FEB 2010 Two and a half to three...the "contrary age" (no it isn't! yes it is!)

[InmaculadaConcepcion]

Come in, sit down, fresh coffee is brewing, Prosecco's in the fridge for later and there's a bumper box of Lindt chocolates for all....

IC, I'm going to copy your 'mummy's the boss' :-) dd2 is queen of procrastination and often says she hasn't finished tidying up... (Maybe the nursery have a point....)

I did all the hard "mum is the boss" work with DD1 so everything is kind of falling in place with DD2. She knows and follows warnings, and I never really had to punished her I just count 1, 2 and she answers "no 1, no 2" and stops....
I agree with CP clear warnings and easy time tables make everything easier.

But then I have to stop both DDs to get ready to go outside when I want to stay in. They could stay out all day long too...

DD2 is eating like a horse , any growth spurts due?
At diner she had half an egg, 2 bowls of soup, one cucumber, one carrot,
2 bananas, 1 apple and a half, a glass of milk and a petit filou
This morning she had 4 slices of bread with butter and jam with milk.
The good thing about school lunches is that DD2 seems to have passed her fussy not eating stage and she is back to eating almost anything (after a year and a half) including soup!

I've been doing the 'think throughs' from the Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting book with DS. It does work but I have to steel myself to do them as he hates having to answer direct questions of this sort and will have a proper writhing/screaming time of it when we do it so have only done about 3!

What you do is ask them what the right thing to do in a given situation is. They know and they don't want to tell you - but when they know they aren't going to be allowed to do anything else they will eventually. You can't do the answer for them even though it is sooo tempting - you have to wait and keep asking or if they get it wrong thank them for trying and ask them to guess again until they get it right.

He now waits inside the gate on the path from nursery down to the main road. He is getting better at not throwing hard things indoors but he does tell me he isn't going to throw anything near the baby. He's been really good about holding my hand when we are walking on the pavement and crossing roads. So there has been improvement.

The other rather stricter thing I did recently was refuse to let him go out until he'd picked up a sheet of paper he'd ripped up and thrown all over the kitchen. He really resisted it and I thought we might actually be there all day but eventually he did it. I don't mind clearing up general toy mess but when he's done something like that I think it's his job to sort it out.

He still ignores me a lot - and there is a lot of bodily picking him up and dressing him after 5 requests for him to come upstairs and get dressed.

Yes, I find think-throughs to be very helpful Bc! They definitely work when I remember to do them (although DD will often answer the questions exactly right and STILL do the things she had previously acknowledged she wouldn't..!!)

And you're right CP - I think I should have given DD a bit more time to get ready to go out and probably would have avoided the scale of the tantrum, if not the tantrum itself. We live and learn! I dealt myself a harder hand by realising that if we moved fairly quickly, we could get the earlier train which would fit in better with the rest of the day's routine - but with hindsight, I didn't really give sufficient warning to DD, so it's not surprising she kicked off.

Famous last words but...DD's been an angel so far today. She was playing happily with only minimal input from DH and me and because DS was so entranced with his new baby gym (pix on FB!) DH actually managed to get a bunch of marking done and I was able to read my book with the pair of them happily engrossed....

IC DD1 still is engrossed with baby things! it is so funny (apparently in the UK they hide it, here it is quite open and I am glad that my 7 yo is still a child )

DD2 went into my bag and took 2 tictac boxes (freebees from the subway) and ate them all < I was napping, DH was in "charge" on the computer, dead brain> any advice on punishing a long time after it happens for 2 yo? I said I was unhappy and it was naughty but it is too long ago for her to be punished isn't it? or am i too soft?

GWAD I have to treat DH like a 3rd child, grrrrrrrr that is definitely not what I sign for!!!!!! IT is NOT good for the girls either.... FOR FS....

Oh meh Mous - don't blame you for getting the hump with DH over that one - what a numpty!
Not sure what you can do discipline-wise - toddlers have a rather elastic concept of time and DD2 might not understand what she's being told off/punished about. You could may be try asking her if she remembers what happened to the sweeties in the box and if she can communicate to you that she does and that she ate them, you might be able to take it from there about how she's supposed to ask permission first....

