October 2012: onwards, upwards and rolling over?

[YompingJo]

Is this part 5 already? Where did that time go?

Grr at all the auto-correct errors in my last post. Here is the proper link to the webchats in case anyone wants to read them: webchats

Wow, a new thread already.

On the sahm debate, I recently fell out with a friend who, when I told her it was something I would love to do should it be financially viable, basically told me I was betraying the sisterhood. Really pissed me off.

Of course I am a feminist, aren't we all? But feminism isn't about avoiding traditional roles or even having it all... it's about having the choice and living in a society that doesn't force is into any role because we have vaginas, isn't it? Anyone who wants to judge any of us for the choices we make while doing our best as mothers is a nobber in my opinion.

I'll shut up now. Night all.

Jesus Christ, baby just inhaled some of her own vomit. Possibly scariest moment of my life to date.

Really???? Took me all evening to log in and you fill a thread??? Chatters 'R' us.

Good night vibes all round. I'll be MIA tmrw as interviewing all day. Pray my brain works and boobs don't leek

Ta-rah!!

I'm torn about being a SAHM and there's too many variables, finances being a biggie. The ideal for us would be for us to afford for me to quit my evil corporate job, stay with DS for a while...but you know, I just don't I could never not be doing something.

Finances are scary. DH is self-employed so it's ever changing month by month, we rent so the my dream of home ownership slips ever further away, and I have concerns about being out of the job market for too long. I would love my own business so I think once this new baby fog starts to clear, I will begin building up a consultancy. DH is very optimistic, wants me to stay at home and we talk about home schooling as a possibility. But the ideals - and things we want to prevent - are different to potential realities.

london it's nothing against the "sisterhood" to stay at home and raise your child. Nor is it bad to want a career - I think to not do what's best for the entire family unit, of which mothers are a part, is doing yourselves a disservice. The aim, in my mind, is to fulfil everyone's needs.

I'm 32 - I ran off to London at 18, lived with screenwriters who parented because i was so lost, and educated me in art, literature, philosophy and critical thinking. I wrote a novel, freaked out at the publishing contract, got a "proper" job and somehow ended up in a few short years managing the web marketing for the European arm of a global company that i hate but that's ok. It just taught me that things can be so different within a few years - so to stay at home is not the end of a career, it's just a different path to go down for a while.

Another 37 yr old here, looks like I am in good company!

londonmrs agree that feminism is about having choices, whatever individual women decide to do with their families and careeers should be sown to us, not some preordained view of what a woman's role should be.

Am about to squish DS back in Moses basket after dreamfeed, he looks like he is bursting out but still seems to sleep better there than his cot.

Marking spot - I'm 33

I'm 28!

Not sure how things are going to work out re working. I'm probably going to stay home with DS until 9 months or so. Then I'd like to go back part-time, but if it had to be full-time I don't think it'd be the end of the world. DH and I like the theory of me being a SAHM but we also like having more money and I like working out of the home way too much! I'm an ex-commercial lawyer and I work in a techy/project manager role at an NGO. I'd like to get more into project management or into management consulting if possible. Going back to legal practice doesn't really seem likely for me right now! DH feels that 6 months is too young for DS to go into creche, even part-time, and I'm happy to go along with that for now.

Londonmrs that friend of yours sounds like a bellend. The "sisterhood" WTF. Some people need to get a grip.

OK all your very intelligent discussions on education make me feel like I have not researched that adequately! All my primary & secondary education was vair posh & expensive all-girl private schools and to be honest I think it was a bit of a waste of money. I would've got just as good results (and would've been better adjusted socially) if I'd gone to a good quality co-ed or single sex state school. We don't plan on being in Ireland by the time DS starts school so I can't really plan too much. We do have the high school picked (NZ's top state boys' grammar school, entry is strictly based on where you live or on ballot) for DS if we ever did come back to Auckland though! There's a good quality creche about 20 metres from our apartment building, or on the campus of DH's work - so it's likely DS will go to either of those places.

COTS - where have people got their cots from? I need to sort one out as soon as we get back home because DS will be too big for his rocking crib. We'll probably get one from Ikea - anyone got anything good/bad to say about these? What kind of mattress should we get? Foam/innersprung?

zara we have bought cot from Tony Kealey, which I think there are 2 of in Dublin. We bought pram from them 2. I've found them incredibly helpful from a customer service point of view. They r so v v knowledgeable. All price ranges too. Got mid range mattress at £80 as he wont be in that long before a bed, really. I found the ikea cots a bit basic and mattresses odd sizes, tho mattresses v good. We wanted drop sides to save my back.

That's my experience!

I'm 36. Currently feel about 50.

zara re cots, we got cot bed from kiddicare and it has been fine, survived lots of height etc permutations from Ds1. I'm sure the Ike's ones are good too, although if anything like their normal bed range they aren't std sizes so you end up having to get bedding from there too. Not such an issue with a teeny bed when they'll be in gro bags for a whole anyway.

