FEB 2010 Three is a magic number, yes it is......

[InmaculadaConcepcion]

Come and take shelter from the DC here, folks!

Happy to accept . dd2 just came out of bed to complain 'Mama, I tripped over my babies'. Sigh. Apart from the fact that she should have been asleep an hour ago, I am not sure why it took her so long to put her babies (three small baby dolls) to bed. They have their own pillow and need tucking in every night (Awwww). Then she got up again and fell over them....

Hi. Thanks for birthday wishes. Had a great party yesterday but feel a bit hungover and low today.

survival I hope fathers' day passed not too painfully for you all.

My ds seems to be very stressed about going to nursery. He keeps telling me he doesn't want to go. He's tearful. His key worker agrees that he seems stressed/not hinself but none of us can work out why. He won't (can't) say what it is hinself. I feel like a heel for sending him because I remember hating school and my mum just sending me and not looking at alternatives and me feeling hopeless and like there was no one on my side.

oh BC it's horrid, isn't it? DD (now 6.5) is still v slow to let us know what's going on for her that's upset her - despite now understanding that we can help her sort whatever it is out? we just know when something's wrong and have to wait for whatever it is to become clear? she eventually begged to go to a different school last week, after having been 'not herself' for about ten days. turns out one of the year six girls had told her she was annoying, and a year two had said she shouldnt be in their class - it would be a much nicer place without her? all sorted now, but it's tough? we've tried everything over the years, but nothing seems to work at getting it out faster! last year we had about 3 weeks of it, then discovered the new extractor fans in the girls toilets at school terrified her ? in the meantime until he spills!

BC Agree, hope your ds can express what is troubling him.

Dd2 recently asked to have her hair in a ponytail (bit too short really) because she doesn't always want to be the baby. Bit of probing revealed the older girls in nursery like to play family and dd2 always has to be the baby (because she is small and compliant!). In her 3 year old logic she decided that if she had a ponytail she couldn't possibly be the baby again because babies don't have ponytails! Bless her. I had a quick word with the teachers and they promised to keep an eye on her and make sure she's allowed to be mummy or daddy, too. When I told dh he remembered picking her up one time and dd2 was the patient being operated on... She looked relieved when dh turned up to rescue her.
(Quite pleased the older girls are moving up to Reception in September, so dd2 will be one of the older ones).

BC does he seem fine when you pick him up? Does he say he's had a nice time? DD sometimes gets a bit odd about going but by the end of the day she's full of the wonder of nursery. I make sure to ask her details about what particularly was so good so that if she gets a bit tearful again but won't tell me why I can remind her of the things she likes that she can do there. We also do a lot of practice of show and tell so she looks forward to taking her things in.

Had a day of very poor quality parenting from me. DP off to France for 3 days and my Mum (with a bad back) arrived at 5pm to help over the next day or two. Didn't manage to leave the house with the kids (other than the garden). DS spent whole day in PJ top and mostly in just the top and a nappy as he kept refusing trousers. DD was fully dressed but after a very significant weeing accident on the sofa put herself into pullups and refused to take them off (sigh). Lunch was ruined as I had caved and given them loads of biscuits and dinner was only eaten when I promised DD a new doll. DD would only go to sleep in my bed (she's there now) and quite frankly I've broken every good parenting rule. On the good side we did do a couple of jigsaws, lots of singing and quite a bit of physical throwing in the air games. No baths though. I just couldn't face it today.

Sounds like a normal day to me stan DD decided she was going swimming the other day, stripped naked and stayed that way.

Sounds like mayhem to me Stan . What's so different if you dh is not around but your mum is there to help? Is he normally in charge and stricter than you?
I was pretty fed up last Monday when dh was away. dd1 went into full on strop mode and refused to do her homework. dd2 kept coming our of her room to say she couldn't sleep because her sister was so noisy...

My family have a mini heat wave this week and it's already 38 degrees this morning, with 40 predicted for where my sister lives. Here it was 13 degrees on Sunday and I got out my woolly cardigan again.

