December 2012 - the sleep and poo thread (too much of one, not enough of the other)

[PurplePidjin]

eggs that does sound tough, big hugs. I can't add to any of the excellent advice above - I like the grenade analogy . it will get easier, just try to keep remembering that.

I'm a bit of a radio 4 fan (kept me sane ish during art degree) - there's a big thing on how hard early days of motherhood is on today - might be a phone in not sure. might help some of us if we can hear it above the screaming xx

Michelle, that sounds like the rougher edge of things, can you contact your gp or hv team for some support? I think 3-5 weeks have been the hardest so far. You're over the birth enough to expect to cope but not quite fit enough to keep up (even with my long but straightforward one!); you're massively sleep deprived; and there seems to be no end in sight with the crying. I'm by no means perfect or getting it right here, but R is getting easier to look aftef - I'm learning what different cries mean, how he likes to be held etc and he's sleeping longer - 6 hours 11-5 last night, then 6-8 after a feed

Hang in there

Pidj, I am looking at those sleeping hours with wonderment and hope. Is little R 7 weeks now? Could I dare to hope for a 6 hour sleep in 2 weeks' time?!

Last night was probably the best yet (after the awful one the night before) - only 1 feed between 12 and 7. Amazing. Now my boobs are killing me.

ditto mama - and yes reading your post again eggs it does sound like something else going on with your little one, try and get his checked out x

clarella I'm a r4 fan too, not that I get to listen much as big dds complain but will check out and record that program. Thanks for the tip!

Spotty I've been having major wobbles over bf these last couple if days. Loads if tears and guilt and stress. I seriously hope going to this breastfeeding group this morning helps. I don't want to express or use formula, but sometimes it's just so hard when he's screaming but won't latch on, last night he was spitting out milk while sucking his fists, smacking his lips and screaming. I calmed him a hundred times, but every time I brought him back to the breast he'd cry again.

DH is trying his hardest to say its ok, it's not my fault, it will get better etc. but the only thing I could think is that I have to solve this problem, I'm the solution, so my fault or not it still feels like my fault :(

That turned into a bit of a me post... You're not alone in struggling though. How old is your LO? We're 2 weeks today, and it's getting so much harder each day. There has to be a point soon when on gets easier.

Need to get ready to go out to this group. Today will be the first day were out of bed the house before midday.

clarella planning on listening too - is it today's women's hour?

pidj can i book in for those sleeping patterns??

stacks I always feel all the responsibility too. The what to expect books should have a massive chapter on maternal guilt!

Bfing is really hard - we all think because it's 'natural' it should be easy. Clearly it's not - if all our posts aren't enough proof, there wouldn't be all the support groups etc if it was easy. Ime it's hard to get going, but once it clicks into place, it is easy and lovely. It's just being able to get past the tough bits. Please don't beat yourself up - you are being a marvellous mummy as you are trying your very vest to do the best for your lo.

Or thing the NcT session on breastfeeding emphasised is that mums are great at it - if there are problems, it's because baby doesn't know what to do and needs to be taught. I am eternally lucky that bfing has been relatively easy for me - does the above idea make sense to you others? Would it assuage the guilt at all?

Finally made time to check in, spent four days in hospital post birth and have spent the rest of the time staring at my baby, have had no interest in anything else. I'm exhausted, really not looking forward to DP going back to work, he's been amazing during night feeds when Elijah won't settle because he just wants more food.
stacks I gave up breastfeeding in hospital with Elijah screaming in pain before every feed because his head hurt from the forceps, and me sobbing because it just wasn't working and I felt so bad. I'm expressing now with two formula feeds thrown in, and I'm enjoying him so much more because I'm not dreading every feed now.

Stacks ds is six weeks but I didn't start feeding him until he was a week and a half. He's just had his newborn hearing screening and all was fine

Has that programme been on radio 4.

Had a better night, K slept 10-2am and then fed for over an hour before I managed to get her back in the Moses and then I tried a heartbeat sound app on my iPad next to her.....and she woke up at 6.30am only drawback was I lay there awake listening to the bloody thing slowly freaking out thinking....I should be asleep!

Thank you ladies for all the support, this board is the most supportive place. F saw the Hv yesterday who concluded he has a temper and was perfectly healthy. I have bought gripe water today in the hope that will improve the situation (why the hell does it not come with a syringe?) and some cartons of aptimil to try an evening feed.