I had a dramatic moment this morning when I put the light on around 07.00 and suddenly noticed that DS' ear was full of blood. It was on the collar of his cardi too. It was obvious DS wasn't in distress in any way and hadn't been at any point during the night. DH was full of consternation and all for ringing NHS Direct, but I told him to wait until I had cleaned the blood up and so could establish where it had come from (it was congealing, not flowing). After a bit of gentle work with cotton wool and sterile water it became obvious that DS had scratched the skin on his ear with his fingernail after managing to get out of the built-in scratch mitt on his sleepy suit. It was amazing how copiously it had bled! Once I had cleaned off the dried blood it started bleeding again, but stopped not too long afterwards. So, nothing to worry about. It was quite a sight, though!

After her angelic morning, it seems that DD has gone down with something. Hopefully only a cold, but she lost her appetite at supper and had a bit of a fever. Boo. It could be a tricky night...

IC what a fright!! Glad it was nothing major

mous at your DH but I agree that late punishment may not be the answer as I don't think they understand well time

DS has be very good today and it seems that a reward chart is working for us. After 5 stars he gets a small reward but a bad action cancel the good. Been doing that for 2 weeks and fx it's working push the mn jinx away The presence of my mum at the moment makes him a bit more difficult (ie he refuses to walk and wants tobe in her arms) but no major issues (it'll happen on Monday when they leave).

Off to sleep as I have to be up early for the swimming lesson (8am start). Good night all

DS (with DH's help) and DD are rolling a ball backwards and forwards with some giggline.

DD is still enthralled with all of DS's new toys but she did love his playmats.

Feeling ridiculously guilty to leave my mum looking after dd1 for the day... You can tell I am not used to family help. My mum offered to look after both but I took dd2 to nursery in the end (having to pay anyway and knowing how difficult dd2 can be.)

send her this way then NK she can sleep train DS

Hi everyone.

I lurk and read while feeding DD2 but rarely get onto the laptop to post. Now I'm here I'm a bit lost for words.

Mous I wouldn't have punished DD2 for taking the tictacs a long time after the event. I would have been furious with DH though.

IC phew at DS ear bloodbath.

NK is it half term where you are?

I am having a really bad week. Since last Tuesday actually when I thought it was PMT (still getting used to periods after nearly three years of hardly any and being on the pill for years and years prior to that). I just do not enjoy the daily grind of motherhood. I am a real shouty mummy and I hate doing it but can't seem to stop. I can't see a way out. I need to spend some time away from the girls, I think, i.e. get a job, but all the PT jobs round here are pretty much minimum wage, and that won't cover two lots of childcare. That's if I even get one of the jobs against all the competition going for the very few PT jobs. I feel like I'm in a black tunnel of despair and I know that is totally ridiculous as I have so much to be thankful for. I count my blessings and I still feel like crying.

I have fallen out with my Dad over something fairly minor (he doesn't think the girls should come to my Gran, his mum's, funeral but I don't have any childcare for them so they are - all my childcare will be at the funeral ). I know I should apologise as I have been rude to him and he has just lost his mum but I feel angry and upset and I can't bring myself to.

Poor DH doesn't enjoy his job either but he doesn't cry and moan about it. I don't know why I can't just pull myself together and get on with it.

Sorry. I am really interested in all of your posts but I don't think any of you really like me (there, I've said it).

Aaargh so self-pitying when others have it a lot harder than I do. Sorry everyone.

I'm feeling the grind to scones Too many days of aborted naps going on here, he just won't self settle. Plus as I've been ill as I've not had the energy and left him to cry one day (didn't work) then I've been shouty at DD as been no having no me time and she's been having short naps (next work have a load of work going on or the postman wakes her up).

I'm sure your dad is being more sensitive as it is mixed up with his feelings for his mum.

I'm hoping tomorrow will be the first days in ages I take no painkillers. DD desperately deserves some lovely one on one time with mummy.

What about evening's, the night out climbing for me is really lovely (that I've gone the past two weeks so maybe that's why I crave the lunch time more). I then found I started carving out more time. Hopefully next week I'll be running and climbing again (had a month of running).

