks but I don't have to and I don't think I will!

yomping I think it's ok to be pissed off because you're totally right- we can't just stay in bed when ill, we have to book it months in advance. Not helped by the fact that men are usually completely pathetic when ill which I really don't have any patience with- particularly now I've been through childbirth. My dh went out with some mates the other week and spent the next day in bed with a hangover- a really bad one with puking and everything. I was furious. I'd told him to have a nice night out with his mates but it wasn't cool to then have to take a day to recover. And even if I did have a night out with my mates, I couldn't take that hangover day without booking dh in advance. It's always assumed that I will be the one looking after little one unless we plan otherwise.

Have to remind myself that dh does contribute a lot and goes out and works very hard for us...

Anyway sympathies yomping. Your fella probably didn't mean to be ill.

crazy - lots of good advice here, and I've been there many times. The inane chatter really does grate and the repetitive noisy toys drive me mad. I get angry too (though never with DS - as you say, it's very, very hard not to take it out on the person who understands most of what you're saying). I would suggest

• Getting rid of noisy toys that annoy you. I realised after a while that what little educational value they had didn't compensate for what they were doing to me. I remove them when DD isn't looking, and most of the time she never even notices their absence. It's my home too and I don't have to pollute it with someone else's idea of what a preschooler should enjoy.

• When DD is talking rubbish inanely, as can only be expected from a three-year-old, we read a book of her choice and then I put on Radio 4. Unless it is the ghastly Afternoon Play or You & Yours, in which case we have Absolute 80s and Mummy shows DD some dance moves. Either way, you've read them a story to break the cycle and you don't have to listen to the nonsense for a while.

• It is OK to drink before dinner. Sometimes I have a weak G&T or a glass of wine mid-afternoon and just drink water with dinner. I realise I'm using it to alter my mood but hey, who doesn't?

• How's the play date situation? Can you start taking DS to rampage in other people's houses? It does break up the day when they are too young to appreciate outings to more expensive places.

Thank you for all the supportive comments about the nobber. He made a special effort with the kids tonight and we are going to have a conversation about money and what options I have regarding work v SAHM. We are also putting DD to bed half an hour earlier.

Oreniishi and beccus - so sorry to hear HVs are giving you a hard time. If your babies are growing and doing the new things we're all noticing, then I think there's absolutely no need to worry. The idea of feeding a baby ebm to make them gain weight is very, very odd. The more skin-to-skin contact you have with them and the more time they spend on the breast, the more milk you'll produce. I suggest napping with them when you can - both DD and DS have enjoyed falling asleep on the boob, and it can be very relaxing if you have a book or can drift off too.

DS rolled for the first time last week but hasn't managed it at all since. Perhaps he needs to get naked more often.

Can I ask thoughts - Erin has red shiny damp looking skin under one arm pit (in a skin fold where lots of 'stuff' collects). I usually wipe her armpits, fat rolls and face/hands every morning It's always been a bit red but today was looking more red than normal (skin not broken though)

Do you think I put anything (savlon? sudocrem?) on it or just wash as normal but more often? It's the kind of thing that needs aired but even when she's naked I don't think it gets much air as it's deep in her pits.

Visions of Elpis on the gin at 12.30.... Well it IS the afternoon!!! Hic'........

(Sorry totally unproductive unconversational post......! Hugs to all!)

X

Katla I find bepanthen a great general healing cream for minor redness in airless areas. I use it myself on sore skin too. It is very kind and not as thick and annoying as sudocrem.

The bean was in fab form all day but now is completely wide awake and it is bed time. So she is angry crying in protest...

angelico and katla another shrieking bean alarm clock here, went off an hour early this morning though, probably cos last night DH said he could really do with a lie in this morning No chance of that for a few years I reckon! I think we are making progress on the getting to sleep side of things, yesterday she managed to get herself to sleep (thumbsucking) 3 times, although she only ever sleeps for 30mins when she does that. But today we are back to the moaning and head shaking. So thinking of everyone else who feels exhausted by the amount of time they spend each day getting their beans down for a nap.

