October 2012: onwards, upwards and rolling over?

[YompingJo]

Is this part 5 already? Where did that time go?

I really don't mean to disparage anyone's DH - olives I agree I wouldn't be asking for help at night if someone was coming home from work at 1am - and I agree with londonmrs I don't think it needs to be shared equally (we do, but my boyfriend has an easygoing 9-5 job 2 mins from the flat - if he'd been the hospital doctor it would have been very different) - but your baby is being hard work right now, and you need SOME support, SOME nights. The idea of one full night on the weekend is a good one.

At the risk of getting splinters in my bum I'm def on the fence sleep training wise! Can obviously see don't want to let them cry but if your so tired you can't function can totally see the appeal of cc. Our sleep is ok at best, liveable with but for another 2 years? Hmmm...

My plan is to not worry too much now, try to not get up immediately if she's grizzling, bedtime routine, try to get sleep different ways so not totally dependant on bf for example. Then will see where we are at 6-7 months by which time she'll be in her own room, having some solid food and old enough that I won't feel bad having some sleep training. That link you put olivess looks very interesting, have bookmarked that one, thanks!

Def a balance to be had with partners thou. dh has offered to do a night at a weekend but I'm a bit worriedy noone might explode! He doesn't regularly get up but will do to take a turn if I can't settle her after a feed. He also does most of bath & bedtime. You've just got to find the balance that works for you. Not saying I haven't had the odd cry at him along the lines of "you've got to get me some sleep!"

Read somewhere re cc - you wouldn't worry about them crying because they wanted to play with a knife and you wouldn't let them so why worry if they cry because they don't want to sleep (which is good for them and you). Obv applies more to older children who can understand that you want them to go to sleep but did make me view it in a less barbaric way!

livvy you have my sympathy on the sleep issue. as someone who needs a min 9 hrs a night I haven't had an unbroken night in 3 years. it's bloody tough but it is survivable - you do get used to it. of course that is a choice though.

as someone who was left to cry as a baby I have always had issues with night time and struggling to sleep, feeling like I'm the only one awake. as a child I couldn't do sleep overs because I couldn't sleep and was terrified about being alone.

I have 2 friends who've done cc, one from 8 weeks and one from 6 months. this is anecdotal obviously cut thought you might find their experiences interesting.

the one who started at 8 weeks has now had to do it over 4 times as at major development leaps he's gone back to square one. each time it's been a painful nightmare.

the one who started at 6m is unable to sleep anywhere but in his own cot at home. they've tried family holidays but have always had to abandon it as he screams hysterically all night.

having also studied attachment theory I can only agree with wantanorange. ds1 was an appalling sleeper but after 16m of patiently reassuring him at night he's fab now. happy to chat to himself and drop back off if he wakes.

at the end of the day though you just weigh up the evidence and your priorities and do what's best for you - it is absolutely your decision and nobody has a right to judge you for it. big hugs to you, it's so hard.

yep I read the same wooly. it's a question of the difference between crying because they don't want to stop playing with their favourite toy and crying because they are genuinely ill or upset or have a genuine need rather than a lack of understanding of why they are not allowed something.

my mum always tells a story of how I threw myself on the floor and screamed outside a music shop when I was 3 because my mum wouldn't buy me an electric guitar.

anyway from what I've read, if they are too young for there to be these variations in crying (need versus want), they are too young for cc.

speaking of funny tantrums, when I was about 1 I had a huge tantrum because my big brother (3 years older than me) started taking all my toys off me and keeping them in his toy box where I couldn't get them. my mum asked him what he was doing and his response was "I'm teaching her how to share."

genius.

"teaching to share" brilliant!

Livvy I think you've had a good range of opinions on the sleep stuff. You know your options and you know CC is there if you need it down the line - or indeed now if that is your choice for your child. Hopefully it won't get to that stage. The no cry sleep solution is quite encouraging that with little changes you can move things in the right direction. I know people more disciplined than me who set a firm bedtime routine in place at 4 months and their now older kids still follow the same plan and go to bed at the same time. Our bean still wakes up at night and I have to give her a feed between 6 and 7 - but mostly when she wakes she falls back asleep. And your DF doing one or two nights for you a week should not be an issue. As london said just having one or two nights is really rejuvenating - I find by 3 / 4 nights on the trot I am getting tired during the day whereas if DH then does a night it resets the clock.

On a separate note it is pissing down with rain here once again Vile weather. My waterproofs have already earned their keep over the last two days and today will be a third :( Oh where is the sun???

angelico I am so ready for spring! January is going on forever. but there are snowdrops in my garden which is surely a good sign...come on the spring....

oh and is anyone else's little darling pinching madly whilst feeding? ouch!

orenishii glad he's ok, that must've been really scary do they know what it was?

livvy hope my last post didn't come across too strong. pls feel free to ignore! I really do feel for you, so much.

I'll back away from thread now, rather a lot of posting on not enough sleep

Yes yes crazy the pinching!!! Owwww!

Orenisshi It wasn't my old friend the perianal abscess, was it?