11 on sunday, 13 yesterday most of the day, same today... I live in sheepwool boots and fleece... because we are 'up" it is actually a bit colder here than neighbouring towns

JF DP takes over when he gets home from work so I only have to get to 6:15 till giving up. He does baths, change, teeth, stories etc. My Mum's bad back means she can't help at all other than give me someone to talk to.

Stangirl sorry to hear of the lone struggle (albeit with aid of slightly crocked parent) - but DH and I were much entertained by your account of "poor parenting"

at "poor parenting" Stan. We've all been there

How did today go?

stan I concur normal parenting

I am a muppet, I nearly complained to the school because DD1 was at the junkers table. I don't mind her being low ability, if she is, but would really mind for her and her friends to be called "junk". Thankfully DH mentioned that it is a plane and the others are "spitfires" and so on. Now he wants to complain as he thinks it is really weird

Both girls have nightmares, and have been sleeping with me last night ouch my back

Mous I wouldn't have known either

Mous and . Does seem a little unusual but maybe it relates to topics they have covered this year?

Stan I'm a little cross with dh that he is not like yours and takes over at 6.15.. I wish!

DS wouldn't go to bed until nearly 10. He's realised that people die and he doesn't like it. He kept saying "we're never going to die" and I'm afraid I wasn't going to lie. I tried to be as comforting as possible but he was freaked out.

DH gets in at 5 usually and we eat then we take 1 child each - so I'd bath ds while he watched in the night garden with dd or vice versa. I always have 1-1 storytime with ds because it's the only time alone we have except at weekends.

Yesterday with nursery was a bit better. He did say he didn't want to go a few times but I let him take his bunny and a little box that I said had "kisses" from me in it.

Bear glad nursery was better yesterday. When my DDs have had wobbles, getting them to take in something of mine "to look after" has always seemed to help. On a slightly related note, I can't quite believe that DD2 will leave her nursery in a few weeks. Bar one term back in 2010, I have had a DD there since September 2007. It feels like the end of an era...

The death question is a tricky one to tackle, but I have done the same as you bear and been as truthful as possible. It's such a difficult concept for them to grasp.

Very admiring of all this bedtime talk. During the week, I do three bedtimes on my own and one with MIL (she stays on after dropping back DD2 on the day she looks after her) because DH isn't back in time. DH is home one day a week, and we have family dinner, which is lovely. While DH is very good at saying he'll do bedtime on his own to make up for the rest of the week, this actually translates into him constantly disappearing or being distracted by something (his phone, the piano, a book, his ipad, the TV...) and me intervening to either point out that DD2 is about to melt down because she's knackered/both DDs need their hair washing/their bedrooms need tidying so nobody gets hurt by treading on something during the night/their clothes need getting out for the next day, or simply doing these things myself (otherwise DH bawls me out for "having ridiculously high standards"). The same happens at the weekend. The easiest evenings are definitely those I do on my own!

Sorry about the nursery struggles bc. It is so hard. We seem to have 50/50 crying or not at the moment. Yesterday I was asked if she could not bring in her special bunny any more, as she tends to just put it down randomly and then we have a big hunt to find it when I pick her up. It seemed a little harsh to me, as they are all aware how difficult she finds settling. We have compromised that she puts bunny in her bag on her peg. Her nursery will only become more chaotic and busy as they are expanding to create 20 more places. I wonder if she would be better off at the CM that DD2 goes to, but it is too backwards a step, little over a year before school?

On the plus side the antibiotics have cleared up her UTI, or at least she is no longer symptomatic so I assume they have. Back to weeing in the potty (for the duration of the medicine, wees were in nappies). DD2 has come down with something now - symptoms high temperature, not eating, listless and droopy. She is much better today so I am FX it was a 24hr thing. Another one!!!

