FEB 2010 Three is a magic number, yes it is......

[InmaculadaConcepcion]

Come and take shelter from the DC here, folks!

I am completely at your DD2's spelling SR. Flabbergasted. DD1 only knows a few letters and I thought she was doing really well! All taught by nursery, thus far. Maybe she could learn more if I applied myself to the task but.... I just can't face it.

On fact we are having a morning without her (she is with my dad) and I am enjoying it so much! Can't help but think I must be a bit weird to like not having her so much, but oh, the relief.

IC in my very unexpert opinion, your DD's nursery concerns seem perfectly normal. She is securely attached to you and of course would rather you stayed at nursery with her! Best of both worlds in her view! But she will get used to it, she really will, in time. And really enjoy it too. DD1 STILL says she doesn't want to go, on nursery days. But when I pick herp, inevitably she asks to stay for longer.

Also a bit at your lack of free funding NK. Ours kicks in automatically at DD's nursery.

And CP sorry to be dense but why is DD not going until September? How are your long lone parent days going?

How are you Beth, your alarums last week sounded trying...

SR ouch at the eye

SB sounds as if DS' speech is coming along nicely. Does he speak mainly French or English at nursery etc?

Mous twas a few posts ago but I was very impressed with your DD2's hidden monster. And also her trilingual speech, wow. How are you holding up these days?

Thanks scone Speech is a bit of a big word still but she is saying words together... I understand her "language" very well which is probably part of the problem.
I think I am holding by a thread. We are most probably coming back in 2 months time (start of easter holidays for DD1) but the prospect is glum... At least I might be able to meet some of you?

SB IME they always choose the language of education! you are right not to give up though.

scones the places around here just don't have spaces until September and tend to only do one intake a year. Most pre-schools are attached to schools rather than independent ones.

mous You are coming back? To visit or to stay?

mous I'm keeping OPOL but thought his comment was funny. Are you back for good?

scones French is definately his minority language re speaking it but his inderstanding of it is as good as his English, he will also use the word in tge lamgyage which is easier to say ie truck is easier to say than camion but merci is easier than thank you. I hope this make sense

I hope Easter and summer break can convince dd2 to speak more. We don't strictly use OPOL because I forget and school/nursery interfere and English has taken over. But dd2 understands everything which is just as well as my parents don't speak English.

DD will rattle on in Spanish with DH at home, but if there are other English people around, she reverts to English. She will only speak Spanish with me when we go to Spanish playgroup, I'm not allowed to do it anywhere else as far as she's concerned...!!

Scones yes, you're right, it's a fairly normal reaction in many respects, but I think coupled with her other fears and how she reacts, she does have a borderline anxiety disorder - and I find the tendency to turn her emotional stress/distress inward worrying, even at this age. As much as anything, I'm concerned that her anxieties will stop her enjoying life to the full. And she's always shown signs of anxiety in her personality - which is why I'm keen for her to learn ways of coping which don't involve her starving herself/giving herself constipation/insomnia etc. (that last I recognise all to well, unfortunately!!)

CP how are things? xx

SR nk right there with you with the cack behaviour/attitude from DD1! I figure this week she's had a fair bit on her plate, what with the crash etc, and she's got a stinking cold and cough again too, but jeez I could have happily throttled her a couple of times this week!

actually, I could have happily throttled quite a few people this week - raging, hideous grumpy, hormonal old hagbag alert? (with the added shittiness of loan parenting cos DH has been out after the crash and my general demeanour being mid-hating self) hohum

off to bed? need to think through making a stegosaurus cake for DS's 'party' sunday?

thinking of you all, specially you CP hoping for a nice weekend for us all :)

everyone is out swimming (obviously not DS, ILs will look after him while DH anf DD swim)

sorry to hear about your week Stoof you sound like you are still fragile as well. I thought I woke up ok, but then found myself still a bit shaken/spaced in the car earlier (always when driving).

I have been a right impatient grump this evening, but why oh why does it take an hour for my children to go to sleep!

CP How are you all today? Courage! There will be a time when you will just have to put them to bed, not to sleep!

Yes, coming back definitely or at least until next job comes up somewhere! That why it is so grim...
We will be bankrupted soon, trying to calculate how and when to move for not disturbing the DDs too much. DD2 loves school but if we go back to the UK she won't have a place as we missed the application for free hours (same rules as NK). And with DD1 anxiety... , well, I don't know...
The weather is not selling it for us either, and DH's inertia is getting me angry now...