Remember house moving is stressful stuff and go easy on yourself. DH still says that working is easier than staying at home.

I like you scones and you are not being self pitying.

Motherhood is hard. It doesn't tell you that in paremting books (or pregnancy test kits), but it is an inexorable truth. Let nobody tell you otherwise. It is also very easy to get so caught up in the drudge of it all - disturbed sleep, not ever being able to eat a meal without having to attend to someone, alwyas having baby detritus on your clothes etc - that it is all too easy to let that overtake your impression of motherhood, and forget the smiles and giggles and nice stuff. After all, it is not dissimilar to focusing on the one person who gives you an appraising look when many other people have commented on how nice you look. But do try and remember the good stuff - how about trying to write down three nice things that happened that day as you go to bed? It may just start to turn your mind from pessimism to optimism.

Have you talked to someone in RL about how you are feeling? If not, please do. Your DH may not be enthralled with his job, but that doesn't mean that he won't empathise with how you are feeling and your desire to escape. Do you have any childcare in place for either of your DDs? Going from two to one every now and then is a massive relief for me, and maybe you would feel the same. If your DH is not the listening type, have you a friend you could talk to? A sister? If things are very bad, please do go to your GP. You have had two babies in a short space of time, and PND is a possibility.

Try not to fret about your Dad. In time, this will feel very minor, but he probably just wanted you there for him and not having to look after your DDs at the funeral. It will pass. He is caught up in grief at the moment. Try not to stress about it when you also have to get through the funeral - I am sure he will realise in time that you had no choice but to take the DDs with you and that this was not the easiest thing for you to do.

CP you be kind to yourself as well. It sounds as though you have had a bad run of illness recently. Hope you feel stronger soon and things get easier.

IC glad your new firm approach is working for you with DD, and bear that you are finding a way with your DS. Like SB, I have started a reward chart with DD2 - they are definitely at a tricky age!

NK don't feel guilty about your mum looking after your DDs. Try and relax into it and enjoy it (easier said than done, I know, I always feel guilty if someone else has my DDs so work or do chores rather than relax).

mous what did you decide about your DD2 and the Tictacs. I am in agreement with most that a late punishment won't work, but a rollocking for your DH is most definitely in order!

Oh, and scones, just before I came on MN today I went on FB and was thinking how smiley and lovely you always come across in your pictures and status updates. It is all too easy to pretend thaty all is well when you feel like you are crumbling inside. Don't be afraid - on here, at least - to say how you are really feeling, but rest assured that your party face is working extremely well

ditto what science said

Nigel may not have napped properly today (20 mins and a 15 mins) but he has just been proper walking around took his time

scones I agree with science. And I like you, you've been of great support for me (and I guess others) in the kast 2 years.

I missed the bit about you saying you didn't think we liked you. You know that's a part of you mind talking and not reality only because I go through phases convinced no-one likes me and I have no friends

it does sound like you are feeling particularly low, do you still have homestart help. Maybe a visit to HV or GP? Start getting out for 5-10 min walks. It's short enough that you have time when DH is in and it's not too hard to commit to. I know you can't be bothered to go out the door but make yourself (or get DH to) just that little bit of walking alone time can help you see things a bit more clearly.

ps I'm always rather jealous of how amazing and happy you look on fb.

science is indeed wise and I agree with her scones. You are totally allowed to feel fed up, it's not easy being a mum, even the most saintly maternal types have their tough times.
And I like you, honest
Self-pitying is fine here - if you can't come onto this thread and have a moan/rant/virtual sobbing session, then where can you?

CP and a big hug to you too. You've had it hard lately xx

Crappy nights here - DD has a chesty cold which has given her a persistent cough and causing her to be awake - or half awake - for hours at night. And me too. Even though she's not particularly calling for me, I can't seem to relax knowing she can't sleep. I've been feeling a bit chesty too and am hoping it doesn't do the same thing to me. And DS - so far he seems fine, but ulp!

DS had his first imms today. Not too traumatic really, but he's been a bit irritable and harder to settle ever since. I gave him a little bit of paracetamol as he was feeling rather hot and he hated it - but actually fell asleep not long after, so maybe it helped.