On childcare, ds2 will be going to same nursery as ds1 which we are happy with. We will have 1 year of double childcare costs which will pinch but at least only a year. I was personally never keen on the child minder option for a number of reasons but understand that a lot of people feel more comfortable leaving younger children with them than at a nursery, although I think the staffing ratios are the same.

Tbh, the first year ds1 was in nursery aged 1-2 i don't think he got a huge amount out of it and it was really more about childcare whilst we worked ft. But once he turned 2 he seemed to 'get' it a lot more and enjoy the different activities and more importantly the social interaction and now loves it. He went 3 days week and my parents looked after him for 2 days which was a godsend.

I'm hoping to go back 3 days week to work after a year mat leave but I doubt it will be as simple as that and I will have lots of discussions with work, they have become much less supportive of pt work in the current climate.

Schools is a tricky one. I know first hand how very variable the quality of teaching can be in the same primary school, so even if you like the ethos you can't rely on the teaching. I think this is awful but it's nearly impossible for a head teacher to get rid of a shit member of staff if the person doesn't want to be got rid of.

Secondary... I went to a private all-girls school and did far far better there than I would have done in a co-ed state school where I just would have been seen as capable, would likely not have been pushed enough and would have been very distracted by boys hussy. So while the idealist in me feels that private schools should not be needed and the state should cater equally well for everyone, the realist in me knows that this is currently not the case and I would be naive to ignore that. Mind you, if I had gone to a state school and been used to being around boys, maybe I would not have gone quite so off the rails between the ages of 15 and 20 as I discovered the male of the species and made up for what I had been missing out on! Hope you don't reap what you sew otherwise I am going to have many battles of will with dd when she's older and thinks she knows it all and does the exact opposite of what her mother tells her on principle just because she doesn't like being told she can't do something!

sow, not sew. I very rarely sew so if you reap what you sew I'll be fine! Doh.

london my boyfriends an old git though
i think i got my rebel teenage years from the age of about 15-19... i wasnt the worst kid on the block but i grew up alot faster than my friends- i am also the first out of my friends to have a child. they love it, which is great but it is a bit lonely sometimes. and when i talk to them obviously all i talk about is DD, and i get a bit scared that they are going to get bored of it one day

..and on the childcare debate, i dont know what im going to do. i would like to go back to work part time, for the money and for a bit of 'me' time. my mum has offered to look after dd on certain days which is great. the only problem is, i dont want to go back to my job. the company i work for are on paper, great employers- you get all sorts of benefits and discount. But in actual fact, they don't listen to their staff. our manager has basically committed fraud for the last 5 years, we've all complained (and the fact that he is a shit manager) yet they still wont do anything about it. i dont really fancy going back to a job where even part time, id end up doing more hours than my manager...

marking place. good luck today huffle, thinking of you, and may your breastpads be all absorbing

ds2 slept a bit better last night! shh, don't say it too loud... both boys up at 5am though

Christ. 11, 1.30, 5, 6.30. Perhaps tis early 4 month sleep regression?

I feel ill with tiredness.

And i am 35, not 36. I think.

NI still lucky to have state grammar schools. They are fab. Need kid to be academically able to get in tho. Whole other debate in itself as to secondary vs grammar and academic selection at early age...... I'm for it but I suspect many of you might lynch me..............

Have a good day all
Thanks Crazy!

Londonmrss. Grrr re sisterhood rubbish. Feminism is about choices. One of my sisters is a high flyer and went back after four months. Her husband took the child to nursery and did pretty much most of the day to day. Other sister is a sahm. Both are just as worthwhile mums, though different.

Financially it doesn't make much sense for me to go back to work as I wasn't very highly paid and childcare is so expensive. My commute was also quite long - 1h30 each way - Which means id be gone from 7am til gone 6pm. so i am very lucky that DF earns enough to pay our mortgage etc. I hope to teach yoga part time once I've got this all slightly more under control as some adult contact and some brain stimulation. Though I need to find a childminder I like and trust before I can do that,

Hmm would now be a good time to come out as an ex-single sex grammar school pupil? Maybe not... Seriously ladies, put the school discussion down and step away...

Thanks for that link yomping, good nightfeed reading! Things get a bit heated in those webchats don't they? Very entertaining

After 4 awful nights, we suddenly had a good night again last night. No feed again this morning- maybe she's just not a breakfast person.

I think I've realised that I shouldn't panic when everything is difficult because it doesn't stay that way. But I also shouldn't celebrate when we establish a nice routine because that doesn't last either.

Fully blown 4 month sleep regression here!
Didn't get baby to sleep till 1am, and oh the tears!!
At least she slept till 5.45am - normally she has a first feed around 4.30am.
Utterly refused moses basket so just slept with us. She is a wee bit big for it now anyway. A friend is giving us a cot but not till wednesday, and i'll have to get a mattress.
Yawn...
Was supposed to be going to a mate's for a snowy walk, but she lives other side of the city bit far to walk with baby. Even the M1 is shut between j30 and j40 so not sure I should risk the roads!! Am tired from ratty baby too and think she really needs her naps today...

repeat: Everything is a phase!!

ps I am 33, like Jesus

Boiler has packed up. Fuck my life.