CP and mous and to everyone else

I was being impatient before bed. DD is mostly left to it, but I can't relax until she's asleep or at least being quiet. DS I was working up to leaving the room, we had been consistent with going to sleep in the cots for a few weeks and I was up to sitting by the door. Obviously now that is on hold although I feel up to trying him in cot for naps again soon.

mous sounds very stressful and unsettling. Is DH actively looking, what does he do with his days (feel free to ignore). I can understand your anger towards him and not wanting to uproot everyone to potentially do it again as soon as you have found a job. I've applied for a few things but with the fellowship hanging over me I feel very unsure about what I'd do.

He is looking but hasn't applied to any , he is surfing all day can answer any questions about sports and news from about anywhere in the world . He does help at home but I'd rather he wouldn't and find something.

I am earning the mean salary for the country i.e. 400 euro/months I don't think I can go much higher (to curb our outgoing we would have to live like the locals, which mean shit schools and no health insurance...and living with our family)
Good luck with the jobs.

may be he is the one spamming mumsnet

Mous worrying times. I hope something is sorted for you soon, it's so disruptive as well as scary not to know how things are going to work out
Is it wrong of me to be a bit excited that you will be in the UK, though?!

Ups and downs continue with DD. She's had no lunch for the past three days, going into meltdown instead because she's been too tired to eat (because of interrupted sleep...stress-related). She cheered up by this evening having kipped, pooed and had a short walk outside. She ate a decent dinner and was in a good mood at bedtime. We shall see how it goes.

The book about anxious kids I've been reading has a lot of helpful strategies, but most are aimed at older children. That said, I can certainly adapt some of the ideas and it's reassuring to know that anxiety can be very effectively dealt with and that DH and I are mostly doing roughly the right things so far.

CP good to know DS is back home and won't need plaster etc. Good luck for his recuperation xx

Thanks IC ILs have gone home so I am a lot more relaxed. With the stress DH told them a lot of details about life at the moment that I was avoiding so now I know their opinions on stuff I didn't care to. I shall stick to my plan of avoiding all skype calls in order to maintain some distance and their questions.

IC do you know what is causing this latest batch of stress, or you think still related to nursery changes. It is not unusual for DD to have her lunch after her nap as she has been tired and in a state beforehand. We only experienced 24 hours of withholding but as I said to you at the time, I was really surprised at the knock on effect in behaviour and other discomforts. It must be hard to not be panicky/read too much into every upset. I don't envy you walking that line. If it helps DD still often doesn't eat dinner. She is started to be adventurous in trying things which gives me hope and she does have days where she will eat a normal dinner (rather than child friendly guaranteed one), even if she doesn't eat the same thing the subsequent day.

DS has been learning to crawl today and was expert at making every adult know exactly what he wanted passing to him. Tomorrow is DD's party where other children come round. I'm really glad as DH is in london and I'm apprehensive about being on my own. Morning will be alright as we have playgroup. Then don't have not plans until Wednesday afternoon.

We got DD a purple gym fitness ball (those big ones that are like birthing balls), a bell for her bike, playdough and a colouring/painting book that only uses water. All for 20 quid. Other hits have been a hula hoop and the circus ikea tent (which we filled with balloons)

Oh mous that's just rubbish. I hope things work out for the best but you must be worried sick about unsettling the girls, especially as both are doing so well right now. (But like IC I am secretly excited to have you much closer!)

Talking anxiety, my dd1 is now falling squarely into that category. She literally shakes with terror if she spots the tiniest dog miles away, which makes going to the park difficult! She's also started keeping scores. Yesterday clocked up seven 'problems', four of those before breakfast (mainly related to me saying no to something, but she finds everyday life a bit tricky right now). I'm just relieved her teachers 'get' her and she is well supported at school.

Dd2 on the other hand is quite laid back but very much has her own mind. She's started wanting to do everything by herself, which is nice, but results in massive melt down if she can't do something. She's also been quite unsettled in the evenings/nights the past few weeks. I am guessing it's partly a developmental spurt and partly the new nursery. She adores going but the days are much more exhausting physically and mentally than her old nursery. She usually wakes around 11 ish just around the time we go to bed, and has to be reassured that all is well. Then she often wakes once in the night, or before 6. Sometimes she has nightmares, other times she just finds herself awake and can't find something (whatever the favourite of the day is... tonight she's gone to bed with a small plastic dinosaur).