elpis for you, hiban. DHs (and probably some DWs) can be funny about money, in the end, what do we all work for if it's not to provide for our families? It's a bit late now to hold up the 'you wanted them more than me card'. I'm sure it would all be different if you were the one earning the big $$$ in the house grrrrrr.

october It makes me so mad that people can actually still think and believe that sort of crap. I like zara's thinking, a lot of them will die soon and our children will grow up knowing it's totally normal.

orenishi that's a great approach to dealing with your feelings, and is very respectful to your DS. Apparently they get very confused if put on your happy face, but voice says the opposite,but being honest with them teaches them about feelings and emotions

hugs to you crazy you have every right to feel angry, in fact you'd have to be a saint not to be angry and frustrated, you've had terrible sleep troubles AND a DS1 too! needed

How long to go to your wedding livvy ?

She did go to sleep thankfully after another feed... but based on form this week she'll be needing fed again soon and I want to go to bed At least the morning screeching is the happy sort :)

katla I put cornflour in those sweaty bits... underarms and neck mainly but bum too if it's looking a bit red. Does the trick really quickly.

Tonight, while we were trying to put melissa to bed, she was sick on:
2 vests
2 sleepsuits
4 pairs pyjama trousers (mine)
2 bed sheets
2 duvets
And that was just the stuff that was soaked enough to change!
elpis so glad he made a bit of an effort today, you deserve for him to be making a big effort all the time, I bet you are.
october the level of bigotry displayed can be amazing, can't it? I hope the next generation will be better. Incidentally our will stipulates that if dh and I both died we would want our friends who are a same sex couple to take care of the kids - horrid thought but can't think of anyone I'd trust more.
Sympathy for those dealing with nobber health visitors. Agree completely with look at the baby not the chart -it's just one piece of the jigsaw isn't it, doesn't really mean anything on its own? So, if I have a shitty week of vomiting / screaming etc. then I celebrate her staying on her centiles...but equally valid to celebrate a baby who seems well and is developing normall regardless if centiles... Does that make sense? Don't see that formula is automatically the answer anyhow, like anything else depends on if there us a problem and if so what the problem is!
Right, off to try settling my little pukomatic baby,

I am cross. 2nd night in row. Under 2 hrs each sleep. I thought we had passed this. 17.5 weeks. Just hurled v pillow at bed in frustration. And now I hear talk of a 20 week growth spurt after this??

Right so I am definitely going on the pill as my form of contraception, mainly to manage my periods. Third period since DS was born just started. It is fucking sore and extremely fucking heavy, again. Never had periods like this before DS. Anyone else noticed a change like this?

Am convinced my uterus is getting its revenge for the induction. "Put prostin gel on me, will you?! Just you wait. Revenge is a dish best served monthly..."

Also going to try get DS naked today to see if that encourages him to roll. 16 weeks old tomorrow and no improvement on that front.

Ok it's totally because on Thursday we have a very official-sounding "3-4 Month Developmental Assessment" at the public health clinic. With the (very nice) public health nurse who did the "surprise" home visit (oh the shame) when I was not coping with trying to bf. In my head I plan to stroll in looking fabulous, with DS crawling and singing nursery rhymes at just 17 weeks. "Look at this genius child! It must be because you're such a good mother, madam"

Huffle sympathy. Not sure if it is a growth spurt or just the bean being a monkey as DH took her last night so I could sleep - and she has managed ten hours without a feed... My poor boobs are massive, having upped their game to cope! So might be worth a try just removing yourself from the room?

Zara 20.5 week DD has only rolled once (off a cushion!) so don't worry (she sort of lies on side and arches or reaches to get what she wants but doesn't bother rolling ). Friend was saying that the wonder weeks thing says they just pick a couple of skills that are important to them at each 'leap' - so bean is very good with hands and very vocal. Her wee boy hardly makes a sound but he loves rolling about and has starting slithering / creeping towards things. Baby groups are good for seeing so many babies at different stages - yesterday there were two 6 month baby boys. One wasn't rolling, the other one was rolling and doing a kind of commando wriggle so they are all different. That said think the naked baby is a good idea, it's just so bloody cold in our house that it feels cruel stripping poor bean down.