Smorgs Do PM if you like.

Am so bloody sad about these childcare proposals. You can see how crazy, smiley et al sometimes struggle to manage two. Six? Aargh.

Sorry - meant to write 'crazy, smiley and me' there. No reflection on their parenting skills! And I mean 'struggle' in a very occasional, after-a-bad-night way. [blushes]

I finally managed to synchronise LO having a nap with me having a poo today. It was brill. I hate rushing a poo.

I'm sorry, I think I just killed what was an otherwise mature conversation...

Went to "Baby Sensory" today. I quite like the class though I think Jess is a touch young for it. Today was a light show, we switched the lights off and the babies played with glow in the dark balls and sparkling sticks and things. It was cute.

I don't know about the other mums there - it's ok, but I'm not really hitting it off with anyone particularly. This group seems very glamorous and groomed and "yummy mummy" and I'm not sure it's really my scene. But I've signed up for 5 sessions, and then we'll see.

Jess loves meeting other babies; I'm sure it's good for her.

The one mum I do know a bit from yoga was looking very exhausted and washed out. Her kid is nearly 6 mths old. Baby not sleeping well and she said she was spending 3-4 hours a day preparing purees and trying to encourage her to eat them. All the other mums with older babies chipping in saying baby won't sleep or be satisfied until she eats more solids and she must try harder to make her eat them. She's not even 6 months yet... my understanding is babies will not eat a lot at that age and they get almost all their calories from milk anyway. I sort of said this, but not very emphatically - what do I know anyway, my baby is only 4 months old.

I was planning to just let Jess eat when she started picking stuff off my plate even if that's not till 8 months. Possibly this is because I am lazy...
Also I am a keen cook and cook lots of varied healthy food every day so I don't want to restrict her to boiled carrot.

Anyway each to her own, but this poor mum looked so shattered - I don't know whether to say anything or not. Sometimes handing out advice is so unhelpful. It's not like I have any experience with this.

9 weeks!!

crazy yes another pinched here! New favourite trick is to pull off halfway through and give nipple an affectionate twist, lov-er-ley!

My friends niece is a hv - she once visited a mum who was giving her 4 week old wheatabix. Crazy. Though I do think the maternity pay in this country slightly to blame. I've a couple of mates who couldn't afford to stay of work very long who felt needed to quit bf and get baby weaned before they returned to work. I feel very lucky I can afford to stay off work a year.

Absolutely howling, howling, at "I finally managed to synchronise LO having a nap with me having a poo today. It was brill. I hate rushing a poo."

Londonmrss I think I am in love with you. HA HA HA

Crazy yes to pinching - and she has claws Thankfully mostly my hand although there was one good nipple-grab a while back

Elpis what are the childcare proposals? Is there a story I have missed?

squid that sensory thing sounds lovely! :o Think I would probably enjoy it more than the bean though :o

London amen to your poo. An unrushed poo is one of life's simple pleasures :o

Any sign of Midget / Planktonette / Fjord / CWest?

So Hi everyone.. Sorry I've been away for so long. Will catch up before I pointlessly ramble about shit post my news..

firsttime Tell me to go away for being nosy, but what NHS trust are you with? I am amazed that I've had no follow up for my 3rd degree tear whatsoever. I had one --fucking pointless- physio appointment and that was it. Not even a review with the consultant team. A retained placenta, massive (3L) PPH, and I had to have a 4L transfusion too.. I am quite surprised.

And also a question for everyone in general.. Londonmrss was it you that said you got upset talking to a friend about your birth? I did exactly the same the other day- my best friend is over from Oz and I totally broke down. Our NHS trust (Stoke Mandeville) gives out compulsory appointments called a "Midwife Episode". For everyone that gives birth- this is a chance to go through your notes with a midwife and ask any questions, cry, etc etc.
Does no other hospital do this? I am surprised really. I have been pondering wether to go or not but after the other day I'm clearly not over it, but I don't know wether to bring it up again is a good idea. I'm still not sure.
The actual delivery wasn't a problem for us, I had a pretty fast labour (well faster than I was expecting) with a small amount of G&A at the beginning- I couldn't be arsed with it after a while because it did nothing for me. unbelievably disappointed at this and then was in the pool for most of it. It was the aftermath that caused the problem. All I remember thinking was if I was ever going to see DP and DD again. It was horrendous. although the spinal was fucking brilliant
For this reason I am going to opt for a CS next time. i'll probably be forced to have one anyway I appreciate that the recovery can be rough, but then I was told this time to act as if I was recovering from a CS. I feel it will be better on DP as well. The midwives left him for two hours and didn't give him any info on my wellbeing whatsoever. Thank god we had the doula. (My friend). She is a former midwife and said it was the scariest aftermath she had ever seen. (This does not make me feel any better)

On the great sleep debate I can not offer any advice Livvy I'm sorry. DD just seemed to change overnight and just slept through and hasnt stopped since. I hope you manage to work something out- whatever you do is your choice- sleep deprivation is a killer.

Pippa's awake. more later. cx