Sorry to hear about the anxiety issues

DS is still unsettled re swimming to the extend that yesterday he refused to come out of the car. I really don't understand as he spent the week nagging asking to go! So my plan is to take him early Saturday morning (it should not be too busy) and on Sunday get DH to take him to the lesson. Fx it'll work

Not been around MN much because DD poorly (possibly just teething but I have my suspicions that it's a mild case of H,F&M - there are a few warty blisters on her hands and feet and her nappy area is not looking too good and that's never been a problem before) - not sleeping much and being pretty clingy.

SR - I am really impressed at DD2's alphabet skills. I don't think it is a fluke at all and you shouldn't downplay it.

IC I'm sorry to hear that DD is still having the issues with nursery and witholding. She's very lucky to have such a clued up mum. It sounds as if you are doing all the right things.

It's so important to accept them for who they are - I know you do this, and to remember that every seemingly 'negative' trait has a positive side to it too, I mean a child who is very cautious will always have the plus that they think things through more and are not as impulsive as other more carefree kids.

I know that DS is quite highly strung and will scream like a loon as soon as something frustrates him but I am working with him on managing his feelings by reminding him constantly that I'm here to help him if he asks and that if he feels like screaming he can 'take a deep breath and/or try again more slowly this time). There are no overnight cures but we do what we can to temper certain extreme traits while honouring that they are part and parcel of who our child is. Did you buy Everyday Blessings By Jon and Mya Kabat-Zinn - the mindful parenting book?

CP How is DS doing? Annoying that your DH let slip things to his parents but all they can do is disapprove, they can't change what you do or how the children are raised, so f* 'em, really.

Mous I'm so sorry that things are so horrible for you right now. What sort of work does your DH do and what is he prepared to accept? Are there any jobs for him or do you think he just doesn't want to look? I feel for you, it would drive me mad.

SB I'm not very good with remembering but is your fertile time coming up soon? Have you made a date with DH?

Re swimming, DH has booked proper lessons for DS starting this Thursday. My mum will look after DD while I go in with him and then she'll have him for the rest of the afternoon.

Had to smile at the picture of your DS as the slightly imperious tiny convalescent, CP..! Thanks for your thoughts on food - DD ate a fish finger today at lunchtime - I was too relieved that she had ingested some protein to worry about the vegetarian issue...! As to the withholding, yes - it really causes a myriad of other issues and is partly responsible (as well as being a symptom) for DD's difficulties with nursery.

Ah NK your DD1 does indeed sound like she has a few classic anxiety issues. The dog phobia, for example. My book has some good stuff on dealing with phobias and is specific about dogs...let me know if you want more info!

Good points, Bc - I think the anxiety things is tied up with DD being very bright and having a good memory. I know she will always have a tendency towards caution, but I think it's important she learns to manage her inclination to anxiety if it threatens to stress her to the extent that it damages her health or prevents her from living her life to the full. Thanks for the book suggestion, yes I must find out more about mindfulness....

Today wasn't too bad with DD, although she had a catastrophic poo accident at nursery. She was surprisingly cheerful afterward, although she's saying she doesn't want to go anymore. But she ate a prodigious dinner and was very chipper this evening - part of me is wondering if by grumbling out loud about nursery, she's actually dealing with it better than keeping it bottled up.....

Anxiety in children is tricky isn't it? DS1 tends to overthink situations (again, I think due to being relatively bright) The fact that we are all aware of it and working to support them through it has to be good.

Mous I don't envy your situation at all. I will be excited to have you back in the UK too, but I wish it was because you want to be there, not because you have to be.

DH and I had our night away and it was fab. After our slightly chaotic day and three random nights of bad dreams, I have to go to bed now but wanted to offer a wave as I'm aware it's been a while. Can't read on my phone now until the 19th (when I get my free minutes again for the month) so may be a bit quiet. Hope you are all okay.

Dd2 came home covered in paint and told me she did a lovely picture today and it has her sister and her papa on it. I'm not on it because there was no space.... I'll try not to take it personally.