Got good advice at baby group yesterday about using cups - basically get a Tommy Tippee free flow cup, give it to beans empty and let them have it when you are drinking a cuppa etc. They like to copy so will start to raise it to mouth etc over days and weeks. Only put a dribble of liquid in when they can get it to their mouths.

Thanks Huffle and Smile for thoughts on Erin's red armpit. I will give them a shot :)

Zara Erin is 18 weeks and has never rolled. She once got stuck on her side when she was trying to turn to see the tv during nappy off time (and cried to be rescued when she couldn't get back) but otherwise doesn't try too much.

Huffle what a shame re sleeping issues, it must be a phase [hopeful face]. We're back to a night awake now and last night she was up at 3am and we struggled to get her back again. Erin also awakes at 6:30am and we get up then bloody DH lazes in bed til 9, aaargh Bit of a shock to the system after rising at 8 or 9am which was Erin's previous getting up time. But she is now in bed at 8pm rather than 10pm so guess to be expected. Wish I was an early bird like Squid

At baby group yesterday, a small crawling boy sucked my toe!! I was speaking to the woman next to me and didn't see him coming. His mother said he has a thing about feet! At least I'd put clean socks on :)

Angelico good idea re getting them used to cups. I've given up trying to get Erin to take a bottle also too lazy to spend ages sterilising bottles and expressing . She just ended up screaming so much. So going to start her cup training instead as she is totally fascinated by mugs I have tea in.

Firstly thank you to all for the lovely words of support re same sex families and stupid comments. At the end of the day, we are all bumbling along trying to do the best for our kids and not fuck them up in some way

Beccus your dad sounds cool! On the feeding side, we have nver consistently managed 3-4 hours betweeen feeds, even with formula which should theoretically be easier to regulate. I would say that we are more like 2-3hrs and yesterday was definitely every 2hrs so I wouldn't feel bad that your LO isn;t going longer. Also, when they sleep through like that (as ours does too) it means they only have a limited amount of time to get the milk in so they will feed more frequently.

Zara love the comment about uterus's thinking revenge is a dish best served monthly!

ah so many posts! am on phone as usual, so while I've been alternately chuckling and grr-ing I naturally struggle to remember any of it...

zara I had heavy periods before ds1 but after I officially had menorrhagia. soaking through a max tampon every hour for the first 36 hrs of my period. fucking mental. get thee to the doctor! you can get treatment for heavy periods or just go on the pill. I got mefe-something acid but never got a chance to use it cos I got preggers. excellent period cure

October ignore the silly politicians. it's the people you know and care about who matter more, and above all else, your little family unit.

sympathy to those with babies dropping the centiles, I know how worrying that is. just remember they're obsessed with weight (starts early, eh ) because it's pretty much the only objective measure they have. and hv in my experience aren't hugely bright and are incredibly dogmatic. unless you have a reason to be worried, avoid the scales I reckon, and watch your baby. disclaimer: I know jack (as in shit) so don't quote me

elpis thank you for those ideas. I did snort a bit at huffle imagining you with a g&t at 12.01 I think in the last week ds1's language has upped a notch. he's doing really well but he talks incessantly in this slightly chanty monotone which makes me twitch a bit. he sounds like a monk singing mass. I had a really good week in a good mood and suddenly I. all went tits up on Friday and I can't identify why - I think that's part of the problem.

it didn't help that I turned up 30mins early for ds2's doctor appt yesterday because I had the time wrong, and then she was running 15mins late. by the time we got in there tho whole waiting room wanted to murder all 3 of us I think and I wanted to murder the unsympathetic and patronising receptionist. she was really sarcastic which was totally unnecessary when she could see I was pretty stressed. why didn't she tell me how early I was when we arrived??? could've taken the boys outside for a run around.

sorry, derailed there on a rant. thank goodness for the weekend!

yomping can very much identify with feeling annoyed that dh is ill. feelings are funny things.

zara no real signs of rolling here either, DS is 17 weeks and hasn't shown much interest. I haven't been great with naked time with him, partly cos house is pretty chilly but maybe that would encourage more activity.

Whoever mentioned size 2 teats, thank you! I tried a couple of weeks ago but they seemed too fast, need to give a go again. I was particularly thinking this at 3am this morning as DS was leisurely taking an hour over his bottle