Hello, I hope you don't mind me jumping in briefly, but i saw scarlets post about anti-depressants and cbt and thought i might just offer my perspective on the off-chance it is helpful...
First off, It took a massive mental effort (and massive emotional to admit to the doctor that i was depressed and needed help. The help offered was medication and having asked for help, i took the medication. I can't actually remembered what i started on, but over the next couple of months, i went through 3 types of AD before found one that worked for me (Fluoxetine) ie it didn't make me too irritable/lethargic/nutty and didn't give me erectile dysfunction...thanks for that detail too. There are options and if you don't feel that your meds are working, go back to the doctor and ask to change them.
As too said, it is strongly recommended not to go "cold turkey", but at the same time, don't stress about it, because the medication has a bit of a half-life, so if you forget (accidentally or on purpose) for a few days, as long as you restart you should be ok. if you don't want to carry on, do it slowly, over a month or two.
I think it is really important to emphasise to yourself that by taking medication, for a health condition, you are helping yourself and those close to you. thats it! simple! Don't get hung up about people's perceptions of you (ironic huh too) taking medication. Depression is an illness and it is a marker of recovery to acknowledge that and that you need help and that you have asked for and accepted help. (thats a behavioural jump that might have come from CBT)
Also, on that thought.....you said you didn't think much of CBt, and while everyone will be different and react to it differently, i think that the incident you have described, where you didn't panic at the first sign of swelling an didn't rush off to the doctor or call your DC is a classic sign of self-determined behaviour modification. You are aware that you can panic in these situations and this triggers the adrenaline rush that in turn triggers the bodies inherent mechanisms for self protection (or that of dcs). this causes stress and anxiety and its often what you believe to be your inability to cope with that that is a key factor in your depression. It does sound like you are adressing that with a calmer, considered response to stressful situations. Don't write yourself off yet!
ok...so just noticed how long this post is...sorry for rambling a bit and hope that it might be in some way helpful....
round of applause for too for coping with me
xx