I am very passive aggressive and DH lacks common sence, which hasn't been a problem for us in the past as I just get on with managing our lives for the both of us. Unfortunately I have to now rely on DH to get things done, but rather than telling him what to do I have just been hostile when things aren't done. We have had a chat, and I have promised to tell him what's bothering me, and he will deal with it. He isn't sleeping on the sofa due to use, it's because he can't sleep in the same room as F, he gets fixated on listening to his breathing, and if he doesn't sleep he can't help me in the day.

Had an ice cold shower, took the car to the garage and had a nap and feeling less hopeless now, sleep deprivation is a very evil thing. F also appears more settled today, currently falling asleep on my boob.

Stacks that behaviour sounds like F last night, how did the group go? Did they give any advice?

stacks hope the group helped? We are lucky in that bfing seems to have more or less clicked but O still has moments where I end up feeding hopeless; yesterday he just fed for hours but got overtired so was pushing his own head away with his fists and wriggling which then made me feel awful for not understanding the problem. I think no matter what we'll always feel guilty as parents for things which are not our fault. I feel guilty for feeling tired (despite this being down to functioning on 3 hours sleep in 24), and keep apologising to dh who then apologises to me for not being able to bf too!

Roll on week 6+, from what others have said there is hope!

For those worried about lack of poo...don't. It's not uncommon for breast fed babies to only poo once or twice a week, and this is because your milk doesn't have much waste to it, it just gets used by your Lo.

Edward is doing part and part, he has a bottle of formula at bedtime and one in the morning, he is happy taking them, and I do the other feeds. He is only just over 2 weeks so quite early to start him but he is then sleeping for 5 and a half hours so we are all happy.

Emily, yes you do get a lump above your scar it does go down but after my last one I found that it was always a bit lumpy cos of the scar tissue, but I didn't do many sit ups to help either. How are you feeling otherwise.

Yes, 7 weeks yesterday. It's by no means a given, but even badly sleeping older babies sleep better than newborns!

8lb 4.5oz this morning at clinic

eggs you have just described my relationship and my behaviour. Dh and I always fall out at times when I need to rely on him but I have made an effort to talk to him this time and it does seem to have helped

So been to the gp and I now gave antibiotics and Keira has a gel for her mouth so hopefully the thrush will begin to improve. My left breast actually feels as If someone has grated my nipple and set it on fire!

COD poor you I feel bad for moaning now! Hope it improves soon for you

thats good COD you have treatments, can you put something topical on your nipple to sooth it?

i have managed to stop F from screaming since 11.30 with a combination of feeding and entertainment (funny noises and faces), he has only slept for 30mins, but i managed to eat my lunch in that time!!

This is hard work, but no where near as mentally draining as constant screaming.

COD - sounds really really painful :(. I hope it clears up double quick.

Did anyone listen to the radio programme on woman's hour? It was pretty sobering!

Found you, yay I'm home at last.
Quick question, anyone else who had a c section have bad swelling in there legs after? Mine look like those things that spin around in a kebab house

Thanks everyone, don't feel bad spotty I think the majority of us are having some sort of issues at the mo and everyone's is just as justified as the next.

Well Keira has slept for 5 hrs straight today and is now awake and very happy to just lie in her basket so today has been a good day so far in terms of sanity! it's as if she knows when I just need some time out.

COD that sounds really painful. Hope it clears up soon.

All of those with relationship / general worries: my view on such things is that it would be a miracle if everything else continued to go well in one's life once a baby is thrown into the midst, so I think we're all doing incredibly well. I said this before but I think it bears repeating: precious generations didnt raise children like this because they either had nearby family and community to all pitch in, or if richer they outsourced the whole shebang to wet nurses and, later, governesses. It really is relatively modern for women to raise babies relatively alone, like we do.

And just because things like breastfeeding are natural doesnt mean they're easy. I can't think of any other physiological function where people say that all women should be able to do it. We managed to get breastfeeding going but the problem was that Z wasn't gaining weight which is why we've introduced quite a lot of formula, but I found it really hard to get breastfeeding going and it wasnt made any easier by the guilt of not exlusively breastfeeding, so i would never criticise any woman who didn't continue with breastfeeding. What's right for your baby isn't as simple as "breast" - there are a whole host of factors involving YOUR wellbeing as well, that all contribute.