Not helped by rodents (we think) clog dancing in our loft above our room last night. They were probably jumping on the loose boards left by the insulation people when they surveyed it. Meh.

We shall see what tonight brings! Hopefully I'll be able to sleep past 03.00, unlike last night.....

Well, last night wasn't TOO bad - DD coughed loads, but didn't actually want DH or I to go into her (we got shooed out when we went to offer water/cuddles etc.) Eventually she fell asleep, but still coughed through her sleep and kept muttering and calling out without waking up - but not what I would describe as top quality sleep. She's clearly tired today.

DS was a bit fidgety, but actually didn't do too badly. He was dressed very lightly and I think that helped as it is also pretty cool in our room. He was soaking wet at about 04.30, so had to change him completely, but luckily it wasn't too tricky to get him off again. He's asleep now, but his temperature seems to be back to normal so I think (hope) that's it for post-imms reaction - apart from extra sleepiness, which suits me just fine! DD isn't in the mood for anything much beyond sitting on the sofa and watching DVDs, so I'm just going with the flow she's poorly, so it's allowed.

we have nights like that with DD. She doesn't fully wake but we wake up every time regardless. I hope she keeps on the mend and you all enjoy some sofa time.

we've downloaded loads of Maisy Mouse lately.

DD still keeps getting fever's in the late afternoon/evening but not really anything else. Been on and off now for 11 days.

I'm feeling much better and only in a bit of pain now. Looks like the landlady is going to try and take loads of money off our damage deposit so have that looming over us and getting ready to fight for it. Just want it over and done with. Apparently the place was up to a professional clean so she wants to charge us for cleaning, carpets (which we've already cleaned, plus they're old), painting (for scuff marks which counts as wear and tear), sanding and painting the front door (which has about 10 coats on and looks old, but the door swelled with condensation due to four people living there instead of one and the paint cracked) and a few other things. Am hoping once this is over and done with we can have a bit of relaxing. Especially I worked out I have been ill or had this back injury for over a month now.

Spent an hour on Monday night talking to the nice internet man who has finally got my internet connection back up and working. It looks like it was just in the nick of time to offer lots of sympathy and support.

Scones I like you too. I know Science has offered lots of wise words above and I just want to echo them and say being a mum of two close together in age is really hard. (And I haven't had to move house - I can't imagine that!) It's much easier to say 'yes, we're fine' than to actually find someone to whom you can say, "Actually, things are really shit, and I don't know what to do about it." Do say it to us. Several of us have felt similarly at times in the last few years and I think that's why we are all still on here and bobbing along because we have received so much support from each other. My phrase at such times remains, "Just keep putting one foot in front of the other." I hope you feel brighter soon.

CP I hope you are soon feeling fully better. I haven't been able to exercise for a month after the bronchitis as it hasn't quite cleared properly. I really miss having my escape pass from the house!! Good to hear that DS is walking. Hope the damage deposit is sorted soon. I suffered a similar thing at uni so i feel your pain.

IC I also feel your pain about the night coughing. DS1 did it every night for 6 months from 9 months old. We finally understood it to be part of the reflux (after months of asthma drugs ) but it was hell. Hope she and you are better soon.

Sorry for not replying to everyone else individually. I've finished tonight for half term (bar an hour I owe them on Friday) and I am truly knackered. DS2 is having night terrors several nights a week and DH was away for the whole weekend (followed by a big late night row when he got back ) and tonight I am feeling it. Hoping to go to bed shortly in an attempt to recover and will be back once I am more awake and on better form. At least now able to read the thread and keep up again! I've missed you all!

does it take a while to fully recover survival please tell me I'm not just being weak I think your right, I'm suffering from the lack of me activities. I can feel myself starting to feel like I was previously. scones I haven't told anyone in RL I'm starting to feel that way again but if vow to if someone asks me how I'm doing.

sorry that DS2 is still having the night terrors, must be very draining. Do you find yourself getting a bit short with him? DD has been waking as much as DS some nights, it seems harder when you're not used to it, we normally only get one waking from her. You any idea about the root course or just one of those things?

DH is out on a first aid course this evening so I am watching far too much west wing.