Stan hope your three days LP went ok. I dread DH going away overnight. I can just about cope during the day, so long as I know he'll be back to help with bath/bed. Yesterday he gave blood and so I was dealing with dinner and bedtime with a very poorly DD2 by myself. I was almost crazed with anger towards him even though I know it was just bad timing. He does just please himself though.

Mous, how are things? I love the junkers table I think it is FAB that tables are named after aeroplanes. Much more imaginative than colours or animals.

SR at the lack of help with bedtimes. You don't have ridiculously high standards, and you know you don't. Your standards sound normal, and NOT too much to ask. Bloody men. We both do bedtime most nights, but DH does leave a trail of clothes/bathtowels/nappies which I then go round tidying up. If I just leave them, they will still be there tomorrow when guess who is at home and will have to deal with them anyway..... I don't think it is differing standards. I think that men a lot of the time just don't give a shit. Even the nice ones.

My ire is up because I'm working my way through a thread that really resonates with me:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/1765025-Has-parenting-affected-your-mental-health

I think perhaps I find parenting a bit more difficult than some of you do, or at least I enjoy it less. Reading this thread has made me feel a lot less alone, but has also made me feel quite angry that my concerns are perhaps real and not all 'just me' but still nothing is ever done about it.

Although I am going away for the weekend to see my sister tomorrow and I CANNOT BLOODY WAIT.

Scones I don't think you should view sending your DD1 to your DD2's childminder as a backwards step, nor worry that it will impede her settling in at school when she goes next year. It is about the right setting at the right time. Things like her bunny getting lost make me think that her current nursery is a little chaotic, and taking more children won't help that (though presumably they are taking on more staff too). As long as the CM takes her out and about to groups (there is a fab CM playgroup near me), she will still get the group dynamic.

I couldn't bring myself to read that thread you linked to Scones. I know I have really struggled with mumdom, and have had periods when I feel like I am getting it all wrong. Now things feel much easier (though I still have times when it doesn't!), and I have realised that I wasn't so much doing things wrong as having incorrect expectations, particularly of DH. I have gradually realised that I just have to do what I need to do to make my life easier. One example is not raging about the unfairness of me being the one who always had to come home from the office if one of the DDs was unwell, but instead giving up office life for home working. This had a knock on effect of leaving me socially isolated, so I arranged monthly nights out with my local mum chums and just tell him that he has to be home by 7:30pm on those evenings. This probably makes me a b!tch, but ultimately I can only control what I do and not others. The fact that I am more settled in myself means the DDs are also more settled. I think the fact that they behave pretty well on evenings when they only have me (compared to when MIL or DH is here) reflects that pretty well.

Scones have a lovely weekend with your sister. I was due to have one last weekend, but she wasn't well However, next weekend she is coming down with my mum, which is even better

I haven't read the thread, but I do feel parenting hasn't come easily or naturally to be. I was glad to be back at work as was feeling burnt out with them tbh.

is it a weekend without kids?

I just did two nights away from work. 'twas great, two nights in a four star hotel with fab food. Even though I slept really badly (and didn't get off until 2 and 12) I still had more energy than normal

Phew what a day! I had my meeting re new job location and modifying my job description. All went fine but they refused to reconsider my wages then picked up DS from nursery and once home he started cuddling DH and looking lethargic. Took his temp 39C, gave him ibuprofen and 30mn later it was up to 39.5C!! Got him to the GP who after examining him stated there was nothing obvious, that he was very warm to the touch (and showing no temp on the GP forehead thermometre). So I just need to collect a wee sample to check there's no UTI as DS complains of tommy aches at the moment.
He's now fast asleep after been given calpol, cough sirup and ventolin (his breathing was very labourius).

I am now in bed trying to switch off my brain!!

CP even if you didn't sleep well, you slept differently so great news you had more energy.

bc I'll be very concerned annoyed if pre-school was to misplace DS cuddly toy. I love the idea of the box full of kisses

mous I hope your girls sleep better tonight

it often takes a while for drugs to kick in sb glad gp thought he was alright.